The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas
by HosekiDragon
Summary: Kaz is caught sneaking around in the UnderWorld but this time, Chaor's done being lenient with him. It's either join the UnderWorld army...or get Coded. DISCONTINUED
1. Not By Choice: Capture

_**EDIT:**__ I was prompted to rewrite the first couple of chapters by Digitaldreamer. She had some good ideas and since the majority of this plot actually wasn't formed until a lot later, she's helped me clean up a rather messy beginning. Thanks, Digi! PS, if you see "edt" at the top of the page, that's a chapter I redid._

_I got this idea from a dream. No joke! In my dream, it looked just like a Chaotic episode with BGM and everything and I woke up and the first thing I did was grab my drawing pencil and white paper to sketch what I'd seen. The storyline behind the dream was cool too so I jotted it down and it eventually intrigued me so much that I turned it into a full length. _

_This fiction is going to be in three parts/books that are all going to be under the same title. Just letting you know. _

_So, welcome to the first part. I'm warning you know there's going to be lots of blood, trauma, angst, and character bashing. Especially on Kazzer's part. You have been aptly warned. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Chaotic. If I did, there'd be DVD's and T-shirts, and all that awesome stuff.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter One: Capture

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #1: Take no prisoners. Prisoners may lose their freedom and have their souls bound but their madness can be unleashed by such things.

* * *

**_

A roar of anger echoed down the hallway from the direction of the throne room, accompanied by the unmistakable sound of a Torrent of Flames attack ricocheting off the walls.

Chaor was in a temper.

I figured it would be best to avoid the UnderWorld ruler. Chaor usually let me walk relatively freely through the palace as long as I didn't wander where I wasn't supposed to. But that was Chaor in a good mood.

Today was not a good day to be sneaking around but I was determined to scan something new my upcoming Drome match. And now I was also curious as to why Chaor was in such a foul humor. I slunk down the hall and poked my head into the throne room.

"—completely blocked the Creature's powers! And that was just a prototype!" Ulmar; the only Creature in Perim whose voice was more annoying than he was, "If I test the real thing on a Creature, it could short their powers _and_ destroy them!"

"Then find someone else to test it on!" The UnderWorld Lord snarled, leering over Ulmar who was shaking on his feet before Chaor.

"B-but Chaor!" The smaller Creature squeaked, "Th-the…i-it's not…I mean…it's n-not…th-the regen process isn't completely—!"

"Why not!?" Chaor bellowed.

"I…I haven't b-been able to test the f-final product a-and if something does go wr-wrong it could decimate your t-troops!" Chaor growled and took in a huge breath of air, nostrils flaring. Then he stopped and his red eyes flashed towards the doorway. I knew trouble when I saw it and reached for my Code Scanner, ready to port, but I was just a bit too slow. Chaor's guards pounced on me and dragged me into the throne room, throwing me to the floor beside Ulmar.

"What're you doing here, Kaz?" Chaor rumbled.

"I…I was…" I swallowed, getting the horrid feeling that I wasn't going to talk my way out of this, "I w-wanted to…scan…something." Well, it wasn't a lie.

But it was a weak excuse.

And Chaor didn't like it. His eyes glowed as they narrowed, focusing on me. I was glad I was already on my knees because that angry glare was enough to make me lose feeling in my legs.

"I've let you wander the UnderWorld to your leisure, Kaz." Chaor said in a cold, threatening tone, "But you've been nosing around into places you don't belong! So I'm giving you a choice: join the UnderWorlder Army or…I _destroy you!_"

I nearly fainted. Neither choice was appealing; fight with the UnderWorlds (no doubt that would rather be a rather gruesome display) or get Coded out of Chaotic forever.

"Now. Kaz." Chaor raised a great, clawed hand and a ball of flames burst into life there.

"I-I'll join the UnderWorlders!" I cringed, expecting to be Coded right there and then. When nothing happened, I looked up again and saw Chaor looking down at me with a satisfied expression.

"Wise choice." The UnderWorld lord closed his fist and the flames were snuffed out. Chaor turned to Ulmar, "There's your test subject, Ulmar. He's got no powers to ruin and besides, Kaz has been loyal to me for a long time." Chaor grinned at me and I shivered. That wasn't a friendly grin, "Get him ready and then bring him back for a demonstration."

"Wh-what!? Chaor! No, wait!" But the guards grabbed me again before I could do anything. Chaor reached into my pocket and snatched my Code Scanner.

"I'll hang onto this. Get him out of here."

The guards had me under my arms, holding me low enough to the floor so that my knees dragged painfully across the stone. I kicked and screamed and fought but they were much stronger than me and I soon sagged in their tight grips, feeling sorry for myself. I figured Ulmar would take me to his lab but the Creature led us into a small, cold room lined with electronic panels and hissing vials of liquid.

"Put him in that chamber and then wait outside." Ulmar commanded and turned towards the nearest control panel with a huff.

The guards threw me unceremoniously into a glass box reinforced on the top, bottom, and four corners with thick black steel before turning on their heels and marching smartly from the room. The heavy door slammed shut in their wake. Ulmar turned his wicked gaze on me.

"Everything off." He sneered.

"What?" I was almost in shock and couldn't process exactly what was going on.

"Clothes, moron, take them off!" When I made a face Ulmar reached behind him and keyed in a series of buttons. Almost immediately, shiny metal arm with pointed finger came through the top of the box through holes that opened with a mechanical hiss. I stared at them and then slid out of my vest with trembling fingers. I pulled my shirt over my head, undid my shoes, yanked off my socks, and, reluctantly, stepped out of my baggy cargos. The mechanical arms gathered up my clothes and withdrew, leaving me shivering in my boxers with goosebumps erupting across my skin in the cold.

Ulmar was muttering to himself outside the glass box, hopping from one panel of controls to the other. I watched him, feelings mixed; I was scared out of my mind, I felt betrayed, and I was completely and utterly alone. No one was coming to my rescue this time. I'd messed up.

Something clattered above me and I jumped. Ulmar looked around to sneer at me. There was a hissing noise and a thick, sweet scent made my head spin. A thin, pale blue mist was filling up the glass box. I stumbled and slumped against the wall.

"Ulmar!" I called weakly, crashing to the cold steel floor as my legs went numb and gave out, "Ulmar…you stinking pile of garbage…let me out!" My vision blurred, focused once more, and then blurred again, "Ulmar…I'll do anything! Whatever you want! Just…let me out, you…sick freak!"

"You're already doing what I want, human!" The Creature spat the word. It was no surprise seeing as he'd hated me since I'd first stepped foot in the UnderWorld, "Groveling! Begging for mercy!" And he laughed horribly.

It was the last sound I heard before everything went black.

* * *

Everything hurt. Even breathing hurt. I didn't think I'd hurt this much in my life. I felt like acid had eaten away at my skin and then someone had tried to replace it with hot iron that had cooled against me. My heart pounded in my ears, matching the pulsing rhythm that thrummed painfully across my body.

I groaned softly, coughed, and opened my eyes. A pair of large, bright blue eyes looked back at me.

I yelped in surprise and jumped backwards. Then I shouted in pain and fell off the soft bed I'd been laying in. I sprawled on the floor, twitching and gasping in agony. It felt as though fire had shot through my limbs.

"Easy, Kazzy!" H'earring's small, clawed hands wrapped around my arm and helped me sit up again, "Ulmar didn't treat you nicely!"

I tried to spit out a witty reply but my mouth and throat were dry and I only ended up coughing. H'earring handed me a stone bowl sloshing with water and I gulped it down, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

And that's when I noticed it.

The tight silver bands of armor that moved with me, winding up my arms, wrapping around my neck, and tightening around my legs. My fingers were free of the stuff but a chest plate covered my front and back, a swirling mix of colors that gleamed in an eerie, iridescent way, with the bright red UnderWorld symbol splashed across it. Silver shoulder guards with spikes rising from them arched down from the base of my neck and spiked silver boots that reached to my knees adorned my feet.

I ran his hand across the armor on my arm and went pale. I could _feel_ my hand moving across the metal as though it was my very skin. Panic made my head spin and my stomach churn. I grabbed the bowl I'd just emptied of water and vomited into it, choking and gasping.

"H-H'earring…what is this!?" I choked on my words, fear lodging a lump in my throat as I leaned over the stinking mess I'd left in the bowl, "What did Ulmar do!?"

"I don't know the details," H'earring was wringing the end of one of his long ears in his hands, looking upset, "Just that Ulmar made that armor as a new Battle Gear but he didn't have anyone to test it one so—."

"So Chaor let him use me." I murmured. Then I tried to pull the silver band off my arms but it was like someone was giving me an Indian Burn so he stopped.

"It won't come off." H'earring said sadly, "I tried. I don't know what Chaor wants with you Kaz, but...I'm really sorry."

I was shaking so bad that H'earring had to take the bowl away from me, my mind was shot blank, I couldn't focus. This was wrong. This was all so wrong. And it wasn't fair. I'd been in the wrong place at the wrong time and now I was suffering for it.

The door slammed open and a couple of Chaor's guards loomed over us. They glared first at H'earring, who quickly backed away, and then at me. I tried swallowing past the giant lump in my throat.

"Chaor wants a demonstration." One of the snapped, "Get up."

I tried, I really did, but my legs wouldn't support me and the fiery pain crippled me again. The guards rolled their eyes at one another then reached down and hauled me upright. I swayed on my feet and stumbled into one of them. He battered me backwards and into his fellow who caught me and held on. I pushed away, reeled once again, and finally found my balance. My body ached. With one final glance at H'earring, I followed the two soldiers out of the tiny room and down the palace halls to the throne room.

Chaor was perched on his throne as though he ruled the world, ever faithful Takinom at his side. I trembled under his hard glare, "Alright, Ulmar, show me what this thing can do."

"With pleasure, Chaor." I glared at the little Creature but he just sneered at me, "There are two attachments to this Armor. The first," He nodded to a soldier who stepped forward, grabbed my arm, and jabbed my left hand into a steel gauntlet with pointed fingers, "Is the Destiny Claw. It can cut through any material, even the reinforced steel-alloy of the Viledrivers." Chaor grinned, "The second is a gun I don't have a name for yet." He beckoned and another guard came forward bearing a large black gun with red dials on the sides. He forced it into my hands,

"Shoot it." Chaor commanded me, "At that guard."

I stared at him, then at the gun in my hands, and then back at him. Then I shook my head. I wasn't going to blast away and UnderWorlder who could do nothing to defend himself. The Creature in question looked horrified but did not move from his spot; he knew better than to disobey the Lord of the UnderWorld.

I did too but that didn't stop me from lowering the weapon so it was pointed at the floor.

Chaor's eyes narrowed.

"There are ways of obedience." Ulmar chuckled darkly and I swung around to look at him. He held a flat rectangle of metal in his hand. He grinned wickedly and brushed his thumb over its surface.

Agony coursed through me as thousands of volts of electricity rocketed around my body. I fell to the floor, twitching and screaming, tears streaking down my face. My glasses cracked on the stone. Then it stopped and I lay gasping, curled in a ball, choking and sobbing.

"If you don't shoot that soldier," Chaor snarled, "Then I'll have Ulmar do it again."

I got shakily to my feet. If I closed my eyes, maybe it wouldn't be as bad. I raised the gun and it felt light despite its size. My arms shook. I pointed it at the unfortunate soldier, closed my eyes, and pulled the trigger.

I felt a series of slight jerks as the gun went off.

And the screams.

I couldn't stop my eyes from flying open.

The guard was writhing in pain as the liquid flames that had fired from the weapon consumed him.

I dropped the gun and it clattered to the stone floor.

"Excellent." Chaor grinned, "And only the one wearing this armor can use it?"

"Yes, indeed." Ulmar confirmed, "And…there's one more thing. Why don't you shoot the brat with a Torrent of Flames."

That snapped me back to reality. I gasped and looked around at the UnderWorld ruler in shook. An attack like that would Code me for sure! I backed away, eyes wide, as Chaor stood up and held up a hand.

"Chaor! No—!"

"Torrent of Flames!"

The fire hit me and I shrieked as I was blasted apart into darkness.

… …

A ripple.

I raised my hand, trembling, and felt stone beneath my finger tips.

I pushed upwards…

…And rose.

I stumbled and stared at my hands and almost screamed again. They looked like water. Then they were solid and I realized what had happen.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Instant regen!" I cried before I could stop myself.

"Instant Regeneration Armor." Ulmar stated proudly, "And the best part is that he can't take it off. It's fused with his nerves. That armor _is_ him."

The world spun around me, the floor tilted under my feet, and I fainted.

* * *

I knew I wasn't in the palace anymore because the air smelled different.

To this day, I don't know why that was the first thought to enter my head when I came to. Whatever the reason for it, it woke me up.

A brown-stone ceiling braced with wooden beams swam into focus above my head. I lay there for a while, half out of fear, half out of something like sleep paralysis. Then I sat up slowly and carefully but there was no fiery pain to strike me down this time.

My shadow flickered across the wall from the dying candle sitting on the low table towards the center of the room. I was on the floor near a corner covered with a thin blanket and a small pillow.

A very familiar corner.

A corner I had sat in on many occasion when making deals with a certain Creature for scans of anything I could get my hands on.

"H'earring?" I looked around but the little UnderWorlder was nowhere in sight, "H'earring?" I struggled upright, resting my hand on the wall to find my balance. I felt sick; I may not have hurt but I was ready to hurl again at any second. I staggered across the room and through an open archway. The candlelight didn't reach into this room very well so I couldn't see and tripped over a rug. I hit the floor with a resounding clang of armor and a yelp of pain.

There was scuffling from upstairs and then a light bounced down the stairs. H'earring was holding a candle and it lit the room as he came down the last step. I remained sprawled on the floor, feeling pathetic and sorry for myself.

"Kaz! You're awake!" The UnderWorlder skipped down the remaining stairs and set the candle down beside him, "What're you doing on the floor?"

I pushed myself upright, "H'earring, where's my Code Scanner?"

"Chaor has it, remember…"

"Can you get it back?" I looked at him with hope. He was the UnderWorlder spy; he could do and get anything, "Please, H'earring, can you find it so I can port home? I just…I wanna…go home…"

"I could get it for you," H'earring swallowed, looking upset again, "But…it wouldn't do you any good." He turned away from me, "I don't know how he did it but Ulmar's said he got your "real self," Kaz."

I fell back in shock.

Ulmar had managed to yank me out of Earth?

Then that meant…

That meant…

"I'm never getting home…"

I was never leaving Perim again.

I'd fantasized about things like this but never to the extent that I was Chaor's little pet project.

And not just a pet project.

I was a walking weapon.

* * *

_How's _that_ for an opening chapter? I warned you there was going to be plenty of bashing. Then again, most of my fictions pertain to bashing so this isn't much of a stretch. Well, actually, this might be the meanest thing I've ever done to someone. Aside from killing Iparu in _Nice To Be Loved_. _

_And this is just the beginning. _

_(grins wickedly) _


	2. Not By Choice: Garrison

_**EDIT**_

_Clearing up a little confusion. Kaz isn't a Creature, he's still human. That Instant Regeneration Armor doesn't make him a Creature it makes him pretty much invincible. And now you're probably wondering why Ulmar just doesn't make a bazillion of them and hand them out to all the UnderWorlders, right? That shall be explained…later.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Two: Garrison

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #2: Strike when you are told to, obey without question, and do not utter a word of complaint when you get your hands dirty.

* * *

**_

I think I must have gone into shock for a while because the next few moments were a daze. H'earring must have ushered me out of the tiny living room and back into the tiny kitchen, relighting several candles he'd let burn down.

"Kaz, come on, snap out of it." He tapped my cheek and I started, jerking away as a reflex, "Sorry, Jumpy."

I flopped into the messed up blanket I'd been tucked under previously and smacked myself in the face to see if I was dreaming. I wasn't. And all I got for my trouble was a stinging cheek and the realization that I wasn't wearing my glasses. And yet, somehow, I could see just fine.

Ulmar.

He'd done something to fix my eyesight.

Well, there was one less thing our insurance had to cover.

But that didn't stop my stomach from churning. What else had that little creep been up to?

I meant besides the stupid armor.

"H'earring, what does…what does Chaor want me to _do_?"

"I don't really know." The little Creature shrugged unhelpfully, "But I heard talk about, well, assassins."

"You don't think that means me, do you!?" I was halfway between horror and disbelief, "Who in their right mind would make me an assassin. They're stealthy, and cunning, and quiet, and they _kill_! None of which I do!"

"Kaz….you don't really have a cho—."

The door slammed open and I jumped a foot in the air. A couple of Chaor's guards shoved their way into the room, glaring down at me. I shuddered, I couldn't help it. Everything was happening so fast my mind couldn't keep up with it. If I ever got the chance for a regular night's sleep, I was sure I was going to have nightmares.

"New recruits live in the barracks." Growled the first soldier, pointing at me, "On your feet, maggot."

I looked at H'earring helplessly but he was just sending me a sympathetic look. Another thing I didn't have a choice in. Not fair. None of it was fair. What right did the UnderWorlders have to mess up my life?

"That means get _up_!" The second soldier knelt down, grabbed me by my spiky locks, and yanked me upright. I yelped in pain and staggered away, "Now move it!"

I didn't know whether I wanted to start yelling or crying as I followed them out the door. I glanced over my shoulder as we stepped into the darkened street to see H'earring standing, framed by candlelight, in his doorway. The bottom of my stomach dropped out, leaving a vast empty hole that my heart fell through. It sank all the way down to my toes where it was trodden upon as I followed the two soldiers past tall, dark structures.

The guards moved quickly and I had to jog to keep up with them. This quickly sapped my strength, leaving me more exhausted than I had been. Not to mention that I'd been screaming and fainting for the past hour or so. Normally I would have dropped right then and there but—and I attributed this to the armor—my stamina was considerably higher than it had been. Still, that didn't stop me from feeling drained, empty, and alone.

I wondered if Tom, Sarah, and Peyton were looking for me.

And that did it.

The floodgates were open.

I collapsed to my knees on the street and started sobbing. Tears streamed from my eyes like Coridac Falls, I wrapped my arms around my middle as I shook with sorrow, gasping cries and howls tore out of my mouth, and I didn't care what anyone thought at that moment.

I was swimming in a sea of misery.

And I wished I could drown myself.

One of the soldiers (heck if I could tell them apart; they were like Storm Troopers, they all looked the same), huffed in annoyance and stalked back over to me. What he did next I'll never forget, just like I'll never forget every single word I said, ever single deed I did, and every single moment of that hell I lived in the UnderWorld.

The soldier reached down, grabbed my throat, and hefted me off the ground. I chocked, still crying, struggling in his surprisingly strong grip. Then again, he was a Creature and I was not. His fingers tightened around my neck and he drew back a fist.

_No…_ I thought weakly, head spinning as oxygen failed to reach it, _No…just leave me alone…just leave me alone…why do you do this!? _

He punched me in the stomach and I _felt it_ even though he'd hit nothing but armor. I writhed in his grasp, feet kicking nothing but air, vision darkening, my gut aching where he'd hit me. I vaguely heard the other soldier telling his companion to put me down. Then I hit the ground and wheezed, coughing as I fought to take in air again. The world tilted crazily for a few moments and then settled. I turned my tear stained face up to look at the two UnderWorlders.

"Pathetic." Sneered one (probably the one who'd been choking me), "Just pathetic. And Lord Chaor wants this useless hunk of human flesh to join the ranks of his army? Tch, useless."

"Not the army, you dolt." Snapped the other one, "He's Chaor's personal assassin." From the tone in his voice, I could guess he was wearing a mocking smile behind that helmet. I shuddered and closed my eyes, fighting off a new wave of tears.

Assassin.

No.

No way.

Not if I could help it.

I got up and ran.

I turned my back on them and ran as fast as I could, the city blurring on either side of me as I bolted down the street. The soldiers were shouting and no doubt coming after me but I wasn't about to get caught again. I skidded on my heel and shot down an alley way, bursting out of the other end onto a narrow back street that wound back around the way we'd come.

I knew UnderWorld City like the back of my hand.

My gaze flickered over to the armor that now covered me.

Well, I knew it like the way from home to school anyway.

I took another alley way and ended up right back where I started. I didn't pause, just took off in the opposite direction I'd run before. I was heading right for the exit; the path that would take me out of the UnderWorld and into the OverWorld. A dangerous thing to do; especially when I had the UnderWorld crest splashed across my chest; but my only hope. If I could get to Kiru City—maybe not even there, Lake Ken-a-Po even—then maybe, just maybe, I could find Tom and he'd help me get out of this mess.

Like they didn't see that coming.

An electric charge knocked me off my feet and sent me crashing to the ground with a scream of agony. I twitched, screaming even louder, as another wave of electricity coursed through me. Then it abated and I was left shuddering on the stone.

"Where did you think you were going, Kazzy?" Chaor grabbed my wrist in one massive clawed hand and hauled me into the air so I was dangling there like a rag doll, "You're to start your training in the barracks. My orders."

"I don't take orders from you!" I gasped angrily, feeling as though my arm was going to pop out of its socket. My mind was freaking out at me for being so stupid and rash with the UnderWorld Lord but the words kept coming and I couldn't stop them, "I'm not an UnderWorlder! I'm human! I'm a Chaotic player! You can't _do_ this! Let me go! NOW!"

Chaor didn't like people telling him he couldn't do something. Nor did he like it when people went against his orders. He liked it even less when people did those things _on top_ of shouting at him. I'd just dug myself into a very deep and very scary hole.

"You're not a player anymore!" He snarled at me, shaking me so hard I swear I heard my brain rattling around in my skull, "You're nothing but solider! You belong to _me_! You do whatever I tell you or I'll make you wish you were _dead_! Do you understand that!?" He stopped shaking me but I was too dizzy to answer so he got even angrier and slammed me into the stone, "Answer me, Kaz! Do you understand!?" I whimpered and tried to organize my thoughts but I was so confused and terrified and hurt and angry I could barely think straight at all, "ANSWER ME!" And he smashed a great, clawed foot down on my chest.

The air rushed out of my lungs and something popped. I would have screamed had I had any oxygen to do it with. Chaor ground his foot into me and my fogged brain suddenly wondered if this was what it felt like to be crushed under a steamroller. Stupid thing to think when you're getting your chest crushed in but, hey, I was knocked for a loop.

"If you keep disobeying orders, Kaz, I'll have to do away with you and that just wouldn't do at all." His gargoyle-like face was inches from my own but I was nearly out of it by this time. Everything started going fuzzy and dark, "You're the one who's going to start the UnderWorld's stampede into the OverWorld. Once we take Kiru, we take Perim."

I coughed out a sob and Chaor took his foot off me. I rolled over, arms around my middle, coughing and fighting off the pain that was shooting through my chest. No doubt he'd broken one of my ribs. White hot pain lashed itself across me and I doubled over on my knees, trying not to faint again.

"Get up." Chaor ordered.

"Can't…" I gasped, "You broke…one of my…ribs…" I wasn't crying because I'd run out of tears. My eyes burned, my throat was raw, and I had a broken bone sitting in my chest. Well, suck.

Chaor loomed over me, grabbed the back of my neck, and yanked me upright. I yelled as the broken bone was moved but he ignored me and sniffed. Then he threw me back to the ground. I was beginning to think it was some sort of custom to throw people on the ground in the UnderWorld.

"It's not broken." Chaor said, "Just bruised. Now get up. We're going to the barracks."

Sometimes you have to wonder if there is such thing as karma. And if there was, what had I ever done to deserve this sort of punishment?

* * *

There were two parts to the UnderWorld barracks. The first part was where all the regular soldiers stayed, those like the palace guards and armed forces. The ones that looked like Storm Troopers. The second was the training barracks where Creatures in Chaor's army came and went as they pleased. All new recruits stayed in the training barracks until they'd completed their initial training and could move to the larger barracks.

Oh, excuse me. Did I say "recruits?"

In the UnderWorld, you don't have a choice to join the UnderWorld army. You _have_ to join it or face the dungeons and Chaor's wrath.

Drafted.

So of course the newbies were all trying to look the toughest in front of their ruler when Chaor shoved me into the high-walled compound. And the best way for them to do it? Pick on the one who was obviously the weakest: the scrawny human.

They advanced on me like hyenas homing in on a carcass. As they approached, I looked helplessly back at Chaor. The UnderWorld Lord was grinning at me as he slammed the heavy steel door shut.

"Heeheehee! Look at 'im! He's scared out of his mind!" I turned to face the new trainees. They were all bigger than me but not dressed in the UnderWorld armor yet. Instead they wore dark crimson tunics with no sleeves, matching pants that were tucked into boots, and vanbraces on their lower arms.

"Hey!" One of them leered over me, "How come he's wearin' armor already?"

"Yeeeaaahhh," One of his companions stepped closer and I moved back, "How come a stupid _human_ gets to wear UnderWorld armor." He shoved me and I stumbled backwards.

"Let's rip it off!" Said the other one, stalking up to me, "Let's rip it off and show him what a _real_ UnderWorlder is like!"

I backed up against the steel door, raising my hands in a defensive and non-threatening manner, but they kept coming. One of them reached out and grabbed my right shoulder. Or rather, my shoulder guard. Either way, he yanked at it and I yelled hoarsely; my voice was going from all the screaming I'd already done.

"Wimp!" They jeered at me, "Low-life! Weakling! Get out!" They kept grabbing at my armor and pulling. It hurt worse than getting electrocuted by that stupid silver rectangle. Because the Instant Regeneration Armor was connected to me not only at the nerves but also at a level that it was able to manipulate my very composition, I felt like someone was trying to rip off my very skin.

I had enough.

Seriously, every time I turned around, someone was there to screw up my life.

This.

Was.

The.

Last.

Straw.

As one of them made to snatch at my shoulder guard again, I kicked out and knocked his foot out from under him. He kissed dirt and I scrambled upright as the other two looked around at their fallen comrade.

"That was a _bad idea_." Snarled the one I'd knocked over as he got up and wiped dirt from his face, "Now you're _really_ in for it! Puny human!"

"CATH ME IF YOU CAN!" I shouted and barreled past them, running straight for the center of the compound. Other trainees were turning to look at what was going on and when they saw a _human_ dressed in the armor of their tribe…well, they got kind of pissed. Most of them joined the chase.

I could tell I was going to _hate_ living in the training barracks.

With an angry mob of soon-to-be-UnderWorld-soldiers at my heels, I raced past buildings and groups of Creatures. I had never been inside the training barracks before (no one had a scan of it though I'd heard stories about people who'd tried—most of them ended up as target practice) so I didn't know it like I knew the city. All the same, I was determined to lose these guys.

I dodged down a narrow alley between two low buildings, panting, sweat trickling down my face as I ran. The alley was only big enough for one person at a time and I could hear the UnderWorlders behind me getting to small scuffles over who would go first. Well I didn't care, gave me more time to hide.

I skidded to a halt as I reached the end of the alley and looked this way and that. Then I allowed myself a shaky smile. At least something was going right. I jogged over to a tall pole with a covered platform at the top; probably used to observe the trainees at a better angle. There was a rope ladder up to the platform but it was rolled up so I did the next best thing. I jumped onto the pole and started shimmying up it towards the small opening where the pole went through the middle of the platform to support the roof. Once at the top, I carefully maneuvered myself onto the outside of the railing that ran around the platform. Then I grabbed the lip of the roof in my hands and hauled myself up, struggling a little bit with fatigue and, I realized, hunger. I didn't know when I'd last eaten. Shaking the thought off, I lay on my stomach on the flat roof and watched.

The UnderWorlders streamed out of the alley, all shouting and cursing, and scattered to look and around and be the first to find me and beat me to a pulp. I thought about all the movies I'd watched. Nobody ever looks up. UnderWorlders aren't that creative; they'd take demolition derbies over a rock concert any day.

It turned out these guys weren't all that persistent either. Perhaps that was beaten into them later. Eventually, they all meandered off to who knows where, grumbling or yawning or rubbing their stomachs. The last one to go was the Creature I'd knocked down in front of the gate. He was different from most of the others. I could already tell the difference between who was going to be a common soldier (aka a Storm Trooper) and who was a warrior made for something else entirely.

And this guy was definitely built for more than a common soldier. He was taller, for one thing, with murky green scales that looked like frozen sludge. He had three eyes, two regular neon blue ones set into his dog-like face and one wide, orange one that constantly swiveled and moved around like it had a mind of its own. He was limber and skinny, built for speed and the delivery of fast blows. I didn't know who he was and I was none to anxious to find out.

I held my breath as he walked right underneath the platform, paused, sniffed the air a couple of times, and then walked away. I waited until he'd vanished around a far corner before letting my air out with a sigh.

I was tired, hungry, and sweaty. And it was getting darker. I curled my legs underneath me on the roof of the platform and scanned the dimming training barracks. It didn't look like anyone was coming to look for me but then again, did I really expect the UnderWorlders to babysit me? A yawn made my jaw pop and I rubbed my heavy-lidded eyes, ignoring the scrap of the steel armor rubbing against my skin.

_Well fine then,_ I thought cracking my neck and laying back down the top of the platform, _I'll just sleep up here and then they'll never find me and then…and then…I'll figure something out._

I closed my eyes and curled into a little ball.

But sleep wouldn't come.

I was exhausted beyond measure but I couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts were chasing themselves around in my mind just as those UnderWorlders had chased me…

_What's going to happen to me? How did this happen? Why me? When can I escape? How will I get home? What are my parents going to think? Are they looking for me? Are my friends looking for me? What will Tom tell my parents if they ask? Does Tom even know where I am? Assassin? How can I get away? _

_Murderer._

My eyes shot open as the comprehension of what Chaor had made me do to that defenseless guard hit me as hard as a Flash Kick.

I'd killed that guard.

He hadn't attacked me.

He hadn't done anything.

And I'd…I'd _killed_ him.

I'd never seen a Creature die before; part of me didn't think it was ever possible for it to happen. No one really spoke of death in Perim. They talked of destruction and war and power but never death.

But I'd _killed_ that soldier.

Which meant Creatures could die.

Which meant I was going to be forced to kill more of them.

I scrambled to the edge of the roof just in time to dry heave of the edge because there was nothing in my stomach. I felt hot, sticky, and disgusting; like I'd rolled in a rotting corpse or something.

I felt _wrong_.

Kaz Kalinkas wouldn't kill.

Kaz Kalinkas wouldn't _touch_ a gun (unless it was Battlegear he was scanning).

But I had and I would have to again.

"I can't…" I croaked to the thick, humid air of the darkening evening, "I can't…I won't…no…no…"

I blinked repeatedly, my vision hazy from tears or fatigue I didn't know. I flopped back onto the roof, shaking, wishing with all my heart that I'd wake up in my room and this would all be a nightmare.

And I fell asleep with that thought dancing on the edge of my mind, lingering there and keeping the dark thoughts of murder at bay.

* * *

_Am I…going to get killed for this? (peeks around protective metal barrier) Um…yeah…I think I'll just…stay back here. _

_So anyways, I just want to let you guys know that if there is anything written really weird in here or something that looks like this _thenidecidedtomaifu8w758q23jandhefellover _it's because I'm currently on some medication that makes me sleepy and I don't concentrate very well. Please forgive me. _

_On the other hand, I tried to make this chapter good despite that and I think it turned out okay. I'm laughing to myself right now because Kaz fell asleep on top of a lookout post. Hee, hee. He's so funny, even when he's traumatized._

_Well, see you guys in the next chapter!_


	3. Not By Choice: Ranks

_**EDIT**_

_Say, do you guys like those little UW rules I put at the beginning of these things? I think they're nifty but I'm the authoress so I'm conceited like that. The one in this chapter is one of my personal favorites.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Three: Ranks

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #3: A sword is better than your bare fists, a gun is better than a sword, and a Vile Driver will solve all your problems.

* * *

**_

I woke at the blaring sound of a horn, no doubt intended to awaken the trainees from their slumber. Everything was gray with predawn light and from my perch atop the roof I could see the quiet UnderWorld city stretching out in points and peaks, still with sleepiness and silence. I was stiff and weak from lack of food but I managed to uncurl myself, rub the sleep from my eyes, and look around. Even this early in the morning, the UnderWorld was warm enough that my breath wouldn't frost in front of me and I didn't feel cold at all.

But I did get the crap scared out of me by a pair of large red-orange eyes leering at me. I yelped and shot straight up only to gasp in pain as I pulled the taunt skin of my bruised chest.

"Chaor told me there was going to be a human in the training barracks." A female voice, liquid smooth and so cold it was burning, "Did you really fall asleep up here?"

The Creature had a narrow face of a woman with large, pupiless eyes, taunt blue-gray skin, and no nose. Her dark hair flowed around her like smoke, twisting and curling. Her upper half was human-ish, a thick band of cloth tied around her chest, but her shoulders and arms (which ended in hands with long, thin fingers) were dark blue and scaly while stretching from a point at the base of her neck to about where the hips on a normal person would be was a patch of the same smooth, blue-gray skin that her face was. The rest of her was the coiling body of a snake with shimmering navy blue scales that rustled as their coils tightened around the railing below her.

In all honesty, the first thing that popped into my head was, _Medusa._

"What? Can't speak? Are you mute?"

"No." I said sullenly, finding my voice again. Waking up with a pain in your side and some Perim version of Medusa staring at you is kind of unnerving.

Not to mention the stupid Instant Regeneration Armor.

If I ever got the chance, I was going to wring Ulmar's tiny little neck until his head popped off.

"You're the human that Chaor sent." It wasn't a question but I nodded anyway, "Hmph, scrawny little thing, aren't you?" I narrowed my eyes at her, "My name is Brakin. Meet me on the ground." With that, she slithered down the pole like she was walking down the sidewalk.

Easier said than done.

I crawled over to the edge of the flat roof and, on my belly, swung my legs out into empty space. My heart rate shot up like a rocket. I forced myself to not close my eyes and kept sliding down until I was hanging on by my fingertips and could feel the railing beneath my boots. Then I had to let go of the roof and jump onto the platform before I lost my balance. It's harder than it sounds. I lost my footing as I landed beneath the roof, stumbled, and slammed headfirst into the pole.

It was enough to send me spinning. I sat down heavily on the wooden platform, holding my head in my hands and groaning. A trickle of warm blood was staining my silver steel armor. Wiping it away from my eyes, I got shakily upright and kicked the rope ladder down.

The thing about rope ladders was that they _moved_.

I was slammed up against the pole several more times before I finally reached the ground. I collapsed in the dirt, wheezing with pain and a hand over my chest where Chaor had stomped on me yesterday. I could already hear loud voices echoing across the compound from instructors and rowdy soldiers-to-be.

A shadow fell over me and I looked up to see Brakin's red-orange eyes staring at me unsympathetically, "On your feet, Dog."

"Give me…a minute…" I panted, prodding the cut on my forehead that had been bleeding until a few moment ago.

"Now." She grabbed me under the arm, hauled me to my feet, and pulled me into a small cluster of buildings. I half stumbled, half let her drag me there; nauseated, hungry, weak, hurt, and scared. I didn't know what to expect anymore. I didn't know who to trust. Except maybe H'earring. H'earring could be loyal to a fault but only if it benefited him. And he didn't even like working for Chaor. Yeah, I was pretty sure I could trust H'earring.

Brakin slithered up a ramp into a tiny white building and shut the door behind me. Then she pushed me into a chair and went about sorting through cabinets and drawers. I lay my head back on the headrest of the worn leather chair, eyes closed, breathing shallow. My stomach made a loud and clearly audible growl. I was shaking with weakness and lack of nourishment.

"Here Dog, shut your stomach up." Something landed on my chest I coughed, opening my eyes to a loaf of bread. I tore at it ravenously, despite its hardness, and had soon devoured the whole thing. I picked crumbs off my armor.

"_Dog." _

Of course she'd call me that.

To her—and probably to everyone else in these training barracks—I was an underling so far below the ranks of even the most common foot soldier that I was hardly worth her time.

Unfortunately for Brakin, I was a certain _somebody's_ pet project. So she'd just have to put up with me. That thought gave me a thin thread of comfort. She wouldn't hurt me much because I belonged to Chaor.

The thread snapped.

My stomach knotted.

_Belonged_.

I was _someone else's property_.

Brakin turned around to face me and I guess I had a sick look about me because the corners of her mouth lifted up just enough for her fangs to poke through underneath, "Vaccinations, Dog. I'll bet you'll catch things from us that we just shake off." She held up a gun that looked something like a mini-squirt gun with silver plating and a glass tube containing a clear liquid. Something told me that it wasn't water.

"Things like what?" I asked, stalling for time. I really didn't want that thing anywhere near me.

"Frostblight—that's the worst one—and then there's Brain Shock but I don't think you'll have to worry about that," She was naming these off so casually, tail flicking behind her, that it was almost eerie, "And Ice Fver and of course the common Burn Cold."

Like I said, UnderWorlders weren't very creative.

"Now hold still. I don't want Chaor blowing me to pieces because you're fidgeting." And she grabbed a fistful of my not-so-spiky hair, yanking my head to the side. She put the tip of the gun at the bare patch of skin between my jaw line and where the armor on my neck ended, "This is gonna sting a little."

Translation from doctor language to normal human speech: it was going to hurt like hell.

There was the sound of displaced air and a sharp pain slammed into the side of my neck. I bit back a yell, literally clamping my teeth down on my lower lip in an effort not to scream.

I wasn't going to scream anymore.

I wouldn't let them see how weak I could be.

Brakin pulled away and I put a hand to the spot where she'd injected the vaccination. It felt numb and swollen under my fingers. I swallowed and looked around at her. She glared at me,

"What're you waiting for, Dog. Get out!" She hissed the last word, a forked tongue lashing the air as she made a wild gesture for me to leave. I quickly backed out of the building, tripped, and fell head-over-heels down the ramp to lay sprawled in the dirt. The door slammed behind me.

I scrambled upright, ready to be pounced upon, but there was no one there. Ah, now I was in a dilemma. Where was I supposed to go now? I looked around but there was no one nearby. But I did hear the shouting of voices. I made an attempt to follow them.

I ended up in a dead end twice and met the outer concrete wall of the compound three times before I found an open space surrounded by what I assumed were the living quarters for the recruits.

I assumed that because standing in semi-perfectly straight lines were a group of UnderWorlders.

A mass of crimson that hated my guts.

I slunk out from between the buildings I'd been crouching behind and every eye immediately looked at me. I saw that three-eyed, dog-face Creature from yesterday turn up the corner of his lip in a sneer. I attempted to shoot a glare back at him but I wasn't as practiced in glares as UnderWorlders so it probably came up looking more like I was going to be sick.

"What are you doing!?" My attention was dragged away from Dog-Face to another Creature. This wasn't a recruit. This was an officer. He was dressed in UnderWorld style armor; chain mail down one arm and a vanbrace on the other. A plume of black, iridescent green feathers crested his head, matching feathers made a tail that almost brushed the dirt, and a beak clacked with his every word.

Hm, Frafdo's UnderWorld cousin. How cute.

"Get out of that armor and—." He stopped, eyes narrowed at me and I unconsciously stepped backwards, searching for the shelter of the buildings, "You're a _human_! What's a human doing in the training barracks!? How'd you get in here!? Soldiers, get him!"

"Halt!" Shouted another voice, this one female, "Do not move! Hold your positions!" Around the ranks of trainees came yet another Creature. She was also dressed in UnderWorld style armor with enough variations in it that made me think she was an officer too and probably a higher ranking one since she'd stepped on Frafdo's cousin's orders. Her skin was dark brown, curling bronze horns adorned her head, similarly colored spikes ran down her back, and her eyes gleamed a brilliant violet that stood out wildly in the growing light of the early morning.

"Are you an idiot, Faltin?" She snapped at the other officer, "This is the human Chaor sent here for training." Those emotionless purple eyes locked on me and I shivered, "He's Chaor's personal assassin."

I kept hearing that everywhere. Personal assassin this, personal assassin that. Bull. There was no way I was going to, not even if they shocked me a million times with that stupid silver rectangle. Well, maybe. I didn't really have that much confidence in my ability to "just say no" at this point.

To get away from the gaze of the creepy-eyed Creature lady, I switched my gaze to the rows of Creatures waiting to be trained. Well, this was a shock. They weren't leering at me or making rude gestures anymore. On the contrary, they were all staring at me with unhidden fear and…respect. I hadn't even done anything and just because they'd heard I was in Chaor's inner circle, I was immediately branded as someone to be afraid of. It wasn't like Chaor would give half a Mugic if something happened to me in here. But they didn't know that. At least they probably wouldn't be chasing me down to rip off my armor anymore.

"A human!? A _human_!?" There was a vein standing out so vividly on Faltin's head that I thought it was seriously going to pop, "Soulna! Do you realize that this is a _human_!? This is utter nonsense! Chaor would no sooner allow a human to join the ranks than—!"

"Enough!" Soulna barked and white-blue electricity sparked between her bronze horns. They were conductors, I realized, used to harness the energy inside her into an electrical current that could be channeled through her horns and spikes.

It was at this moment that I also realized why Ulmar would never give a Creature Instant Regeneration Armor.

Creatures had natural currents of power and energy flowing through them. There are plenty of theories about how this happened (most of them relating back to that the source of their powers in the Cothica itself) but however the Creatures obtained the ability to harness Mugicians and shoot fireballs, the fact remains that they can.

Ulmar would never fit another UnderWorlder with the IRA because the regeneration could mess up the flow of the power and energy, or vice-versa. This could either short-circuit the Creature's powers all together or cause them to be a permanent puddle of water. That must have been what Ulmar had been freaking out about when I'd first been caught.

See, I was smart.

"Where are you supposed to report to?" Soulna snapped at me and I shook my head, "What was that?"

"I dunno."

"What?" She was straining the word, glaring at me with those unnerving eyes, and I suddenly realized what I was supposed to say.

"I don't know, ma'am."

"_Sir_." Growled Soulna, "I'm a superior and acting officer so therefore I am "sir." Is that understood?"

"Yessir."

"Good. Faltin!" She kept her gaze trained on me but spoke to her fellow officer with crisp commands, "Send a message to Chaor. I want to know what he expects us to do with this brat!" Faltin stalked off to do her bidding, grumbling under his breath and the clicking of his beak, "For now you stand in the lines with the other maggots!"

I did as she told, trembling slightly. The Creatures had to shift around a bit to make the rows equal out and I ended up next to Dog-Face. He tilted his head down and whispered in rank breath that stank like mold, "Varris. That's me."

"K-Kaz." I whispered back.

Varris sniffed and straightened up, ears quivering as he looked me over with his peripheral vision, "You really are human. Why're you wearing that armor?"

"I can't…I can't take it off…" I murmured and started shaking even more. I was terrified at what was happening to me and what was going to happen. I didn't know how to cope. It all crashed down on me like a tidal wave.

The bloodcurdling screams of the dying guard…

The evil grin on Ulmar's face as he watched me beg for my life…

The agony of the electricity firing through my body…

The complete and utter hopelessness I'd felt when I learned I could never go home…

The tribe I'd supported for the longest time, the Creatures I'd helped and aided, had betrayed me.

The UnderWorld had become my permanent home.

And I was alone in this.

Unless Tom, Sarah, or Peyton found me then—

Tom…Sarah…Peyton…my friends…my only hope.

I clenched my fists at my sides, feeling suddenly energized and angry. And hopeful.

If there was a way, any way possible, for me to get a message from here to H'earring then I just might have a chance. If H'earring could get into contact with any one of my friends then there was serendipity of escape.

Hope.

You wouldn't believe how much better hope makes you feel.

* * *

_Check that out, no page breaks. And yet, a shorter chapter. My apologies. _

_Well, Kaz seems to finding ways to make himself feel better, despite the traumatizing amount of crap he's managed to get himself into. Now we have four more major characters in play: Brakin, Faltin, and Soulna (some of the training barrack officers; and yes I did design Faltin like that specifically so I could made the Frafdo's cousin joke) and the dog-faced Varris. _

_This one did get away from me at one point. It decided to have Kaz get lost in the training barracks a couple of times before sending him to the marching grounds. Stupid story, running off on its own. Is anyone going to be nice to Kaz in this place? _

_Oh, ha, ha, ha! Apparently quite a few people are hating Chaor right now for putting Kaz through all this! XD_


	4. Not By Choice: Schooling

_**EDIT**_

_It's kind of scary how enthused I get about playing God of War II. It's so much more brutal than the first one. I was laughing when Kratos started smashing Thesius' (I think I spelled that right) head in the door and there was blood gushing everywhere! XD

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Four: Schooling

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #4: Learn to fight, or learn to die.

* * *

**_

By the time noon rolled around, I was dying.

Figuratively speaking.

The UnderWorld was known for its heat but I'd never stayed in it long enough to see just how hot it could get. UnderWorlders were born and raised in these scalding temperatures. I wasn't. The heat sapped my energy and left me sleepy, exhausted, and sick.

We spent most of the morning standing. That's right. Just freaking standing there. It was a test of endurance and loyalty, Soulna said, though I didn't see how standing in the exact same spot for hours on end proved your loyalty to anything but a patch of dirt. Oddly enough, I wasn't the first one to drop. A couple of "Storm Trooper" trainees collapsed, their legs shaking, and were immediately reprimanded and forced to stand again. As the day wore on and the heat grew more intense, my legs were aching, my head was thudding, and I felt suffocated with weariness.

This wasn't training. This was torture. I closed my eyes and felt my chin drop to my chest, my red hair curtaining my face as it no longer stood in its traditional spikes. But I didn't care. I was daydreaming about swimming in a pool with an ice cold lemonade and not a care in the world. I hadn't even realized I'd collapsed until Varris pushed me off of him with a snarl of discontent and I'd hit the dirt. My head spun. It was so hot…

"Get up!" Soulna barked, shoving her way past some of the staring trainees to where I lay on my stomach, unwilling to move, "Get up, maggot! You're not finished here!"

I tried, I really did, but all I got for my effort was the slight twitching of my fingers. I was completely burned out.

Soulna didn't care. She coiled her fingers around the back of my neck and hauled me into the air. I kept forgetting how strong Creatures could be. I stared at her with half-closed eyes, barely able to focus on the fact that my feet were dangling a good six of seven inches above the ground.

"You're weak. A weak pathetic human. You're going to die in here before Chaor gets any use out of you!" She shook her head, still holding me in the air.

And then I said something really stupid.

I shouldn't have said anything, I should have just kept my mouth shut and let her bad talk me but no, stupid, thoughtless Kazdan Kalinkas had to turn around and spit out a witty retort. I could always say I was exhausted and that much was true but I was also sick and tired of being stepped on. Hey, I've got my limits too. But so do Creatures.

"So I'm weak," I croaked, throat dry from the heat and lack of water, "But at least…I'm good enough…to hang around with Chaor…"

It was a really lame thing to say.

And a really dumb thing too.

Soulna's face contorted with rage and tightened her grip on my neck. I yelped and struggled weakly as she put pressure on the spot where Brakin had injected the vaccinations. By this time, all the other trainees had abandoned their stationary posts and were all turning around to watch the situation. I wasn't happy for the audience.

"Do _not_ act superior to me, human scum!" Soulna hissed through her teeth, "Because you are not! You are lower than these trainees! You are lower that idiot slacker H'earring!"

I got pissed at that, "H'earring's a better Creature than _you_, you stuck-up goat!"

Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut?

Soulna snarled in anger and unleashed her powers on me. All I saw was wave after wave of blinding blue-white voltage that sent me into a spasm each time. I don't know if I screamed or not but by the time she let me go, there were nasty burns across my face and fingers, scorch marks on my armor, my throat was ripped raw, and there was a tangy taste of blood in my mouth.

I tried to breath and ended up coughing up blood, kneeling down on all fours in the dirt. I was shaking all over and there was a heavy and terrified silence from the other recruits. Soulna stood over me, breathing heavily. I hacked up more blood and she lifted the corner of her mouth up in a sneer.

I was in agony. My face hurt because of the burns, the bruise on my chest wasn't helping anything, and now I could hardly get in a decent breath because she'd practically torn up my vocal cords.

I'd had better days.

"Have anything to say now, human!?" She kicked me, right in my injured chest, and I doubled over, wheezing and trying not to cry from the pain, "This is what happens to those who disobey the orders of the UnderWorld Officers!" She kicked me once more and I fell onto my side, arms wrapped around my stomach, tears leaking out of my eyes and mingling with the blood trickling past my lips. I was too tired to do much else than make strangled, whimpering noises.

Something crackled above me and I forced my weary gaze upwards. A sparking ball of electricity had formed in Soulna's hand and she was holding it over me threateningly.

"Now get up and stand with the rest of these maggots." She ordered but I couldn't move. I was drained, dead. The iron tang of my blood was swimming around in my mouth and my head was pounding so much that I was ready to drop into sleep right then and there, "On. Your. Feet." I still didn't move, "NOW!"

She launched the attack at me and I writhed on the ground, kicking up dirt. For good measure, she blasted another trainee and he collapsed, screaming, beside me. But then he screamed for another reason, scampering backwards on his arms and legs with a horrified expression.

And that was the last thing I saw before I collapsed into darkness.

It would have been nice to stay in that darkness except the stupid ripple decided to interfere.

I thrashed left and right as I hauled myself up from the water that was slowly turning back into my body. I gasped, drawing stinging hot air into my lungs, and shook my head. I came back to myself faster. The world settled around me with a jolt. I was on my knees, completely healed as through nothing had happened, staring up at the shocked and horrified expressions of the Creatures around me. If Ulmar and Chaor had intended the IRA to be a secret then that plan was shot out of the water.

"You're no human…" Whispered one of the trainees, another one joining the ranks of the common soldiers, "You're a…a demon! A spirit! Masquerading as a human! Demon!"

I had to give the guy points for that one. I didn't even know that UnderWorlders believed in demons and spirits. I didn't even know if Creatures had religions.

"Demon!" Shouted another recruit, pointing at me, "Demon! He's come to destroy the UnderWorld!"

I seriously didn't know how to react to that. Without saying a word, I pushed myself to my feet and looked around at them. They all drew back with hushed whispers. These guys were either stupid or had a terrible case of ADD. One minute they were chasing me down to tear me to pieces, then they were giving me silent respect, and now they were terrified of me.

Well, all of them except the ever vigilant Soulna.

Oh, she was staring at me all right but it was more shock and anger than fear. I kind of figured that was because she'd just blasted me to pieces and then seen me pop back again as though she hadn't touched me.

"What," She whispered coldly, "Is the meaning of this?" Everyone fell silent.

Feeling rebellious and reckless, I said in what I hoped was a tone as cold as hers, "Why don't you ask Chaor?"

She glowered at me, "I want an explanation from you. Now. How is it that you fell and then rose again? Tell me!"

I shook my head at her, "No way. No freaking way! I'm getting out of here!" I turned and ran, bursting through the ranks of the trainees with a frenzy that was almost insane. I ran until I hit the wall and then followed it all the way around to the heavy metal gate. I kicked it, hit it, screaming and shouting for it to open. I leaned my weight against it but it would not budge.

I heard footsteps behind me and whirled around just in time to see Soulna leaping at me with anger on her face. She slashed the air where my head had been moments before and dropped to the ground with a growl. I had ducked and rolled aside, landing easily on my feet again. I wasn't exactly athletic but I could move if I had to.

Soulna's horns crackled with electricity and she charge at me, fists clenched and wreathed in blue-white. I dropped down and kicked out, catching her feet and tangling them so she tripped and kissed dirt. I got up to run but she grabbed my ankle and hefted me up, throwing me against the wall. I cried out as I slammed against the stone and slid down to land dazedly on the ground.

The UnderWorlder Officer knelt down and grabbed me around the throat. I struggled but she only tightened her grip. What was it with UnderWorlders and grabbing people by the neck? "No one undermines my authority." She snapped.

"Undermine this!" I shouted and kicked her in her exposed stomach. She dropped me in surprise and I took the opportunity to grab one of the spikes on her back and pull. I was mad. I was so angry and scared that I couldn't think straight and was acting on savage instinct alone. In that respect, humans and Creatures aren't that different.

Soulna howled in pain as I yanked on her spike. She reached around behind her, managed to find purchase on the point rising from my shoulder guard and tugged at it. Hard. I screamed as she dragged me around in front of her and tossed me to the dirt. I glared up at her, scrambled upright, and tackled her.

It wasn't the brightest thing to do but then, the day had been full of not bright things.

At least she wasn't expecting the move. Her back hit the ground with a heavy thud and we started scuffling like a couple of high schoolers. Only she was way stronger than me. She pinned me down and held up a hand to blast me with another sphere of electricity. I glared at her, struggling. Just because I could regenerate didn't mean I liked getting hit. It still hurt.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for me, the front gate chose that moment to burst open and in walked Chaor with Ulmar scurrying behind him like an obedient dog. I was thinking Chihuahua. An ugly, hairless Chihuahua with its brains sticking out of the top of its head.

Yeah, okay, enough of that. We'll save more Ulmar bashing for later.

Soulna gaped at Chaor and then shot off me so fast it took me a couple seconds to comprehend the fact that she was now standing at attention instead of getting ready to blast me. I slowly stood up. The other trainees were all peering around the edges of the nearby buildings, curious but cautious.

"Soulna," Chaor's voice rumbled and even though he wasn't shouting, I could tell he was angry. It's just one of those things you learn to sense around people, "What were you doing?"

"Teaching the human to obey orders, sir." Geez, at least my excuse that I wanted to scan something was the truth. Soulna just hated me for some unconceivable reason. But then, a lot of Creatures in Perim felt the same way about humans in general.

Chaor's eyes narrowed, "It looked like you were trying to kill him."

"N-no," Soulna was panicking, "No, Lord Chaor, I swear, I wasn't! It just—he was—I—!"

"Seize her." The UnderWorld lord commanded and a couple of soldiers who'd been lingering just outside the gate grabbed Soulna, "Throw her in the dungeons. I'll deal with her later." The soldiers dragged her away, screaming in fear and anger as she was.

We never saw her again.

Chaor looked at me. I glared at him and then looked away, preferring to stare at the dirt under my boots.

"Faltin!" The bird-like UnderWorlder appeared at Chaor's side in a flash, "Get us a private place to talk. And bring plenty of food."

"Yessir!" Faltin saluted clumsily, no doubt afraid he'd be hauled off next, "Follow me, sir."

"Come, Kaz." I flinched at the tone in Chaor's voice and felt embarrassed to be treated like a dog but followed him all the same. Faltin led us to a small hut and opened the door to let us in.

"This was Soulna's living quarters. I'll send for food, my lord." And he scurried off. Ulmar made to follow us in but Chaor shut the door in his face. I hid my smirk by rubbing my hands across my eyes; served the little creeper right.

"Sit." Chaor ordered and I fell into a chair across the small table from him. He proceeded to stare at me until the food arrived. I was hesitant to eat anything but my stomach got the better of me and I picked away at whatever was in my reach. I didn't want to get any closer to Chaor than I had to.

My thoughts churned in my head during the silence. My friends, I had to find a way to get to them. My life, constantly in danger even with the IRA. My home…

I stopped eating and pushed the food away. It tasted like dirt.

"What's your problem?" Chaor asked, not out of pity or compassion. He just wanted me to be in the best condition I could be in.

"I…I wanna go home…" My voice was broken and soft.

"What?"

"I said I want to go home!" I glared at him angrily, "You can't keep me here! I'm not yours! I'm a human! I don't belong here!"

"You're not going anywhere!" Chaor snarled at me, "The UnderWorld is your home! You'll stay here for as long as I need you! You're _not_ leaving!"

I stared at him.

When had I ever looked up to this guy?

"Let me go home." I pleaded, choking on the words as they tried to get past the lump in my throat, "Please...let me go..."

"No." Chaor growled.

I snapped.

"I HATE YOU!" I screamed, pounding my fists on the table, "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I _HATE YOU_!" Tears blurred my vision and I rocketed to my feet, sending my chair flying, "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" It was the only thing I could say. Chaor watched me impassively and I dropped to my knees, "I hate you...I h-hate you..." I buried my face in my hands, shaking with sobs.

I heard Chaor's heavy footfalls and the door opening, "Ulmar, get in here."

I looked up, wiping tears from my eyes, and saw, not only Ulmar, but a handful of soldiers enter the little hut as well. My gaze fell upon the large metal box one of the soldiers was carrying.

I knew it was for me.

Ulmar hadn't tagged along to check on me and make sure his armor was functioning properly, he was here to make "improvements."

"No..." I scrambled backwards as the door was shut and bolted, "No! Stay away from me!" I dove out of the reach of some soldiers, crawled on all fours across the floor, and backed against the wall.

Only it wasn't the wall.

It was Chaor.

Before I could move, he grabbed me under my arms, lifted me up, and slammed me back down on the table top. Food and dishes went everywhere. I struggled, all flailing limbs and hoarse shouting, but the soldiers soon had my arms and legs pinned down. Ulmar hopped up beside me and I turned my head to stare at him with wide, terrified eyes.

What else could he do to me?

What else could he possibly do to me!?

Ulmar read the look of terror and confusion on my face perfectly because he grinned that wicked grin of his and held up something that looked vaguely like a drill.

I said a couple of words that would have gotten me grounded at home and started screaming my bloody lungs out. Ulmar jumped at the noise and fell backwards off the table. I kept screaming and twisting in the grips of the soldiers and soon there were two of them each holding onto my limbs.

Chaor pressed his hand over my mouth, effectively silencing me and holding my head still. Tears bubbled out of my eyes and ran down his fingers. He paid me no heed. Ulmar had managed to get back up on the table, Perim's version of a power tool whirring to life in his hands.

I managed a muffled noise past Chaor's hand that was supposed to be a scream. Hands tightened on my arms and legs as I attempted to pry myself away.

_No…no! Why me!? Why me!? Tom! Sarah! Peyton! Anybody!_ I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing with all my heart that I could be anywhere but here, _Somebody help me!_

Intense, white-hot pain flared…

The world spun in a dizzying flash of agony…

I fainted…

* * *

I woke up in a sad excuse for a bed; nothing more than a military style cot with a thin sheet and a flat pillow. I didn't dare open my eyes, scared to death of what Ulmar might have done. My head was pounding, my ears ringing with each thud of my beating heart.

Curiosity overcame me.

I flicked my eyes open and stared up at the low wooden ceiling. I took a few deep breaths to try and prepare myself (yeah right) and sat up. I was in a long wooden building where the walls were lined with more of the same cots I was currently resting on; the trainee living quarters, I guessed.

Then I looked down at myself, patting my hands over every inch of the armor that covered me. Nothing seemed different. Until my fingertips found the metal band running across my forehead and around to the front of my ears.

What new, hellish device was this?

I ran my hands over it until I hit a knob. It went in under pressure and I jumped in alarm and surprise. Black liquid swirled out of the crevices in the metal bands, acting as though there was no gravity, and joined together to form a visor in front of my eyes. I poked it. It was as solid as glass and I could see through it perfectly normal. I found the knob again and pushed it. The glass/liquid withdrew.

I shuddered and sank back down onto the cot. This kept getting worse and worse. I pulled the sheet over my head and curled into the smallest possible ball I could manage. I felt so helpless. So _powerless_! In Perim, I was nothing without my Code Scanner and that was long gone. Not that it mattered; I was flesh and blood here, not Code.

"_And if you had never been sneaking around in the UnderWorld City, maybe this never would have happened."_ Said a voice in my head; cold and logical and reprimanding and snide, _"You're stupid, Kaz. You've got no choice but to do as you're told. And that means you have to learn to __**kill**__."_

The word burned neon fire in my brain and I closed my eyes with a whimper. Everything was falling apart. No, it wasn't falling apart. It had already fallen apart and I was stumbling through the wreckage.

A door slammed open somewhere and there was a cacophony of thudding footsteps and voices. I didn't move but the trainees saw the out of place lump in sheet and probably guessed who it was.

"Way to stand up to Soulna!" Said a voice and there were several cries of agreement, "You're not bad for a demon!"

"Idiot!" Snapped Varris' voice, "He ain't a demon! He's human!"

"But Varris!" Came another voice, "We all saw him come back from the dead! And that's just impossible!"

"He's human, moron, I can smell it!"

"Then how can you explain him coming back from the dead!"

"I didn't die." I grumbled. I just loved how they were talking about me like I wasn't there. And that was a bit of sarcasm for you, "I just got blasted apart and reformed again. You've got Ulmar to thank for that."

"Hey, Kaz." Varris said my name awkwardly though I guess I could let pass. It was a human name, after all, "Come on out from under there."

My answer was to pull the sheet tighter over my head. I wasn't coming out. I wanted to wallow in my self pity and hatred. Alone. Undisturbed. Miserable me.

"_Dastard."_ Said the voice again and I covered my ears. Like that would help. The voice was in my own head. I was going crazy. I had to get out of here.

"Ooooohhhh, Kaaaazzzzz." Varris' powerful fingers ripped the sheets off me and I curled over, stuffing my face into my pillow. He tapped the armor on my back and it tinged rather loudly in the silence. I felt it vibrate down my spin and shivered despite the heat in the building, "Come on out. You're a man, aren't you? Then stand up and act like it! You're acting like a coward!"

_"Dastard, dastard, dastard!"_

"Where'd you come from?" Curious trainee asked and then grunted as one of his fellows elbowed him in the side.

I uncurled myself slowly, peering at them warily, but there was an honesty about them that none of the UnderWorlders outside the training barracks possessed. At some point in their training, something would happen that would make them the bloodthirsty and angry warriors that the rest of the world knew.

The thought flashed briefly through my mind, when would that happen to me?

"Earth." I said in response to the question, "I'm human. I was a Chaotic player, one of the best UnderWorld players ever." I started when I realized I was speaking in past tense. I had already mentally come to the conclusion that I was never going home. I nearly collapsed into tears again.

"What're you doing here?" It was an older trainee, I could tell by the gruffness of his manner and the solid glare he attempted to keep.

"Chaor caught me sneaking around in his palace." Why was I telling them this? Why did they care? It didn't seem to matter, I just wanted to spill my guts, "He was already in a bad mood," There were several murmurs of understanding at this, "And he let Ulmar use me for his experiment with this Instant Regeneration Armor." They all stared at me with wide and slightly jealous eyes, "It's not as cool as it sounds." I huffed, blowing some of my bangs from my face, "All it's gotten me into a ton of trouble and I'd rather be...home..."

_"You're so selfish. All you think about is yourself."_ If that was my conscious talking then I wanted to file a complaint to who'd ever handed them out and demand a new one, _"What will your friends think when they find out you're working for the UnderWorld? What will Tom think? He's an OverWorlder, after all..."_

Tom.

My friends.

"V-Varris, can we send messages outside the training barracks?"

"Uhhhh..."Varris sat down on the cot across from mine, raised a leg, and used to it scratch behind one of his floppy, dog-ish ears, "I dunno. But visitors can come in if they want. 'Cept family." He shrugged.

"Family?" I murmured.

"No siblings." Said one of the "Storm Trooper" trainees, "Sometimes they sneak in Battle Gear or food and we're not allowed luxiers in here."

"What about....your parents?"

"Parents?" Several of the UnderWorlders looked around at one another. Varris stared at me with his head cocked to the side.

"We don't know our parents." Varris said coldly and my stomach clenched, "Only nobles like Lord Chaor and Lady Takinom are raised by their parents."

Ah, now some things were making sense. UnderWorlders did not form attachments to one another because they were not born and raised as individuals. That was an advantage I held over them. I acted as my own person, I had a personality, a history, an individual story, I had parents who had taken care of me and nurtured me.

Parents that I would probably never see again.

I closed my eyes, fighting back the tears that threatened me again. I had cried so many times over the past couple of hours that I was surprised I hadn't turned into a raisin. I half laughed, half gave a choking sob. I didn't know how I should feel anymore.

_"Oooohhh, scared's a good option. How about terrified? That's even better. And regret. Come on, Kazzy, the truth. It's easier that way."_ That stupid voice. It was probably just my own mind trying to reason with myself, _"You!? Tcha, what do __**you**__ know?"_ I decided to ignore it, _"Go right ahead, Kaz. Ignore me. But I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. Happy killing."_

Silence.

I cracked an eye open and saw that the UnderWorlders had lost interest in me once I'd become quiet. They were all tired from the days training and were now stripping off their training clothes or muttering to one another. Occasionally, one of them would glance at me and, seeing me looking back, quickly turn the other way.

So, I was an object of suspicion and respect. I didn't want to be. I intended to fade into the background and let them forget I was even there. If I could pull that off in Chaotic when everyone knew I was the best UnderWorld player around, then I could pull it off here in Perim, even in this Instant Regeneration Armor.

I slunk back down beneath the sheet, trying to get comfortable. A hard feat when you're wearing metal armor that can't come off. I ended up on my stomach with my arms shoved underneath the pillow and my head turned to the side.

In the months to come, I taught myself that being comfortable when you sleep is not a forte for life in the UnderWorld.

* * *

_Whoa, nice long chapter and two posts within a day of each other. Now if only I could do that with _Nice To Be Loved_..._

_Ah, but, alas I have Writer's Block for that again. (cries because she likes her fiction but it all feels like filler). Still, I _think_ things are movign along. Um, I didn't say think. That was...a typo. Yeah, a typo._

_Ahem, yeah, anyway..._

_Can I traumatize Kaz anymore? Hmmmm... Yeah. Most probably. Still, he's got a little hope, doesn't he. If he can get to H'earring, he can get to his friends, and if he can get to his friends then there's a high probabilty he can get out. The question is, how long will it take? And how can he get home?_

_Seems impossible, don't it. X3_


	5. Not By Choice: Denied

_**EDIT**_

_Mm, ice cream…

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Five: Denied

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #5: Trust no one other than yourself. And even then, be wary.

* * *

**_

With Soulna gone, the responsibility of training the newbies fell upon Faltin. I could add a lot of words in front of his name: the unhappy Faltin, the irritated Faltin, or the ill-tempered Faltin. But that would all be describing how he probably felt about training us.

How we—or at least I—felt about him was a completely different story. The list of words I want to use would probably get me in trouble.

I don't hate a lot of people; I'm just that kind of guy. Sure, Klay and Krystella make me angry but hate is an awfully powerful word and I just disliked them a great deal. But the list of people I did hate was slowly growing: Ulamr, Brakin, Soulna, Ulmar, Chaor, Faltin, President George Bush, Ulmar…well, you get the picture.

And even if you don't I think I've made it perfectly clear that even though I wasn't as scared as I had been, I was still royally pissed. The UnderWorlders would pay; some way, some how. They would pay.

But at the moment, I had to focus all my energy on surviving. Soulna's method of "training" had been torture. Faltin's method was on the complete other end of the spectrum. We were all in a building specifically designed to withstand minor attacks (little fire balls and stuff, things that wouldn't even register as a Scan and were just part of the Creature's natural flow of energy), dodging about and trying to get hit by the—and I had no other word for them—paintballs Faltin was launching at us.

He'd stood at one end of the gym-like building with two turret guns on either side of him, had us all line up in ranks on the other end, and then said, "Hit once, run a lap around the marching grounds. Hit twice, clean up this building. Hit three times, no supper and you stand outside until dawn tomorrow. No sleeping." He eyed me with a solid gold orb, plume of feathers bristling on his head. He fully expected me to be the loser. Well, I'd show him. If there was one thing I was good at in P.E. it was Dodgeball. That is to say, I'd always dodge and never grab a ball. Balls made you targets.

Mull that one over in your head for a while.

So there we were, scattered around the building, running for our dinner. Already several of the "Storm Trooper" had been hit more than three times. Myself, Varris, and a few others hadn't even been touched yet. I was determined to show them that I could survive just as well as any Creature. And I wasn't about to lose my supper.

It was all going great until one trainee grabbed me and tried to use me as a shield against an oncoming paintball. Bad choice. I elbowed him in the side so hard, he gasped and dropped me. I ducked to the floor just in time and the Creature got a faceful of whatever it is Creatures use for paint. He started screaming and clawing at the stuff, sputtering and trying to get it out of his eyes. He should have just moved because about ten seconds later he was covered in about five more hits of the stuff.

Not my fault.

I stood in a far corner, catching my breath, watching for anything flying at me, and taking stock of the situation. There weren't many trainees left who were willing to even stand up and move anymore, making the rest of us bigger targets.

Then Varris did something looked really stupid and really gutsy.

He bolted across the gym at inhuman speed (not as fast as, say, Gespedan, but he was still moving), summoned a flickering ball of flames in each hand, and launched them at the turrets. There was a wild explosion that knocked those remaining upright off their feet. I landed with a clang on the hard floor and winced. When the smoke cleared, there was multi-colored splatters across the far wall.

Varris turned to face us, shouting in triumph. I couldn't help but snigger. His whole front was a dazzling display of spectrum colors. Faltin looked like he could blend into the wall if he stood next to it. He stalked up to Varris and grabbed one of those dangling dog ears, yanking the trainee's head to the side. Varris growled.

"That was a reckless move!" Faltin clicked his beak inches from Varris' face, "But it also proved your worth. Anyone who got hit, you know the rules!" He watched the trainees filing out of the building, still holding onto Varris. I watched his sharp eyes counting the paint splatters and registering the faces of the trainees. When he didn't see me, he glanced around. I was still sitting in a corner.

Faltin let go of Varris, who hurried out after his fellows, and walked over to me. I didn't move. He crouched down and glared at me, "You're more skilled than I gave you credit for."

"No," I replied hotly, "I just know how to save my skin."

He grabbed a fistful of my hair and I winced slightly. He grinned and that looked creepy when his mouth was a beak, "But you have no tolerance for pain and you don't know how to fight. Some assassin you are."

"I'm not!" I shouted, losing my temper, "Let go!" I pushed at his arm put he only stood up, taking me with him, "Ow! Leggo of me! OW!" He dragged me across the floor by my hair, leaving me scrambling on my back as he went along.

"I don't like humans!" Flatin snarled as he headed for the pile of paint. I suddenly knew what he was planning, "You're nosy! You're loud! You're intrusive! You think Perim is your play world well I've got news for you, scum!" He hefted me up and I shouted in pain, "We all hate you!"

He would have thrown me into the paint and I would have been out of supper right then and there but I knew enough about surviving in Perim to fight back. I raised a fist and slammed it into his elbow. His arm went limp and I dropped to the floor with a painful hiss. Before he could grab me again, I bolted. His shouts and insults followed me out the door.

I slowed down as I neared the trainee living quarters and the marching ground they surrounded. I was tired and getting hungry fast. What could I say, I had a high metabolism. Voices shouting at one another drew my attention away from my thoughts of nachos covered in hot, melted cheese and a double chocolate shake.

Ignoring the feeling that curiously had already gotten me into trouble once, I slunk around the edge of a building, watching the two figures hassling each other at the front gate. One of them was a soldier who patrolled the barracks and the other…

"H'earring!" I shouted and ran forward. The two Creatures turned to look at me, "H'earring! You gotta help me, H'earring!"

Someone tackled me from behind and I hit the ground with a grunt. Another soldier. I squirmed under his weight as the soldier at the gate started pushing H'earring out of the barracks.

"H'earring!" I called, "H'earring, find To—mmppphh!" The soldier on top of me clamped a hand over my mouth. I stared pleadingly after the little Creature, wishing I could speak with my mind, hoping and praying he got the message.

The gate slammed shut and he was gone.

The soldier let me up and I spat, dusting myself off as I got to my feet. When I turned to glare at him, he stared blankly back at me, "You are not to have visitors while in the training barracks. Chaor's orders."

As the soldier walked away, I snarled out some words telling the guard and Chaor where they could shove their orders. And not in a nice way. Frustrated and angry, I stomped across the marching grounds, wove through the trainee living quarter buildings, and kicked open the door to the cafeteria with an almighty shout of rage.

There was a slight pause in conversation as the Creatures inside all looked up to see who had kicked the door open but when they saw it was just the scrawny human, they all went back to their meals. Fine by me. Just as long as they left me alone.

I snatched a tray of food (if you could take the liberty of calling it that) and was moving towards a dark corner when a shadow fell over me. I looked around and caught the flaming gaze of a rather large Creature who was obviously headed for somewhere other than the "Storm Trooper" ranks.

"Out of the way, tiny." Oh my gosh, it was a _girl_. My eyes widened and then narrowed. I was in no mood for this.

"Shove off." I snapped and walked off. Man-girl looked a little shocked at being told what to do by a human but he-she-it quickly made up for it by tripping a couple of "Storm Trooper" trainees.

I sank into the corner and proceeded to tear at the slightly hard bread with my bare hands. UnderWorlders didn't believe in cutlery. Of course sitting by myself left me alone with my thoughts and my thoughts tend to run away on me.

I wasn't allowed to see H'earring which meant I could only hope he got the message or I'd have to wait to get out of here in order to speak with him.

For the moment, I was alone in the place.

Alone.

No one was coming so save me.

I pushed the food away.

I wanted my home. I wanted my parents. I wanted my room. I wanted the comfort of familiar surroundings in the world I belonged to. I wanted to wake up in the morning and smell the eggs cooking on the stove. I wanted to have my dad tell me to hurry up or I'd be late for school. I wanted to meet Tom on the corner of his street and hear him make a snide comment about homework or a match he'd had in Chaotic last night. I wanted the daily routine that came with high school.

I wanted something that I could _understand_.

I'd thought I'd know a lot about Perim but the truth was I—and every other Chaotic player out there—had hardly scratched the surface of Perim's mysteries.

* * *

The human mind is a complex and amazing thing. There's so much about it that modern science can't explain and yet we have drugs for every kind of mental disorder imaginable. There's probably a drug for imagining new drugs too. Wouldn't put it past the guys.

But those kind of things didn't exist in Perim. Their drug was their adrenaline rushes that kept them going until either they or the battle they were in burned out.

So that stupid voice in my head I've been telling you about? Yeah, I figured out why it was there: to reprimand every single move I made. It was own conscious trying to reason with what was happening and what was going to happen. My mind logically thought I had done something bad because bad things were happening to me so it reprimanded me for it.

Kind of crazy but then, that makes me crazy, doesn't it?

Still, I learned to keep the voice at bay. If I kept moving, kept working, kept myself exhausted, so exhausted I couldn't think straight, then there'd be no voice to keep me awake at night.

Faltin worked us ragged anyway.

Fighting, fighting, always fighting.

The days started to mold into one another. I had no idea how long I'd been in the training barracks.

In the end, I stopped caring.

Getting out wasn't a priority anymore. Surviving was. I hardly spoke to anyone, except maybe Varris and his little group and even then it was only to discuss training. Anything else seemed a waste of time.

Every so often we'd catch glimpses of other Creatures stopping in to train themselves or look over the new recruits. They always did a double take when they saw me. I ignored them. Let them think what they want.

Chaor didn't show up anymore, for which I was grateful. If he ever showed up again, Ulmar would probably be in tow and I didn't want to be anywhere near that little freak if I could help it. But there were times I spotted Takinom perched on a roof or a wall, watching me with cold, angry eyes. So, she hated me too. Well, fine, I hated her right back. When she did show up and the other trainees noticed, they went out of their way to avoid me. Her presence was a reminder of who I belonged to.

And I hated her for that.

As the training grew harsher, I found that my stamina and strength had increased. I could withstand as much torment as the other trainees, if not more so. Humans adept quickly to new and harsher conditions. Creatures did not. I was faster, stronger, and could last longer than almost all of the other trainees now. Except for Varris and some of the others like him; those destined for a position outside the ranks of Battalion (those were the "Storm Trooper" Creatures, I learned).

And I learned to fight.

With or without weapons, I learned to take down Creatures. Whether it was up close, hand-to-hand combat, or from a distance, I was trained to do it all.

And I loathed every moment of it.

They were training me to kill.

I'd heard a saying once, somewhere, but I couldn't remember where. Something like "Why train a boy to fight and kill and then condemn him for being a murderer as a man?"

Was it wrong that I didn't fight back?

Was it wrong that I didn't try to escape?

Was it wrong that I just went along with it? Did as I was told?

Was it wrong that I rested all my hopes on friends who might not have known where I was at all?

Was it wrong to pretend I didn't care?

Was it wrong to act like one of _them_? Like a Creature?

Should I have done something back then?

And even if I had, would it have made any difference?

For a while, I hated myself. I thought I should have tried harder to get away. I realized later that I had no chance. Nothing I would have done could have stopped Chaor and his men tearing apart Perim trying to find me.

And where would I go?

The OverWorlders? Not in a million years would they trust me. The Danians? They hated humans anyway. The Mipedians? I'd never survive the desert.

_Face it Kalinkas,_ I thought to myself as I lay on the verge of sleep after a weary day of training, _You're stuck here. _

I closed my eyes. It was better not to dwell on things I no longer had.

* * *

"You're quiet today." Varris commented, sitting down next to me on the well trampled earth of the marching grounds. I wished he wouldn't. He was starting to annoy me; everything he said was somehow sarcastic or demeaning.

We were cleaning a bunch of Pyroblasters, basic Battle Gear and easy favorites of every tribe in Perim. I had trained with almost every Battle Gear in the past month (at least I calculated it to be a month) I had spent in the training barracks but I hadn't forgotten about the no-named gun and the Destiny Claw. They would have their time.

"Hey, hey! What's goin' on?" He nudged me in the side but I ignored the gesture.

"I think it's my birthday..." I murmured, twisting the gas chamber of the Pyroblaster out and turning it over in my hands. It reeked of sulphur and gasoline (or whatever it was that Creatures used for fuel).

"Birthday?" Varris' third eye swiveled crazily and his ears twitched, "Was' that?"

"Nothing. Never mind. It doesn't matter." I turned my back to him, continuing to clean the Battle Gear on my lap. I heard Varris' disgruntled snort from behind me but acted as thought I didn't. Presently, he got up and left.

I wiped the sweat away from my forehead with my arm, ignoring the sear of the hot metal armor against my skin. I still wasn't quite used to the heat in the UnderWorld. It was unbearable for me to sit in the light most of the time but sitting in the shade would get me into trouble.

I watched Faltin stomp his way through the little clusters of trainees through my bangs. My hair was filthy—_I_ was filthy—no longer the redish color it had been it was more like a dirty brown. My once polished armor was scraped and dusty (not that I cared) and I probably stank too. Trainees were not allowed any luxuries. At all. Faltin's fault. He enjoyed watching us suffer.

It looked like the majority of the UnderWorld population was a bunch of sadists.

I looked back down at the Pyroblaster in my hands. I'd taken it apart, cleaned it, and put it together again without even thinking about it. That's how many times I'd done it. Muscle memory and all that.

_"You know, all the kids on Earth get special privileges on their birthdays."_ Oh no. The voice was back, _"They get presents, Kaz. And what do you get? Hm? Tell me that? Come on, I wanna hear you say the words..."_

"I..." Would it hurt less if I said it? It probably would, "I learn to...kill."

_"See. You admitted it to yourself. Doesn't that feel better?"_

"No." I growled, fingers tightening around one of the Pyroblaster's barrels. I shook my head and looked down at the Battle Gear. I was finished. I could leave. I stood up and walked over to Faltin.

"What?" His tone was as sharp as ever. I held out the Battle Gear with blank expression, "You're finished?"

"Yessir."

"Hmph." Faltin snatched the gun away from me and looked it over. Then he shoved it back into my arms, snarling, "Get out of my sight."

I turned on my heel and set the Pyroblaster on its rack inside the tiny excuse for an arsenal located in the training barracks. It had a pathetic amount of weapons, ones used only for the training and nothing else. I slammed the door shut with as much force as I could muster and walked off to get myself something to eat.

You're probably wondering why I didn't just take as much Battle Gear as I could handle and bust my way out with that, right?

Not a chance.

I'd seen more than one trainee try to sneak off with some Battle Gear. That was the end of them. Even when you thought the guards patrolling the edge of the wall weren't looking...they were.

The day was fading. I could tell because the air was getting humid instead of just hot. I knew I was being whiny about the heat, the Mipedian Desert was a lot hotter than the UnderWorld, but at the moment I was really hating my life.

As I sat down in my usual corner, I wiped my mind blank and focused on eating. Thinking could be done later.

* * *

Thinking could be done at night when I was promised solitude and no interruptions.

I lay on my back with my hands behind my head, staring without seeing at the low wooden ceiling. I'd thought of plan after plan, over and over again, getting rid of all of them in the end. It was stupid to think I could get out of the UnderWorld and get home on my own. I'd need help.

Tom...

Sarah...

Peyton...

My friends...my closest friends...

I closed my eyes. I acted like I was indifferent to the fact that I was forever trapped in a world I'd once loved but the truth was I was breaking apart inside. I was homesick, however much I tried to fight it.

Something came crashing through the roof of the trainee living quarters and sent splinters of wood sailing through the air as it smashed into the floor.

* * *

_And there's the first cliffie of the series. (grins) Mwaha. _

_I bet you're all getting mad at me for that. Review please!_


	6. Not By Choice: Interlude, Tom

_This chapter was never intended. Not at all. I was going to keep this strictly from Kaz's POV. But then I read _The New Policeman _and I got kind of inspired to do this scene. Who knows, maybe there'll be others (shrugs).

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas **

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Six: Interlude—Tom

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #6: If you want it, take it. But kill whoever had it first.

* * *

**_

It was supposed to be his fifteenth birthday.

I'd planned it months prior with his parents and now I didn't have the heart to face them.

A month ago, my best friend had vanished off the face of the earth. We didn't know where he went. He wasn't the type to run away.

His Chaotic-self was gone too. But I wasn't going to tell his parents that; they already thought their son was crazy. They didn't need anymore grief by hearing it from me.

It was Saturday when it happened, I think. He was supposed to come over to my house but he never showed. I figured he got busy with chores or something. But when I called, his parents said he'd left for my house hours ago.

Of course we panicked and called the police.

What a nightmare.

All I could do was stare at the floor in shock. My best friend had disappeared. It was one of those moments where you realize you've been thinking your whole life "it'll happen to somebody else."

Well guess what.

Somewhere out there, someone's thinking _you're_ the somebody else.

* * *

Chaotic was the first place I looked for him.

I searched all over. I asked everyone. No had seen him since yesterday when he'd ported there with me. I went to Sarah and Peyton. They hadn't seen him either. When I told them his real world self was gone…

"He had a Drome Match coming up, didn't he?" Sarah asked and I'd nodded.

Then stopped.

I swore out loud, turned on my heel, and ran, pulling out my Code Scanner as I went.

"Tom! Tom, what're you doing!?" Peyton came after me, Sarah at his heels.

"He went to the UnderWorld for a new scan!" I shouted, panic cracking my voice, "He went to the UnderWorld! He went to that no-good, stinking liar Chaor like he always does! If that UnderWorlder scumbag has done anything to him I swear I'll—!"

"Tom! Stop and think a second!" Sarah grabbed my arm before I could port, yanking me away and towards her, "So he went to the UnderWorld; that's what he always does! He _trusts_ Chaor, even if you don't! Besides," She shook her head, "How could they get his real world self, that's impossible and you know it."

I stared at her for a few seconds and then scowled.

"I have to try." I muttered, pulling my arm out of her grip, "I have to try and find him, Sarah. He's my _best friend_."

"Then we're coming with you."

* * *

I'd always hated the UnderWorld.

From the moment I'd first set foot in that place, from the moment I'd first breathed that hot, stifling air, I'd loathed it.

But he'd loved it. It made him feel strong, alive. Because it was filled with Creatures so much stronger than he could ever be. And he looked up to them. _Believed_ in them.

If they'd hurt him, they'd pay. I would personally make sure of it.

"Come on." I didn't even wait to see if Peyton and Sarah were following me. I knew they were. Those ragged buildings towered overhead, jagged as teeth, looming, foreboding. Silence pressed in on us. I stopped in the middle of a crossroad, looking this way and that for any sign of life.

No one but us.

Or so I thought.

"Hey! It's them!" Shouted a voice and we all looked around to see a couple of UnderWorld soldiers running towards us, Battlegear at the ready, "Get out of here!"

"H-hey, hold on!" I raised my hands in a submissive gesture and then ducked with a cry of alarm as they fired at us, "What the heck!"

"Tom! Port!" Peyton shouted before vanishing in a flurry of Code.

"But—!"

"Later!" Sarah cried, knowing what I meant. Then she was gone too.

I ducked another blast from the soldiers, Code Scanner in my hands, and took one last, fleeting look around. Then I ported out.

When I arrived back in the Port Court, there was one thing I was certain of, one thing that had been carved in cement by the actions of the soldiers:

Kaz was in the UnderWorld.

* * *

_I didn't want to post this. Not at first. I got into an argument with myself about it but I eventually caved and decided it was okay. _

_And also because _somebody_ said Tom's smart enough to figure that if Kaz went missing, it's probably Chaotic related. XP to you Mr. Plot Hole Picker. _


	7. Not By Choice: Fire

_**EDIT**_

_Have you ever hit your head hard enough to see stars? I did once. Hit my head on the edge of a metal doorframe when I slipped down a flight of stairs. Stars everywhere for the next five seconds. (winces) Ouch…

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Seven: Fire

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule # 7: Never turn your back and flee, even if it means facing certain death.

* * *

**_

There is an unspoken hierarchy in the UnderWorld.

The top is Chaor and just below him are the Creatures directly within his inner circle; Takinom and Agitos and the like. It works its way down from there. And near the bottom, just above the traitors like Van Bloot, are the trainees.

That's why when a Firestorm broke out, we were the last priority.

Firestorms were exactly what they sounded like; geysers of flames that shot from the ground miles away, arching so high into the air that they traveled great distances before coming down in a tempest of molten rain.

"Firestorm!" I screamed as another glob of liquid fire came hurtling through the roof, "Firestorm! Get up! Firestorm!" Indoors was not the safest place to be. The liquid base that made up the raining fireballs could spread quickly and consume a building in minutes.

The trainees were up in a matter of seconds, flying for the doors. One unlucky Creature got tangled in his sheet and was struck by another ball of fire. His screams of dying agony followed us outside onto the marching grounds.

It was dark and cloudy with smoke, I choked on the fumes and ash. There was panic all around; Creatures were running back and forth, Battalion soldiers were shouting orders to trainees and higher ranking officers were shouting orders to Battalion soldiers, water was being thrown on the spreading flames by the bucketful, and there was the sound spitting fire and hissing smoke as more fireballs rained down on the training barracks from above.

A liquid hail of orange heat and light exploded into the earth next to me and I tumbled over backwards, heat scorching my face. I lay sprawled on the dirt, breathing heavily. I was in danger. I momentarily forgot that I couldn't die and curled into a ball, hands wrapped around my head, whimpering in fear.

"On your feet, maggots!" Great, Faltin had shown up, "Move! Put those fires out! Off your lazy rears and move! Defend the barracks!" Footsteps and then someone grabbed me under the arm, hoisting me up. I found myself face to face with the Creature, "What're you doing cowering on the ground! Get up there and help put that fire out!" And he pushed me so that I stumbled towards the nearest burning building.

Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed a bucket and ran to the well at the back of the training barracks. Other Creatures ran past me, carrying sloshing buckets filled with water, their faces lit by the flickering flames and shadowed by the billowing smoke, smudged by ash and dirt.

I hooked the bucket on the rope and let it swing down. As soon as it tugged on the rope, I hauled it back up and bolted back for the training barracks. Water splashed down my legs, cold and shocking against the heat boiling from the flames.

The rest of the night was a blur.

I remember running from the well to the buildings many, many times...

I remember being knocked down at least two more times by flames from the sky...

I remember choking, gasping for air in the thick smoke that suddenly frothed from a window that exploded outwards, showering us with glass...

I remember the ground tilting underneath my feet...

I remember the icy water in the bucket splashing over me as I tumbled backwards...

...backwards into blessed darkness...

* * *

I woke up in the early hours of the morning.

Everything seemed to be a different shade of gray or black. Ash was smeared across everything. Trainees and Battalion alike sat around, exhausted, covered in filth. Silence reigned, splintered occasionally by a cough or a sniffle. Buckets lay scattered and abandoned across the ground.

I sat up slowly, achingly, and shook my head. A shower of gray-white drifted down onto my lap. My throat felt dry and cracked and I was coated in ash. I cast around and saw the bucket I'd been hauling lying near my foot. Hoping there was still some water in it, I grabbed it and looked in.

Lucky me; I tipped it back and drank what was in it before dumping the rest over my head. It washed most of the ash away. I tried to dust the rest off of myself and for the most part I succeeded. But what I really needed was a proper bath.

Like that was going to happen.

The destruction from the Firestorm wasn't as bad as it had seemed during the panic of the night. Only one building had actually succumbed to the flames and collapsed to the ground; one of the trainee living quarters, not mine thankfully. Small craters where raining fire had slammed into the earth littered the ground. It looked like battle field. I figured I should try standing up. My legs shook but I managed to get up in the end. Resting one hand on the side of a building, I cast another glance around the marching ground. Some of the other trainees and Battalion soldiers were watching me with empty gazes.

Maybe...this was my chance. Maybe...this was my moment to escape. Taking a deep breath, I stumbled forward, heading towards the front gate. This was my chance...I could feel it. If only I could get my legs to move a little bit faster!

"Soldiers! Maggots! On your feet! Move! You've got two minutes to eat and then we're fixing this mess! Training's halted for today!" Faltin stomped into view, feathers ruffled, ash swirling into the air with his movements.

I swallowed a groan and pushed myself off the building, wobbling a bit as I got my bearings. There went my chance to escape.

* * *

Cleaning up the training barracks after the firestorm was a form of torture in of itself. We had to sweep all the ash into piles and pour water over them to stop them being blown away, craters had to be filled in with fresh dirt and rock, and buildings had to be mended.

Oh, don't get me wrong, we weren't the ones fixing the roofs. That was the job of the Taskmaster that had been called in. But we did have to haul all the scaffolding and equipment to the spot. And let me tell you, that's heavy steel beams and metal clasps. The other trainees had thick leather gloves to cover their hands and spare them the pain of the rust digging into their flesh.

I was not granted such a privilege.

My fingers were soon bruised, sore, and even bleeding in some places. Not only that but while the other Creatures helped one another lift loads and move objects, they didn't help me. I was left to drag the scaffolding gear through the dirt and mud by myself, panting and exhausted.

But I said nothing.

Soon, I felt more eyes on me than those of the Taskmaster and the officers in charge. Using the excuse to pause and wipe sweat from my forehead, I cast my gaze at the group under a shady overhang across the marching grounds. My stomach dropped.

There stood Chaor with Ulmar and Rothar at his side.

I stared at them and they stared back. Chaor grinned and I shuddered. What the heck were they doing here?

"Hey! Human! Move it!" Faltin aimed a kick at me and I skipped out of the way, "What're you staring at anyway!?" He looked around and saw Chaor. The look on his face was priceless. He didn't want to end up like Soulna.

I turned away from them and headed towards the dwindling pile of scaffolding equipment but Rothar stepped out of the overhang and barred my path. I stopped but gave no other reaction. He snorted at me. I tilted my head to the side, bangs falling into my eyes as I did so.

A heavy hand descended upon my shoulder. I didn't have to turn around to know it was Chaor.

"What now?" My voice cracked. I was tired of them all pushing me around and ruining my life. I really just wanted to be left alone.

"You know how to fight." Chaor growled, leaning down so the jagged teeth in his mouth were inches from my ear. His breath was as hot as the flames from the night before and reeked of burnt flesh and dead timber, "But now we're going to teach you to be an assassin."

"I don't—." I began but Chaor shook me so hard, my feet slipped out from under me and I gasped as my injured fingers hit the dirt.

"I don't _care_ what you want, Kazzy! You're opinions don't matter anymore! Now get up and follow me!"

I didn't have a choice.

I could feel the stares of the trainees following me out of the marching grounds and around the corner; we were heading for the large building were Faltin had shot paint at us. It seemed years ago now.

Everything seemed years ago.

I couldn't remember things the way I had when I had first been thrown into this mess.

I couldn't remember what a real bed felt like.

I couldn't remember what a milkshake and nachos tasted like.

I couldn't remember the faces of some of my classmates.

I couldn't remember what it felt like to be in a home; safe, warm, and loved.

I couldn't remember what it was like to have parents hugging you and telling you they loved you and were proud of you.

I couldn't remember what it was like to cry for joy instead of pain or hate.

I'd put such a stopper in my heart that I couldn't even be happy anymore.

"_You're such a maggot. Whining about not being able to sleep in a normal bed. Tch, you're so pathetic. What's your life matter any way?"_

"Keep moving!" Rothar shoved me and I picked up my feet again. I hadn't even realized I'd stopped walking. I kicked up dirt with my boots, staring at the ground; a dog with a shock collar on its neck.

The door opened with a bang and then slammed shut with an equally loud noise. The lights were off and with no windows the building was plunged into complete darkness. I didn't move, ridged with nerves and fear. Something shifted behind me and I spun, eyes wide, trying to see.

WHAM!

I went sailing through the air and slammed into the floor. Dizzy, bruised, and disoriented, I scrambled upright, head spinning. My back ached where someone or something had hit me. I didn't know where I was in relation to anything anymore; I put a hand out in front of me but found only empty air. Fear spiked my adrenaline and my heart thudded in my chest.

The sound of crackling flames took my attention and, for a brief second, I caught a glimpse of Rothar's sneering face before he flung the fireball and knocked me off my feet again. I skidded across the floor, steel edges of my armor raising sparks as I went, and met a wall in a rather rude way.

"Stop trying to see us!" Chaor's voice came form the blackness before me, "If you can't hear us, you can't stop us! But if we can't hear you…" He let the sentence hang.

This wasn't an exercise in fighting, it was an exercise in stealth.

But how stealthy could I be wearing armor?

Fine, I just wouldn't move.

I remained perfectly motionless against the wall, listening. The silence was so profound that my ears started ringing. Something brushed so lightly against my ankle that I almost didn't feel it. I tilted my head down slowly but couldn't see anything. Another shift. Too small to be Chaor or Rothar.

Ulmar…

I almost laughed. Here was a chance for revenge, right in front of me!

I didn't even think.

I just moved.

I landed on top of Ulmar and pinned him to the floor. His fingers scraped across my armor but I hardly felt it. My hands scrabbled all over the place until I found what I wanted.

His neck.

Without even thinking about it, without a second of hesitation, I tightened my fingers around his throat. I grinned when I heard the satisfying chocking sound when I cut off his air. He flailed beneath me, kicking and clawing, but I kept hanging on.

This was for ruining my life.

This was for trapping me in the UnderWorld.

This was for turning me into a weapon.

This was for all the crap I had to put up with.

An ecstasy bubbled up inside of me, making me feel as though I could do anything in the world. I opened my mouth and laughed.

It was the worst sound I ever made.

It was insane, crazed, full of bloodlust and hatred and the joy of revenge.

Ulmar was struggling less and less. He tugged at my wrists but I only clamped down harder.

"Time to pay up, Ulmar!" I snarled, shaking him. I felt his head knock against the floor and hoped his brain had popped out in the process.

"_Congratulations, Kaz. You're just like them."_

I froze.

Oh hell.

That stupid voice was right.

I let go and fell backwards, breathing heavily. I kept moving backwards until I ran into the wall. Shuddering, I curled my arms over my head, drew my legs up to my chest, buried my face in my knees, and screamed.

A brilliant flash of light lit the edge of my vision and before I could move, Rothar's Flash Kick had sent me spinning. I clambered upright and ran.

I do not recommend running in the dark.

I slammed right into a wall, head first, and bounced back, one hand over my bloody nose. Clawed fingers wrapped around my neck and Chaor lifted me into the air. Panicked, I did the first thing that came to my fear-clouded mind.

I bit him.

I don't think it hurt Chaor so much as surprised him because his grip loosened and I was able to yank myself away. But I didn't run. I jumped up at him (or where I thought he was, it being that I couldn't see him) and felt one of my hands latch onto one of the horns coming out the side of his head. I yanked on it and hauled myself onto his chest.

He punched me in the side and I gasped, losing my grip and slipping to the floor with a crash of armor. I heard his weight shift and rolled out of the way before he could step on me. Something swept across the floor, inches from my head.

His tail.

I grabbed it as it went by again and held on, leaning all my weight back against his. It threw the UnderWorld Lord off balance and he stumbled. Backwards. I yelled and ran. My footsteps thudded across the floor and I skidded to a halt, panting, listening. I swallowed and clamped my mouth shut, trying to breathe evenly through my blood-clogged nose.

"Here, Kazzy, Kazzy, Kazzy…" Rothar snickered from the darkness, "Here boy!"

"I'm not a dog!" I shouted and launched myself in the general direction his voice had come from. We tussled. I ended up on the floor with him leering over me. I pulled back a fist and punched him square in the nose. He reeled backwards, howling. I'd forgotten about my own injuries and the exhaustion from hauling the scaffolding. I was just fighting back on raw adrenaline.

With a howl, I leapt on Rothar again, fists flailing, not caring what I hit. Rothar hit back of course but I was going crazy; my swings were wild and uncoordinated, I was shouting at the top of my lungs, and ignoring the pain of whatever blows he managed to land.

I probably would have kept pummeling him if someone hadn't set off the electric current through the IRA and made me scream on the floor. I swear it hurt more than it ever had before. I arched my back and crashed back down as the pain fired through me, a constant stream of agony.

Then it stopped and I was left gasping on the hard floor beneath me. Lights flickered and buzzed to life and I turned my gaze upward. Chaor was standing over me with a dark expression of interest. He was _happy_ I had beaten the crap out of Rothar.

Anger shot fire through my limbs and I screamed in rage, jumping to my feet and throwing my fist at the Lord of the UnderWorld. Rothar grabbed a fistful of my hair and threw me back against the floor but I leapt right back up again and dove at Chaor. Rothar hit me again, this time with another Flash Kick. I hit the floor again…and stayed down.

I was completely blinded by my anger and hatred for Chaor and his subordinates. I wasn't even thinking straight. Movement. I flicked my gaze to the side and saw Ulmar sneaking closer. The silver rectangle glinted in his hand. With a snarl of abhorrence, I pounced on him and tore the thing from his hand before he knew what was going on, flinging it away. I didn't see where it landed. I grabbed the front of Ulmar's white jacket and hoisted him in the air, drawing back a fist to punch him again.

Then I caught sight of the satisfied expression on Chaor's face.

He had _planned_ this…

I stared at Ulmar who was hanging there, right there, ready to be beaten to a pulp.

And I lowered my fist and opened my fingers, letting him fall to the floor.

Chaor's expression fell with him.

Well too bad. I wasn't going to end up like him.

I wasn't a killer.

"Disappointing, Kaz." Chaor growled and looked down at Ulmar who had snatched up the silver rectangle, "Lights off. We're doing this again."

We were plunged into darkness but my head was clear now. Reminding myself how I _wasn't_ like the UnderWorlders had been as good as a blast of cold water. I could think clearly without fighting through a haze of red anger. I took a deep breath, held it for a second and let it out silently.

Then I listened.

Of the three of them, Ulmar was the easiest to pick out. Of course, he wasn't much of a fighter (he was better than me though), not as seasoned as Chaor or Rothar, and was making more noise than the other two. At first, I didn't know what to do. So I'd found a target, now what?

"_Stop thinking about it."_ Suggested the voice.

As much as I hated it, it had a point. Of course, that was easier said than done. Before, I'd been angry and frustrated and that had blocked all my logical thinking but now that my head was clear my brain was working overdrive. I wasn't a genius for nothing (okay, maybe genius is going a bit too far but I am really smart!).

So I focused on how much I _hated_ Ulmar.

Hatred is as strong as—if not stronger than—any drug. Adrenaline fire wired me, my hands started shaking, my heartbeat quickened, and I fought for control. Control it…control it…

"_What? Control it like they're controlling you? Is that what you're thinking?" _Bad timing for the voice. I wanted to punch myself in the head, _"Ha! Don't be stupid Kaz! Hey! I've got a great idea! Why don't you go _kill_ Ulmar! Yeeaahhhh, kill Ulmar…what a wonderful idea…kill…kill Ulmar…"_

"No." I hissed between my teeth, "No. No. No. I'm not a killer."

"_You say that now."_ The voice muttered and then receded.

What was the use in arguing with the voice right now? I wanted to get out of here and eat and sleep. I figured I deserved that much. I followed the sound of Ulmar's movements, creeping forward every time he moved to mask the noise of my own movements, and eventually found him right in front of me.

I couldn't help it. I grinned. Then I reached down and tapped him on the shoulder. Before he could so much as yell, I'd kicked him in the stomach and sent him hurtling through the air. His cry rang through the building and I heard him thud against the opposite wall.

Hm, maybe I should have tried out for the football team back home.

Rothar slammed into me and knocked me to the floor.

Then again, maybe football wasn't my thing.

I was on my stomach, Rothar's weight crushing my chest. I clawed my fingers on the slick floor, fighting to get out from underneath him but he slammed a fist into the back of my neck. My head hit the floor, the steel band across it letting out a noisy ring. I saw stars. Rothar smashed me into the floor again, holding the back of my head and grinding my face down into it. I growled—actually growled—and threw my weight backwards as best I could, bucking him off. Fire splintered the darkness as he aimed another ball of flames at me.

"Rothar!" Chaor's voice snapped from the black around us, "That's enough! Ulmar, hit the lights." I winced as the lights came back on and then scowled when I found Chaor's pleased expression on me, "You did good, Kazzy. You're learning."

"Quit calling me that. You only call me that when you're annoyed with me." I replied hotly, wiping my nose and smearing fresh blood over the back of the armor on my hand. It didn't matter seeing as there was blood splattered all down my front anyway from my still bleeding nose, "What didn't I do that you wanted?" Not that I was interested.

"Why didn't you hit Ulmar?"

"I was afraid his ugliness would rub off on me." I spat and then was on the floor, screaming. My limbs were on fire with pain. The torment stopped and I got slowly to my feet, gasping. There were smears of crimson across the floor.

"Wrong answer." Chaor said, the silver rectangle in his hand. I stared at him, at those cold neon blue eyes, and hated him, "Why didn't you hit Ulmar?"

"I didn't want to." More pain. I thrashed across the floor, screaming my lungs out. Chaor let up again and I didn't even bother looking at him this time.

"Why didn't you hit Ulmar?"

I didn't answer. I knew what he was doing. It was psychology; classical conditioning via punishment. I wasn't going to fall for it. I wasn't some stupid rat in a box he could play with. Or, at least, I didn't want to be.

* * *

_I wonder how many of these I'll get finished before I get the chance to post again. Probably not as many as I hope to._

_Geez, Kaz's training is getting more and more brutal. But I guess "pain makes any lesson stick" so…_


	8. Not By Choice: Threat

_I'm having trouble fining motivation to work on _Nice To Be Loved_ when _The Files_ are much more interesting right now. I'll have to work on it sometime though or your guys will hunt me down and kill me. Then you'll bring me back to life and make me write more. (laughs)

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Eight: Threat

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #8: Strike first, strike fast, strike hard, and never ask questions.

* * *

**_

"Why didn't you hit Ulmar?" Chaor repeated for the fourth time when I didn't answer him. I still did nothing, just sat on my knees on the floor, hands balled into fists and blood slowly dripping out of my nose, "Why didn't you hit Ulmar?"

"I'm not a killer." I mumbled, hoping he wouldn't hear me. He did and I was once again writhing in agony.

"Now, why didn't you hit Ulmar?" I glanced up at them all, standing in a circle around me. Chaor glowering down at me, demanding respect I wouldn't—couldn't—give him, Rothar sneering at me, and Ulmar looking at me like an experiment, confident that I would never hit him.

I got to my knees again, sniffing, trying to stop the blood running out my nose, and looked around at the tiny, demented Creature. I guess he saw something in my face because that "I'm better than you" expression fell into one of wide-eyed shock. He took a step backwards, looking from Chaor to Rothar to me and back at Chaor again, begging them to stop me.

I grabbed the front of his jacket before he could think to attack me, hesitated for a split second, and swung my fist.

I closed my eyes a second before impact.

Felt my knuckles hit skin…

Felt the fabric of his jacket ripped from my fingers…

Felt myself fall forward onto my hands, head bowed…

I had done it.

I had obeyed an order. Indirect as it may have been but an order all the same.

That was the most significant moment in my life in the training barracks. That was the moment the broke me.

And he knew it.

* * *

I won't bore you with any more bloody details of my training.

For the next two months, I slept in the barracks, I ate in the barracks, I trained in the barracks.

Every morning I got up with the rest of the trainees and ate breakfast. Then we all headed out and, under Faltin's direction, did basic training exercises. After lunch, another Creature would show up and drag me away for special training. Sometimes Chaor and Ulmar came along but most of the time it was just me and another Creature.

I learned how to fight in the light and the dark, how to strike in just the right spot so that an enemy was knocked unconscious instead of killed, how to effectively use a meld of hand-to-hand and Battlegear style fighting, how to make good use of the Destiny Claw and the gun I eventually ended up calling The Ripper, and I learned how to kill.

I never knew how many different ways there were to kill until I trained in the UnderWorld. I could kill someone quickly and mercifully or I could make them die slowly and in agony, begging for death. It was a horrible thing, not something any living person with a shred of feeling should have learned. But to ensure my own survival, I had to take the lives of others.

There was another thing I learned in the training barracks.

I learned to _stop caring_.

As long as I didn't get attached to anything, I couldn't lose it. That was my creed. Or I would have liked it to be that way. I still clung to the hope that H'earring had gotten into contact with Tom, Sarah, and Peyton and they were hatching some desperate plan to set me free and get me home.

Ah, the fantasies of those with false hope.

* * *

My last night in the training barracks and I wouldn't even be sleeping. It was a tradition for UnderWorlders to celebrate the joining of new soldiers to their ranks; especially those with talent like Varris'. The dog-faced Creature had grown fast and powerful, able to gather light into the third eye on his head and sending it blasting outward again, blinding his foes. A good move to have in a tight spot.

So anyway, the trainees last night in the place we'd called "home" for who knew how long (three months for me) was spent partying.

A huge fire was built in the center of the marching grounds, meat roasted at its edges, food and drink of all kinds were laid out lavishly on heavy rugs, and a group of UnderWorlders sat together playing flutes and drums and singing.

I sat in the shadows, watching the festivities and eating by myself. I'd learned to keep my own company among those who did not like me.

Listening to the UnderWorlders sing was an interesting experience. You wouldn't think ruthless, bloodthirsty warriors could sing but these guys were as harmonized as any professional choir. The first song was in a language I didn't understand (I was later told that it was the UnderWorld victory song sung in the traditional language of Perim) but the second was in English, or Common as the Creatures called it. Of course, it was a song about war and conquering land but it was a slow tune that made me think maybe not all the UnderWorlders were as nasty as they made themselves out to be.

"Hey, whatcha' doin' over here by yourself?" Varris and a couple of his companions sat down around me, cutting off my spaced-out thoughts.

"Eating." I responded, licking juice off my fingers from the meat I'd just consumed. Like I said, UnderWorlders don't believe in cutlery.

"Try some of this!" One of the Battalion UnderWorlders shoved a wooden goblet filled with crimson liquid that smelled of apples and spices under my nose.

"What is it?" I took the cup and eyed the drink with suspicion. Ulmar hadn't tested it, but I was pretty sure that if I got killed by poison, I would still regenerate without any problems.

"Blood Season," Slurred another Battalion with a lopsided grin, "Bestest drink in the UnderWorld!"

I closed my eyes and tipped the Blood Season into my mouth.

_Holy Crap!_ was the first thing that popped into my head. It was as sweet as candy but with an aftertaste that left my mouth feeling thick and slow. One gulp of the stuff was enough to make my head buzz.

"Alcohol…?" I muttered, blinking several times because my head felt so weird and it was messing with my vision.

"Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Varris howled with laughter, "Look at 'im! One drink of Blood Season and he's knocked for a loop!"

"Here have some more!" I watched as more red liquid sloshed into my cup. I stared at it, unsure. Then again, what was the risk? There was no such thing as underage drinking in the UnderWorld. And I didn't think they even had alcohol anyway. It was probably just some really strong spices.

I gulped the Blood Season down.

The night blurred after that.

I can vaguely remember parts of it: teasing and cat-calling with Varris and his group…dancing around the fire…watching some female Creatures twist and turn in some sort of exotic ritual dance…getting into a fight with a Battalion UnderWorlder and winning…falling over, unable to stand…laughing at my own helplessness…singing and dancing…playing a drinking game with Varris…losing…keeling over…the sky spinning…

* * *

I paid for my merriment the next morning with a killer headache and a sick stomach.

As soon as I got up from my place in the dirt, I ran to the back of the nearest building and hurled. Then, arms wrapped around my stomach, I stumbled back into the marching grounds, groaning like a zombie.

"Never…" I moaned, sinking back to the ground, "Never ever…I'm never getting drunk ever again…I can't believe people _like_ doing that…"

There were other trainees scattered across the marching grounds, all of them either sleeping, throwing up, or moaning on the ground like me. Varris was no where to be seen. I made another attempt at getting up but the sick feeling that washed over me made me collapse again. I probably would have sat there all day if someone hadn't shown up.

Chaor.

I looked up at him blearily through the filthy, ragged strings of my hair hanging in my face. I was a complete mess. Dried blood was stained across my chest plate and caught in cracks in the metal bands on my arms and legs, so much dirt and grime covered the steel that it no longer gleamed, and there were scrapes and scratches and dents in it all over the place. If I got killed and regenerated, it would probably look brand, spanking new again.

"What do you want?" I muttered, a nasty taste in my mouth that hadn't come from me being sick behind the building. I'd come to associate Chaor's visits with pain, suffering, and anger. Lots and lots of anger.

"Enjoyed the celebration, didn't you?" He was smiling and I never found that to be a good sign.

"What if I did?" I grumbled, looking away from him and closing my eyes so I could focus on not throwing up on his feet. Then again, maybe that wasn't such a bad idea.

"I've got a present for you." The tone in his voice made me think it was more like a present for him than it was for me.

"I don't want it." Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut?

Chaor's attitude changed in a second, "Get up!" He growled, "And come with me! NOW!" I clambered upright, swaying on my feet, stomach churning, and stumbled after him. Some of the trainees watched us go with glazed and uncomprehending eyes. Even the Battalion guards at the gate were hung over.

"Where're we going?" It wounded like a whine but at this point, I could have cared less. I was sick and had a headache like there was no tomorrow. There wasn't much Chaor could do to me that would make me feel worse.

Or so I thought.

I followed him obediently through the streets of the UnderWorld, ignoring the stares and hissing whispers of the Creatures that we passed. I had given up the foolish notion of running away. Chaor would shock me to death before I could get anywhere near the borderlands.

My gaze flickered to his hand and, sure enough, there was that stupid, cursed rectangle. Hatred and anger bubbled inside me. I wanted to smash that thing. My stomach turned over and I decided I felt too crappy to be angry. So I spent the rest of the journey watching the stone covered ground pass beneath my scuffed up boots.

I looked up when the sound of roaring cheers reached my ears.

The Coliseum.

I glanced at Chaor and he caught my eye. And bared his fangs in a savage grin. I shuddered and looked away. What was he planning now?

"Go on, Kaz," He nudged me forward and I nearly fell. The world tilted crazily under my feet for a second and then settled. I looked back over my shoulder at him. That grin was still on his monstrous face, "Get going, Kazzy. Ulmar's waiting."

Crap.

I really didn't have a choice. Swallowing my fear (sort of), I slipped inside the Coliseum and walked through the back area until I found Ulmar standing outside a room where Battlegear was stored. He sniggered when he saw me and I glared at him.

"None of that now!" He said, holding out the Destiny Claw, "Put it on." I took it, hesitated, and slipped my left hand into it. It felt familiar now; I bent my fingers, curling the needle sharp points of the gauntlet, and then looked back at Ulmar.

He held out The Ripper and its holster, a heavy meal band that clipped around my waist with holster for the gun itself settling at bottom of my back. I put it on too and automatically checked that the Battlegear slid in and out of its holster easily. When I realized Ulmar was watching me with a pleased expression, I stopped and crossed my arms over my chest.

"What am I doing here?" I huffed, blowing a few strands of hair out of my vision. Ulmar sniggered again and I could have punched him except where would that get me; round after round of punishment from Chaor, that's where. I only hit when I was told to.

"Chaor doesn't think you're ready." Ulmar said, trying to keep the laughter from his voice and failing, "He thinks you're still too _weak_! So you're going to go out there and _kill_!"

I froze, starring at Ulmar.

Kill?

Now?

Here?

Why?

Who?

Kill?

What?

When?

_How?_

My mind flicked through every way I'd learned to take a person's life. But learning them and executing them are two completely different things.

"You'd better get out there or Chaor'll shock you." Ulmar sounded like he wanted it to happen. Which he probably did. But I wasn't going to give him that pleasure. So I turned and walked past him towards the door, careful to "accidentally" kick him as I went by. His curses followed me out into the arena, lingering in my ears like the smile that lingered on my lips.

That smile vanished quickly when I saw who was on the other side of the arena.

Varris.

Chaor wanted me to kill Varris.

"No…" I whispered, staring at him from across the arena, "No way…"

Varris cocked his head at me as I stood there, stupidly staring at him. The look on his dog-like face was clear: he wanted to know what I was doing here. I felt cold, despite the burning heat that made the air shimmer around me.

"Fight to the death," Chaor's voice boomed across the Coliseum and his words were met with a roar of bloodlusting approval from the crowd and sick sensation from me, "Neither one of you is leaving this arena until one of you is _dead_! FIGHT!"

Varris charged me, spinning a rapier in his hands. I dodged out of the way and lashed out with the Destiny Claw. There was a crash of steel on steel, a flurry of sparks, and then the shattered pieces of Varris' weapon tinkled to the ground like shards of silver ice. The Destiny Claw had sliced right through the sword.

Varris stared at the useless hilt in his hand and then threw it to the ground with a ferocious snarl. Then he formed the trademark fireball of the UnderWorld. I stumbled backwards, shaking my head.

"Varris, please, no, I don't want to fight you!" The Creature paused, perking one ear up in confusion, "I don't want fight! I don't ki—kill!"

"Then what are you doing here!?" He snarled back, raising his hand to throw the flames at me.

"I don't have a choice!" I shouted, "I don't want to be here!"

"If you're not going to fight me then I'll just kill you in cold blood!" And he fired the attack at me. I rolled out of the way, landing on my hands and knees. Varris was racing towards me, his howls mingling with the shouts of the onlookers.

"Stop and think a second!" I jumped up swiped the air with the gauntlet on my left hand. Varris, having seen what it did to his Battlegear, skidded to a halt and glared at me, "You've seen what happened when Soulna killed me! Think about it a second! I CAN'T DIE!" It ached to say that but why, I couldn't tell.

Varris looked at me uncertainly for a while, trying to figure out where I was going with this. Honestly, I didn't think he was that stupid. I straightened out of my fighting stance, letting my arms drop to my sides. Varris tensed. He didn't trust me. I wasn't asking him to.

"Think about it, Varris." I said, "This is a fight to the death," My voice hitched, my eyes burned, my chest hurt. I wasn't going to cry, "I can't die."

"It's…a set up…" The Creature murmured, eyes widening, "Lord Chaor…he set this up…there was never any way I could…win…"

"See, it's pointless! I'm not going to kill you and there's no way you can kill me so—!"

"Oh, Kazzy," I winced and looked up at Chaor who was towering above everyone in his "box seat." I felt a nauseating fear bubble in me and clamped my mouth shut so I wouldn't be sick. My head hurt, throbbing with each bet of my heart, "If you don't kill Varris, I'll find you friends and do the same thing to them I've done to you."

Horror.

_He wouldn't…_

Anger.

_He wouldn't __**dare**__!_

Disbelief.

I was about ready to scream at him and he knew it because he leaned over the railing and sneered,

"And if you do kill him, I'll let you go…"

Go?

Go…home?

Just like that?

No way.

It's a lie.

Home?

Really?

Had to be.

Truth?

Maybe not.

Hope?

Yes.

Home.

I looked away from Chaor and back at Varris. The Creature was staring at me with a mixture of confusion and anger. There was no way he could win this and he knew it. The stacks were set much higher for me than they were for him. He knew that too.

But was I ready to kill him?

That we were both unsure of.

"_Kill him, and you're free."_ The voice hummed in my mind, goading me on, _"Fail, and you damn your friends to the same fate as you!"_

I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head. To kill or not to kill? To be free or to make my friends suffer? To stand up or to be a coward?

Once again, I didn't have a choice.

* * *

_The chapter would have been longer but this seemed like such a cool place to stop. I keep playing on the theme that Kaz doesn't get to chose what he wants to do anymore. Poor guy, now he's got to kill Varris. _

_What do you think of _them_ Snickerdoodles? _


	9. Not By Choice: Blood

_I think…I'm going to go out on a limb here and say…you're all wondering where the plot to this and _Nice To Be Loved _went, aren't you?

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Nine: Blood

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #9: While watching your back for enemies from behind, do not forget to watch for allies who betray you from the front.

* * *

**_

"_Kill him, and you're free."_ The voice hummed in my mind, goading me on, _"Fail, and you damn your friends to the same fate as you!"_

I clenched my fists, ears ringing with the resounding screech of the Destiny Claw's metal raking against itself. I had to kill Varris to get out of here…

Fine.

I turned my gaze to him and he saw the resolution, I know he did. He knew I was willing to kill him to buy my freedom.

He wasn't going down without a fight, though. No self-respecting UnderWorlder would.

We circled each other. He was far more dangerous than I, not just because he was a Creature but also because he had no Battlegear. And he was fighting for his life. Not that I wasn't but…that was different. I couldn't die. He could.

As we went around each other, I slowly moved my right hand back until I could curl my fingers around the handle of The Ripper. Varris' gaze darted swiftly from my face to my hand and back again. His third eye gleamed and I gave a yell, throwing my hand in front of my face even as I squeezed my eyes shut.

Brilliant light lit my eyelids and I heard yells and screams from the audience. I wondered if Chaor had been blinded. I hoped he had.

I heard Varris' footsteps pounding towards me and skipped backwards, rubbing my eyes as they readjusted; even though I hadn't been hit by that flash of light, its brilliance was enough to disorient me from the darkness of the UnderWorld for a few moments.

I dropped low to the ground and pushed forward in a crouch, lunging at Varris' legs with the Destiny Claw. He put one foot back and swung the other around in a low roundhouse kick that caught me in the side, threw me off balance, and sent me sprawling. I rolled across the stone, spurred by my own momentum, and right over the edge of a crevice. I lodged the clawed fingers of my gauntlet-style Battlegear into the stone, dangling some good twenty or so feet above the hissing, bubbling lava below me. I heard Varris coming and reached up, brushing my fingers against the side of the steel band across my forehead. The visor formed over my eyes with a hiss of heated liquid that quickly solidified.

A shadow fell over me and I looked up at Varris' distraught expression. He didn't want to kill me any more than I wanted to kill him. Then he held up a hand and a ball of fire sparked to life there. He hesitated, though, and I struck back.

I pushed upwards with the Destiny Claw, sliding it out of the rock as I did so, and launched myself over the edge of the crevice and on top of a very stunned Varris. I spun in midair and kicked him in the chin, knocking him over backwards. I landed on hard dirt and rolled to avoid the shock.

Then my legs collapsed out from under me and I threw up again. Being hung over sucked.

Varris recovered while I was still losing food. He stalked up to me but I was in no condition to strike at him. He crept closer and then jumped forward, grabbed my left arm, brought my own hand up to my own neck…

…and made me slit my own throat with the Destiny Claw.

I took a lot longer to die that time.

It's kind of scary how casually I can talk about dying now. It's sort of become a part of my life.

But killing and dying were two different things and at that moment, I was dying a very slow death. Blood gushed from the slit in my neck, running in a waterfall of crimson down my front and staining the earth beneath me darker than usual. My eyes widened in shock and I tried to speak.

I ended up coughing blood, the iron taste filling my mouth as it dripped past my lips. I fell onto my side, hands pressed over the fatal wound. My own, hot, life blood leaked through my fingers, running in the rivets of my armor and tracing the silver metal in red. I struggled to breath, to do something, but I could only twitch in agony, vision darkening as I lost more and more blood.

Varris stood over me, watching with cold resolution. He felt superior to me. He had killed me. In his mind, I was already dead.

That empty look on his face was the last thing I saw before darkness swirled in my mind and pulled me under.

… … …

That ripple…

I arched my still forming back, feeling the sheets of water run off it and collapse back into the puddle that I reforming from. Then I tossed my head back, getting my gritty bangs from my face. Only they weren't gritty, they were clear and liquidy, and they sent droplets of water into the air as they hit the back of my neck. I tore an arm up from the puddle and then another, and pushed against the ground, hauling myself back together again. I'd died three times now; first from Chaor, then from Soulna, and now from Varris.

I didn't like dying.

It hurt. And it hurt coming back too. All of my molecules pulling themselves back together again as water and then changing their own nature back to whatever it was they were supposed to be; skin, organs, whatever.

That hurt too but not as bad as dying did.

Varris was watching me regenerate with horror and anger etched clearly into his features. That was the last confirmation he needed to realize that he couldn't win. He'd been set up to die from the start, a sacrifice to the killing machine of war and bloodlust. I glanced up at Chaor as the last of the water turned back into flesh and blood. He was watching me. I was his tool. I did what he commanded.

It made me sick to think that.

On the other hand, at least I wasn't hung over anymore.

"You're a monster." Varris spat, "No living thing—Creature or human—should have the kind of power you have!"

"Like I asked for it!" I snapped back, "Like I want to be here! You heard Chaor! I don't have a choice!" I eased The Ripper out of its holster, "I don't…have a choice…"

Varris didn't beg. He didn't even shake his head at me. He just crouched into a fighting stance, raised his arms defensively, and charged.

I spun the dial on the side of The Ripper, charging it for a superheated blast, and aimed it just to the right of Varris. I'd hit him in the side and knock him down. Then, when he was telling me to kill him, I'd say "no" and step back, shoving it in Chaor's face that I wasn't his dog. Besides, why waste a perfectly good fighter by killing him.

I pulled the trigger, fully intending to miss.

Thing about training is, you're trained to kill.

So you're not supposed to miss.

So I didn't, to my dismay.

The gushing flames roared out of The Ripper, dripping hissing liquid to the ground as it flew. Varris' eyes got huge when he saw them coming and he dug his heels into the dirt, trying with all his might to turn and dodge.

But he was too slow.

I screamed a warning, jerking the gun back so that the flames would fire into the air instead, but I wasn't quite fast enough.

Varris howled in agony as the fire ate away at him. He fell to the ground, clawing at himself, screeching for all he was worth. After a while, he stopped.

The Ripper fell from my hands and I collapsed, tormented by my actions, to the rock. The deafening cries of the onlookers rang in my ears. They were _happy_ for what I had done. They had enjoyed that brutal slaying.

"Well done, Kaz." I hardly registered the fact that Chaor was talking to me. I looked up at him and something sparked inside of me. I pushed myself up, yanked off the Destiny Claw and threw it on the ground beside The Ripper. Then I glared up at him. Time for him to hold up his half of the bargain.

"There!" I shouted, voice wavering, "I did what you wanted! I killed Varris!" I closed my eyes briefly, shuddering, pushing back the horridness of what I had just done, "Now let me go home! Like you promised!"

"Home? I never said anything about you going home..."

"B-but you said you'd let me go! You said that! You said it!"

"Didn't I finish my sentence?" Chaor laughed horribly, "I meant to say I'd let you go...back to H'earring's."

"No...no..." Forget sorrow. Forget pain. Forget death. I was royally _pissed_, "You lied! You lied! YOU LIAR! I HATE YOU!"

I swept up The Ripper and pointed it at the UnderWorld ruler. In an instant, Battalion soldiers had numerous types of Battlegear aimed at me, ready to fire. I'd be blasted before I could pull the trigger but I didn't care. I just wanted to hurt Chaor.

_"Don't fool yourself. You want _kill_ him!"_

"At ease..." Chaor commanded and, hesitantly, the Battalion lowered their weapons. Chaor spread his arms out wide, giving me the perfect target, "Go on, Kaz, shoot me. Shoot to kill. Do it like you mean it. Kill me!"

My hand shook and I brought my other one up, gripping the handle of the gun so tightly my knuckles turned white.

Why couldn't I do it? I had every reason to blast him into oblivion but I just couldn't pull the trigger. My whole body quivered, taunt muscles aching, my breathing ragged. Chaor's grin widened. He knew I wasn't going to do it.

With a scream of disgust, I threw The Ripper down with as much force as I could muster. I hadn't done it. I hadn't shot him. I should have. He deserved it. But I couldn't.

"Get him out of here." I vaguely heard the words, caught up in my own misery as I was. Moments later, some Battalion guards had Battlegear at my back and were nudging me out of the Coliseum. I obediently went, dragging my feet through the dirt. I caught sight of Varris' mangled corpse as we left and felt disgusted with myself.

I had killed another living thing.

I had taken its life.

I skidded to a halt, ignoring the snapping orders of the guards, bent over, and wretched. The Battalion guards stepped backwards several paces, muttering and grumbling insults behind my back. I didn't care.

I looked up, saw a future where I was swimming in blood, saw red, and did what I did best.

I fainted.

* * *

I opened my eyes to a stream of rocks floating past me with a rhythmic thud accompanying them. Then my brain woke up too and I realized I was watching the ground go past. I lifted my head and looked about. One of the Battalion Creatures had slung me over his shoulder and was carrying me down the street with some of his buddies on either side of him.

"Put me down." I said, "I can walk." They ignored me so I started twisting and thrashing in the guard's grip. One of them came up to me and stuck a gun right between my eyes. I stopped pitching a fit and hung there, scowling at the ground as it went by.

I bet they thought they were being funny.

Since Chaor told them they couldn't shoot me, I guess the guards wanted a little revenge for me pointing a gun at their lord and master. When we reached H'earring's, they kicked the door open, and the one who'd been carrying me hefted me off his shoulder and threw me unceremoniously to the floor. I was up in a second, snarling at them, but they simply slammed the door shut in my face.

"Kaz?" I spun and found H'earring standing there, looking at me in a scrutinizing way that I didn't appreciate at the moment.

"Hi, H'earring…" I didn't know what else to say. And what were you supposed to say in a situation like this? Wasn't there some kind of handbook for it somewhere? _How To Talk to a Creature When You've Just Killed One of Their Tribemates_. Yeah right.

"_Get real, Kazzy."_ I wanted to shoot that voice, _"You're on your own."_

"You okay?" No one had asked me if I was okay in almost three months. I swallowed several times, blinked, and shook my head.

"No." My voice shook and I fought to control myself, "H'earring, I just k-killed someone!" I stared at him desperately, "I killed them! I didn't have to but I did! Chaor lied to me and I…I…H'earring, I have this…this urge to kill him too! Only I can't! And I don't e-even know why!"

H'earring grabbed my hand and tugged me down to my knees before I could fall down. I was in shock. I could feel the tears burning my eyes but I forced them back. I wasn't going to cry anymore.

"Kaz, I'm trying everything I can think of to get you out of here but Chaor's got my hands tied! He knows I'm more willing to help you than serve him! And he's been chasing Chaotic players out of the UnderWorld too!"

Players.

Tom?

"H'earring! You have to find my friends!" He stared at me with wide, blue eyes and I grabbed his wrists, voice raised with urgency, "You gotta find them! You gotta get them here! Please! I'll do anything in the world, I don't care what it is! I just need you to find them!" He blinked at me a couple times, "Please, H'earring! I'm _begging_ you! Please…please…"

I was pathetic and I knew it. And H'earring knew it too, I could tell by the look on his face. But he nodded slowly. I breathed a sigh of relief. Something, at least, was going my way.

"Oooohhhh, Kaz, get up!" The little Creature, it seemed, had suddenly remembered something because he was hopping from one foot to the other in that excited way he did when he wanted to show me something, "I've got a present for yooouuuu!"

I couldn't help but smile as I followed him out of the entranceway, through the kitchen, and into what I could only call a living room. His antics were familiar, comforting somewhat. He led me a door beside the stairs I distinctly remembered _not_ being there before.

"What's that?" I asked, pointing at the wooden door and H'earring grinned enthusiastically, gesturing for me to open it. I did so, cautiously, and found myself looking down a flight of stairs, "What's this? What's down here?"

"Go on, go look!" I sighed, not really in the mood, but walked down the stairs anyway. I found myself in a room that I knew for certain had not been here before. It was square, almost perfectly so, with a small wooden table a couple of wooden stools next to it. I glanced at H'earring and he urged me to explore. I trotted through the archway across from the stairs we'd just descended and into a huge, rectangular room. Targets were situated at one end and a rack of weapons sat against a wall. I let my gaze travel over the hard rock walls, lit by the lighted strips on the ceiling, until I found an arched wooden door hidden in the shadows of the far corner.

Upon opening it, I nearly cried. Under a doomed ceiling was a large, circular, yet comfortable looking bed complete with pillow and blanket, a squat little shelf, and another archway covered by a crimson curtain. I walked across the room, pushed the curtain, and found myself looking across a steaming, underground hot spring. I turned around to face H'earring who was fidgeting with his long ears.

"What is all this?" Awe and surprise made my voice come out as a whisper.

"I had Khybon help me dig it while you were in the training barracks. He owed me a couple of favors. You can…live down here." He grinned at me sheepishly, "I…is it okay?"

In answer, I knelt down and pulled him into a tight hug. He stank of rotten Dractyl scales—no doubt his last meal—but I didn't care.

"This is the nicest thing anyone's done for me since I've been here." I croaked, my voice breaking as tears streamed down my face. I didn't try and stop them this time. This was okay, "Thank you _so_ much, H'earring. Thank you."

* * *

Living with H'earring was more of an experience than I anticipated.

It felt nice to sleep in an actual bed, and the hot spring was a heaven send, but H'earring's routine was something else entirely.

He was eccentric. And even though I knew that already, it didn't stop his attitude from taking me completely by surprise. He went about his day, working around me and my problems as though it were part of his daily life. I was grateful that he tried to adjust his living to make me feel more comfortable but I was worried about getting in his way. I'd learned not to get in the way of a Creature who wants to get something done.

But H'earring didn't seem to mind. He knew I wouldn't eat the same things he did so he'd scrounge up fruits and vegetables and meat from wherever he could and make me something. He didn't cook very well seeing as he ate most of his food raw but we made do. I wasn't going to complain. There was a time, though, when he offered me Blood Season and I practically ran from the room. He thought that was hilarious. I didn't.

I'd also found the need to keep myself active; running, practicing, fighting; if not only to keep the voice at bay but to keep in shape as well. Training in the barracks kind of forces things into you, things you'd normally never do. Like killing people.

And that was another thing.

I had nightmares.

Seas of blood, bodies floating in them, blood on my hands, the disgusted faces of my friends and family. Sometimes I woke up screaming. H'earring learned to ignore me.

I spent a about three weeks at H'earring's, adjusting, living, trying to thrive in an environment I didn't completely understand.

Then they came for me again.

I was sitting on the floor in H'earring's living room (he had no furniture in there) in front of the low embers of the fire pit that sputtered there. H'earring was still asleep upstairs and I was trying to be quiet enough to let him sleep. I owed him much more than that.

I heard the front door slam open and jumped to my feet, running out of room and into the kitchen. Two of the Battalion soldiers stood there, glaring at me through their helmets. I glared right back though probably not as fiercely as I would have liked. One of them leaned back and whispered something to his companion who sniggered. Then they both faced me again.

"Chaor wants you."

"Well I don't want him." I really needed to learn to control my mouth. It'd gotten me into enough trouble already.

"Think you're pretty clever, don't you, human?" One of them sneered.

"Yeah, actually." _For the love of your life, Kalinkas, shut up!_

"We don't." Snapped the second Battalion soldier, stepping forward and leveling his Battlegear at me.

"Cut it out." The first one interjected, putting a hand out to stop his cohort from blasting me, "We're taking him to Chaor, no questions asked. Got it?" He turned his sharp gaze on me and I shrugged, shoulder blades clinking slightly, "Good. Now move it or we set this place on fire." I called them a bunch of names but followed them out anyway.

H'earring was right. Chaor didn't care who he sacrificed as long as he got me to do what he wanted. I wondered how willing he was to actually get rid of H'earring. After all, the little Creature was one of his best spies.

The palace was nightmarish to me. I shuddered at the memories of what had brought me here. Just three months ago I had been a regular Chaotic player. In that amount of time, I'd gone from normal teenager to world's most dangerous walking weapon. Not my fault. Not my choice.

Chaor sneered down at me from his throne, Takinom and Agitos both giving me the stink eye from either side of him. I pretended they weren't there and looked at the UnderWorld ruler. When had I ever called him friend?

"I've got a mission for you, Kaz." He drummed his great, clawed fingers on the armrest of his seat, "I've been getting reports that Gespedan was seen patrolling the borders of the UnderWorld and the OverWorld. That's No-Man's Land out there. Do you know what that means?"

"Outlet stores?" I offered cheekily and then flinched when Chaor snapped his fingers and Agitos held up the silver rectangle, "No, I don't know what that means."

Chaor chuckled darkly, "It means that if Gespedan were to…_disappear_ out there, Maxxor couldn't do anything about it."

I stared at him for a moment or two, trying to comprehend exactly what he was getting at. And then it clicked and my mind immediately rebelled against it. First that helpless guard, then Varris who never stood a chance, and now Gespedan!? This was crazy! Insane! I couldn't! I wouldn't!

It must have showed on my face because Chaor leaned over and said in a low and dangerous voice, "Your friends have been sneaking into the UnderWorld lately. Imagine what would happen if Ulmar happened upon one of them."

My stomach churned. Ulmar would "happen" upon anyone. Chaor would have them captured and then…then they'd end up like me. I couldn't let that happen to anyone else. Especially my friends. I dropped my head, staring at the floor in defeat. He had me trapped in a corner with no way to go but his way, pushing me along with his threats and that stupid silver rectangle.

"Alright…" I glared at the floor, anger and hatred boiling around inside me, "Alright! Fine! I'll do your stupid mission! Just leave my friends out of this!"

"Look at me, Kaz." I kept my eyes on the stone, "Look at me!" I still didn't obey and this time I was punished for. I screamed and fell with a crash to the floor, writhing as electricity shot through me again and again. When it abated, I looked up at Chaor, breathing ragged, cold sweat trickling down the side of my face.

"I _hate _you!" I snarled out, getting back upright on shaking legs. Chaor looked pleased with that and I couldn't figure out why at first. And then I remembered; he ruled by fear and as long as I was too scared to do anything about by hatred, he was happy. I wasn't about to get on his bad side.

"What do you want me to do?" I forced the words out, keeping my eyes locked on him even though I was revolted by the idea of my task.

"Go to the border lands," Chaor was speaking as through nothing had happened, as though I hadn't just been shocked, as though I hadn't done anything, "And snoop around without being detected. If Gespedan is sneaking around in there…kill him."

I swallowed and nodded, eager to get away from his presence. The longer I was away from him, the better I felt. I turned to leave, to head back to H'earring's, to gather up the Destiny Claw and The Ripper, when Chaor spoke again and I looked over my shoulder at him.

"And Kaz, don't mess up. He'd better be dead or you know what'll happen."

I stomped out of the palace, furious with him. And with myself. I was helpless—_powerless_—to stop him from controlling me.

I wished I'd never been born.

* * *

_No! Don't wish that, Kazzy! You know what happens when you wish that!? The same thing that happened to that guy in _It's A Wonderful Life_! Only, I guess since your life isn't so wonderful right now you could…get away with not…wanting to be born…_

_Ahem, anyway…_

_Does everyone else have a hard time getting on the internet too? I mean, now that school's out we're all kind of out of reach of the internet, aren't we? Darn… _

_Thanks, though, for the reviews you have left! I like how everybody thinks H'earring's getting him out of this mess. X3 _


	10. Not By Choice: Fight

_I don't know if Gespedan can talk or not. I've seriously never heard him say anything in any of the episodes that I can remember. But for purposes of this chapter, he's talking. So there.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Ten: Fight

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #10: OverWorlders must die.

* * *

**_

_Destroy your enemies; your targets; before they become aware of you. For once they know of your presence…they will show you no mercy._

But I had no intention of destroying anyone. I wasn't going to take anymore lives. I'd killed that soldier at the palace and then Varris in the Coliseum.

I'd been stained with enough blood.

A couple of Battalion soldiers had escorted me to one of the entrances to the UnderWorld and then I'd been left to pick my way through the border lands, keeping an out for a certain, unwary OverWorlder. Not that I paid that much attention. So now I was crouched among the craggy rocks of the No-Man's Land between the UnderWorld and the OverWorld, trying to organize my thoughts and plan a way out of this mess. The silence was eerie. Every time I shifted, the sound seemed to echo a hundred times louder than it should have been.

I could run.

I could just run and run until I found someone—anyone—who could help me.

But wouldn't Chaor expect something like that?

Of course he would. And as soon as he found out that I'd run off, he'd take it out on poor H'earring and then find my friends and—

Footsteps echoed through the towering rocks and I tensed. I reached back and pulled the hood of my tan colored cloak (courtesy of H'earring though who knew where he'd gotten it) low over my head to hide my distinctive red hair and peered through the tinted glass visor covering my eyes. I poked my head over the boulder I hid behind so as to get a better view and gave an internal groan.

Oh no…

The rumor had been right.

There was Gespedan, patrolling the borderlands just like Chaor had heard.

I shut down.

I couldn't do this.

I simply sat there, staring as the OverWorlder drew closer and closer. If he so much as glanced this way, he'd see me.

And to my unfortunate luck, he did.

Before I could blink, Gespedan was on top of me with a hand around my throat, pinning me to the stony earth. He grabbed my hood and yanked it back. Then he went ridged with shock, "A human!?"

I reacted from pure instinct and training. I punched Gespedan in the gut hard enough to make him stagger off me and rolled to the side, swinging myself to my feet and crouching to make myself a smaller target. The Destiny Claw's pointed tips gleamed in the high sun overhead, dangerously sharp. Gespedan eyed them and then at me and then his gaze fell upon the UnderWorld crest on my chest plate.

"UnderWorlder scum in disguise." He decided out loud and charged me.

He was too fast for me to dodge or try and follow so I let him come to me. He tackled me with a hard kick in my stomach that knocked me flying. But I used that to my advantage, twisting in the air and slashing down the Destiny Claw. I was a hairs breath away from him and the gauntlet sliced through the skin on his shoulder. Blood flew into the air and I slammed into the ground.

He was on top of me again pummeling my face with hard and practiced blows. Fortunately, most of them ricocheted off the visor. The ones that didn't slammed into my cheeks, jaw, and mouth. I tasted blood.

Fumbling for an advantage, I felt my fingers curl around the leather straps that crossed his chest. Gespedan obviously noticed too because he jumped backwards so quickly, I was still hanging on. I suppose he expected me to let go because the look on his face was a surprised one again. I brought the Destiny Claw up and swiped at his face but he grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm back painfully.

I shouted and kicked out, sending us both head over heels through the rocks. I slipped out of Gespedan's grasp and smashed my head into a pillar of stone. Dazed, I tried to stand but my legs didn't want to respond and I was stranded, helpless. I was seeing double too; two Gespedans stood up, shaking their heads, and looked around for me.

I fought for control, forcing myself to respond as he stalked towards me—going from one to two to one again—unsheathing a sword as he drew closer. I panicked, breathing faster as I snapped myself from my daze. He was going to kill me. I pressed myself against the rock pillar and hauled myself upright…

…just a little too late.

I think he'd been aiming to take my head off because he brought the sword around in a circle, slicing right through my lower left arm and digging into the side of my chest plate. I screamed bloody murder. Blood splattered the earth and I tried twisting away from the pain but Gespedan started _sawing through my armor_.

I was in agony. Blood pooled in sticky red pools at our feet, black spots speckled my vision, I was growing weaker by the second. And still Gespedan sawed away at me, like a piece of timber that would not yield. Warm life blood dripped over his sword and down my leg, pooling inside my boot. I just kept screaming. It was the only thing I could do.

I heard Gespedan snarl, "Die, UnderWorld scum!"

And then I fell into blackness.

… … …

If I wanted to murder the voice, I also wanted to murder that stupid ripple that spread through my mind whenever I started to regenerate. For some reason, I found it really, really, _really_ annoying.

I pushed myself up from the ground, shaking my head to clear it of the dark thoughts clustering there. I pulled a leg out of the puddle and put a boot on the ground, water swirling around in an ethereal sort of way. I felt like I was climbing out of a hole as I yanked my other leg out with a weird sucking noise and steadied myself on the rocky terrain again. Wincing as the water turned back into me, I glanced around for Gespedan.

There he was, standing stock still, blood-stained sword dangling at his side. I flexed the Destiny Claw's fingers and felt around behind me for The Ripper. Then I turned my gaze back on the OverWorlder.

"Gespedan, will you…do me a favor?" He didn't react so I licked my lips nervously and kept going, "Run. Please, run away. Just…just run as fast as you can and…and don't look back. I don't…want to do this…just run!"

Gespedan's response was to narrow his eyes at me. His expression said it all; he'd no sooner turn his back on an UnderWorlder (what he thought was an UnderWorlder) than he would betray Maxxor. He brought up his fist and positioned his blade in front of it. He was on the defensive now, wary of what other powers I might have been hiding.

"Gespedan…" I murmured, pleading, but it went ignored. He started circling me and I complied, not wanting him on my back. I slid The Ripper from its holster at my back and held it ready at my side. My hands were shaking.

Events sped up into overdrive.

He charged me.

I aimed The Ripper at him, stepping backwards to give myself room to fire.

I tripped.

My aim went wild.

The gun went off.

A stream of spitting flames arched violently through the air.

Gespedan screamed.

I panicked, scrambled upright, turned, and ran. My cloak billowed out behind me as I dashed between the rocks and pillars of stone. Pebbles sprayed under my heels as I skidded to a halt, my legs shooting out from underneath me so that I hit the earth. I lay there on my back, feeling empty, my eyes on fire with tears I couldn't shed.

My breath was ragged.

I listened.

Nothing.

Gespedan wasn't following. Which meant he was dead. Which meant I had killed him. I struggled upright, found The Ripper still clenched in my hand, and shoved it back into its holster, angry and distraught.

"_So you killed him," _Came the voice as I picked my way towards the entrance to the UnderWorld, _"Big deal. You'll be doing plenty more of it and you know it. Better get used to it, Kazzy, 'cause you're gonna be here for the rest of your life!"_

I wondered how long it would take me to go crazy in this place.

Stumbling, I made my way back to the UnderWorld entrance. I rested my hand against the warm rock of the descending tunnel, shaking with millions of feelings. I should run. I should just run and never look back. Screw Chaor's threats, Tom would have the sense to stay out of the UnderWorld. I looked back over my shoulder at the endless stretch of land behind me. Infinite possibilities for escape chased themselves around in my head.

And then they just as quickly evaporated as a shock of electricity sent me crashing to the ground with a scream of agony. What the heck!? Why was I being shocked!? I wasn't going to run off! I had just been contemplating it! The thought struck me, _What if Ulmar did something so he could read my thoughts!?_

The pain stopped and I struggled to get upright, to move farther into the UnderWorld and avoid more suffering. But another wave of electricity knocked me off my feet again. I writhed in the dirt, fingers racking across my armor, screaming for all I was worth.

Rough hands grabbed me and hauled me down into the dark UnderWorld before my mind had completely caught up with the fact that the shock-job was over. I looked up and found myself being dragged by a couple of Battalion soldiers. Even with the armor and the training, I wasn't strong enough to break their hold. Not to mention I was weakened and shaking from the electricity and the depression of what I'd done. I shuddered, feeling sick, but could do nothing.

I had walked into this mess.

I was going to walk myself out.

"I can…walk." I muttered as they continued to tow me through the UnderWorld city, my heels scraping the rock as they dragged me along. Neither one of them answered me and I sighed, training my gaze at the path passing by beneath me. I found that staring at nothing usually meant I felt nothing. Only when I started recognizing some of the buildings we were passing did I realize where we where headed.

"Why are we going to the palace?"

I didn't expect an answer and I didn't get one.

I hung there, nervous and scared in their iron grips, keeping silent. Chaor had shocked me because he didn't want me putting up a fight for the guards. But why drag me all the way to the palace? I would have walked into the place without him knocking me off my feet, if only to keep my friends safe.

_Hold on…_ I shot a quick look around, _This isn't the way to the throne room…_

But it was the way to Ulmar's palace lab. The place where he'd stuck me in the Instant Regeneration Armor. No _way_ was I going back there voluntarily.

I opened my mouth and screamed at the top of my lungs, voice echoing as it bounced down the stone hallways. I yanked at the tight hold of the Battalion soldiers, kicking my feet around, arching my back, pulling my weight down to make myself more of a hassle, and generally making an all around nuisance of myself. The soldiers ignored me and just kept walking as though nothing was happening.

A door slammed open and they hauled me through. I fought, tooth and nail, against them, kicking, scratching, and twisting around but I still couldn't get loose. They lifted me up and shoved me into a cold, metal chair, like something you'd find in a dentist's office. I screamed some more and tried to jump out as soon as they let got of my arms but steel bands clamped around my wrists, ankles, and around my neck and middle. I jerked at them helplessly, spewing the dirtiest words I could think of and even including some colorful UnderWorld swears.

They left me pinned there, struggling and shouting to no one. And waiting for Ulmar. I hated them immensely. But I hated who walked through the door even more: Ulmar and Chaor. Every fiber of my being burned with the hatred I felt towards them. It showed on my face too—I know it did—because Ulmar was doing his best not to look at me and Chaor was looking pleased with himself.

"What now?" I growled, glaring at him through the visor. He didn't answer, just tapped my temple deftly, sending the visor hissing back into the crevices of the metal bands.

"Do you know what this is?" He held up what looked to me like some sort of PDA thing. I shook my head, not trusting myself to answer him. I could see that silver rectangle gleaming in his other hand, "It's a tracking device. Ulmar couldn't put it in your armor because it would mess up the regeneration so do you know where we put it instead?"

I really wanted to say "up your butt hole" but thought that would be a really stupid thing to do so I kept my mouth shut and shook my head again.

Chaor grinned and ground his knuckle into the side of my head, just above my left ear. I yelped at the pressure and tried to turn away. He grabbed my face in one massive hand and forced me to look at him. His neon eyes were cold and cruel; I was his weapon, his tool, the best piece of Battle Gear in his arsenal. It sickened me.

"I know where you are, Kazzy," He hissed, "And I know what you're doing. All the time. Every second of you life." He waved the tracking device in my face, tauntingly, "So don't try anything _funny_…" And he backed off, releasing me from his grip.

Ulmar jumped up on my chest and leered over me. I spat in his face and he reeled backwards, hands flailing. I grinned. When he recovered, he slapped me, claws raking across my cheek and leaving it stinging painfully.

"Ulmar…" Chaor said in a low, threatening voice and the tiny Creature backed off. A little. He proceeded to dig his little fingers into every gap in my armor; wiggling his way under the shoulder guards, poking into the bands around my arms and legs, and tugging beneath the chest plate. All the while I twisted and hissed in discomfort, whimpering as he pulled at the steel that was attached to me.

"You're noisier than a newborn." Ulmar grumbled, careful to grind his heel into my calf as he stepped down to the floor and his mass of control panels, "Stop your whimpering."

"What're you doing?" I'd stopped whimpering but I think Ulmar had wanted me to shut up all together because he sent me a venomous look that I gladly returned, "Come on, Ulmar, share with the rest of the class!"

"Don't push your luck, Kaz." Chaor put in from his position by the door. He was standing stock still, arms crossed across his chest like a sentry. Actually, the only part of him that was moving was his tail. It waved back and forth, back and forth just above the floor, anticipation lingering in its movements.

I sulked to hide my terror. The longer I was strapped in the chair, the more uncomfortable I became. Chaor never took his eyes off me and I was starting to feel like a museum exhibit when Ulmar flipped a switch and an electric current shot through me. I writhed in agony, screaming. When it stopped, I discovered something disconcerting.

"Why can't I move?" I couldn't see either of them, my head tilted to the side, looking at a wall of blinking control panels.

"Opps, guess I short circuited your nerves!" Ulmar chuckled, "Pity your mouth still works."

"Why don't you come over here and see how hard I can bite?" I challenged angrily. Opps, my butt. He'd done it on purpose. I wasn't numb or anything, I just couldn't move. Which sucked because I really wanted to punch that little creep. Of course, with my limbs restrained, punching was out of the question too.

"I'll come back when you're done." I heard Chaor say, "I have some other…business to attend to." The door opened and there was a pause, "And Ulmar?" The UnderWorld ruler's voice was dark with unspoken threats.

"Y-yes, Chaor?"

"Don't kill him. It will be the last thing you ever do."

"Of course, Chaor."

The door slammed shut. Great, now I was alone in this room with Ulmar. Things had been better.

"_And worse."_ Said the voice, _"Remember what you just did out there in the border lands? Wasn't that magnificent? All of that blood…all of it yours…"_ My heart thudded in my chest, partly from anger and partly from dread, _"And then the way he _screamed_ when you killed him…perfect pitch…"_

I shuddered and closed my eyes but I could see it replaying in my mind's eye. The Ripper…the flames…the horrified look on Gespedan's face. I probably would have shuddered if I'd had the ability to.

Wait a second.

Where had my cloak, The Ripper, and the Destiny Claw gone? I didn't have them anymore. The Battalion soldiers must have removed them while I was still screaming in No-Man's Land; only the holster to The Ripper remained, digging into my lower back.

"Why don't you just relax?" Ulmar was saying, "It's just a—how do you say it?—routine check up." He sniggered and I wished he was dead. Bad thing to wish for when a voice in your head eggs you on to kill about everything that moves. But then, I had a right to wish him to his grave. Him and Chaor both.

"Routine check up? What's to check?"

"This and that." Came the evasive answer.

"I'm not a stupid piece of Battle Gear you can poke at and fiddle with and twist any way you want, Ulmar." I growled, towing an invisible line, "I'm a human being. And you can't tell me what to—."  
He was on me in a second, one hand grabbing a fistful of my hair so I was looking him right in the eye and the other grasping a glittering blade he held centimeters above my eye. He was angry with me, frustrated, and he hated me.

"Stop pushing my buttons, human." He hissed, "Because I _will_ hurt you! I could do things to you so unimaginably hideous that you'd wish you could die!" He tossed the knife aside and I heard it clatter across the stone floor. The little Creature leaned close, lips curling as he sneered in my face, "I could use this armor to control your movements and make you do the most horrible things. I could wipe your memory clean so you wouldn't even know who you are anymore. I could turn you into the perfect killing machine; one who doesn't question orders, one who kills without complaint, one without any identity or personality whatsoever. Do you understand what I'm saying? The _only_ reason I haven't done any of that is because Chaor doesn't _want_ you to be like that. Why not, I don't understand but he's watching your back…for now." And he let me go and hopped back down to the floor.

I stared, wide-eyed at the ceiling. Shock had rendered me speechless. I didn't want to believe all those things he'd said but I somehow knew that he was telling the truth. They were empty threats because of Chaor's orders but still…it was a scary thought. To be erased of who I was and made into a murder machine without any thought or emotion at all…it made my insides go cold to think about it.

I closed my eyes, driving those thoughts away. I focused on how I was going to get to Tom. I knew he was looking for me and H'earring was looking for him so they should run into each other soon enough. But after that it was a matter of talking to him. _I_ needed to talk to him, _I_ needed to tell him what to do, _I_ needed to hear it from him about what was happening in the real world over my disappearance. I'd been gone for three months now and had had no news from the world outside of Perim. Nuclear war could have occurred and I would never have known.

"I made something for you while you were away at H'earring's." Ulmar was chatting, skittering about the lab. I could hear him moving around like a mouse. I grinned to myself when a mental picture of him stuck in a giant mouse trap popped into my head, "Hold still now. Oh, wait, I don't have to tell you that do I?"

Cold slid into the inside of my elbow joint and I winced, recognizing the feel. A needle. He'd stuck a needle through the IRA and into my skin.

"What're you…doing with that?" My voice was catching. I was scared. I was absolutely terrified of what he could do to me.

"Just taking some blood." Ulmar replied, "For…something." I didn't like the snide tone in his voice that said he was planning something, "You know what," He yanked the needle out unceremoniously and I gasped at the sudden, sharp pain, "I've been thinking that you're not regenerating quite as fast as I would like…" I heard him shuffling around some more, "So I'm going to see if I can't speed it up a little bit!" He laughed.

I screamed. Agony coursed through me and not of the electric variety. It felt like I was being turned inside out with hooks of hot metal. It left me gasping in agony, staring at the ceiling, unable to move, sweat and tears mingling on my face.

"Ooooohhhh, sorry, did that hurt?" Ulmar giggled evilly.

"Can't we…can't we do this…when I'm…I'm…unconscious…?" I panted, fighting for control over my racing heart.

"Not a chance." Came the dark reply.

I screamed again.

* * *

_Aaaahhhhhhhgggggg! (runs inside indestructible metal bunker) Don't kill me! Don't kill me! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! (ducks as many sharp pointy objects clatter off the sides of the bunker) I'm sorry about Gespedan! But if you kill me you won't ever hear the end! (peeks outside) Okay, you're not going to kill me now, are you? Alright…_

_And then there's Ulmar. I really wouldn't mind having him killed. I've never liked that little runty hunk of maggot-ridden flesh. How's that for an insult?_

_Anyway, thanks for sticking around and waiting for updates. I know _some_ people didn't think that Kaz was going to kill Gespedan. (shrugs) Whatever. So, yeah, that's chapter ten. Thanks for reading! Please review!_


	11. Not By Choice: Interlude, Marietta

_Since I did Tom's…

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Eleven: Interlude—Marietta

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #11: We should not shed tears. That is surrendering to the emotions of the body. Surrender is not tolerated. We do not need emotions. We do not need tears.

* * *

**_

It was silly to think that after three months, the pain would lessen.

It was silly to think that I wouldn't feel a pang of remorse; as sharp as a blade; every time I walked past his empty room.

It was silly to think that I could pretend I wasn't hurting.

It was silly to think I could hide it from Nathaniel.

I thought, at first, that he had run away and I tormented myself, wondering where we had gone wrong. Nathaniel convinced me otherwise.

"Marietta," He said to me one evening, "Darling, he wouldn't have done something like that. You know how he is."

So the only thing left to think was…kidnapping.

But why would someone kidnap our boy? Millions of horrid scenarios plagued me night and day. There were many different kinds of predators out there, most of which I cared not to think about.

What if my son had been captured by one of them?

Why hadn't I paid more attention to him?

I felt part of it was my fault. Nathaniel and I were both busy, Nathaniel more than I. Where had he spent most of his time, anyway? Either in his room or over at Tom's. He wasn't a social butterfly, not like I would have liked him to be, but I thought that maybe we hadn't paid him the attention he deserved. He was smart, borderline genius even, and we'd left him alone.

I sometimes think about the last words I said to him, etched so clearly into my mind:

"Be safe."

A casual, parenting sort of comment.

But all I could think was, _Why didn't I say "I love you" ?_

It was three simple words. Why hadn't I said them? Would they have made a difference? Would he have come home instead of vanishing like he did? Would he be sitting beside me now, complaining about something that had happened at school?

All the "what ifs" echoed inside me, leaving me hollow.

I missed him.

It's not until someone is gone that you realize how much you really love them.

Kaz had been a little miracle for Nathaniel and I…

…And now he was gone.

It hurt terribly.

I would have given anything in the world to have him back.

* * *

_I just can't imagine what it must be like for a parent to have their child disappear. I really can't. I think it would be one of those situations where words just couldn't sum up the feelings of the individual._

_Sorry, this chapter made me sad to write. Yeah, sure, I can bash Kaz all day but, geez, this was hard on me. _

_Well, thanks for reading. See you in the next chapter._


	12. Not By Choice: Breakable

_I hate summer now. I'm so bored I want to hurt myself for some entertainment. I'm _that bored_! (slams head on the desk) Why is everything so BORING!?

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Twelve: Breakable

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #12: Every individual must haul their own weight. If you're not working, you'll find yourself in the dungeons.

* * *

**_

After a while, I got numb to the pain.

My mind drifted in and out of consciousness. I couldn't pick out reality from the dreams in my head…

…running through clouds, the sky around me a blood red…

…the cold stone ceiling twisting and turning in a surreal way overhead…

…flying on a broomstick in a storm of raining Skittles…

…harsh cackles of laughter that sounded distant and fizzed by static…

…a maze of junky old computer parts and wires spitting sparks…

The next thing I knew, I was laying on something mercifully soft and far more comfortable than the metal dentist chair from Hell. I could move, too, but felt to stiff and hurt to do so. It was like someone had beaten every inch of me from head to foot with an aluminum baseball bat. So I just lay there with my eyes closed, hardly breathing because it hurt to do that too.

"I know you're awake." Chaor. I didn't move, just lay there, breathing quietly, head pounding, "I want to ask you a question, Kaz."

"Ask…away…" I managed to squeeze the words out and then fell back into painful silence.

"Is Gespedan dead?"

That struck a danger cord in me somewhere. If he was asking, something was wrong. But I nodded anyways, slowly, painfully.

"Look me in the eye and tell me that." I forced my eyes open and looked at him with slightly blurry vision. I nodded again, "I want to hear you _say it_, Kazzy."

He'd called me Kazzy. He was annoyed with me. I took a deep breath, licked my lips, and whispered hoarsely,

"Y-yes…"

"Really!?" I suddenly found myself in the air, a large hand clamped tightly around the back of my neck, eye to eye with Chaor. I hung there limply, not even bothering to struggle, "Because we didn't find a body!"

"I…u-used The…The Ripper…" I wheezed, thinking as fast as my pain-numbed brain would allow me to, "I-incin…erated…"

A reasonable argument.

And Chaor bought it. He dropped me back onto the soft thing (which turned out to be a giant pillow only slightly more comfortable than a beanbag full of Styrofoam peanuts) and turned his back to me. I lay there without moving and closed my eyes again. If only I could get some sleep…

"Ulmar thinks you're a waste of time, Kaz. A failed project." If he wanted a response, he wasn't getting one; I was too exhausted, "But so far you've been performing excellently. Exactly the way I want you to." I cracked an eye open but he still had his back to me, "You're making me…" He glanced over his shoulder with a sly grin that chilled me to the bone, "Proud."

I felt sick.

It was like he was trying to be fatherly.

I closed my eyes again so he couldn't see how much I hated him. Not that he didn't already know. But this was different. He was pushing the wrong buttons to get me to do what he wanted if he was going to treat me this way.

It suddenly brought me the realization that I missed my own parents terribly. My mom and dad were the greatest people on earth (even if they thought I was crazy) and I loved them with all my heart. And I missed them with every fiber of my being.

"_So just think about how they'll react when they learn their son was an assassin." _The voice sniggered and I made a strangled noise of discomfort, _"They'll never look at you again, they'll be terrified of you, and they'll _hate you_."_

"No…they won't…" I forced the words out, keeping my eyes closed, "No they…won't."

"_Liar, liar, pants on fire!"_ Sang the voice, _"Hang your pants on a telephone wire!"_

"Chaor…" I rasped, forcing my eyes open, forcing myself to sit up despite the creaking protests of my sore and tired body, "Chaor…can I…go back to H'earring's now?"

He turned away again while I was busy fighting with myself and didn't even glance over his shoulder as I spoke. I waited, not wanting to press him. I knew he had that silver rectangle around him somewhere. I glanced around the room; it was filled with nothing but pillows and draperies and it was suffocating in the thick scent of burning incense that hung in shallow bowls from the ceiling. Not a room I expected to see in Chaor's palace.

"No." He rumbled suddenly and I looked around at him, "You're not well enough yet. Rest for bit. I'll send some drink in for you." Before I could protest, he'd walked out the door. There was a click as it locked.

I fell back on the pillow, closing my eyes again. I was waking up little by little, my skin all pins and needles as the stiffness ebbed away. But the incense was fogging my mind and making me drowsy. I felt too tired to move even when I could.

Another click, the door opening and closing. I kept my eyes close, hoping whoever it was would leave me well enough alone. No such luck. Whoever they were, they were leaning over me and I felt their eyes studying my face. Hands pressed down into the pillow on either side of my head. I still didn't move, feigning sleep. If they were going to attack me then I'd catch them completely unawares.

What happened next caught _me_ completely unawares.

One second I'd been poised to fight for my life, the next I was limp with shock, staring with wide eyes at a pair of lime green orbs as this Creature on top of me kissed me full on the mouth.

_What the—!?_ I struggled, trying to get away from her but she just grabbed my wrists in her hands an pinned them back. I twisted, kicking, flailing, trying with all my might to get away. She wrenched her mouth from mine (ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew) and looked at me with a strange kind of hunger glinting in her eyes. She was thin, not made for combat, with orange skin, curling horns, and exotic clothing.

"_Do you know what a harem is, Kaz?"_ My breathing was hitched and fast, matching my pounding heart, _"Do you know what it's for?"_ I willed the voice to shut up.

"G-get off me." I tried to get my hands away from her but she just smiled and shook her head, "Please?" Another shake, "Get o—mmphh!" She was on top of me again, kissing me, ignoring the cold steel of my armor.

Now I was embarrassed and getting angry. One thing after another, pushing me, and pushing me, and making me confused and scared, and I couldn't handle how fast everything was going. I brought my leg up and kneed her in the stomach. She fell away, gasping and I rolled out of her reach, scrambling on all fours towards the door.

"Chaor!" I hammered my fists on the wooden structure, shouting at the top of my voice, "Chaor! Let me out, you sicko! This isn't funny! Let me out! Let me—hey! Stop it!"

The Creature had come up behind me and twined her arms around my middle and was tugging at me. I pulled against her, pushing at her arms but she wouldn't let go. She pressed her face against my chest plate, kneeling on the floor, and her hands slid down my back. I yelped and tried to get away again.

_So wrong…so awkward…_ My face was on fire with humiliation as I struggled to wiggle out of her grasp.

"Chaor!" I shouted again, "Chaor, let me ou—AH! Stop it! J-just stop it!" The door opened slowly and I looked around to see Chaor standing there with an amused expression. This was all a joke to him.

"Enough." The Creature who'd been harassing me let go and stood, walking away to hang off of the UnderWorld ruler instead. I thought I was going to be sick; I felt violated and disgusting.

"You're horrible." I spat at him, fists clenched at my sides, shaking slightly.

"Am I? Didn't you want a reward for your hard work?" He was mocking me now and, had I been paying a little more attention, baiting me, "I thought you'd like her, Kaz. She's quite a pretty one, no?"

"Shut up! Just shut up! I don't want anything to do with you! I don't want any of this! I just wanna go home! I want to go home! I HATE YOU!" And I ran at him, past him, down the hall, footsteps ringing as I went, heard Chaor laughing, knew I'd given him exactly what he wanted.

He was proving to me that he could turn anyone into a weapon, that he could get anyone to do as he wanted them to. That was why he was forcing me to make these choices myself; not that I would really consider them choices. My hatred and fear of him was just proving his point. The more I shouted at him and ran from him, the more he controlled me. But there was nothing I could do. I had nothing. He was holding all the cards, as the phrase went, and I was sitting with nothing.

I burst out the palace doors, dodged the guards, and raced down the street. Night was falling. I felt filthy. I followed the familiar streets, twisting and turning, taking side alleys to avoid the stares and leers of the Creatures. I threw open the door to H'earring's house, slammed it behind me, and ran for my basement room, sweat stinging in my eyes. I dashed down the stairs, flew through the training room, raced past my bed, pushed aside the curtain to the underground hot spring, and sloshed into the water, spraying the hot liquid into the air.

I sank to my knees in the steaming water and ducked my head under the surface. I came back up with a gasp and pushed my bangs from my face. I still felt like I was covered in something disgusting. I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, scrubbed my face with my armor plated hands, and dunked my head under several more times. I was still breathing somewhat heavily but my heart rate had calmed down and at least I wasn't crying.

I slid deeper into the water and looked up at the dark ceiling above me. I didn't feel like myself anymore. I didn't feel like Kazdan Kalinkas. I had to get out of here before I lost myself completely.

The water behind me rippled and I looked around. It was _her_. That Creature Chaor had locked me in that room with moments ago. Only this time, her clothes were gone.

I went red and spun away, hiding my face in my hands, and stuttered out, "N-no, get out! Go away! I…I d-don't want you here!"

She stopped moving but made no answer. I heard H'earring's footsteps running through my bedroom. He stopped and was probably flustered by the sight before him because his voice cracked in an embarrassed sort of way. I didn't blame him.

"Sorry Kaz, the guards said she has to stay here. Chaor doesn't…want her."

"I don't want her either!" I shouted, still not looking around. The Creature waded deeper into the hot spring and I stiffened when I felt her hands on my shoulders, "Go away. Just leave me alone! I don't want you!" She didn't move, "He just wants to control me…" I murmured, "He just wants me to believe him…to trust him…after all that he's done…he thinks I'm simple…I'll show him!"

"Chaor didn't send her!" H'earring cried, "She came here because she wanted to! Chaor would have killed her! Or worse, have had you kill her! She can't talk, Kaz! Chaor saw no use for a harem-girl who can't scream…you have to understand…"

"H'earring…" I dug my fingers into the skin of my forehead, hoping the pain would make all of this go away, "Help me…I killed Gespedan…Ulmar's been torturing me…Chaor's threatening me…I don't know what to do…help me…"

Gentle fingers massaged my tense shoulders and I looked around into the female Creature's brilliant green eyes. She blinked back at me slowly and then smiled apologetically. She couldn't talk. She wasn't useful to Chaor at all. And he would just have killed her. What a cold, cruel place Perim really was. I decided that if I ever got out of here I was never coming back.

Ever.

"I don't care." I muttered, "I just don't care." I looked away, "What's her name?"

"She doesn't have one." H'earring replied softly from the edge of the water, sounding just as scared and nervous as I felt.

"Okay…um…" I rubbed my eyes, feeling suddenly exhausted, "You're name's Cherri. You look like a Cherri. Okay, Cherri?" Cherri leaned forward and kissed my cheek. I jerked away and she pulled me into a hug, "No, ah, stop it! I want—I'm tired! Let me go! I'm going to bed!" I yanked myself away from her and stomped out of the hot spring, glad the dim lighting was enough to make the water black and hide anything of her I didn't want to see.

I shook my head like a dog, spraying water droplets everywhere, and H'earring scowled at me. I smiled at him wearily and dried myself with a rough towel before flopping into my circular bed with a sigh. Pulling a sheet over top of me, I buried my face in a pillow and closed my eyes, thinking how much sleep I needed.

"Want anything to eat?" H'earring asked as he walked past me and out of my bedroom.

"No thanks…" I murmured sleepily, "I'm not hungry…just tired…"

"Sweet dreams, Kazzy." The tiny Creature whispered as he shut the bedroom door. A smile lifted my lips a little bit. H'earring was the only person who was nice to me here. I never realized just how much I appreciated my friendship with him until now.

Sleep tugged at my mind and I let my thoughts go without resistance, sinking into what I thought was a well deserved sleep. I'd deal with my problems tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow…

* * *

I woke up the next morning feeling very warm and very comfortable. There was the sweet smell of cinnamon tingling in my nose and for a second I wondered if H'earring was making cinnamon rolls. Then reality settled in and reminded me that there was no such thing as cinnamon in the UnderWorld.

So I yawned loudly and stretched. Or tried to. Something rather heavy was lying on top of me. I rubbed sleep from my eyes and looked around. My yelp of surprise bounced out of my room and into the hot springs cavern before reverberating back.

Cherri was stretched out on top of me, fast asleep, in only a long, black, nightdress-thing. She stirred at my yelp and looked at me with sleep-glazed eyes. Then she smiled, leaned forward, and tried to kiss me again.

"No!" I said, putting my hands out on her shoulders and holding her back, "No! Just, no! No more kissing! And you can't sleep in bed with me! It's weird, so stop it!" I pushed her off me and sat up, running a hand through my frazzled hair. Cherri's slim fingers slid up my back and started making little circles on the back of my neck. It felt really good. I relaxed completely, tension draining out of me.

She moved her hands slowly from my neck and into my hair, rubbing her hands on my head. I rolled my neck, cracked it, closed my eyes, gave a sigh of contentment. One of Cherri's hands moved down my neck again and rested on my shoulder, the other slid down the side of my face, traced my jaw line, touched my cheek, turned my head…

…We were inches apart before I snapped out of the daze and backed off, shaking my head. I slipped off the edge of the bed and fell to the floor, glaring up at Cherri who was watching me with a confused expression.

"I said _no kissing_!" My face was beet red, I just knew it, "Get that! No. Kisses. Yuck." I shuddered and stuck out my tongue. Cherri cocked her head to the side, horns gleaming in the dark lighting, "Cut it out." I pushed myself to my feet, "I'm just…a fifteen year old kid who got…caught up in a stupid mess…" Cherri slid off the bed and smoothed out her black shirt, "Come on, let's go eat."

She followed me up the stairs, keeping a respectful distance. I pushed the door open and sighed. The fire was nothing but a pile of ashes which meant it was too early for H'earring to be awake. I reached into the storage closet and pulled out some sticks and thick branches, piling them up rather haphazardly. I'd never been camping before.

Cherri watched me struggle for a while and then leaned over and took the wood away from, setting up in a perfect teepee formation and lighting it with a snap of her fingers. Flames crackled to life, licking greedily at the wood. I scowled and leaned back against the nearby wall.

UnderWorlders and their fire powers.

I watched the fire spit sparks into the air, thoughts elsewhere. Chaor was wearing me down, little by little. He'd leave me alone just long enough for me to start getting comfortable and then he'd wrench me out of my newly established comfort zone by throwing me into some horrid mission.

I'd taken psychology in high school. I knew what he was doing, even if he didn't. I wasn't dumb, I just had a slightly unhealthy obsession. Well, I _did_ have a slightly unhealthy obsession. I wasn't obsessed anymore.

That would probably please a couple school teachers.

And my parents.

I moaned softly, drawing my legs up to my chest and resting my forehead against my knees. The steel of the armor had been heated by the flames and was searing against my skin. I didn't care. I was hurting more on the inside.

My parents.

I missed both of them so much. I missed the way my mom would yell at me to get up in the morning even after my alarm went off, I missed the way my dad would complain in a joking manner every time he had to go on a business trip, I missed my mom's cooking, I missed my dad's lectures (hard to believe, isn't it?), I missed their warmth, and welcome, and love, and hugs.

I'd taken so much for granted.

And now it was all gone.

And I was falling apart with no one there to help put me back together again.

* * *

_(singing) Angst, glorious angst! We're anxious to try it! Three helpings a day! Our favorite diet! Just picture a great big angst; fried, roasted, or stewed! It's angst, wonderful angst, glorious angst! _

_Alright, too much fun there. Sorry._

_Poor Kaz. Can I hurt him anymore? Hmmm. Is the answer __**A) **__yes, but I won't __**B)**__ no __**C)**__ well, yeah! Or is it __**D)**__ all of the above? I'm going to have to say D. I don't even know how that works but I'm sure that's the right answer. X3_

_Kind of a slow chapter, this one. It also WROTE ITSELF! Where the heck did Cherri come from!? Well, she's there now and the empty space in my head already has ideas for her. I guess I just wanted someone else to be nice to Kazzer. And she's also kind of funny. (gigglesnort) _

_Anyway, thanks so much for reading! See you in the next chapter! Please review! Toodles!_


	13. Not By Choice: Interlude 2, Tom

_Ah, I don't know where this came from. Well, yes, actually I do. I felt that I didn't do enough with Tom the first time so I threw in this second interlude staring Major T. Just another little peek into what's going on at home while Kaz is stuck in the UW.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Thirteen: Interlude—Tom

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #13: You only fear because you do not understand. Understand your enemies and you will no longer fear them.

* * *

**_

School was horrible.

Everyone knew he'd disappeared heading to my house and so now they were badgering me about where he'd gone.

It hurt.

They'd try and corner me in the hallways, bother me before classes started, or swarm me in the lunch room. I ran through the halls, arrived at classes seconds before the bell would ring, and skipped out on eating lunch in the cafeteria just to avoid it all.

I was a wreck. My grades started slipping little by little and I avoided talking to anyone. People noticed but didn't question. They knew why. My best friend had vanished and there was no trace of him anywhere.

Everyday, I ported to Chaotic, linked up with Sarah and Peyton, and we attempted to get into the UnderWorld. But the guards always chased us out before we could get very far. I was pissed at myself for trading some of the inner city locations away.

But there was nothing I could do.

I had a hunch Kaz was in the UnderWorld. Why else would we be chased out?

* * *

I'd been caught eating lunch on the sidewalk in front of the school. Apparently that goes against the policy of "students are not to leave campus during school hours" because I got a talking to by the principal and was told that if I wasn't going to eat in the lunch room like everyone else then I could wait in the office for my next class to start.

There was no way I was going to sit in the office and eat my lunch like some kid in detention.

So it was the cafeteria then.

Swallowing hard, I slid into a seat in the far corner of the cafeteria, hoping I would go unnoticed for the most part.

No such luck.

"Hey Tom." Andrea slid into the seat across from me.

"Go away." I growled, not looking away from my lunch tray.

"Someone's touchy."

I glared at her. Were they all stupid or something? Why did they keep bothering me when they knew I didn't want to talk about it? Didn't they get that Kaz's disappearance was hard on me?

"You know," Andrea tilted her head but I just kept glaring at her, not falling for the fake-innocence plastered on her face, "I've kind of been worried about you lately. You haven't been talking a lot and you're by yourself a lot too. If you need to, you can talk to me."

"SHUT UP!" I shouted, getting to my feet so quickly that I jolted the table, rattling my tray, "HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT MAYBE I DON'T _WANT_ TO TALK ABOUT THIS!? HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT _MAYBE _MY BEST FRIEND DISAPPEARING FOR ALMOST FOUR MONTHS AND NO ONE BEING ABLE TO FIND HIM HAS HURT EVEN A LITTLE BIT!?" The whole cafeteria was looking at me by now, all wide eyes, open mouths, and a scattered few guilty expressions, "DID ANY OF YOU EVEN BOTHER TO _THINK_ ABOUT THAT!? NO! AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY! _YOU DON'T CARE_! NONE OF YOU EVER CARED EVEN A LITTLE BIT! YOU'RE ONLY INTERESTED IN THE LATEST GOSSIP! WELL HERE'S WHAT I THINK OF YOU!"

I picked up my tray and threw it at Andrea, smearing food all down her front. Then I ran for the door, burst through them, and started running down the hallway. Unfortunately, someone must have heard me shouting because Mrs. Rogers, the gym teacher, was in the middle of the hallway and I ran right into her. She grabbed my shoulders to stop me and I screamed at her.

"Easy, Thomas." She put an arm around my shoulders and drew me into a hug, "It'll be okay."

"Stop it!" I tried to push her away, "You don't care! None of you ever cared! Just let me go! Let go of me!"

"Calm down!"

"No!"

"How is this solving anything!?" I stared up at her, eyes burning, realized there were tears on my face, felt ashamed and childish. She gripped my shoulders tightly, "Tom, I know you're upset but venting your frustration by screaming at your classmates isn't helping anyone. Especially not yourself."

"What am I supposed to do?" My voice was hoarse from shouting, cracked with emotion, and I was embarrassed by my actions. I was being stupid.

Mrs. Rogers shook her head, "What you feel is right." Then she paused, "As long as it doesn't involve shouting or bodily harm."

I managed a smile and rubbed my arm across my eyes, stepping away, "Thanks, I guess." I turned to go, stopped. Licking my lips, I looked back over my shoulder at her and, with what I hoped was a resolute expression, said,

"He'll come back. I'll make sure of it."

* * *

_Had to go and be cliché, didn't it?_

_Ah well, it was a good chapter. I wanted to get the point across the Tom's more affected by Kaz's disappearance than he'd care to admit. Over the past three months, things had just been building up and building up and finally he couldn't take it anymore. I feel kind of sorry for him. _

_On a side note, Mrs. Rogers was the name of my gym teacher in middle school. I hate gym class. I'm not an athlete (obviously). So I waived P.E. in high school by joining the marching band. That was a lot more fun. Hard and rewarding work. And free ice cream and pizza. Yum._

_Anyway, thanks for reading, stick around for the next update, and please review! This will probably be the last update for a long while, sorry. Byes!_


	14. Not By Choice: Duress

_Song: The Sharpest Lives by My Chemical Romance

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Fourteen: Duress

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Ruler #14: The Coliseum is for fighting your allies, everyone else—everywhere else—is fair game.

* * *

**_

"_If it looks like I'm laughing, I'm really just asking to leave this alone. You're in time for the show. You're the one that I need, I'm the one that you loathe. You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose, 'cause I love all the poison, away with the boys in the band."_ I scowled at H'earring as he pressed his hands down over his long ears, "If you don't like it, then don't listen!"

"It's not the song I don't like, it's the singer." H'earring muttered.

"Hey! I resent that! Come here you scrawny little Creature!" I jumped at him and he laughed and ran around the fire, me racing after him, shouting all the while, "You big-eared creeper! I'll show you! Come 'ere!"

"Kaz is tone deaf!" H'earring chanted as he skipped out of my reach, "Kaz is tone deaf! Kaz is tone deaf!"

"At least I'm not short!" I shouted back.

"Hey, no short jokes in this house, buster!"

"Oooohhhh, I'm sooooo scared! Have mercy on me, Puny Master!"

"Mercy!? On you!? Not a chance!" He jumped on me and we scuffled, rolling around on the floor, calling each other names and poking and punching and kicking and slapping.

Then Cherri came in and kicked both apart with a frown and a shake of her head. She'd become something of a surrogate-mother in the two weeks she'd been living with me and H'earring. We both put up with her presence and I'd established firm boundaries with her about what she could and could not do: she slept upstairs by the fire, she did not come into my room or the hot spring, and she wasn't allowed to hang off of me.

During the two weeks we'd been adjusting to her existence, I'd gone on six other missions and slaughtered five more Creatures. During those missions, I'd gotten myself killed two more times; once by a Danian shooting me through the heart and once by an OverWorlder hacking off my legs and leaving me for dead. That was the one that got away. Chaor hadn't been pleased with that at all.

On the other hand, Ulmar's stupid shock treatment had actually sped up my regeneration at least a little bit. I didn't have to haul myself out of the puddle anymore, it just started forming back into me. It didn't make me like him anymore.

I rolled onto my back on the stone floor with a sigh, staring up at the criss-crossing wooden beams overhead. The heat from the fire licked one side of my body, warming the right side of my face. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Then I looked around at H'earring. He was sitting in front of the fire, watching me with his great blue eyes. He knew something was up.

"I've got another mission tonight." My voice sounded strained, even to me. H'earring's ears perked up slightly. He was good at listening, "To the Mipedian desert again. I hate going in there and Chaor knows it. He's punishing me for losing that OverWor—what?"

"Nothing." H'earring quickly looked away but there'd been something about the way he'd been acting that caught my attention, mainly the way he'd been squeezing his ears in his fingers the way he did when he got nervous about something.

"Not nothing." I muttered, rolling onto my side and looking at him over the flickering flames, "What, H'earring?"

"I've got somewhere to be too, Kaz." There was a way he was talking that made it sound as though he wanted me to think it was a mission. I'd been living with him for a month; I wasn't easily tricked by that.

"What're you planning?" I interrogated, getting up on my hands and knees and crawling around the fire towards him, "Come on, H'earring! I can tell you're up to something! Tell me what it is!"

"Shouldn't you be going if you're going to make it to the desert by nightfall?" He stopped me short and I scowled at him.

"Clever." I mumbled, "Fine, but when I come back you're spilling!" I got up off the floor and trudged out into the kitchen where I stashed my Battle Gear in my former-usual corner. Cherri looked at me as I slung The Ripper around my waist and put on the Destiny Claw. I ignored her and stuck my head back in the living room, "See you H'e—H'earring?" But the little Creature was gone. I shrugged, a little hurt he hadn't even stuck around to say good-bye, and went out the back door into the cramped and stinking alley behind H'earring's house.

Fastening my cloak around my neck with a sigh, I set off into the city, heading for the OverWorld. I'd have to traverse its borders in order to get into the Mipedian's vast desert. Not a prospect I found very heartening. Not that anything was heartening these days. But OverWorlders had taken a particularly nasty dislike to me; they knew it was an UnderWorlder knocking them off and if they caught a stranger on their lands they'd be more than happy to rip me apart.

No thanks.

I'd rather have taken my chances against Toxis but orders were orders and I wasn't about to disobey Chaor. Putting my friends in danger was the last thing I wanted. If I lost them, I'd lose everything.

I wasn't giving up quite yet.

I may have been broken but I sure wasn't beaten.

* * *

I know I've been whining about how hot it is in the UnderWorld but it's nothing compared to how high the temperature can get in the Mipedian desert areas.

But when night falls, the deserts get icy cold. I shivered in the dark, used to the heat of the UnderWorld, and pulled my cloak tighter around me, keeping an eye out for sands shifting of their own accord. If you knew how to look for them, invisible Mipedians were easy to spot and the lizard-like Creatures didn't function that well in the cold. But that didn't stop their Stalkers from patrolling the edges of their desert home.

Chaor was having some particular trouble with one Mipedian Stalker who was always lingering on the border between the OverWorld and the desert, a border that was close to the UnderWorld-OverWorld border as well. The Mipedian was sneaking through the OverWorld and into the UnderWorld and had already made several attempts to raid Chaor's arsenal. The Battalion guards had always managed to chase him off but Chaor was getting sick and tired of him and wanted him gone.

That's what I was for.

His assassin tool.

The sand on top of a dune not four feet away from me slid down the side with a slight hissing sound. I looked around at it. Sure enough, there was a slight depression on the dune's crest. A Mipedian; they knew how to walk in the desert without disturbing the natural balance of sand all that badly but they were no match for a Spectral Viewer.

Okay, so I really didn't have a Spectral Viewer but there was a similar type of thing built into my visor. Ulmar _really_ didn't know how to use that kind of technology yet because the image through the glass was a bit broken and blurred but it was enough to see by. He was there alright, standing on top of the dune, looking around, keeping watch.

I slowly moved out of the pathetic excuse for shrubbery that dotted the borderlands between the two tribe's lands and eased out onto the sand. I hated walking on sand; it got everywhere, in the cracks of my armor, in my hair, and I'd find it trickling out of my boots weeks after coming back from the desert. Add that to the fact that I couldn't take my armor _off_…well, it was just plain annoying.

The Mipedian's head swiveled around. He'd heard something. I froze, flattened against the sand, my cloak helping me blend in with the dark shadows cast by the half-moon overhead.

A fork tongue flicked out, tasting the air, and then the Mipedian looked in the other direction. A desert bird flapped noisily into the air from the shrubs and vanished into the dark. The Mipedian's eyes followed it. I inched closer, centimeters away now, and stuck the Destiny Claw out from under the cloak. It gleamed silver in the moonlight. A fingertip inched forward, paused, moved slightly to the right, and then cut through the Achilles' tendon on the back of the Mipedian's right ankle.

He was in too much shock to make much noise as he collapsed and rolled down the side of the dune, leaving a crimson trail behind him. As he rolled past me, I swept out the Destiny Claw again and scored a bloody gash across his neck. Then I turned and fled back into the shelter of the half-dead trees making up the borderland.

I'd vanished before he'd come to stop at the bottom of the dune.

* * *

I hated going back to the UnderWorld after a mission. The list of things I hated grew with every passing moment, though, so it wasn't much of surprise. But Chaor demanded I report to him upon the completion of the mission and if he found out I didn't I'd get into trouble.

So I trudged through the hallways, careful to leave a trail of sand everywhere I went just to spite him and his lackeys. He was, of course, waiting in his throne room with Takinom and Agitos.

"Well…" He growled, inviting me to speak.

"Success." I said tiredly, giving him a sarcastic thumbs-up sign, "Enemy neutralized, sir. Preparing Subway sandwiches for retrieval." I found that the best way to deal with my hatred of Chaor was to be sarcastic. More often than not, it would piss him off but that was usually because he didn't understand the jokes I was making.

"Don't take that tone of voice with me, Kaz." Someone, it seemed, had already pushed his buttons today, "Is it dead?"

"Yes."

"You're sure."

"Indubitably."

He narrowed his eyes at me and I sighed,

"Yes, he's dead."

"Where's H'earring?"

"On vacation in the Bahamas."

"Kaaazzzzzz…" There was warning in his voice.

"Lost him have you?" I toed the line, ignoring the leer Agitos was giving me, "Sorry, I don't know where he we—." My own screaming cut me off as I collapsed to the floor, writhing against the stone. When the torture let up, I got breathlessly to my feet, glaring daggers at Chaor and breathing heavily.

"I'm…I'm telling the truth!" I panted, doubled over with my hands resting on my knees, "I don't _know_ where he is! I didn't even know he was going anywhere!" Not truth but Chaor didn't need to know that.

The UnderWorld lord looked me over for a few moments and then dismissed me with a snort of disgust. I turned on my heel and walked out. Screw him, then.

The walk back to H'earring's seemed to take longer than usual. I was tired and sweaty and covered in sand and now I was grumpy. Talking with Chaor usually put me in a bad mood. I went through the front door this time and was greeted by an enthusiastic Cherri. She gave me a big hug and then scowled at the sticky sand I'd gotten all over her.

"That's your fault, you hugged me." I pointed out, tossing my cloak to the floor and hiding The Ripper and the Destiny Claw underneath it, "I'm going to take a bath and go to sleep. Walking all the way across Perim without porting is exhausting. No, Cherri, not now. I'll eat when I get up." And I vanished into my underground room.

The hot spring was mercifully wonderful and the water got the majority of the sand out. So, hair still slightly damp, I stretched out on my bed, closed my eyes, and fell asleep.

* * *

_Alright, I know that was a short chapter and everything but, uh, I really don't have an excuse for it. I'm on vacation right now (no, not in the Bahamas). A camp ground north of where we live, alone in this trailer, on my mom's laptop, with only two sleepy dogs for company. (sighs) I miss the PS3…_

_Ah well, I'm enjoying myself. It's nice to get away once in a while. Maybe we'll have smores tonight._

_Where'd H'earring go, anyway? He just sort of ran off, didn't he? Hmmm…_

_Well, thanks so much for reading and for waiting for reviews! Please keep it up! See you around! Byes!_


	15. Not By Choice: Friends

_We're finally getting somewhere…

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Fifteen: Friends

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #15: There are no friends, only enemies and allies.

* * *

**_

"Kaz! Kaz, wake up!" H'earring's voice sliced into my half-nightmare, half-waking sleep world and yanked back into reality, "Come on, Kaz! I've got a surprise for you!"

"No…" I grumbled, putting a pillow on top of my head to drown out his words, "You got me in trouble yesterday…Chaor shocked me 'cause you ran off without telling him…"

There was a slight pause and then he started jumping up and down on top of me, "Get up! Get up! Get _up_! You've been asleep almost all day! Come on, Kaz, I worked real hard for this surprise!"

"Okay, I—ompff—I'm getting up! Just qui—ahhmm—quit jumping on me!" I shoved him off and he rolled to the floor, cat-calling. I scrambled out of bed after him, stumbled against the wall, and took a moment to stretch and yawn. I ran a hand through my tousled hair, knowing it was a mess and not caring as long as it was out of my face. Then I followed H'earring up the stairs, rubbing sleep from my eyes as I went.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

It couldn't be.

It just couldn't be!

I was dreaming, still asleep!

This couldn't be real!

But it was.

There they were, sitting on the floor around the smoldering fire pit. H'earring was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, grinning.

"Kaz…" Tom murmured, getting slowly to his feet. He looked different, a little taller than I remembered him, his face more defined.

"Tom?" His name came out in a breathless gasp of wonder as I stared at him, "Sarah? Peyton?" They all looked a little different, a little older. Sarah was more—and there was no other word for it—feminine and Peyton had definitely lost some weight, even though his brown hair was still scruffy, "Guys…?"

"We stared at each other for a while and then,

"KAZ!"

They barreled into me, all hugs and laughter, and I couldn't help but hug them back. It was like a beautifully happy dream. I didn't want to let them go, afraid that if I did, they'd fade away. But we did part, eventually, and when we did, I sat down and pulled H'earring into the biggest hug I had ever given him. He squirmed and I released him, saying,

"Thanks H'earring! I owe you a lifetime supply of pond scum! How did you do this!?"

"There are secret passages, tunnels, and caverns that go all over the place underneath the city and beyond," The little Creature said proudly, "But _I'm_ the only one who knows them all! Even Chaor only knows about three of them!" He sniggered, "Ever since I heard that the Battalion have been chasing certain players out of the city, I've been digging a tunnel from your training room to connect with one that leads into the OverWorld, quite close to where Najarin lives. Cherri's been helping me. The only thing left to do was find your friends and that took more work than I thought." He grinned, "But I managed it!"

"And I can't thank you enough!" I hugged him again and he fidgeted in an embarrassed fashion. Then I turned back to my friends, "I can't believe this…it's really you! You have no idea how good it is to see you guys! Do you have any food?"

"Huh?"

"Food! You know, _real_ food!" I looked between all three of them. I hadn't missed the backpacks they'd brought with them.

"Weeelllll…" Peyton looked upset but Sarah rolled her eyes, reached behind her, and grabbed her backpack. She opened it and shoved an armful of snacks into my lap. Tom and Peyton (after a slight hesitation) did the same.

"My _gosh_!" I cried, feeling positively ecstatic, "Junk food!" I tore open a bag of chips and grabbed a handful, shoving them into my mouth, "I _never_ thought I'd want this stuff _so much_!"

Sarah laughed as I finished off the chips and started on a candy bar. I licked my lips and, candy still in one hand, popped open a bottle of cherry soda. It fizzed on my tongue and I sighed contentedly.

"A little piece of Heaven while I'm living here in Hell…" I muttered, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, "How long have you guys been here?"

"At least five minutes, my bro!" Peyton answered and made to swipe a bag of chips but I snatched it out of his reach, "We saw ya' sleepin' like a baby in that round little bed of yours!"

"You must have been pretty tired to fall asleep in that armor." Sarah said.

"What's with that armor, anyway?" Tom asked.

I looked around at H'earring, "You…didn't tell them?"

"I couldn't." H'earring looked away.

I was torn.

The words my friends needed to hear were clogged in my throat, making me set aside the second bag of chips I'd delved into. But they had to know. I had to tell them.

So I told them everything. I told them about going into the UnderWorld for a new scan, getting caught by Chaor, Ulmar fusing my with the IRA, how Chaor had made me kill that guard, how he'd then forced me into the training barracks, how I'd been forced to kill again—this time the unlucky Varris, and how I had no choice to keep on killing until I could find a way out. What I didn't tell them was the threat that Chaor held over my head; that if I disobeyed him, then they would suffer.

"It's you then…" Tom whispered in shock, eyes wide with disbelief and a hint of anger, "Everyone in the Port Court has been talking about a new Creature whose been offing other Creatures. That was…you…"

"Everyone's heard about Gespedan too." Peyton put in softly. I looked around at him wildly, inner pain and hate for myself making me feeling cold on the inside, "He's been out of commission, no one's seen him but we all know he's holed up in Kiru City, healing."

I sighed in relief, almost in tears I was so happy. At least he wasn't dead.

"They're calling you Ghost." Sarah said in an almost-whisper.

"Who?"

"Everyone. The players, the Creatures. Everybody."

"Everybody…" I muttered and took another gulp of soda. My eyes flickered up and met Tom's, "How…how're my parents?"

Tom paled and his face crumpled in sorrow, "They're…they're really…upset." I knew from his voice that it was an understatement. I also knew from the way he was fidgeting that he was avoiding them, "There's been no trace of you anywhere, obviously…" He swallowed thickly, fighting back tears, "But Kaz, I…now that I know for sure where you are…I…I really want to tell them! I want to tell them so badly it hurts!" He clenched his fists, arms trembling in his lap, and squeezed his eyes shut with a whimper.

My heart was pounding against my chest. My parents…I wanted to see them so badly.

"We have to find a way to get you out." Sarah said, almost to herself, "This isn't…you shouldn't be treated like this. It's wrong."

"I'll say." I grumbled, clenching a fist over a candy bar and snapping it in half. I looked blandly at the broken candy and then tossed the two halves to Peyton. He grinned at me and I forced a brief smile in return.

"I'll tell Maxxor!" Tom said, sounding like he'd just solved the answer to life, the universe, and everything else, "I'll tell Maxxor what Chaor's doing and then he'll come down here and set you free and—!"

"No!" They all looked at me, stunned by the volume of my voice, "No…if you tell Maxxor, Chaor'll know it was you and he'll know you've seen me and then…and then he'll…hurt you…" I ground my teeth together, trying not to cry, almost failing, "I'd rather fight more than know you guys were in danger."

Nobody said anything. I looked into the sputtering embers, feeling a heavy weight in my chest like I'd swallowed a ball of iron. I heard movement by the kitchen and looked up; Cherri was standing there, looking between us all. I turned away from her.

"Kaz…?" Tom. I couldn't look at him, couldn't let him see what I could do, couldn't let him see what Chaor had turned me into, "Kaz, come on, look at me."

"I can't…" I let the words out, I couldn't stop them, "You'll hate me. I'm a monster. I don't deserve to live."

"No you're not!" All of us looked at Peyton, astonished. He hardly ever got angry but here he was, fuming, obviously PO'd at me, "Don't _ever_ say that! Who the heck gets to decide who lives and who dies! You're _not_ a monster, Kazzer! You're our friend! And don't you forget it!"

I stared at him for a few seconds, swallowed, and smiled. An actual smile, "That's the nicest way anyone's kicked me back into shape since I've been here."

"So," H'earring clapped his hands together, "What's the plan?"

"Plan?" I asked, "What plan? Why're you asking?"

"Because I'm helping!" The little Creature said in a tone of voice that implied an unspoken "well, duh."

"Actually, there isn't a plan right now." Sarah answered, shrugging one shoulder. I, meanwhile, dove into another bag of chips. Sarah kept talking, "We didn't know what was going on until just now so—."

"Port back to Chaotic," I said, draining the last of the soda and setting aside the empty bottles, "And think up a plan there."

"No way!" Tom protested instantly, "We're staying here and we'll help you figure out how to—!"

"No!" I snapped and he sat back, stunned at the icy tone in my voice, "You can't stay here! You have to let your real-world selves know what's going on. And it's…not safe for you here. There's too much of a risk that some of the Battalion or even Chaor himself could find you here. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you guys." I looked at them pleadingly, "Please…please, go back to Chaotic for now. Please…I'm begging you…"

The three of them looked at one another and then back at me.

"Alright…" Sarah agreed in a quiet voice, "We'll go. For now."

"We're coming back tomorrow!" Tom stated defiantly.

"Wouldn't have it any other way," I said with a small smile, getting to my feet with the rest of them, "But, um, next time could you maybe bring some nachos or something?"

Peyton laughed.

It was a wonderful sounded.

I held onto it in my mind.

A string of happiness in a world blotted with hatred and pain.

* * *

They all scanned the training room basement before porting out; that way they could simply transport directly to H'earring's without going to the OverWorld and then walking down that long tunnel. H'earring and Cherri vanished into the tunnel to cave most of it in except for the part that opened into the training room. Then he showed me a nifty little trick.

"There's a plant here, see, that acts like a camouflage." He pointed to what looked like a regular rock wall to me but when I touched it, I found it to be smooth and light, "It's a vine that has wrapped across the whole entrance. The only way to know it's there is to touch it and the only way to see beyond it is to look!" He sniggered, "Just in case, you never know when you might want to hide."

I'd been ecstatic.

Meeting my friends after fourth months of "solitude" had been a spirit lifter.

I salvaged one of the soda bottles from Cherri before she could destroy any evidence of humans and set it on the little shelf in my room. Then I sat on my bed and looked at it for a long time.

I had a chance.

A chance to escape.

Even if we didn't have a plan yet, I knew we would eventually.

And then I'd get out.

And be free.

Free.

It almost seemed like a foreign concept.

I grinned and heaved a wonderful sigh of relief.

I hadn't felt this good in a long time.

* * *

I'd spoken too soon.

Early the next morning, I was woken by shouting from upstairs. Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I stumbled into the kitchen and found myself face to face with one of the Battalion. He growled at me. I growled right back.

"Chaor's got another mission for you."

I hated those words.

I hated Chaor's name. I'd flinch whenever I heard it.

But I clipped The Ripper around my waist, donned the Destiny Claw, and fastened my cloak at the base of my neck. Then, with a nod to H'earring and Cherri, I left to follow the two soldiers into the lightening streets of the sleepy UnderWorld City.

I met with Chaor alone; no Agitos, no Takinom. I felt, at the time, that it was a good thing, that I didn't have to worry about their stink-eyes boring down on me. Thinking back, maybe it would have been better had they been there. Maybe their presence would have given me more incentive to keep my mouth shut.

"What do you want _now_?" Strike one. I was undermining his authority by being sarcastic and acting superior, even if I didn't realize I was doing it.

"What do you think, Kazzy?"

_Don't answer, don't answer, don't answer!_ My mind screamed.

"A double quarter-pounder."

"_You're stupid, Kaz. Reeeaaaallll stupid."_ The voice was back. It had become an on-off thing; before and after missions it would mock and torment me but was perfectly quiet while I was on the prowl. I hated it.

Chaor's eyes narrowed at my response and before I could stop myself, I blurted out,

"You want fries with that?"

I made a quick hello with the floor, screaming and writhing as the punishing electricity fired through me. It left me gasping and sweaty as usual. My limbs shook as I pushed myself to my feet.

"You're being awfully unpleasant, Kaz." There was a warning in his voice that I almost missed. If I had, I probably would have been killed again. As luck would have it, I caught it.

"Sorry, I just don't like being woken up by a couple of big, ugly Creatures shouting at the one Creature who's been nice to me down here."

But just because I caught it didn't mean I knew how to use it.

Chaor lost his temper at me.

"Nice!? You're a worthless human!" He roared, on his feet in a second, flames exploding from his hands. I ducked and dropped to the floor as he flung them carelessly around the room, "You think this about _you_!? You think this about how _you_ get treated! You serve _me_, Kaz! And don't ever forget it! You hear me! Don't forget it!"

I scrambled on all fours across the stone, panicking, as he launched fireball after fireball after me. I ducked behind a pillar to catch my breath. He was royally pissed at me and that was something of a first. Most of the time he just got annoyed.

The happiness of reuniting with my friends had made me careless.

Chunks of stone whizzed past me and one nicked my cheek, drawing a bloody, red line. I jumped out from behind my hiding place and rolled across the floor. I was about to run towards the exit when a fireball caught me in the back and sent me skidding across the stone, sparks popping in my wake as my armor screeched across the floor. I lay there, gasping with pain, half stunned, and fighting back tears.

"_Why do you always have to open your big, fat mouth, Kaz?"_ I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to ignore the voice and get back up on my feet again, _"If you just did what you were told—did what you were _supposed_ to do—then none of this would be happening. But nooooooo, you have to be all noble and stand up to your master! You're a worthless dog! A stray that can't obey its master! And everyone _hates_ you!"_

I whimpered and clenched my fists. If all the trauma going on around me wasn't enough, that stupid voice was tearing me apart on the inside. That was another thing I didn't tell my friends about; the voice. If I'd mentioned it, they'd have gone into a panic.

A thud of heavy footsteps and a shadow fell over me. I forced my watering eyes open and looked up at Chaor. He seemed fifty times taller, a looming silhouette of dark anger and power.

"That's where you belong, Kaz, groveling on the floor!" He rumbled. I tried to get up but he slammed a foot on my back, making me shout in pain, and ground my stomach into the stone.

"S-stop it!" The words spilled out in a strangled gasp, "P-please…stop!"

"Apologize." He growled.

I sobbed but let no tears escape. Why did he have to _hurt_ me!? Why had I ever considered him a friend!? When had I ever thought he was the greatest Creature in all of Perim!? I'd done everything I could for him! I had let him willingly _use_ me as a spy on his enemies and his repayment was to bully me into a cold-blooded killer.

I _hated_ him!

"Apologize!" He stamped his foot on my back and I choked, coughing.

"I'm sorry!" I screamed, wriggling to get out from underneath his crushing weight, "I'm sorry now let me up! Please! Please stop hurting me!"

Chaor relented and I climbed laboriously to my feet. My chest and back were throbbing with pain. If I could have, I probably would have been bruising. I rubbed a hand over my face, armor scraping my face, and tried to get my bearings. What a joke. I hadn't gotten my bearings since I'd been here.

I noticed Chaor watching me.

"What?"

"You're hiding something." He said. I made a face at him, adding a snarl to it I hoped he'd appreciate.

"I've been trying to hide how much I hate you but I guess that's a little too hard."

"So bold…" Chaor chuckled and the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. He turned his back to me, "You probably know by now that there have been humans trying to sneak into the UnderWorld and that my Battalion has been chasing them out." I didn't say anything, "Well, yesterday, they suddenly gave up and decided it wasn't worth the effort. Do you know why that is?"

"No." I said, aware of what he was getting, aware that if I said the wrong thing it could get me, H'earring, and my friends into a deep pile of trouble, "I knew you were chasing humans out but that was it."

"_Lies. All lies. You've become quite good at lying, Kaz. Goes right along with your new set of skills. You're starting to make a complete set here: lying, fighting, swearing, killing…"_

"And somehow, I don't believe you." It was as though the UnderWorlder had heard the reprimanding voice that echoed in my head. I looked up at him. He was staring at me with hard, disbelieving eyes, "The humans stop trying to get into the UnderWorld and you get sudden gutsy attitude towards me. Something has changed."

I had already tripped up.

There had been no mission, it was all a front to find out what I knew and I'd walked right into it. Tom was always telling me to watch where I stepped but now I really wished I had listened.

I'd just put everyone's lives in danger.

So I lied again,

"Yeah? You think so? I'll tell you what's changed! I finally realized I don't have to put up with you anymore!" I jerked The Ripper out and pointed it at Chaor.

The UnderWorlder Lord grabbed a chunk of rock from the pillar he'd blasted earlier, and threw it at me. It spun through the air and hit my left shoulder, sending me stumbling backwards as I tried to regain my balance. Chaor was on me in a second; he smacked my gun from my hand and pinned me against the wall, bearing jagged fangs. I swallowed thickly.

"Where did H'earring go yesterday!?" He roared and I flinched away from the noise, "What're you hiding, Kaz!?"

"Nothing!" I shouted back, not even close to matching his thundering voice.

"Lies!" Chaor threw me to the floor and stomped over to me. I stared up at him; half in anger, half in fear, "Get out." I didn't move, "Get out!" I inched backwards, "GET OUT!"

I grabbed The Ripper and ran.

And didn't stop running until I was back in H'earring's house. Panting, out of breath, I collapsed onto the small table in my underground room. I rested my head on the wooden surface, gasping.

He _knew_.

And even if he didn't know, he had an inclination.

My friends weren't safe.

Tom, Sarah, and Peyton could _never_ come back here again.

I shook with sorrow.

I was going to be alone once more.

That sort of pain was almost more than I could take.

* * *

_Ahahahahaha! I made you all think Gespaden was dead! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha! Kaz's first mission was a _failure_! Yeah for Kazzy! _

_On the other hand…_

_Tom, Sarah, and Peyton found Kaz! Whoo-hoo! Par-teh! Hugs and candy for everybody! _

_But wait…!_

_Is it true! Tom and co. can never return to the UnderWorld!? Then how are they supposed to get Kaz out!? And does Chaor really know that they've been to see Kaz!? And why was he so intent on keeping them out in the first place?_

_(sigh) Sorry, I'm tired. I had kind of a long day. It's 11:06 right now and it's fair week so I've been at our local Fair Grounds showing goats and sweating it out. Uhg. Heat. Blech. So, yeah, I'm tired and weirding out._

_Well, thanks for reading and for waiting for an update! Please leave a review and remember: "This world is made of…Love and Peace!" –Vash the Stampede, Trigun _


	16. Not By Choice: Retribution

_I've been waiting quite a while to do this particular chapter. And the one after it. X3

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Sixteen: Retribution

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #16: Punishment shall be dealt accordingly.

* * *

**_

I spent a sleepless night in my room and moped around the next morning, dragging myself from one room to the next without any idea what I doing. I ignored the food Cherri offered me and didn't answer when H'earring asked me what was wrong.

How could I answer? I'd put his life in danger, not to mention the lives of my friends. If Chaor was sincere about his threat—which he usually was—then he wouldn't hesitate to trap Tom, Sarah, and Peyton in Perim the same way he'd trapped me.

I felt sick.

And I felt as though I'd betrayed my friends.

As I was trundling back down the stairs to see if I could drown myself in the hot spring, three figures popped up at the bottom of the steps.

"Hey Kaz!"

I tripped and went head-over-heels over to the bottom. I ended up spread eagle on my back looking up at the three smiling faces of my friends. Tom was holding his Code Scanner over me and grinning. It took a second to register what was happening then I leapt to my feet with a shout,

"You can't be here!"

"What!?" That came from all three of them; a mingling of shock, indigence, and wonder.

"Chaor! It's Chaor! He knows you're here!" I started pushing them, trying to get them to leave, "You have to port out! You have to—!"

Someone grabbed my shoulder and I spun, snatching at them and ready to throw them across the room, before I realized it was Cherri. She looked panicked and was jabbing a finger upstairs.

"Ka—?"

"Shhhhhhhh!" I put a finger to my lips, cutting off Tom, and cocked my head towards the ceiling, listening.

"—is he!? Where's Kaz!?" Demanded a low, rumbling voice.

"H-he's downstairs! In his room!" H'earring squeaked in reply.

_Chaor_.

I freaked.

"Cherri," I hissed, "Go in my room, stay quiet, and don't come out no matter what! Go! Now!" She obeyed and fled into my bed chamber. I looked around at my friends as the voices got more heated overhead, "No!" I grabbed Peyton's arm, "Don't port! He'll hear it!" My gaze swept the room.

There was nowhere for them to hide! They'd be found! They'd be caught and captured! They'd be just like _me_! They'd—!

"In there!" I shoved them hurriedly towards the vine covered wall. Sarah started to protest but I silenced her with a withering glare. I gently nudged some of the vines aside and they crawled through. I rearranged and vines and turned away.

Footsteps overhead, moving towards the stairs.

I grabbed a sword from the rack of weapons across the wall and spun it around in my hand.

The door slammed open and Chaor's sulfur stench wafted down.

Ah, _varmill_! He'd _smell_ them!

I put the edge of the sword to my cheek and whisked it across my skin with a hiss of pain. A line of blood appeared and bubbled over, spilling down the side of my face in a slow seep. I rubbed the back of my hand across it, smearing it around. The silver armor stained red.

He was thudding down the stairs now.

I pretended I was practicing with sword, praying with all my might that my friends would remain undiscovered. Hopefully, the scent of my blood leaking freely would be enough to distract Chaor from everything else.

Besides, he sounded royally pissed anyway.

And boy, when he burst into the training room, was he _pissed_.

He stomped over to me and knocked the sword from my hand. It clattered across the floor. I stepped back a couple of paces and stared up at him.

"Where are they, Kaz?" He growled, eyes narrowing at me.

"Who?"

He backhanded me before I could think and I staggered back but didn't fall.

"You know who! Where are those slimy friends of yours!? I _know_ they're here! I _know_ they are! WHERE ARE THEY!?"

"No one's here except for me, you, and H'earring." I said coolly, looking him right in the eye, trying to hide my fear, "So piss off."

"Lies!" Chaor roared and stomped towards me again. I backpedaled away, tripping over my own feet in an attempt to get away without turning my back to him, "All lies! You think you're better than me, Kazzy!? You think you can stand up to me!? Then _fight _me and prove it!"

"And risk my neck for your pleasure!? No thanks!" I snapped back.

"_You're mouth will get you killed one day."_ Snickered the voice, _"Killed so you _stay_ dead."_

I stopped moving, frozen in the middle of the room. Chaor stood in front of me. I swallowed. I was in so much trouble right now.

"They're not here?" The UnderWorld Lord rumbled.

My fists were clenched so tightly I couldn't feel my arms and my shoulders were aching. My heart was drumming a tattoo of fear on the inside of my chest, my throat felt clogged, and my eyes burned. Anger and hate and dread roiled inside of me like a tornado. I fought to keep my emotions in check.

"No one's here you stupid jerkwad." I said, voice quivering, "You've kept me away from my friends…you're just trying to hurt me again!" I started screaming, releasing my anger with half-truth shouts, "You're teasing me, saying my friends are around, saying they're coming for me when they're not! I'm not _stupid_, Chaor! I _know_ they're not here because I'm not worth them risking their Code!" How those words hurt to say; molten hot claws tearing at my heart to say the words I'd almost believed when I'd first been caught, "I HATE you!"

Chaor stared at me for a while, as though trying to decide whether or not I was lying. I stared right back, unblinkingly, daring him to prove me wrong.

"Avool llacyee a welyaz otís avool tyellis, yoba." He snarled in the original tongue of Perim, the tongue that Mugic was written in. I couldn't read it and I only knew some words so I didn't know what he'd said but it hadn't sounded good.

I tensed, ready to bolt should he decide to start launching fireballs again.

But he simply turned around and headed back towards the stairs.

I relaxed, unclenching my fists. My arms shook with the release of the tension.

I didn't quite see what happened next.

One second I'd been standing in the middle of a quiet room, breathing a sigh of relief…

…The next there was a whistling sound through the air and I was stumbling back a few paces with a sword through my sternum.

Chaor must have thrown it across the room!

I coughed, hacking blood, fighting for breath. Crimson liquid dripped down my front, down the sword that was plunged halfway through my chest, past my fingers as they grasped weakly at the blade.

Chaor's large, red hand grasped the hilt of the sword and wiggled it up and down a little. My scream turned into a liquid wheeze of despair, blood tasting coppery and hot in my mouth as it dribbled sickeningly past my lips.

"I know you're lying to me, Kaz." The UnderWorlder hissed, fingers tightening on the hilt. I half sobbed, half choked, trying to beg him to stop. Tears blurred my vision, "I know you've seen your friends and if I _ever_ catch them in the UnderWorld…well, you know." He shoved the sword in deeper and I felt it scraping through me to protrude out my back. I was in so much pain I couldn't even scream, only gasp and shudder in shock and torture.

Then the blessed sensation of falling into darkness…

Which was effectively ruined by the ripple in my mind.

I twisted around, still water-based, just in time to see Chaor's fist come flying at me. I gave a watery scream and then splattered against the floor.

That _hurt_!

I'd _never_ been hit when I was regenerating, all my enemies were in too much shock to do much else than stare.

But Chaor had _hit me_!

I'd felt the water molecules break and pull apart and it was agonizing. Now I could feel them pulling back together. I was on my knees, half-formed, when Chaor kicked me in the middle and sent my spraying into the air again.

_Why was he doing this!?_

"_Because you're a disobedient stray!"_

_Shut up!_

"_Because you're worthless!"_

_Be quiet!_

"_Because you're weak!_

_Leave me alone!_

"_Because no one loves you…"_

I got just enough time to whimper before Chaor blasted me apart again. I didn't know how much more of this I could take. This was horrible torture. I could barely think straight enough to haul myself to my feet, if only to be knocked down again and splattered by Chaor.

Chaor.

The Lord of the Underworld.

My master.

"_Sick freak."_

I was still reforming when I heard Chaor say, "I think that should teach you a lesson for now, Kaz. Disobey me again and I won't just capture your friends…I'll kill them too." He thudded through the other room, up the stairs, and slammed the door.

A few moments later, H'earring came barreling down saying Chaor had gone. I heard the cries of my friends but could not respond. I hung my head, still made of water, my lower half slowly and painfully molding itself into shape.

"No, don't touch him." I heard Tom say, heard the fear in his voice echoing with anger.

I gasped as I solidified into flesh and blood. I stayed on my knees, staring at the floor, at the crimson stains there, at my fists clenched on the rock.

"Kaz?" Peyton said tentatively.

"I…" The words didn't want to come out. I forced them and they sounded choked and strained, "I…I didn't want you…to see…I didn't want you to see that." My voice was shaking, tears threatened but I pushed them back, "I didn't want you to see…wh-what he could d-do to me…!"

"Kaz, no one…I mean…we…I…" Tom was stumbling over his words.

"Dude…" Said Peyton without any conviction.

"It's okay, Kaz," Sarah put her arms around me and pulled me into a hug, "It's okay."

I struggled feebly against her hold, "No it's not…! It's n-n-not! It's not!"

"Kaz," Sarah said gently, one arm around my shoulders and her free hand in my matted and messy hair, "It's okay. We're here for you. It's okay to cry. Okay…?"

I held my breath for the briefest of moments, feeling vulnerable ands lost.

Then I collapsed into tears.

It actually felt good to cry.

I sobbed, half screaming most of it, convulsing with my cries in Sarah's arms. I didn't even care anymore, I just needed to get it out. I look back on it now and think how _weird_ it was for Sarah to be the one to comfort me like that. Maybe it's some sort of maternal instinct girls have. I don't know. I don't understand girls.

In any case, she was there.

She was there, she held me, she didn't care that her shirt was soaked with salty tears, didn't care that I curled into her lap on the floor, didn't care that I wrapped my arms around her and dug my fingers into her back as though if I didn't she would disappear, didn't care about the cold steel of my armor, didn't care that she had just seen how much control Chaor had over me.

I was a mess.

At some point, she got me to get up and move to my room. I lay on the bed, crying, gripping my pillow with tight fingers. I heard Sarah's voice but was too immersed in sorrow to understand her. I did feel her stroking my hair, though, and patting my shoulder or rubbing my back.

It was nice.

I felt loved.

I felt wanted.

It put me to sleep and I dreamed that I was back home, safe and comfortable, with my family and friends.

It made me…happy.

* * *

When I woke up, I was sore and hungry. I groaned and stretched, shuffling out of my bedroom.

The little house was quiet. I walked through the tiny room that held only the table, paused to rub sleep from my eyes, and headed up the stairs. The fire had burned itself into low embers when I opened the door but it was enough to see the four figures huddled around it, breathing softly in a deep slumber.

My throat closed but I turned away and crept into the kitchen. H'earring was sitting at his low table, barely visible in the long, dark shadows. He didn't say anything, just waited for me to scrounge up enough food to sate my hunger and situate myself at the other end of his table.

"They wouldn't leave until you woke up." Said the little Creature, swiping a chunk of the bread I'd broken up, "Cherri was keeping watch until she fell asleep."

"Why aren't you in bed?" I asked and then swigged some water, relishing the cool, reviving taste.

"Couldn't sleep."

"What's wrong? You never miss a chance to snooze."

"Chaor's been…I think he's hiding something."

"Aren't we all?" I dunked a piece of bread into a shallow bowl of cold stew and gnawed on it, uninterested in what Chaor was doing.

"Kaz, I think he's planning something…!"

"Who cares if he is!" I snapped back a little louder than I meant to, "As long as he leaves my friends out of it, I could care less!" I saw the distraught look on H'earring's face and sighed heavily, "H'earring, I hate Chaor more than I've ever hated anyone in my entire life. He took away my life and turned me into…he turned me into a killer. Maybe not a cold-blooded one, maybe not one that follows his orders to the letter, but a killer all the same. I hate him. And I'm doing the best I can to fight back without getting my friends hurt. Or you. Or even Cherri." I rubbed a hand over my forehead, "But there isn't much I can do. Chaor knows what I'm doing every second of every day—or at least, he knows where I'm at. I can't just run off like Tom, Peyton, and Sarah want me to. Even though I wish I could."

H'earring didn't say anything, which was probably for the better because I was done talking. I turned my gaze towards the living room, looking at the black silhouettes lining the floor.

They couldn't stay here.

They were in too much danger.

But I ached to see them go.

I stood up and slipped silently into the living room, crouching beside the largest figure,

"Peyton. Pssst, Peyton, wake up." I shook his shoulder, "Come on, buddy, wake up." He made a big show about grumbling and flopping about but he eventually sat up and rubbed his eyes. I smiled, "Get Sarah up, will you? I'll wake up Tom."

I didn't wait for a reply, just crawled over to my best friend. I paused a moment, looking at him in the gloomy light. He looked…stressed, even in sleep. I'd never seen him so haggard and disheartened. It made me wonder how bad I looked.

"Tom. Tom, get up." He swatted at me lazily, still in the pull of slumber, "Wake up!" I pushed his shoulder hard enough so that he flopped onto his back. He grumbled out something that was probably an insult and then pushed himself up with an over-dramatic yawn.

"What?" He mumbled, tousling his hair in the dimness.

"You guys have to port out now, 'k?" He glared at me, fierce blue eyes catching the light of dying embers and glittering with stubbornness, "Cut it out! You _saw_ what Chaor did! He'd do that to you too if he caught you here!" I kept my voice just above a whisper, crouched in front of my still half-asleep friends, "So get out for now and come back tomorrow night. No Tom! Night! Understand me!? I might have a mission so I might be gone and there's no point in you guys hanging around with your liv—Codes in danger. Okay!?"

None of them were happy with me but they saw the sense enough to agree. Peyton reached into his bag, which was propped on the wall behind him, as Cherri shook herself into wakefulness and started stoking the fire.

"Here, dude, we couldn't get nachos but I'm sure you'll appreciate that!" He tossed me two bags of chips, a candy bar, and a—now warm—bottle of soda.

"Thanks guys," I said smiling.

I was startled when Tom gave me a hug, "We'll come back for you, I swear it. And we'll get you out of here. I swear that, too." He backed off, Code Scanner in hand, "I'll…Kaz, I'm gonna…go see your mom and dad."

I looked at him and he looked back at me as though awaiting my approval on the matter. I nodded once,

"Okay. Just…" I clenched my fists, "I wish I could tell you to tell them that I love them. And that I miss them. A lot." I put a hand over my face to try and hide how much I was hurting inside, "But I can't…they'd just get mad at you…"

"They love you, Kazzudy." Peyton said encouragingly, "Parents always love their kids."

"Tomorrow night, we'll bring stuff for smores." Sarah said firmly, "And we'll have a campfire." She looked at the dull embers in the fire pit, "Inside."

I chuckled, bid them good-bye, and felt my heart twist and wrench out of place as they vanished in a swirl of blue-white light.

I sat in the semi-darkness, feeling suddenly alone despite the presence of H'earring and Cherri.

I'd never felt so alone in my life.

* * *

"_Varmill" means vermin, rat, or traitor and "avool llacyee a welyaz otís avool tyellis, yoba" means 'you call a sword to your heart, boy'. THIS IS A LANGUAGE I MADE UP!! PLEASE DO NOT STEAL!! _

_Thank you._

_Well, do you hate Chaor _now_!? Hahahahahahaha! He killed Kaz again! What a jerk face. XP I hate Chaor in here but outside this fiction…he's cool. _

_On a side note…_

_ANGST! _


	17. Not By Choice: Int, Tom, Sarah, Peyton

_This chapter may seem kind of pointless but I think it's important. Seeing the story from all angles and all that, you know?

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Seventeen: Interlude—Tom, Peyton, Sarah

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #17: Alliances are easily made and just as easily broken. So you can gather from this…that there is no such thing as trust.

* * *

**_

Peyton pushed his breakfast around his plate without eating it, looking dejected. And it didn't go unnoticed. Peyton not eating was like _Happy Days_ without "The Fonz".

"Peyton, you okay?" His mom asked as he shoved his half-eaten food away from him.

"Yeah." The boy said. Then, "No."

"Want to tell me what's wrong?"

Peyton struggled with himself. He didn't tell anyone about Chaotic being real; he had enough sense to keep his mouth shut about that; but how to explain why he felt like he did without revealing it?

He opted for vague, depressed details,

"One of my friends…he…he's in a lot of trouble and I don't know what to do." Peyton stared at the tabletop, not knowing what else to say. His mother patted his shoulder, encouraging him to continue, "See, another friend of mine told me that his friend had gone missing four months ago and that the police couldn't find any trace of him. But then a little while ago, we—my friend found out that his friend was in a lot of trouble but he couldn't do anything to help and neither can I…so…I guess I feel…a little useless…"

"You are _never_ useless!" His mom said solidly, "You tell this friend to somehow let his friend know that he can't give up! Okay!" She forced a smile. Peyton returned one waveringly.

As soon as she'd turned her back, he let it drop.

He left his breakfast cooling on the table, snatched up his school bag, and walked out the door.

Adults…

They never understood how teenagers felt.

* * *

Peyton held out until lunch time.

He didn't so much as look in the direction of the pocket in his school bag where his Code Scanner was stored.

Until lunch.

He couldn't take it anymore.

He sat on the grass under the shade of a tall oak in the school courtyard, ignoring the shouts and laughter of his fellow classmates, and pulled out his Scanner. He stared at his reflection in the black screen from a second or two and then pressed the button. His Transport Code briefly lit the screen and then faded away.

He was going to Chaotic.

* * *

Tom and Sarah were already there, waiting for him.

"How long have you two been here?" He asked as he walked away from the Transport Center.

"A couple of hours." Sarah said with a dismissive shrug, "We weren't going without you."

"Awwwww, sweet!" Peyton joked and Sarah rolled her eyes. Tom sighed, a ghost of a smile turning up the corners of his mouth.

"Come on, let's go," The black haired boy said, gesturing with his hand, "Kaz is probably waiting for us too."

They set their Code Scanners to the Location inside the basement of H'earring's house, what Kaz had called his 'training room', and ported out…

…Reappearing after a slight sense of vertigo in a darkened, rock-walled room that smelled of sweat and heated stone. Tom looked up at the ceiling, hearing footsteps walking around up on the top floor, and headed for the stairs. As the trio reached the bottom step, the door at the top opened and a familiar figure appeared.

"Hey Kaz!" Sarah called and Kaz jumped, tripped over his own feet, and fell the rest of the way down to lay sprawled on his back on the floor. Peyton grinned and Sarah bit back a laugh. Tom still had his Code Scanner in his hand, chuckling, having just started recoding a video with it. They all leaned over their best friend, smiling down at him.

Kaz was looking up at them all with an expression that said he didn't quite understand what was going on. That quickly shifted into one of absolute horror. He jumped to his feet with surprising agility and started pushing them in no apparent direction, saying, "You can't be here!" in a voice flooded with panic.

"What!?" All three of them shouted at the same time; Peyton in shock, Tom in indigence, and Sarah in disgruntled wonder.

"Chaor! It's Chaor! You have to leave!" Kaz was frantic, his chocolate eyes blazing behind his shaggy redish bangs, "You have to—!"

He didn't see the orange skinned Creature named Cherri come up behind him quietly and touch his shoulder. Kaz spun around, grabbing Cherri's wrist and tensing as if to throw her. When he realized who it was, he quickly released her. Cherri pointed towards the ceiling, looking upset and frightened.

"Ka—?" Tom began but Kaz waved a hand at him and put a finger to his lips.

"Shhhhhh!" He turned away and tilted his head towards the ceiling, listening. None of the humans needed super hearing to hear the voice rumbling down from above.

"Where's Kaz!?"

"H-he's downstairs! In his room!"

The second voice was H'earring's but the first had been to low for Tom, Sarah, or Peyton to distinguish completely. But Kaz had obviously recognized the it because the white's showed around his eyes and he paled dramatically beneath the tan on his face. He looked around at Cherri.

"Cherri, go hide in my room, stay quiet, and don't come out no matter what!" Kaz whispered harshly. Cherri didn't move, "Go! Now!" She bolted and vanished into his bedroom. Kaz rounded on the trio behind him, radiating dread, just as Peyton pulled out his Code Scanner, ready to port if there was trouble. Tom was still holding his in his hand, aiming it at Kaz. Kaz grabbed Peyton's arm, stopping him from pressing the button, "No! Don't port! He'll hear it!"

Kaz looked past his friends, brown eyes darting from spot to spot in the room. Tom shared a glance with Sarah. Kaz in a panic was never good; he was very likely to faint. But it seemed Kaz managed to keep his wits about him because a light suddenly came on behind the alarm in his eyes and he started pushing Tom, Sarah, and Peyton towards a seemingly solid rock wall,

"In there!"

Sarah made a noise but the cold glare Kaz gave her stopped the words she'd been about to say. She'd never seen Kaz give anyone a look like that. The ferociousness of it was doubled by his gleaming armor.

He flicked his gaze away from her, reached out, and _pushed some of the rock aside_. Almost as easily as if it were a pile of leaves. And as the three of them ducked into the opening he'd created, they found that it was almost exactly that. There was a shallow opening in the stone where they could hide in shadow and covering the opening was a mass of twisting and curling vines. From the outside, they looked like part of the stone but from this side they were translucent and smoky.

Tom swallowed, looked at Sarah and Peyton, and aimed his Code Scanner to look out at the training room beyond. From their position, they could practically see the whole room. They watched as Kaz grabbed a heavy looking sword-like Battle Gear from the rack of weapons against one wall and spun it in his hand with amazing skill. It looked impossible, their scrawny friend Kaz handling a weapon like that. But there he was, spinning it in tight circle with practiced ease. It was like an extension of himself.

A door slammed open overhead and they all jumped. The rank stench of sulfur and burnt timber drifted down into the room.

The panicked expression on Kaz's face reappeared and then just as quickly faded into a mask of cold blankness that was chilling to see on a person as charismatic as he. Kaz lifted the sword to his head and Peyton's eyes got as big as the screen on his Code Scanner. Kaz set the blade against his cheek and Sarah made to move. Tom grabbed her arm and held her back, Code Scanner still in his hand. Kaz drew the sword across his skin in a quick flick and a red line appeared, blood dripping slowly down his face. He smeared it around with the back of his hand.

Someone was stomping down the stairs and through the tiny fore-room.

Kaz tensed and started moving about with the sword as through he was fighting enemies. It was a wondrous thing to watch. He moved from one form to the next with easy, fluid motions that had certainly come from the three months of brutal training. The look on his face made it eerie and beautiful; a cold, calculating, uncaring expression that showed no sense of emotion whatsoever. The three friends saw Kaz in the bloody light he'd been forced into and were shaken by it. This was not the same boy who had disappeared four months ago.

That's when Chaor burst into the room, all but glowing with fury.

He stormed up to Kaz and swept a hand out, knocking the sword from Kaz's grasp. It clattered to the floor and spun a distance away. Kaz moved backwards a bit and looked up at Chaor. Tom felt a lump in his throat that was making it hard to swallow but he was frozen. He couldn't move.

"Where are they, Kaz?" Chaor's angry voice was like distant thunder. The trio felt it vibrating in their chests.

"Who?" Kaz said with an air like he didn't have any idea what was going on.

Chaor lashed out so quickly none of them quite saw what happened. Kaz was fumbling backwards, wincing, and a red spot had bloomed on his cheek, smearing more blood. It looked as though Chaor had hit him.

"You know who!" The UnderWorlder roared and Peyton flinched at the volume of his voice. None of them had ever seen Chaor like this, "Where are those slimy friends of yours!? I _know_ they're here! I _know_ they are! WHERE ARE THEY!?"

Kaz straightened, not even moving to touch the injury on his face, and said in a voice cold enough to match his expression, "No one's here except for me, you, and H'earring." There was a touch of angry ice in the next words, "So piss off."

They'd never heard Kaz talk like that either.

"Lies! All lies! You think you're better than me, Kazzy!?" Chaor snarled, stomping towards Kaz again. Kaz stumbled backwards, displaying a terror in his body language that did not reveal itself on his face or his speech, "You think you can stand up to me!? Then _fight_ me and prove it!"

"And risk my neck for your pleasure!? No thanks!" Kaz snapped, standing his ground suddenly. His fear had turned into anger. Three pairs of worried eyes stared out through the hazy vines at the scene playing out before them. Peyton looked like he was trying his best not to scream his lungs out at Chaor.

"They're not here?" There was cynicism in the UnderWorlder's voice as he loomed over Kaz in something similar to haughty disdain.

Kaz was visibly shaking and when he spoke, his words wavered, "No one's here you stupid jerkwad. You've kept me away from my friends…you're just trying to hurt me again!" Kaz's voice had gotten steadily louder and now he was screaming at the top of his voice, "You're teasing me, saying my friends are around, saying they're coming for me when they're not! I'm not _stupid_, Chaor! I _know_ they're not here because I'm not worth them risking their Code!" Kaz's voice cracked and he screamed as loud as he could, "I HATE you!"

There was a heavy, dangerous silence between the two in the middle of the room. In the hidden alcove, Tom, Sarah, and Peyton all held their breath, terrified they might be found but desperate to help their friend.

Then Chaor said something in another language, one that none of the hidden humans understood. Kaz's eyes narrowed and his whole body seized up as though expecting an attack. But Chaor simply turned and walked away.

Kaz breathed out a sigh of relief, relaxing and unclenching his fists. It was over. Chaor was leaving. He hadn't found them. He hadn't hurt—.

There was a sickening sound and Peyton clamped a hand over his own mouth to stop himself from crying out. Sarah grabbed Tom's free hand without thinking, eyes wide with trauma. Tom's hand still supported the Code Scanner but it was quivering slightly. He couldn't tear his gaze away from what he saw.

Kaz, his best friend in the whole world, standing in the middle of the room with a sword through the middle of his chest.

Kaz coughed and blood sprayed out of his mouth. He was feebly pulling at the sword, trying to get it out of him, but it was lodged in deep enough that the tip was protruding out his back. I was a horrid sight and it made Tom sick to look at. But he couldn't move; his terror held him rooted to the spot, staring.

Chaor grabbed the hilt of the sword he'd just thrown across the room and moved it up and down. Kaz's scream became a stomach-turning gurgling wheeze as blood frothed out of his mouth, dripping down his chin in a crimson gush.

"I know you're lying to me, Kaz." Chaor said in a low, dangerous voice. Kaz looked as though he was trying to say something, mouth opening and closing in a fruitless effort to try and speak. Chaor leaned forward, "I know you've seen your friends and if I _ever_ catch them in the UnderWorld…well, you know." Chaor shoved the sword deeper into Kaz and it split out the boy's back like a stiff, blood-stained silver wing.

Kaz's eyes widened, his mouth hanging open, red liquid everywhere. Peyton felt dizzy and nauseous, hand still over his mouth, shivering with fear. Beside him Sarah was swaying on her feet. He put an arm around her, stepping closer. The three of them huddled in their hideaway, watching, Tom's Code Scanner record the whole thing.

Sarah nearly screamed when Kaz's body wavered, turned transparent, and slid off the blood covered weapon in Chaor's hand to collect in a puddle of water on the floor. This was in the instant regeneration that he'd told them about. But seeing it happen…

The puddle rippled as though someone had thrown a pebble in it and a head rose out of it, made of the same, clear liquid that created the pool on the floor. The head was followed by shoulder with spiked shoulder guards and then the figure pulled their arms out of the puddle, reaching for dry land. Kaz—for they knew that's who it was now—hauled himself up, water cascading down his back to form his thighs, his calves, his feet. He struggled upright…

…Just in time for Chaor to punch him.

Kaz's cry of dismay sounded like it came from underwater and then it was cut off as his water-based body was splashed to the floor. Chaor glared down at the drops glistening on the stone as they began to pull back together again. This time, Kaz only got half-formed before the UnderWorlder kicked him and sent him splattering again.

Sarah hid her whimper by burying her face in Tom's shoulder. Peyton, one arm still around Sarah, put his other arm around Tom. Tom's eyes were glistening, tears running down his face, teeth gritted in anger, Code Scanner quivering in his hand. They were all in this, now.

He'd never forgive Chaor.

Ever.

Kaz tried to crawl away from Chaor as he regenerated again but Chaor stomped a foot down on top of him, sending water splashing across the floor in a single wave.

Again and again and again Chaor stopped Kaz's regeneration by smashing him into globules of shimmering liquid before the boy could recover completely.

Again and again and again the three friends felt their hearts wrench and their guts twist as their best friend cried out in agony. They were useless, unable to help. And it hurt.

Finally, Chaor stopped. Kaz was regenerating at an excruciatingly slow pace now. Chaor leaned down and said something in a voice that was too soft for the three of them to hear. Then he turned and left. The door slammed shut but none of them moved, holding onto one another as though it was a matter of life and death. Tom's fingers were gripping his Code Scanner so tightly that they'd turned white.

The door opened again and someone came barreling down the stairs. It was H'earring, looking frantic and upset.

"It's okay! He's gone! Chaor left!"

Tom, Peyton, and Sarah tore out of the opening and ran to Kaz who was on his knees, looking like living crystal the way his water-body rippled and refracted the light. Peyton reached out a comforting hand but Tom stopped him saying in a voice thick with emotions,

"No, don't touch him."

Kaz gasped as though he'd been under water for a bit too long and was finally coming back up for air. Then he slumped down, face hidden by his scraggly bangs. There were still dark red stains on the floor where his blood had been spilt. Tom tried not to look at them.

"Kaz?" Peyton's voice was careful and uncertain; strange coming from him.

"I…" Kaz's voice was broken and choked, quivering with feeling, "I…I didn't want you…to see…I didn't want you to see that. I didn't want you to see…wh-what he could d-do to me…!"

"Kaz, no one…" Tom paused as though trying to find out exactly what it was he wanted to say, expression distraught. His Code Scanner was dangling in his hand at his side, the recording light still blinking even though it was only getting a rock wall now, "I mean…we…I…"

"Dude…" Peyton whispered hoarsely, clearly upset.

"It's okay, Kaz. It's okay." Sarah knelt down and pulled Kaz into a hug. Kaz struggled a bit in her arms, whimpering that it wasn't alright and it was'n tokay but Sarah put a hand on his head and he froze, "Kaz," Her voice was soft and comforting. She was using tones neither Tom nor Peyton had heard before, "It's okay. We're here for you. It's okay to cry. Okay…?"

Kaz didn't move for a few seconds. Sarah looked up at Tom and he looked around at Peyton.

A gulping sob made them look back at Kaz.

He was shaking in her arms, huddled in her lap with his arms wrapped tightly around her middle and his face buried in her stomach. Raking sobs that almost came out in screams left him gasping and dirt smeared his face, mingling with his tears.

"Come on, we should move him out of here." Sarah gently pried Kaz's fingers apart and loosened his death grip on her shirt, "Peyton, help me will you?" Peyton silently conceded and he helped hoist Kaz up so the boy was propped up between himself and Sarah. Tom watched them vanish into Kaz's bedroom, feeling strangely empty. Peyton returned with Cherri at his heels.

"Sarah's going to stay in there with him until he falls asleep." Peyton said flatly. Tom nodded slowly in response.

"Maybe…you guys should come upstairs." H'earring said and beckoned them to follow. Cherri each gave them a gentle push in the back and the four of them—two Creatures and two humans—headed towards the upper levels, Kaz cries echoing in their ears.

Meanwhile, in Kaz's bedroom, Sarah was trying to calm her hysterical companion.

She didn't know what possessed her to act his way towards Kaz. It was a feeling of attraction or love or any of that, it was simply that he was a friend in need and she was there. She pulled the blanket that was bunched at the end of the bed in typical male fashion up and over so that it covered Kaz. He had his face buried in a pillow and was pretty much none the wiser. Sarah did what her mother used to do when she was little and didn't feel well.

She stroked Kaz stringy red hair, talked to him about fun times and nice things even if he couldn't hear her, and rubbed his back, sometimes feeling silly because this was her friend. But no one was around to see and Kaz didn't seem to care. In fact, it seemed to be helping him calm down.

He was hiccupping rather than crying now, tears drying quickly on his face. His eyes closed. Sarah, sitting next to him on the bed, waited until his breathing slowed and deepened before she slid quietly off the bed and headed for the door. She stopped, hand resting on the knob, and looked back over her shoulder at her sleeping friend. She chewed on her lip for a second and then whispered,

"'Night Kaz."

Then she slipped out the door and up the stairs.

Tom and Peyton were sitting around the fire in the main room of H'earring's upper floor. Cherri and H'earring could be heard mucking about in the kitchen. Sarah took a seat next to Tom by the fire. Why a Creature needed a fire in the UnderWorld was a mystery to her.

"How's Kazzer?" Peyton asked, poking a twig into the flames and watching the end darken. His usual boisterous attitude was slowly coming back but he was still in quite a bit of shock over what had happened.

"He's sleeping." Sarah answered, folding her hands in her lap. The back of her hand brushed the damp spot on her shirt where Kaz's tears had fallen. Anger and sorrow twisted her insides as she thought about what Chaor had done.

Tom was silent, staring into the fire. His expression was blank and his eyes didn't have their usual gleam of emotion. It was as though he died on the inside. He was sitting back against the wall with his knees drawn up to his chin and his arms wrapped around his ankles. He looked lost.

H'earring poked his head into the room and looked around at them all. Cherri leaned in too but he shooed her away. She made a face at him but backed off.

"You should leave." The little UnderWorlder said softly, "Chaor might send over a Battalion to make Kaz go on a mission and if you get caught in here—."

"We're staying." Everyone looked around at Tom but his gaze was still on the flickering red-orange flames in the pit, "We're staying and we're not leaving until Kaz wakes up."

And that was that.

Darkness fell quickly. They said very little, processing the events of the day in their own mind, silently for the most part. Kaz was still not awake by the time dusk fell but Tom stubbornly refused to move. Sarah and Peyton stayed behind; half out of concern for Kaz, and half out of the fear that if they left Tom alone he'd do something stupid like run after Chaor.

Sleep came upon them before they realized what had happened.

* * *

"Tom. Tom, get up." Tom made a half-hearted attempt to brush away whoever it was that was trying to wake him up from a rather fitful sleep, "Wake up!" Kaz's voice snapped in a playful whisper and Tom grunted as he was pushed over onto his back. He grumbled out a slur of insults under his breath as he got up and yawned loudly.

"What?" He ran a hand through his hair a couple of times and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. There was barely enough light to see Kaz crouching on the dark in front of him.

"You guys have to port out now, 'k?" Tom's eyes flashed brightly despite the gloom and Kaz scowled at the reaction, "Cut it out! You _saw_ what Chaor did!" His voice trembled, even in the hoarse whisper he was using, "He'd do that to you too if he caught you here! So get out for now and come back tomorrow night." Tom opened his mouth to protest angrily but Kaz cut him off, "No Tom! Night! Understand me!? I might have a mission so I might be gone and there's no point in you guys hanging around with you liv—Codes in danger. Okay!?"

Peyton looked like he was pouting but nodded sullenly, Sarah uttered a quiet yes, and, after a brief pause, Tom agreed with a sharp jerk of his head.

Peyton's pout suddenly changed to an expression of realization and he grinned. He reached around behind him and pulled his bag forward, rummaging through it. There was a crackling of embers and a flurry of sparks as Cherri, whom none of the other had noticed was in the room, poked at the fire, trying to get it to restart.

"Here, dude, we couldn't get nachos but I'm sure you'll appreciate that!" Peyton handed Kaz a pile of goodies and smiled. Kaz's smile was shaky but it was there. He muttered a soft thanks.

Tom, suddenly overcome with emotion, threw his arms around his best friend and squeezed him as tightly as he could, "We'll come back for you, I swear it. And we'll get you out of her. I swear that too." He said in Kaz's ear and then sat back, tugging his Code Scanner reluctantly out of his pocket as he went, "I'll…Kaz, I'm gonna…go see your mom and dad."

Tom eyed Kaz's expression carefully, watching and waiting. Kaz flicked from blank surprise to hurt and then a wavering determination, "Okay. Just…" He clenched his fists, dull firelight gleaming off his armor in a lackluster red glow that made him see eerie and haunted, "I wish I could tell you to tell them that I love them. And that I miss them. A lot." Kaz's hand went to his face as though he was trying to keep himself awake, "But I can't…they'd just get mad at you…"

"They love you, Kazzudy." Peyton said unexpectedly but with a good dose of the energetic tones that made him who he was, "Parents always love their kids."

"Tomorrow night, we'll bring stuff for smores." Sarah said, tapping a fingernail on the screen of her Code Scanner with a light smile, "And we'll have a campfire." Her jade eyes caught the sight of the low burning cinders, "Inside."

Kaz chuckled and that lifted all their spirits.

"See ya' around, Kaz!" Peyton clapped his companion on the back.

"Bye Kaz." Sarah said with a smile.

"Good luck, buddy." Tom put in softly, a sad smile on his face.

Then they ported out.

The last thing they saw was Kaz's hurt and longing expression before they faded away.

* * *

_There! _That_ should keep you happy for a while! Heh ha…I'm good. _

_Though I do have to apologize for only having one chapter of _Nice To Be Loved_ finished. I'm really, really sorry about that. I really am. _

_On the other hand, plenty of these chapters, eh? Yeah, yeah, plenty of angst. And heartfelt friendship! FRIENDSHIP! IT CAN SAVE THE UNIVERSE FROM DESTRUCTION!_

_Okay, not really. Well, maybe. But anyway…_

_I'm staying up too late and I'm getting weird. I'm going to bed before I start typing something really weird here._

_G'night everybody! I'll see you…um…in the next chapter! Hoo-rah! XD_


	18. Not By Choice: Goodbye

_This chapter is written a little bit weird. I originally intended to have chapter seventeen to be the only chapter in third person but the way things turned out, I had to do the little thing at the end of this one. So please pay attention because there is going to be a shift from Kaz's POV to 3__rd__ POV. Thanks and enjoy the trauma! X3

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book One: Not By Choice**

**Chapter Eighteen: Goodbye

* * *

**

_**UnderWorld Rule #18: Always know where your weapons are.

* * *

**_

Hair.

It's amazing how fast that stuff grows.

In a little over six months, mine had grown just past the base of my neck and was getting annoying.

Lucky for me, Creatures were resourceful.

H'earring had a whole bunch of odds and ends he'd picked up from all over Perim. In an almost magpie like fashion, he'd gathered up things from as useless as funny shaped rocks to shards of broken Sting Blades that could still do some damage. So, after a bit of scrounging about, the two of us managed to find a bit of thin, worn leather that I could tie my hair back with. Now it stuck out in a little tuft at the nape of my neck instead of hanging in my face and annoying me.

Bet you're wondering how that's relevant, aren't you?

It's not, really, but before any of my friends had shown up, I'd just been lazing around H'earring's place or working myself ragged in the training room. The voice had been silent for quite a while and for that I was glad. Perhaps the presence of my friends had gotten rid of it.

But it hadn't gotten rid of Chaor.

In fact, after the incident where he slaughtered me ruthlessly in the basement, he'd been moodier than usual. I hoped he was taking it out on his subordinates.

Days passed...

Tom and Sarah and Peyton showed up every night with snacks and talk. True to her word, Sarah had brought the stuff to make smores and we'd sat around a blazing fire, joking and laughing as though we were on a camping trip instead of in the UnderWorld. I could imagine it so, if wistfully.

It was the end of what I calculated to be my sixth month in the UnderWorld that ruined everything.

I should have known something was coming. Chaor had never left me a lone quite that long. H'earring had been right, he had been planning something.

And I was too blinded by the elation of seeing my friends to notice.

* * *

It was almost noon when a couple of palace guard ranked Battalion soldiers came for me, which was odd. I say it was odd because usually only low-ranking grunts came to give me missions. But I was paying little attention to detail at that moment in time; to excited by the idea of the strawberries and whipped cream my friends had promised last night.

I waved H'earring a good-bye, nodded at Cherri, and followed the two Battalion soldiers down the street. One of them kept glancing over his shoulder at me. I narrowed my eyes at him and clenched my fists, wishing I at least had the Destiny Claw with me. I felt a little safer carrying it around in a Location where all the Creatures hated my guts.

"_Already gotten used to the idea of carrying a weapon."_ Great, the voice was back. That should have been my first clue that something was wrong, _"You're quite the obedient little killer, aren't you Kaz?"_

"Shut up." I growled and the same guard looked at me again. I directed a grimacing snarl in his direction and snapped, "What!? You gotta staring problem!? Take a picture, buddy, it'll last longer!"

He quickly looked away.

Newbie.

Activity inside Chaor's palace was at an all time low. Another thing I would have noticed was odd had my head not been fifty thousand feet above good old terra firma and floating in the clouds. Usually, the palace was bustling with goings-on; raids being planned, territory lines being drawn and redrawn, servants waiting on their masters every whim and desire, and—very rarely—some cleaning going on. Chaor wasn't big on a presentable household.

Now the place was practically empty.

The throne room, however, was lined with guards. I eyed them warily and took note that Takinom and Agitos were absent from their usual places at their Lord's side. Then I locked gazes with Chaor himself.

We simply looked at one another for a few moments and then he said in a low, casual sort of voice,

"You've got a spring in your step, Kaz. Care to tell me why?"

"You've left me alone." I blurted out. The voice in my head chuckled and started chanting "liar, liar, pants on fire" again.

Chaor snorted and flicked some imaginary dust off the armrest of his throne. Being very pompous, wasn't he?

"I've got another job for you, Kaz." He said, blinking slowly as he held my gaze. He waited, gauging my reaction.

"Figures." I mumbled just loud enough for him to hear.

"I've been planning this for a long time. It's what I made you for. It's been your whole purpo—."

"You didn't make anything!" I snapped at him, "You think you've got it all figured out but you don't! I'll get out of here, Chaor, and then you'll wish you'd never done this to me!"

Chaor grinned and my stomach flip-flopped. The voice in my head started repeatedly singing "Pop Goes the Weasel". I ground my teeth against its efforts to drive me up the wall.

"You've got a lot of guts talking to me like that." Chaor said coldly and too late I saw the glint of silver sitting underneath his great hand on the armrest.

"Wait, Chaor, I—!" My words were lost in a gasp that escalated into a scream of pain. I jerked around on the floor, screaming. Then it was over and I felt stupid for thinking I could get away with bad mouthing him.

"Apologize." He growled.

"Sit on it." I spat.

"Apologize, Kazzy." His eyes glowed with power as he leaned forward, a crimson shadow of simmering rage.

Swallowing my pride, I licked my lips and said hoarsely, "I'm sorry."

"Good." Chaor sat back, looking pleased, "Now get up." I got to my feet, glaring at him. He seemed to like it, "Now, about that mission. It's really, very important that you get this right and follow our plans exactly because if one single thing went wrong…"

There was a squeak and a crunch of crushed bones. I looked around towards the wall and saw one of the Palace Battalions grinding his heel down into the ruined body of a rat. I gulped. That wouldn't be me, it would be my friends.

I looked back up at Chaor and I must have looked desperate because the grin on his face got even bigger.

"What…do you want me to do?" The words wanted to come out in a whisper but I forced them out in louder tones.

"I want you to go to the OverWorld…" He paused, drawing it out, grinning like the maniac he was, "And sneak into Kiru City…" Kiru City!? Was he insane!? Well, of course he was, but Kiru City!? Chaor kept talking, "And, very quietly, I want you to sneak into the palace…walk all the way up to the top floor…" He made a walking motion with his fingers, still grinning, "And I want you to get into the largest bedroom on the top floor…and…" He paused, "Then I want you…to…kill Maxxor."

The words hung as heavy as hail in the silence that followed.

Kill…Maxxor…?

Kill Maxxor?

Kill Maxxor!?

I just couldn't seem to get my head around it.

"_But you can get your head around the fact that you're a killer?"_

Chaor and Maxxor were bitter rivals. It was the one of the most popular rivalries in all of Chaotic and there was always some "Chaor-vs-Maxxor" talk going on in the Port Court. It was the subject of a lot of debate. Even Tom and I had argued about it on occasion. Well, actually, we'd argued about it a lot.

But the point was Maxxor and Chaor were…they were…they were just _right_! Maxxor and Chaor fighting was like peanut butter and jelly or milk and cookies! They were things that just went together! They were supposed to fight each other and that was the end of that discussion!

And now Chaor wanted me to off Maxxor.

That was taking the coward's way out.

Whatever, tiny, miniscule amount of respect that had remained for Chaor vanished. I tore my gaze away his and looked at the floor. He was a coward. Nothing more than a back-stabbing coward.

The presence in the air indicated that he was awaiting a response from me.

He wanted a response. Fine. I'd give him the one I'd been longing to say every time he shoved another assassination in my direction.

"I won't do it." I murmured, glaring at the floor.

"What?" Chaor growled, leaning forward.

"I'm not going to kill Maxxor." I snapped, looking at him with as much fury on my face as I could muster, "I won't do it." He reached for the silver rectangle, "Yeah, go ahead and zap me all you want I'm _not doing it_! I'm not going to sneak into Kiru and destroy your enemy for you! I'll get rid of the guards! I'll give Intress a run for her money! I'll sneak into that ash-blasted Arsenal if you want me to! But I'm not going to kill Maxxor! That's _your_ job! That's what _you're_ supposed to do! You're taking the coward's way out!" I was shouting now, worked into a temper, and jabbing my finger at the UnderWorld ruler, "You know what! I quit! I'm going home! I don't care how! I'll find a freaking way to do it! So take your stupid orders and shove 'em where it hurts!"

I swung my arm down, panting, feeling scared and exhilarated at the same time. This could be it. This could be the end of Kazdan Kalinkas.

Chaor looked at me coolly and then sat back on this throne, "Fine."

"That's right! Go ahead and blast—what?"

"Fine. Don't kill Maxxor. I take back the order."

"R-really?"

"Yes."

I should have known right then and there that something was up. Chaor didn't let up on something if he wanted it done and I was as stubborn as any of his subordinates. Normally, he would have snarled at me, kicked me around, and zapped me until I couldn't stand.

But when did I ever pay close attention to the way Chaor was acting? He had two moods: grumpy and pissed off beyond belief.

"But you know, Kazzy," He only used my nickname if he was annoyed with me. I froze, tensed, ready to run, "Soldiers who don't obey orders are a problem. You know my rules. If I let you get away with something, everyone will think they can undermine my authority."

Points for using "undermine," but that didn't make me any less wary.

"I've been thinking about something for a while now." Chaor stood up and stepped down the dais, "You've been sneaking around and sticking your nose where it doesn't belong again, just like you used to do before. And you've been trying to get away from my commands." Those angry blue eyes narrowed at me and I felt myself floundering in trouble, "Punishment, Kaz." And he raised his hand.

I turned to run and was plowed over by at least twenty Battalion soldiers. There was nothing but a blur of bodies. I swung my fists left and right and kicked out at anything I could reach. I went into a frenzy, screaming and flailing until a familiar, agonizing pain sent me screaming into immobility. The voltage had been turned up so high I thought I was going to be torn into tiny little pieces. When I shook off the last vestiges of pain, I screamed in anger and struggled but could not get away. The Battalion soldiers held me tight and dragged me down a hallway as I fought, tooth and nail, to get them off me.

I knew what hallway we were going down.

It was the one that led to Ulmar's in-palace lab.

The one he used when he made "modifications" to the IRA.

One of the guards released me long enough to open the door to the lab and then they were dragging me inside, right towards that Evil Dentist Chair Of Doom. I wasn't going in that thing without a fight. As soon as they moved to readjust their grips and get me into that chair, I pushed them away and bolted.

They tackled me.

I fought back.

One of them hit my in the back of the head enough to knock me silly for a few seconds but not unconscious. Those few seconds were all they needed to slam me into that stupid chair, lash me down, and leave. I howled and pulled at the bonds uselessly. What else could they possibly do to me? What other way was there to mess me up?

Ulmar walked in and I started hurling insults at him at the top of my lungs. He jumped up and the chair and slapped a disgusting hand over my mouth.

"If you want to keep your tongue," He hissed, "I'd suggest you shut your mouth." And he jumped down again.

I shut up. I didn't doubt he would rip out my tongue. Chaor would probably encourage it. Instead, I watched him scurry about the lab, flipping switches and turning dials.

"What're you doing to me now?" I asked in what I hope was an exasperated tone.

"I've been hoping to use this for weeks but Chaor wanted a good excuse." Ulmar answered with his usual sneer of superiority, "You're not going _anywhere_ after this! You won't have anywhere left to go!" He paused in his activity and glanced around at me, "I call it The Virus. There really isn't any better name for it."

"What's it do?" I demanded as he went back to his work.

"It acts something like a Danian Parasite…" The little Creature sniggered evilly, "Remember that blood sample I took from you? No, of course you don't. I'm surprised you even have the brain power to remember your own name."

"I am not," I growled savagely enough for Ulmar to look around at me, "One of Chaor's mindless drudges, Ulmar!"

Ulmar grinned like he knew something I didn't know which I didn't doubt he did.

"You just keep telling yourself that." He scoffed, tapping his fingers against a panel of machinery.

"Right, fine, you're smarter, is that what you wanted to hear!? Just tell me what this stupid Virus of yours does!"

"Tsk, tsk, so impatient." Ulmar turned his back to me and I hissed in anger to hide my fear. I couldn't _take _this anymore, "The Virus acts almost like a Danian Parasite, except for one…" He hit a button, "Little," He hit another button, "Thing." He hit another button and a small, metal door popped open in front of him. He reached in and pulled out a very large and very unfriendly looking syringe, "You'll be an UnderWorlder, not a Danian!"

And he laughed.

I screamed for help.

A hopeless thing to do but my brain had shut down and all I could see was that syringe filled with black liquid coming closer and closer and I couldn't stop screaming.

It was like I could see the end of the world—the end of _my_ world—in that needle point.

"_Goodbye Kazdan Kalinkas."_ Chuckled the voice, _"Hello Ghost."_

* * *

Cherri was luckily out in bazaar shopping for food when the Battalion practically kicked H'earring's door down. H'earring started to protest but stopped when he saw the unconscious Kaz hanging between them.

"What happened to—?" The Battalion ignored him and the little Creature fumed for a brief moment. It was always the same with those palace stuck-ups. Thought because they worked in Chaor's presence they could blow off everyone else. H'earring followed them down the flight of stairs into Kaz's room, silently cursing them.

"Stay out of our way." One of them growled at him and H'earring bristled but said nothing. He wasn't in the mood to get into a fight, too worried about Kaz.

The two Battalion soldiers dropped Kaz unceremoniously on the floor and went about busily doing something to the far wall. There was a clinking of chains and the hissing of small fires and sometimes sparks but neither of them said a thing. H'earring glared at them the whole time.

Finally, the two soldiers stepped back, did a once over of their work, and left. H'earring lifted an ear and listened to their footsteps recede down the street and away from the house. Then he dashed to Kaz's side.

"Kaz! Kaz!?" He shook the human boy's shoulder, "Kaz! Come on! Wake up!" There was no response. H'earring sat back and looked him over, "Oh Kaz…what did they do to you now…?"

Embedded in the wall over Kaz's prone form where five, heavy rings made of steel, each with a chain leading off of it. The ends of the chains were fused directly into Kaz's armor; one on each wrist and ankle and one at the base of his neck. H'earring shuddered. This was so wrong.

And unfair.

Chaor had become nothing more than a bully.

"H'e…H'earring…" The Creature looked down and saw Kaz blinking up at him through glazed eyes, "Wa…ter…"

"Okay, Kaz! Just stay right there!" H'earring glanced at the chains, "I'll be right back!"

He bounded up the stairs as fast as he could, filled a shallow bowl with cool drinking water, and went back down as fast as he could without spilling any.

Kaz greedily gulped the water down and leaned against the wall, looking exhausted. He raised an arm with a slowness that made it seem like it weighed a thousand pounds, and looked dazedly at the heavy metal chain attached to his wrist. Tears weld into his eyes and trickled slowly down his cheeks.

"I'm never getting…home…" He groaned, dropping his arm down with a rattling of chains and closing his eyes, "This is…the end of the line, H'earring. I'm…finished…" He let out a heart-wrenching sob and lay down, curling into a ball on the floor.

H'earring was at a loss for what to say. He could only stand there and watch as Kaz sobbed brokenly into the stone.

"What'd he do, Kaz?" The Creature finally whispered, "Did he get your friends?" Kaz shook his head, "Then what happened!? Tell me what's wrong! We can fix it!"

Through shaky sobs and sniffles, Kaz told him everything.

And H'earring saw why Kaz had finally given up.

**Here Ends Book One of the Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**


	19. After the Storm: Best Friend Hates You

_Welcome, one and all, to the second book in_ The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas_. Where the continuation of Kaz's bashing…erm…continues. Are you ready to fall into a pit of misery and despair, of blood and angst, with little hope of escaping? Are you ready to face the horrors that can only be conjured with nightmares? Are you ready to view the blackest pits of Hell and the darkest side of humanity? Well…then you've come to the right place._

_Okay, I had too much fun with that._

_Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the long awaited book two. Please…enjoy yourselves. (evil grin)

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter One: My Best Friend Hates You

* * *

**

"_**In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." –Albert Schweitzer

* * *

**_

Pain.

Agony.

Torment.

Every time The Virus kicked in, it left me in anguish for about an hour as it twisted me into something not human. When it stopped, it took me half an hour to recover only to be knocked back down three hours later. It was a cycle of trauma that was slowly wearing me down.

And the voice.

It constantly nagged at me, laughing, teasing, thriving on my misery. It kept referring to itself as "Ghost" and didn't hesitate to let me know it hated me. What a weird concept. A voice in my own head telling me it hates me. Maybe it was me hating myself. Maybe I was just going crazy.

Speaking of going crazy…

Tom, Peyton, and Sarah showed up the night Ulmar injected me with The Virus, just as they said they would. It was horrible. The Virus had already started its work and the changes may have been subtle but they were still there. Unlike a Danian Parasite, Ulmar's stupid Virus worked slowly; it worked for an hour and then stopped for three before kicking back in again. So when my friends saw…

I heard the ripple of reality bending to admit the Code of three certain players and raised my head slightly to look at them. They had their backs to me, chatting animatedly, and were heading for the stairs that would lead them topside.

"Wait…" I managed to squeeze out in a whisper. The Virus had just settled down after a rather nauseating bout and I was weak as I always was afterwards.

It was Sarah who heard me and Sarah who turned around and screamed. Tom and Peyton quickly spun around and their mouths dropped open. Tom dropped his backpack on the floor and ran to my side. His hand hovered hesitantly over my shoulder as though he was afraid to touch me.

"Kaz…what…" He swallowed, "What happened to you…!?"

I tried to speak, I really did, but the looks of terror on their faces cut me all the way down to my soul. I stared at them hopelessly, mouth open but no words coming out. My vision blurred. I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed a hand across them. I heard Sarah gasp and then she was beside Tom on the floor, holding my wrist and staring at the chains fused into the armor.

"It was Chaor, wasn't it?" I couldn't answer her. She shook my arm and I winced at the anger and grief etched onto her face, "It was, Kaz! I know it was! What did he do!? Tell me what he did or so help me I'll…I'll…"

And then Sarah did something I've never seen her do.

She started crying.

She was still holding onto my arm and sobbing. I stared at her. Sarah was crying. I must have been delusional.

"_Awwww, look what you've done, Kaz. You've gone and made her cry. Shame on you. And all because you're too scared to tell her the truth."_

I growled and forced myself to sit up. Peyton was patting Sarah gently on the back and Tom was trying to pry her fingers off my arm. They both paused when they saw me struggling upright. I groaned and put my head back against the wall, feeling the chains coiled underneath my legs. Sarah was finally getting herself back under control and I was able to take possession of my arm again.

"It was Chaor…" I breathed, my head aching from the dark violet horns that had forced their way through my scalp not five minutes ago. Any other time I would have thought they were cool. This was not any other time, "Ulmar made…made this thing…he called it…a…The Virus. Like a…" I shuddered, "Danian Parasite…only…UnderWorlder…" I was losing energy fast. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.

No one said anything for a long time. Then…

"I'm gonna kill that son of a—!"

"Tom, stop!"

I forced my eyes open to see Peyton and Sarah struggling to hold Tom back as he tried to make a break for the stairs. My groggy brain took a second to realize what was happening. Then, moving with more energy than I realized I had, I jumped up and grabbed the back of Tom's shirt. He had a second to turn his surprised blue eyes on me before I flipped him through the air and slammed into the floor. I pinned him to the stone, chains rattling, and glared at him, panting.

"You can't! You can't!" Every inch of me ached but I kept him pinned, even as he struggled to push me off, "He'll know you were here and he'll hurt you!" Tom's eyes were blazing with anger. He wasn't even listening to me, "Tom! Stop it! If you go after Chaor you'll end up like me!"

Everything froze.

I felt their eyes on me, shocked, silent in wonderment. I backed off of Tom and sat against the wall again. My head was spinning. I shouldn't have moved around like that but I couldn't bear to see my friends end up the same way as me.

"Kazzer…what do you mean…we'd end up like you?" Peyton's voice was a whisper that echoed in the silence.

"Chaor…" I mumbled. Tom sat up with a snarl but didn't move from where he was sitting, "Said if I didn't…didn't do what he wanted he'd…he'd get you guys and…and…you'd…he'd…"

"He'd do the same thing to us that he did to you." Tom growled and I nodded heavily.

"And if he found out…that you were here," I shuddered, "It would be…even worse…"

Nobody said anything. I stretched myself out on the floor, trying to find a comfortable spot on the stone, and finally just lay on my back, hands folded on my chest, looking at the ceiling. My head hurt because of the sprouting horns, my fingertips tingled with the pins and needles of oncoming claws, and my legs ached from the bone-crunching reforming they'd just gone through. I was a freak. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears, but a single one slid down my cheek.

It wasn't fair.

Why me?

"_It's not always you, Kaz."_

_Shut up. I hate you._

"_Well, isn't that dandy? I hate you too! You're weak! You're pathetic! You don't have the strength to do what needs to be done! If you had just killed Chaor back then you wouldn't be whining about this now!"_

_Shut up! Shut up!_

"_But you didn't have the guts! Ghost has the guts! You should just disappear, Kaz! Ghost has the guts to do what you could never do!"_

_I'm going home and no one's going to stop me!_

"_Ha! Go home!? You delusional fool! You can't leave now! You'll be a Creature in a manner of days! And even if there was no Virus, what makes you think your parents would accept you!? You have blood on your hands, Kalinkas. You're a murderer. No parents could ever love a murderer."_

"SHUT UP!" I rocketed upright, tearing at my hair, screaming at the top of my lungs, "I WILL GET HOME! I WILL! AND YOU'RE WRONG! THEY'LL LOVE ME! THEY WILL! They will! They will…! They…they…" I drew in a shuddering breath, looked at my hands through teary eyes, saw red smeared across them, "AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I clawed at myself, feeling disgusting, wrong, sick, twisted, bad, evil.

I was wrong.

I was bad.

I shouldn't exist.

I should bleed.

I should bleed like all the people I'd killed.

I should die.

I was twisted.

I was a freak.

I was evil.

I was sick.

I was bad.

Bad.

Bad.

Bad.

Bad.

Bad.

Bad.

_Crack!_

I blinked, breath coming up short, eyes wide, and looked around to see Sarah glaring at me with worry and anger on her face. I raised a shaky hand and put it to my cheek. She'd just _slapped me_!

"What the heck is wrong with you!?" She snapped at me. I glanced past her at Tom and Peyton who were both gazing at me with shocked expressions, "You think hurting yourself will help this!? What's wrong with you, Kaz!?"

"I…I'm…I'm bad." I answered softly, dazedly.

"Bad?" Sarah repeated, "Kaz, what you did is not your fault! You're not bad! You haven't done anything wrong!"

"I'm bad." I said, looking away from them, "I'm evil. I'm sick and wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong." I chanted the word over and over and over again, rocking back and forth, breathing quickly. If I kept saying it, it would make it untrue, I was sure.

"He's lost it." Peyton murmured and then grunted as one of the other two elbowed him sharply.

"Kaz, get a hold of yourself, man!" Tom's voice said but I wasn't looking at them. Couldn't look at them. They'd see it. See how sick and twisted I was. And they'd hate me. And they'd leave. And I'd never get home. And Chaor would win.

Chaor would win.

Chaor would…

I shouted a wordless cry of hatred and slammed a fist against the wall, leaving a good sized dent in the stone.

"Chaor…" I hissed, "I hate him."

"_Then do something about it."_

"I will."

"_Kill him."_

"No! Never! Never killing again! Not ever!"

"_Fool!"_

"You're a fool! I'm going home! Home, you hear me! Back home!" I stood, swayed on my feet, and the room spun. I put my hand against the wall, unstable on my legs, body thrumming with agony. The chains attached to me clattered.

"Easy there, Kaz." Peyton had one arm, Tom had the other. I looked at both of them, "You gonna be okay, dude?"

"Uh…yeah…" I licked my lips, "Yeah. I'm getting out…getting outta here."

"That's the spirit." Tom smiled.

I pulled away from them both and yanked against the chains. Oh, it hurt! I felt like someone was trying to pry one of my bones out from underneath my skin. I screamed and kept pulling and yanking and rattling the chains, in agony and frustrated that I couldn't get away. Tears streamed down my face as I continued to wrench at the silver chains doing nothing more than hurting myself and making a lot of noise.

"Kaz, stop it! You're only hurting yourself! Kaz! Kaz, stop it!"

I subsided, sinking to the floor in defeat.

"I'm never getting out." I mumbled, "It's over…all over…"

"No way!" Tom crouched down in front of me and there was such a determined look on his face that I couldn't stop my spirits from lifting a little, "We're gonna get you out of here! I swear it on my life, Kaz, on my life! We're best friends and no matter what happens, that's not going to change! We'll get you out and then we'll torch the whole UnderWorld! Right? Right!?"

"Right." I croaked out, shaken. Tom's hands on my shoulders were real, solid, warm, comforting. It was jarring how much I'd drifted off in my own mind. It scared me. In my head, Ghost chuckled at my fear and I pushed him aside.

Him.

He wasn't just a random, reprimanding voice in my head anymore.

He had a name.

He had a personality.

He was Ghost.

I was Kaz.

We were both fighting for control.

And by the looks of things…

I was losing.

* * *

I fell asleep not long after that little episode but my slumber was haunted with wailing corpses and angry faces. Needless to say, I didn't stay asleep very long. The Virus kicked in again after a while and everything blurred.

It's hard to see through pain that tears you apart molecule by molecule.

While the Virus ate away at me, I was a mass of pain and insanity. I was officially losing my mind. And Ghost was intent upon making it worse. He was the killer side, the side that slid silently into place whenever I snuck out on a mission, and the part of myself that I hated. He was the dark, sadistic side that resided within every human; the part of us that _liked_ the kill, the part that _enjoyed_ the torment, and the part we all pretended we didn't have.

I told H'earring to keep Tom and the others away from me whenever The Virus started up. I didn't want them to see me. And I didn't want to know what I did.

Thoughts chased themselves around in my head…

My parents…

Death…

My life…

Murder…

My friends…

Hatred…

Everything blurred into everything else. I had no coherent perception of time. There was only blessed periods of relief between Virus attacks. But even those were not as blissful as I wished them to be.

Ghost invaded every aspect of my life now. He stirred my dreams into nightmares when I managed to capture a few precious hours of sleep, he tormented me when I was awake, he drove me to the brink of insanity and it was only the presence of my close friends that reigned me back every time. I feared loneliness. If Tom, Sarah, and Peyton weren't there, Cherri or H'earring were by my side. Company helped keep Ghost away.

Then one day, nobody came.

I was alone.

With Ghost.

And that was all he needed.

I lost.

* * *

_Sorry, I know that chapter was kinda short but I had to cut it off there or it would have been too long. _

_Well. What do you think of that? Kaz has lost his mind. Personally, I don't blame him. He's been injected with The Virus that's taking him further and further away from humanity, making it so he can never get home, he's chained to a wall, his friends don't know how to get him out, and he's been going against his own nature for almost six months. _

_Kaz has every right to be going crazy. _

_Speaking of, I'm off to play some _Shadow Hearts: Covenant_ and drive myself crazy trying to get to Rasputin in his giant, floating fortress thingy. Butthole. _


	20. After the Storm: Interlude, Sarah

_A little T__**x**__S in this one…sort of unintentional.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Two: Interlude—Sarah

* * *

**

"_**I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait." -Anonymous

* * *

**_

Cold.

It's a word that can describe so many things.

The weather, lunch, an object, a feeling…

A case.

When Tom told Peyton and I that the investigation into Kaz's disappearance had been dropped, I could see the anger burning in his eyes. It must have been tearing him apart, knowing where his best friend was and being unable to tell anyone.

The whole situation's been hard on all of us, even though we try to hide it for Kaz's benefit. Just watching our friend struggle through all of this, being unable to help, it hurts. I can't even think of the right words to use to describe how badly it hurts.

I've tried not to let it show in the real world because I can't think of an excuse that would cover for it.

And I don't want to lie.

Not about this.

I feel like if I lied, it would only be grinding Kaz further into the dirt.

Everything just seems…darker, somehow. I try and think back to what it was like before Kaz got captured but I just can't seem to focus on it. It almost seems as though life was a little pointless back then. Reality's hit us pretty hard and left us stunned, that's the only way to describe it.

Kaz had been in the UnderWorld for almost six months and with each passing moment, the hopes of getting him out dropped further.

Tom's called me cynical on more than one occasion and so has Peyton in his own, weird little way.

We've all made bad choices, ones we regret and can't take back.

But Kaz isn't making his own choices anymore. They're being made for him.

And that's not fair.

It's not fair that they stopped looking for him either.

I talked to Tom alone in a tree-shadowed corner of Chaotic after he'd told us about the case going cold.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, sitting down beside him on a one of the white marble benches dotting the outside of the Dromes and the Port Court.

"Okay?" He muttered, "I feel anything but okay." He dropped his face into his hands, shoulders hunched, "I gotta get him outta there, Sarah. I just have to."

"Stop blaming yourself!" I snapped at him and he looked up at me, those blue eyes reflecting anger, pain, and bewilderment, "Don't give me that look! I know you're putting all of this on yourself and you need to _stop_!" I put a hand on his shoulder without thinking, "We're all in this together Tom. You have to stop running off and trying to do things by yourself when there's people around who care about you and want to help. We miss Kaz too, you know."

"I know…" He looked away from me and I slipped my hand off his shoulder, "It's just…I…he told me not to go to Maxxor and now he's…he's got that…that Virus…and now I'm out of ideas…I don't know what to do anymore…"

"That's not your fault." I said softly, "_None_ of this is your fault."

"Even the police have given up on him…" Tom kept muttering to himself, he probably hadn't even heard me.

"Have his parents given up on him? Have _you_ given up on him?"

"Never!"

"Then quit beating yourself up." I smiled, "Kaz may be a little quirky but he can take care of himself."

"You don't get it, Sarah…"

"Then explain to me what I'm not getting! Why're you so sure that Kaz is doing worse than we think!? Why're you so sure he's falling apart when you've seen for yourself that he's holding on just fine!?"

"But he's not!" Tom said back sharply, distraught, "Sarah, I've known him for most of my life and I _know_ when something's bothering him! He's not…taking this like we think he is…" Tom looked out through the trees at the Port Court building, "Kaz can be tough but he's not…strong. Not like you." I stared at him, feeling my cheeks turn red, glad Tom was looking the other way, "I know he's holding something back…"

"What?" The word slipped out and I clamped my mouth shut, calling myself stupid. Why finger an obviously open wound?

"I don't know. But the more that Virus sinks in…the further away he gets…" And that was the end of that. Tom stood up and made to go but I grabbed his wrist and made him turn around and look me right in the eye.

"Swear you won't run off and try to do anything by yourself?"

"Yeah."

"Swear it; I wanna hear you swear it."

"Alright, Sarah, I swear it. Will you let go of me now?"

"Yes."

There was a pause and then Tom asked, fidgeting slightly,

"Wanna split a pizza?"

"Pepperoni?"

He shrugged, forcing a smile that didn't reach his eyes, "Sure, why not."

I followed him back to the Port Court, watching his tense and angry gait.

Life wasn't fair.

* * *

_What the heck was that? The chapter wrote an ending for itself again, the little butt-holing thing. Ah well, at least it wasn't a lame ending. Meany police, not looking for Kazzy anymore…_

_I guess it doesn't really matter all that much seeing as they wouldn't have found him anyway. But I suppose that Tom needed the reassurance that somebody of authority still cared. _

_I really tried to get another chapter of this finished but I got stuck really bad. I thought I knew what I was doing but when I got to the actually moment of having to write what I was planning, I shut down. So I apologize for that. _

_Well, see you lovely peoples around! Toodles! _


	21. After the Storm: Don't Talk to Strangers

_This is going to be difficult to right. Kaz is completely off his rocker so…yeah…I suppose it kind of helps that I'm partially insane already (joking) but who knows. I don't have schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder. Oh, and insomnia. Dang, Kazzer, you're gonna have to be in a strait jacket when you get home!

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Three: Don't Talk to Strangers

* * *

**

"_**How does it feel? No place to run. No place to hide. I'm gonna turn your whole world against you. And by the time I'm done, you're gonna beg for the safety of my prison—in the Ghost Zone…where you belong." –Walker from Danny Phantom

* * *

**_

Sick.

Twisted.

Evil.

Wrong.

Demented.

Murderer.

Demon.

Sick.

Twisted.

Wrong.

What was the point of my existence? There wasn't any. That's what I thought. Those words repeated in an endlessly looping whisper in the back of my head, day in and day out. And I believed them. My mind was telling it to me so it must be so, that was my logic. If you could call anything I did then logical. I wasn't thinking at all.

I myself remember little of what was happening and could only rely on the information my friends gave me later. Much later. When I was ready to face what I had done.

I talked to Ghost, argued with him, told him he was wrong, hated him, cursed him, and fought with him constantly. Sometimes he was the one in control and I struggled to get back behind the wheel. One minute I was steering my actions and the next Ghost would have taken over and was laughing as I whimpered and fought him.

My moods swung dangerously. Sometimes I was calm and relatively collected and aware of what was going on around me. These moments usually came around when my friends where around. Other times I was violent and angry and lashed out at anything within my reach. The basement wall of H'earring's home I was chained to was soon defaced by huge gashes and dents from my repeated beatings upon it. There were moments when I did nothing; I was docile to the point where I sat in silence and the only words were the ones spoken in my head, arguing with Ghost.

I hallucinated too. At the time I didn't realize what was happening and so I panicked when I saw my mother sitting at our dining room table in the middle of the training room, reading a book. I yelled at her to run, to get away, but she didn't respond. So I tried to reach her but the chains were too short and it hurt to move too much. I sobbed and writhed on the floor, begging for her to set me free. Then, as I blinked to clear so tears from my eyes, she vanished. I screamed and cried the rest of my conscious time, broken by the idea that my mother hated me so much that she would ignore me and not set me free. Later I decided she just hadn't heard me and would come back again soon and then I would scream even louder and she would hear me and set me free.

You have to remember, I was completely insane by this point. I thought I was right in my thinking, even as Ghost contradicted everything I did, said, or thought. Looking back on it now, he seemed to be the saner part of my mind at the time. He may have been a bloodthirsty jerk but he wasn't screaming at hallucinations.

We argued a lot. Most of those arguments didn't make sense but I didn't know it at the time. He was the enemy. I hated him. I wanted him out. Everything he said was wrong. I was right. Right, right, right. So there.

"_You're not always right."_

"Am so. You're wrong, Ghost, always wrong. Always."

"_And so are you, remember? Sick, twisted, wrong."_

"Stupid. You're stupid! STUPID! I HATE YOU! SHUT UP! GO AWAY! YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE! SO STOP IT!"

"_What are you going to do to stop me? Are you going to kill me? Hm?"_

"No…no…no…NO! No more killing…please…no…blood…no…wrong…no…yes…"

"_Kill them all…"_

"Yes. NO! Kill. NO! Destroy. NO! Blood and death. NO! STOP USING ME! GET YOUR OWN BODY! I HATE YOU! AAAAHHHHHHHGGGG!"

And so it went.

I think.

I didn't know I was crazy, I thought I was perfectly fine except for the whole idea of being sick and twisted and wrong. I didn't realize how bad off I was. I knew I was far from being human anymore but I also knew that I wasn't completely a Creature. How I knew this, I'm not sure. But I knew it. And it gave me enough strength to at least fight off Ghost.

For a while.

Between these bouts of insanity, my friends visited. I held onto their presence like they were the last people on earth. Or, more accurately, in Perim. I can't remember most of what happened during those times; just the calming sense of them being there, their voices talking. It was the only thing that was right in my twisted world.

* * *

"Kaz? You with us today, dude?" I cracked an eye open even though it felt like it had been glued shut. Three hazy figures stood over me. I closed my eyes again.

"Yeah." I managed to say. Ghost was still asleep and The Virus wasn't going to touch me for another hour or so. I forced myself to sit up and yawned, stretching. The sound that came out of my mouth was like a low roar. My spine cracked and popped and my claws scored lines in the stone beside many others.

"We brought you some candy." Sarah said sitting down beside Tom and Peyton. She reached into her bag and pulled out a giant Hershey's chocolate bar. I eyed it greedily, "But you have to tell us something first."

"What?" I asked, distracted by the tantalizing smell coming from the candy.

"Have you thought about escaping at all?" I stared at her.

"Not possible." I muttered and reached for the chocolate bar but she held it out of reach. I snarled at her and she cringed. Terror and pain swelled up inside me, "Don't go." I begged, " Don't leave. Sorry. Sorry. Didn't mean it. Sorry."

"Kazzer, dude, we're not goin' anywhere?" Peyton said assuredly, "Just calm down, okay?"

"We're getting you out of here, Kaz." Tom said. I turned my gaze to him, "I promised we would and we are. I'm not gonna let Chaor use you like this anymore."

"Out?" A shudder ran down my spine and my hackles rose, "Can't! Chaor! Can't!" I put my face in my hands, "Can't, can't, can't!"

"Yes we can!" Tom shouted, "H'earring and Cherri are helping! We're getting you out and we're going to get you home and that's the end of that! No arguing!"

"_You!? Go home!? AHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHA! Who would accept you!? Who could love you now!? You're a monster! A twisted freak! Everyone will hate you!"_

Great, Ghost had woken up.

I flinched at his cruel words and whimpered.

"Kaz, are you okay?" Sarah asked, "Do you want this now?" She held out the chocolate to me but I drew back.

"He's here, he's back, make him leave! Make him stop! Make him leave me alone!" I wrapped my hands around my head.

"Who?" I hadn't told any of them about Ghost, I didn't dare, "Who's here, Kaz?"

"N-no one?" I managed to pull myself together a little bit, "J-j-just…hearing th-things!" I swallowed, shaking.

"_They're going to figure out that you're crazy."_ Ghost whispered, _"And then they're going to leave alone here to rot! You'll be all alone, Kaz, with no one for company but…me."_ And he laughed. I winced but said nothing, trying to focus on the voices of my friends.

"—have to get those chains off." Peyton was saying, "But how do we do that without hurting Kazzer?"

"Destiny Claw…" I muttered, "In my room…go get it…"

Sarah looked at Tom who shrugged, stood, and walked off.

"_Ooooohhhhh, so Kazzy thinks he's clever. HA, HA! You're stuck with me, Kaz! Forever! I'll never leave! We'll have eternity together…!"_

"You think?" I hissed under my breath, grinning shakily when I saw Tom coming back with the Destiny Claw gingerly resting in his hands. I reached out and took it from him. He didn't move, even as my massive claws came towards him, but he relaxed a little when I withdrew. I made them uneasy.

The Battlegear would no longer fit on my hand so I simply held it. Ulmar had said this could cut through any know substance in Perim. I'd seen it cut through my armor so I knew it could do it again. I held the Destiny Claw over the chain on my neck, shivering, unable to hold my hand perfectly still. Not that it would matter in the end.

"_Kaz…Kaz what're you doing!?"_ Ghost had picked up on my plans, _"No! No, don't! Kaz! Put it down! You'll kill yourself! Your friends will know you're crazy! No! NO!"_

"BYE-BYE GHOST!" I screamed and plunged one of the sharp, pointed tips of the Destiny Claw into the side of my head.

There was instant blackness.

Blessed silence was the only thing surrounding me. I wrapped myself in it, enjoying the quiet that I hadn't had in what felt like years. Wonderful, glorious peace…

That was ruined by that stupid ripple.

I was rudely yanked back into reality and snarled horribly when I discovered myself still chained to the wall. I thrashed, rattling the metal chains, and roared in fury. But it was no help. I was still captive and all I had succeeded in doing was creating a lot of noise. I slumped to the floor and waited from Ghost to reprimand me.

It never came.

_Ghost?_ I kept my face buried in my arms, _Ghost? _No answer. Was he gone? Was he finally gone!? Gone!? Completely!? All the way gone!?

"Ghost is gone!" I shouted jubilantly, shooting upright and looking around expectantly. No one was there. My friends had left. Had they just been hallucinations? Had I imagined them? Had they actually never been coming this whole time?

"Nuh-uh…" I whimpered, "No…"

"Kaz!" Tom came barreling back down the stairs and into the room and I jumped up with a cry, "Whoa! Kaz, what're you—ow!" I tackled him into a hug and we both slammed to the floor.

"I know it! I knew it! I knew, I was right, Ghost was wrong! You are real and you didn't leave me here!"

"Kaz, get a hold of yourself! Do you even realize what you're saying right now!?" Tom pushed at me, "Ugh! Get _off_! You're way too heavy!"

"Sorry!" I scrambled backwards, grinning. Tom looked at me in confusion.

"You're…acting really weird." He said, "Most of the time you're whining and talking nonsense and now you're saying somebody's gone and we're real…" Tom ran a hand through his hair, "Are you gonna be okay, Kaz?"

I stared at him.

I couldn't answer because I didn't know the answer.

"Maybe," I finally said, "After all of this is over. Maybe. It was…blurry. I can't remember what happened." I looked at the floor, "Did I…did I do something…did something…bad happen to me, Tom? How long was I…"

"A month." Tom choked out. He chewed on his lip a moment or two, "It's been a month since you were first…injected. A few minutes ago you…you took the Destiny Claw and…"

"I thought it would help." I murmured, feeling small and useless despite the hulking, powerful being I was becoming, "At least it…I…" I couldn't say it. I couldn't tell him about Ghost.

_Later,_ I said to myself, _When you're ready. When you're stronger. When you're past this. Then you'll be able to tell them everything._

"Tom, is Kaz—Kaz, you're okay!" Sarah, followed by Peyton and H'earring, came running into the room, "You took so long to regenerate that we thought you…we thought…!"

"I'm…better." I said.

"I found this." H'earring held out his hand, "It was in the…puddle." I stared at what was resting in his palm, confused, "It's a tracking device. Or was. But there's a Neuro-Scrambler on it."

"A what?" Peyton asked.

"A Neuro-Scrambler." H'earring responded, poking at the tiny, silvery chip in his hand, "Ulmar invented them a long time ago but never used them because they were too unpredictable and dangerous. They mess up some of the singles your brain sends."

I fell back, stunned. All this time, Ghost—the voice in my head—had been nothing but the result of a screwy piece of machinery. Ulmar had knowingly inserted that into my head beside the tracking device. I'd probably broken it when I'd stabbed myself with the Destiny Claw.

"H'earring, can I see that?" I asked, turning my massive hand towards him.

"Sure." He dumped the chip into my palm. I stared at it for a few seconds and then dashed it against the rock with a fierce cry of rage. It splintered into a bizzlion pieces.

I turned my gaze back to my friends who were all staring at me in shock and wonder, "Now, somebody said something about escaping."

* * *

_There you go. A short, crappy chapter. I hate it. It made me angry. I'm hungry. _

_Wait, what?_

_Bleg. I don't like this chapter and I probably won't like the next one very much either. I don't know. Oh well. Crap happens. Sorry this took so long to get done but I got Writer's Block. _

_Well, thank you guys for reading this horrible, horrible angst. And thanks for all the reviews! I'll see you in the next chapter! Stick around for the daring escape plan!_


	22. After the Storm: Danger in the Streets

_I apologize for the crap in the last chapter. I'm determined to make this chapter a lot better._

_I also apologize that this took me forever to post.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Four: Danger in the Streets

* * *

**

"_**How could we have fallen this low?...Why are soldiers—who should be protecting the populace—killing them instead? Because those are the orders we were given." –from Hiromu Arakawa's FullMetal Alchemist

* * *

**_

I curled up as tightly as I could in the small space, trying to be as little as my hulking form would allow. It was cramped but as long as I didn't move I should be okay. That wouldn't be a problem, though. I'd been trained not to move.

I would like to say the plan was simple but that wasn't entirely true. It was moderately straightforward, alright, but it was down right dangerous. To all of us.

The chains that had held me captive for a month met a quick end at the mercy of the Destiny Claw. It had hurt like heck; I'd felt the Battlegear slicing through the metal; but it was worth it. The next step was getting my up the stairs. That was a bit more difficult. I'd been incapacitated for a month with hardly anything to eat or drink and The Virus had taken a vicious toll on me. I was weak and it took longer than expected to get me out of the basement and out the front door. We had to be quick, we didn't know who could be watching.

Somehow or another, H'earring had procured some transport. It wasn't anything fancy like a hover car but a covered wagon…thing would work better than nothing. Whatever was pulling it certainly wasn't a horse either but I didn't have time to look at it. Cherri and H'earring ushered me into the back of the wagon and draped a canvas tarp over me. Then they piled bags on top and stacked barrels and boxes to stop anyone from peeking. To someone looking inside, it would look like just a bunch of goods being shipped off somewhere.

Because Chaor knew H'earring would rather help me than obey anything he said, Cherri was the one driving the wagon and H'earring would be up front with her, looking surly. Tom, Sarah, and Peyton were hiding in the back with me. I didn't like the idea and I really would rather have just had them meet us at wherever it was we were going but they were stubborn and ignored my protests. We'd try to fool the guards at the OverWorld exit into thinking we—that is, H'earring and Cherri—were leaving on Chaor's orders.

It was a risky gamble but we had no other way out.

I prayed to God that it worked.

Riding in that cramped space in the wagon was a bit uncomfortable but I drew consolation from the fact that my friends were nearby. I shouldn't have, I should have been scared out of my mind for them but I had been through so much crap that I was glad to have them by my side.

The wagon jerked and rumbled down the road. My stomach clenched with fear and all sorts of negative thoughts raced through my head,

_What if this doesn't work? What if we get caught? Chaor will have my friends…! He'll kill H'earring and Cherri…! What if Chaor really does make me kill Maxxor? What if I'm stuck here forever and ever? What if I never see my family again?_

"Shhhhh!" Said Peyton's voice and I clamped my mouth shut, realizing I'd been making whimpering noises.

We continued on in silence. I wish someone would say something but H'earring had to pretend he was sulking, Cherri was a mute, and we all had to be quiet or get caught so my wish was impossible.

A spasm shuddered through my frame.

_Not now…please, anytime but now…!_

The Virus didn't heed my wishes. Another seizure sent me thumping against the wall of the wagon. I saw Tom lift the lid of a nearby barrel through the canvas tarp that had slipped down over my head. He mouthed the words, "what're you doing" and reached out of the barrel in a cascade of yellowish rice to push the canvas back up. The growing insticts of the wild Creature I was becoming reacted and snapped at him. Tom snatched his hand back, eyes wide. Bits of rice fell from his hair. I stared at him, begging, pleading for him to understand and forgive me. He swallowed, reached out again, and put the canvas tarp back into place.

Underneath it, I clenched my teeth, dug my claws into my palms, and wound myself into as tight a ball as I could. I would not let The Virus ruin this! I would not! I was Kazdan Kalinkas! I was fifteen years old! My favorite color was green! And I liked mayonnaise on my celery!

The wagon slowed to a halt and my fear spiked, sending The Virus into another gleeful tremor of agony lancing through me. I hoped it hadn't sent the wagon rocking.

I caught the sound of voices outside, muffled by everything around me but still audible enough for me to understand what was being said,

"Nothing of interest to you!"

"You watch your mouth, maggot! Everyone knows you'd rather side with that human scum living with you!"

"Better scum than you!"

"What're you doing out here anyway?"

"Why don't you try staying in that house while he's howling and screaming and crying and shouting nonsense."

"Fair enough. Come on, let's check the back." Two sets of footsteps came around the side of the wagon. I bit my lip so hard a trickle of blood ran down my chin. My whole body was on fire and I was shaking with pain but I was still fighting The Virus' stinging change with everything I had.

Which was, I found out in a second, was not a lot.

One of the Battalion soldiers that guarded the UnderWorld side of the exit into the OverWorld had just clambered into the back of the wagon when The Virus won. I bucked against the floor of the wagon, screaming in agony, and then flew up, sending everything around me shooting into the air. The Battalion soldier was so surprised that he tripped over his own feet and fell backwards out of the wagon.

"GO, H'EARRING!" Sarah shouted, ignoring the blood dribbling from the cut on her head. H'earring and Cherri didn't need to be told twice. The wagon took off with a leaping jerk and I was thrown against the wall.

Spasms and pain clouded my head. I heard voices shouting and the firing of weapons. Flames crackled. Someone screamed. Then I fell into the blackness of agony and then, mercifully, into the unconscious.

* * *

When I awoke sometime later, exhausted, sore, and weak, the wagon was trundling smoothly along again. The last thing I could clearly remember was Sarah shouting at H'earring. I forced my eyes open and saw the off-white fabric of the covering on the wagon. I painstakingly rolled over, letting out a small groan as I did so, and looked about to see the damage I'd done.

It wasn't as bad as what I'd thought it would be; there were some tears in the lower part of the wagon cover, deep scratches were raked across the floor, and most of the barrels and bags were missing from the back of the wagon.

"You're awake!" H'earring popped into my field of vision. One of his ears was slightly raised, indicating he'd been worried. I tried to smile but my face hurt too much so I settled for grunting, "It's been three hours since we left the OverWorld and you hadn't woken up. We were scared you weren't going to."

I cast a glance around, pretending I hadn't heard that last bit.

Peyton was sitting at the back of the wagon, legs dangling over the side. When he heard H'earring, he turned around and grinned at me. His left eye was ringed in a nasty shiner that had started to swell. Tom had been leaning against one of the wagon walls and was now sitting forward with an anxious expression. The right sleeve of his shirt was missing and there were bandages tied around his arm, already stained red. I looked down at my hands. The tips of some of my claws were covered in crimson. I felt sick.

"What happened?" I managed to choke out. My voice rasped; I sounded like an animal. H'earring flinched.

"The Virus kicked in again," Tom said and I nodded, hearing my neck crack with the motion. But I didn't want to hear my voice. It scared me. Tom kept going, "And the guard saw you. He fell out of the back of the wagon but his buddy pointed his gun at us. Peyton, who was closest, jumped out and grabbed the end of it and the guy was so surprised he let go of the gun. Peyton smashed him over the head with it."

"Dude, it was epic!" Peyton added, still grinning. The smiled faded, however, as he continued talking, "But then the other guy, he recovered from seeing you spaz out, I guess, and he pulled his own gun out. I freaked, dude, and I dropped the gun I was holding. It's totally all my fault…"

"It's not your fault!" Tom said fiercely, "Cherri made that decision on her own!"

"What did…Cherri do?" I managed to say.

"She jumped 'em, Kaz. It gave us time to get away but…we had to leave her behind." H'earring murmured, "But we can't go back for her!" He stopped me from protesting, "Because the whole UnderWorld's going to be after us now and…and…and Cherri's not…she's dead, Kaz, I'm sorry."

I shuddered. Cherri had given her life up to make sure I had gotten out safely. Me!? I had hardly ever shown her a shred of decency and she had stood her ground against two Battalion soldiers in order for the rest of us to make it out alive.

"Life sucks." I muttered sullenly.

"No," Peyton said cheerfully, "Just your life."

"Thanks, that really—where's Sarah!?" I had suddenly realized that a member of our merry gang was missing.

"Relax, Kaz, she's up front driving this thing." Tom said, waving his right hand through the air. Then he winced and put a hand over the bloody spot.

"Did I…did I do that?" I asked, knowing the answer.

"Not on purpose!" Tom snapped, "But I gotta admit, you've got one heck of a sting in those claws of yours. And you socked Peyton a good one in the face!" The two of them looked at one another and laughed.

"It's not funny!" I shouted and they quit laughing, "What if I'd seriously hurt you!? What if I'd…what if I'd…_killed_ you!?"

"Dude," Peyton said in a tone a voice like he was lecturing an idiot, "We're Code. We can't die, per say, we just get Coded—."

"Out of Chaotic forever!" I snapped. Tom shrugged.

"Would've been worth it to see you back home again."

I felt tears prick my eyes and swallowed hard, determined not to cry. I buried my face in my arm and didn't look at any of them for a while. Silence followed.

"Geez, you guys, it's like Dooms Day back there!" I heard Sarah's voice come from beyond the muffling wagon cover, "Can't you think of anything to do besides sulking?"

"Like what? Play Tiddlywinks?" Tom scoffed and H'earring looked at him questioningly.

"How's abouts a song!" Peyton said.

"No!" Tom and I said at the same time.

"Let's just have some peace and quiet, please." I murmured and stretched. My spine popped and scales across my body crackled and rose. The IRA had began to vanish into my forming Creature body; all that was visible now were the silver spikes coming out of my shoulders, spikes on my knees, the metal band across my forehead, and the—slightly dulled—mess of eerie colors across my chest. The UnderWorld crest still blazed bright red against the black scales that covered me.

"Dude, you know you look like some wingless dragon, right?" Peyton said as the jagged spines across my tail tore strips out of the ceiling of the wagon cover.

"Shut up, Peyton." I rasped, moving stiffly past Tom and H'earring to perch on the edge of the wagon next to him. We were in a part of the OverWorld I didn't recognize; a veritable wasteland of dry, cracked earth, a blistering sun covered only by hazy gray clouds, and no sign of vegetation or animal life. It was like something from a cliché Hollywood film. I licked my lips in the dry heat, feeling my saw-like fangs scrape against my tongue. It was real.

"Your eyes are purple." Peyton commented and I looked around to find him staring at me with the barest hint of a smile, "It's weird." I blinked at him and he chuckled, "You know what, no mater what you look like you're still Kazzudie through and through!"

"That's good." I murmured, "'Cause I really don't think I look like Kazdan Kalinkas anymore."

"We'll set you right." Tom assured me, sitting down next to me on the edge. Dust kicked up by the wheels of the wagon frothed like the wake of a boat across the water under his tennis shoes. He swung his legs through the air as though he could keep the choking dust at bay.

"Honestly…there was a part of me that had already given up hope." I said softly. It felt right to finally say it, to finally admit to myself that when The Virus had started taking over I had lost almost everything that had held me together, "A part of me who didn't believe I was ever going home started taking me over." I looked at my best friend.

Tom's face had made a drastic change. His features contorted into an expression of anger and hurt. He raised a hand and, before I could register what he was doing, he'd slapped me across the face.

I stared at him. I'd barely felt the sting of his slap because of the scales spreading on my cheeks but…

He'd just_ hit_ me!

"There! See I hit you!" He said in a shaky voice, "And that means you haven't given up because you still trust us!" He clenched his fingers over the scrapes on his palm that had come from my scales, "You still trust me! I swear I'll get you home! You're still Kaz and I know it because y-you let y-your g-guard down around us!"

He started crying.

I looked away shamefully. He could cry and I couldn't.

"Okay, enough of the water works!" Peyton reached past and patted Tom on the back, "Come on, MajorT, you're better than this! You're acting like a girl!"

"Excuse me!?" Came Sarah's voice from the front, "I'm holding you in contempt for that statement, PeytonicMaster!"

I laughed.

It felt good.

My chest hurt and it ripped at my already raw throat but it felt good to actually laugh.

"Hey, hey, remember that time Kaz and me got in that huge fight!" Peyton said enthusiastically, "And Tom had us do that Scavenger Scan thing!"

"Yeah," I said with a smirk, "I remember kicking your butt!"

"Oh yeah?" Peyton raised an eyebrow, "But I bet you completely forgot that I beat _you_ the first time we mixed it up in the Drome!"

"Um, de-ja-vu?" Tom muttered, rolling his eyes, "You guys start on the Drome talk and I'm gonna have to get nasty!"

"Hey!" Sarah shouted, "Don't make me come back there, boys!"

H'earring chuckled at that and perched himself atop one of the remaining barrels. I looked at him; seemed worn out and tired. I guess I had really done quite a number on him. Feeling guilty, I looked away at the huge expanse of wasteland drifting past us.

"Where are we?" I asked to take my mind off the effect I was having on my friends.

"The Ravage Terrain;" Tom answered, "I've never been here myself but I've heard the OverWorlders talk about it sometimes. It's the outermost edge of the OverWorld, on the opposite side from the Mipedian Desert. Most Creatures avoid this place because they say it's haunted by spirits but I think they're just being superstitious."

"We're going to follow this outer edge until we get to Lake Ken-i-po." H'earring said from behind us.

"Lake Ken-i-po?" I repeated, turning slightly to look around at him, "Why there?"

"One word," Peyton held up a finger, "Najarin."

"Najarin?" I sounded like a parrot, repeating everything everyone was saying but I couldn't figure out where this was going.

"He's a genius, I'm sure he can figure out how to reverse the effects of The Virus and get that Instant Regeneration Armor off of you!" Tom answered with a reassuring smile, "And then we'll all figure out how to get you home!"

I smiled, yawned, and shuffled back into the wagon. I was tired and sore and I needed to sleep. I curled into the spot I had previously occupied, conscious of the fact that the others were watching me. I yawned again and buried my face in my arms, closing my eyes.

"Hey Sarah!" I called, "Try not to hit any potholes, okay!?"

She may have answered me, I'm not sure; I fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

_Is it just me or are these chapters getting shorter?_

_Well, hopefully they'll pick up in the next couple of chapters. Who knows. (shrugs)_

_Oh, by the way…I'm finishing up this chapter on my brand spanking new…MacBook Pro! That's right! EmptyHeart has gotten her hands on her very first laptop! Yeah! And I'm also sitting in the Student Commons of the college I attend! On my second day!_

_Okay, excitement time over, ha, ha, ha._

_Well, things are finally looking up for Kaz, aren't they? It's about time too! He's was on the verge of breaking!_

_But now the question is can Najarin really help or was the escape effort—and Cherri sacrificing herself—a waste? _


	23. After the Storm: Welcome to My Nightmare

_Should I really be trying to write a chapter when I really don't have the motivation to write this—holy crap! I'm not used to this keyboard! So if there are any really obvious, really stupid typos you can blame this laptop. So there._

_Oh, yeah, got the title for this chapter from a Happy Days episode because I'm not original enough to think up something unique on my own. I also don't have the energy.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Five: Welcome to My Nightmare

* * *

**

"_**Yet sometimes it is easier to see the light when you stand partly in the darkness." - Monday's Dusk from Garth Nix's Keys to the Kingdom: Mister Monday

* * *

**_

I woke up again when the motion of the wagon changed. It shifted slowly from rocking back and forth across the uneven ground of the Ravage Terrain to simply bumbling along smoothly with some slight bounces accompanying it. I opened my eyes and looked out the back of the wagon.

Drooping trees passed us by, their leaves green-black and wet looking. The sky overhead was dark blue-gray, tinged with velvet in the coming dusk, and heavy gray clouds hung low on the horizon. Mud and tall, wet grass were silent as the wheels of the wagon passed over them. The air smelled damp and old…very old.

Someone snorted and I whipped around to look. It was just Peyton, sleeping contentedly against the wall. Tom was against the opposite wall, Sarah at his side. Her head was leaning on his shoulder and he had an arm around her. I grinned.

"Say H'earring," I whispered, knowing the little Creature would be able to hear me perfectly fine, "Are we at Lake Ken-i-po yet?"

"Close." Came the reply, "We're taking a back road and going around the lake until we get to Najarin's."

"Does he know we're coming?" I knew Najarin wasn't big on surprise visitors.

"Uh…well…actually, no." H'earring sounded uncomfortable, "Tom tried to talk to him before but either he wasn't home or he wasn't interested in visitors."

"I hope he's home now…" I mumbled, looking down at what had become of me. I wasn't anywhere close to human now. Peyton was right, I did look something like a wingless dragon. I hated what I had become but couldn't deny that it was suiting the lifestyle I had led better than if I'd been human. It hurt to think about that so I moved towards the open back of the wagon again to watch the landscape go by.

It was relaxing; the land around Lake Ken-i-po was well nourished by the rain, moist air, and the damp earth and it made everything gorgeous in a dreary sort of way. I liked it. Dewdrops of moisture seeped into the tiny spaces between my scaly hide and I closed my eyes in pleasure. It felt really, really good after the dry heat of the UnderWorld and Ravage Terrain.

"Kaz?" I looked over my spiked shoulder to see Peyton rubbing sleep from his eyes, "You're awake."

"I guess so." I said teasingly and shuffled over to make room for him to sit by me, "Couldn't you guys have just ported here and waited for me and H'earring to show up?"

"Nah," Peyton yawned and rubbed his sleep tousled hair, "Tommy wouldn't have stood for it—got pissed when I suggested it." He stretched his arms towards the wagon's covered ceiling, "'Sides, I think you would've been lonely without us, eh dude? Probably've gone freaking emo…"

"I'm way beyond emo, Peyton." I responded, scratching my jaw line. It sounded like metal nails scraping against granite.

"What's beyond emo?"

"Mmmm, insane?"

"Must be."

"Mm-hm."

I looked at him and noticed something, "You've lost weight." I commented.

"Hm?" Peyton looked down at his stomach and shrugged, "Yeah, well, I was super worried about you. You expect me to stuff my face when I'm worried about my friend?"

I laughed at that, "I'm sorry! I guess I just wanted to talk about something normal!" I smiled, "I'm glad you guys came after me."

"Tch did you _want_ us to leave you there!?"

"No way!" I shuddered, "I think I'd rather die than go back there…"

Neither of us said anything after that. We just sat in silence and watched the greenery pass us by. Tom and Sarah woke up a little bit later but they kept quiet too, occupied by their own thoughts, whatever they might have been. I was daydreaming about being a normal human again.

"Hey you guys!" H'earring called, "We're here!" The wagon pulled to a slightly jerky halt, "Everybody out!"

Peyton jumped out followed by Sarah and then Tom helped me clamber down to solid ground. I was a little unsteady at first, being weak with hunger and The Virus draining my energy. But I managed to stand upright on my own. I squished the earth between my clawed feet and sniggered.

"Come on," H'earring made a 'follow me' motion at the edge of the lake where the bridge to Najarin's castle connected with the shore, "The sooner we get there, the less ugly Kaz will look!"

"Hey! I resent that!" I called after him as he gave a whooping laugh and bounded out across the bridge. The four of us chased after him, Sarah in the lead, Tom close at her heels, and Peyton and I lagging in the rear. We quickly sobered when we reached the gigantic front door.

"I hope he's home." Sarah whispered as Tom stepped up to the entrance.

"Najarin!" Tom called, knocking a fist on the door, "Najarin, are you home? We need some help! Please, it's important!"

Silence. I licked my lips, nervous. What if Najarin wasn't going to answer because he knew I was the one who'd killed all those Creatures? What if he sent us away and The Virus just kept spreading further until—

The door creaked open and there stood the OverWorld Muge himself, clad in his usual blue. My jaw tightened. I had the sudden urge to bite him. I think Najarin sensed this because he looked right at me. For an instant, our eyes met and then he tore his gaze away and looked at Tom.

"What is the meaning of this intrusion, Thomas?" He asked in his baritone voice.

"I-it's Kaz, you know, my best friend." Tom pointed at me over his shoulder with a distraught expression, "The UnderWorlders, they—!"

There was a popping noise and a flash of blue light and the next thing I knew, we were all standing in a huge, living room-like area. The carpet was a thick blue thing, a large, round, wooden coffee table was sitting in the middle of the room, and an odd assortment of mismatched couches and chairs were situated around it.

"Sit." Najarin said, taking a high-backed wooden chair for himself.

H'earring took a footstool, Peyton sunk into a squishy armchair, Tom and Sarah sat in a love seat (probably without realizing what it was), and I managed to orient myself on a wide couch.

"What has happened?" Najarin asked, "No, Thomas, not you. Him." The Muge pointed and me and I suddenly felt we were doing something kind of stupid. Najarin had that affect on people.

"I think it's been six or seven months now…" I said slowly, "I was kidnapped by the UnderWorlders and…" I told him what I could. I didn't trust Najarin like I trusted H'earring and my friends. Najarin listened silently and so did my companions. It was harder telling it the second time around. When I'd finished, Najarin sat stroking his beard, clearly thinking.

"I can most likely rid you of this Virus," He said carefully and my heart soared, "But I probably do not have the ability to remove the armor." I felt crushed. It must have showed on my face too because Najarin said a little too quickly, "But I'm sure that Garv may be able to. After getting rid of The Virus, I suggest you go see him."

"Great, more traveling…" H'earring grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, don't act like you don't like it." I said, "Besides, it's not like you can go back to the Under World now…" I trailed off. I had suddenly realized the enormity of what H'earring had done. He'd betrayed his whole tribe just to help me. He would be marked as a traitor and if he ever showed his face in the UnderWorld again, he'd be killed. I'd driven him out of his own home.

"It seems that all of you have sacrificed something in order to help your companion." Najarin said, looking between all of us. I hated the way he kept scrutinizing me; it reminded me too much of the way Ulmar used to poke at me like a lab rat. I glared at him when I thought he wasn't looking.

"I suggest that you rest, for now." The old Muge continued as though he didn't see me glowering at him, "You've had a rather rough journey and—."

"Rest!?" Tom shouted, leaping to his feet. Sarah grabbed his arm warningly but he shook her off, "My best friend is being messed up by that Virus and you want us to rest!? No way! Why can't you—!?"

"Thomas Majors!" I flinched. Najarin's voice crackled with power. It made my scales itch, "I am doing what I can for you now! If you do not wish to have my help then _leave_!"

Tom fell back onto the couch, shocked. We'd never seen Najarin angry and it was frightening. H'earrng had ducked behind the footstool he'd been sitting on. The invisible cloud of power that had been frothing around the OverWorlder subsided and he calmed himself.

"I shall have rooms prepared for you." Najarin raised a hand and the door opened. A figure stepped into the room; a female Creature with goldenrod colored skin, curling golden horns, and a satyr-like appearance. With a pang, I thought of Cherri, "This is Atrum, my assistant. She will help you." He gestured, "Go on, follow her. You will find hot baths and meals in your rooms."

Sarah and Peyton stood up, followed by H'earring. I stretched and went into a spasm of agony. I remembered hitting the floor and screaming in pain but after that was nothing but the dark fury of the painful convulsions. The Virus had struck again.

* * *

I woke up to feeling of silken fabric catching on my scales, the smell of cinnamon and wood smoke, and the soothing sound of a pan flute. I pulsed with a thudding pain but it was dulled and felt only like a bruise. Over my entire body.

I forced my eyes open and saw a thick curtain of cerulean blue. I reached out and pushed it aside. A wall of pale blue-gray met my eyes, two dark blue plushy chairs were situated against it, and sparkles of white light danced across the wall. I stretched and slid out from underneath the silken sheet that was covering me. I heard it snag and rip on my scales and felt a little bad for ruining Najarin's sheets.

The floor beneath my feet was polished wood, a set of ivory double doors were across from the end of the bed, and heavy silver baubles rimmed in gold were strung from the ceiling on silver wires, reflecting the candlelight from the chandelier and smoking slightly. They were probably the source of the relaxing scent covering the room.

I walked stiffly around the other side of the bed and saw the Creature from last night—Atrum, I remembered her name was—sitting on a small couch against the far wall next to which was situated a dresser of drawers. She was playing a sweet tune on the pan flute in her hands and I quirked my head to the side to listen. She noticed the movement and stopped.

We stared at one another.

"So…you are the one they call Ghost." She said in a flat sort of voice like it didn't matter but there was a look in her eye that made me think otherwise. She didn't trust me. I couldn't blame her.

"I guess so…" I murmured and cringed at the sound of my own voice. It didn't even sound like me anymore.

"Are you feeling better?"

"What do you think!?" I snapped and regretted it immediately. Atrum looked hurt. I stared at the floor. It spun, I slipped, fell, and crashed into the wall, "Oooowwwww…" I wasn't as steady on my feet as I thought.

"Maybe you should eat something." Atrum hooked a hand under my arm and helped me upright and I instinctively leaned on her for support.

"I'll eat when I'm human again." I grumbled and when I saw the look on Atrum's face I said, "I hate it that you all think I _wanted_ to become this." I pushed away from her, stumbled against the wall again, and fell out the door.

Atrum didn't follow me but I felt her eyes on me as I dragged myself down the hall.

I didn't care anymore.

I just wanted to be Kaz again.

Or, at the very least, I wanted to look like him.

* * *

_This chapter was short too!? What the heck!? Oh well, at least it stopped at an interesting part. Think about that last line real hard; it's pretty deep stuff._

_I remembered that Creature that was with Najarin in, um—what was it?—Eye of Maelstrom but I didn't know if she had a name or not so I just gave her one. Atrum is actually Latin for dark so…I guess it really doesn't make sense. But I was tired when I was typing it. So there. _

_Meh. _


	24. After the Storm: Still Not Completely Me

_I have an important announcement to make. This announcement is directed to 4Kids and their stinking website:_

_Ahem…_

_WHEN THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO POST THE NEW EPISODES YOU (insert words of choice here) FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME WHO HAVE NO TELEVISION AT HOME!?_

_Thank you.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Six: Still Not Completely Me

* * *

**

"_**Well, I'm your man. I'm the bloody bastard you wanted when you had me spawned. I'm your tool, and what difference does it make if I hate the part of me that you most need?" –from Orson Scott Card's Ender's Game

* * *

**_

I ran into Peyton in the hall and he helped me down two flights of stairs into what could have been a Creature's version of a dining room. I was aching and sore but glad to see my friends waiting for me.

"Did you guys stay here all night?" I asked, resting my head on the table after pushing aside plates of food.

"No, actually." Sarah said with a pointed look at Tom. Tom glanced away, looking embarrassed, "Tom wanted to but I convinced him otherwise. We wanted to let our real world selves know that you got out okay."

I smiled to myself.

I was lucky to have such loyal companions.

"I cried." I heard Tom say and looked around at him in wonder. His face was red and he was staring at the table top but he was telling the truth, "I was so happy that I cried. My mom heard and came up to see me and when she asked what was wrong I couldn't say, "my best friend escaped the UnderWorld" because…well…you know…" He shrugged helplessly, "So I just told her that I…that I really missed you and that I hated the police for giving up on you." He took a shaky breath and shook his head, "I felt like a total jerk, lying to my mom like that but…" He shrugged, "I did what I thought what was best."

"You're the greatest friend a guy could ask for." I said sincerely and realized that I meant it. I smiled and straightened up in my seat.

"So you are all here again." Najarin. I was starting to hate how the dude just popped up out of nowhere, "How are you feeling, Kaz?"

"I'll feel better when I'm human again." I growled. Najarin gave me a dark look and I sighed, "Look, Najarin, I appreciate that you're going to help me but I…you have to try and understand that I…I'm _not supposed to be like this_. Chaor's…ruined everything I knew about myself and I—."

"I cannot understand your feelings." The old Muge said calmly, "I have always been a Creature and I have never been forced to kill someone who did not deserve to die. I have never been stolen away from all that I know and love and I have never been betrayed by those whom I have trusted." He stepped closer to me and I drew back a little, stiffening when he lay a hand on my shoulder, "Everyone has their strengths; speed, power, or smarts; but your power is of heart. You withstood Chaor's abuse and eventually escaped him with your life. That is a feat in of itself."

"I only managed to do that because of my friends." I replied, feeling their eyes on me, "If it wasn't for them…I'd have gone crazy."

"You doubt yourself too much." Najarin said with a smile, "Did you eat?"

"I'll eat a victory feast when I'm human again."

"You know that this will hurt."

"I can hold out."

"What about you three?" The OverWorld Muge turned to Tom, Sarah, and Peyton, "What will you do?"

"Anything we can to help." Peyton said.

"And if we can't we'll stay out of your way." Sarah added.

"But we're not leaving." Tom stated, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly, "We'll stay here until we get Kaz home."

"You have loyal friends." Najarin commented.

"I owe them my life." I replied softly, looking down at the tabletop. I could see a shadow of myself on the highly polished top. It didn't look human. I wished it was. It would be soon.

I looked back around at Najarin,

"I don't wanna sound rude but can we get this over with? The sooner I'm human again…the sooner I can go home."

Najarin nodded once and held out his hand, "Come with me."

* * *

The room was perfectly square with a low ceiling and no visible door. All of it was made out of the same shiny black stone that was so smooth it was like glass. I could see myself in it and I hated that I could. Najarin stood beside me.

"What is this place?" I expected my voice to echo but it sounded muffled, almost like I was talking into a pillow.

"It is a room with many purposes." Najarin pressed a hand against a wall, "It was built from the stone the we create Mugic with and coated with the melted bark of an ancient tree of Runic Grove. It holds much energy and power."

As he spoke, a crackle of blue lightening flickered from the back of his hand, arced over his shoulders, and snapped me across the back. I snarled and this time it echoed, startling me.

"It also reveals truth." Najarin said, "That your threat echoed means it is not what you truly mean. The Virus has done more than affect your body, it has also begun to corrupt your mind."

"Then what're we waiting for!?"

"Hush…" The old Muge placed his hands on either side of my head and I felt the power burning at his fingertips. It was like hot sparks against my scales, "This room will help me undo what has been done but if I cannot understand The Virus then I cannot help you. Now calm down…"

I watched Najarin close his eyes. Understand The Virus? What was to understand!? It was ruining me! It was tearing me apart! It was taking my life away!

"Calm yourself, Kazdan. If I cannot understand how Ulmar created this Virus, how it works, then I cannot stop it or extract it from you. Now relax…"

Fingers of power twisted under my skin and I writhed under Najarin's touch. Hot and cold at the same time, burying themselves into me, exploring. I wanted it to stop but at the same time I knew that it couldn't. I was willing to do almost anything in order to turn human again.

There was something like a snap and Najarin pulled back. I stumbled forward and fell to my knees on the floor, gasping with the shock of the Muge's sudden withdraw of power.

"It is more deeply rooted than I thought." A look of distress must have showed up on my face because he added, "But I can get it out. It will hurt."

"You said that already and I don't care."

"There is something else."

"What?"

"The Virus has integrated itself deeply into your being. I may not be able to remove every single trace of it…there may be side effects, so to speak."

"But I'll be human?"

"Yes."

"What kind of side effects are we talking about?"

"I am not sure. Perhaps you will be stronger, perhaps your speed will be increased, I cannot say for sure but I don't think it will be anything drastic."

I nodded slowly. Stronger? That couldn't be so bad. Faster? That wouldn't be so bad either.

"Are you ready?"

"Been ready." I said solidly.

Najarin reached down and the last thing I remembered was a flurry of blue sparks blinding me.

Then an excruciating amount of agony.

Then nothing.

* * *

I was sick and tired of hurting every time I woke up.

Well, this time it wasn't so much of a hurt as it was a tingle. Like the pins and needles when your foot falls asleep.

I opened my eyes and saw the cerulean fabric that was the top of the curtain that surrounded the four-poster. The silken sheet over my felt cool, and smooth, and wonderful against my skin—.

Skin…

Skin?

Skin!

I sat up quickly and stared at my hands. My fingers—my _human_ fingers—wrapped in the metal of the Instant Regeneration Armor, wiggled up at me happily. I pressed my palms against the smooth skin on my cheeks, grinning, and dragged my fingers down my face, let them trail down my neck, and hugged myself.

Human…

I was human again!

I jumped out of the bed in an explosion of fabric, got tangled in the sheets, and slammed into the floor.

It hurt.

I liked it.

The floor. I rubbed my hands over it, grinning. No claws, no scales, to tail, no burning desire to kill.

It was gone.

But it wasn't over.

I still needed to get this stupid Instant Regeneration Armor off and find a way home.

Home…

It seemed so much closer now that The Virus was gone.

I got slowly to my feet and ran a hand through my hair. It was still long and getting longer; it hung a little past the base of my neck now. I put out a hand and ran it along the wall, feeling the smooth paint beneath my fingers, and walked along the room until I got to the door. I pushed it open and stepped out into the hall. I looked left and then right and, seeing no one, I took a huge breath and shouted at the top of my voice,

"HEY GUYS! I'M HUMAN AGAIN!"

They came running.

I heard the thunder of their footsteps first and then Tom rounded a corner and plowed into me. I lost my balance and fell over, my best friend in the whole world on top of me. We were laughing. Sarah jumped onto both of us and then Peyton hauled us all upright into a huge group hug.

It was like the time they'd shown up in the UnderWorld all over again.

A happiness that exploded like fireworks inside me, lighting up my world in a circle of rainbow lights and falling stars. I closed my eyes, relishing in the relief, the pure joy, the ecstasy of being alive, of being human, of being with my friends.

We pulled apart.

I looked at them all, smiling like an idiot, feeling tears prick my vision and forcing them back. I was so happy.

"Kazzer! You're eyes!" Peyton pointed at me and Sarah slapped his hand.

"What?" I automatically put a hand up to my face in panic, fingers feeling the loose skin under my eyes caused by lack of sleep, "What's wrong with me? Tell me!"

"They're just kind of…weird…Kaz." Tom said slowly, holding up his hands, "You don't need to freak out, it's alright. I…you'd hardly notice. I swear."

"Dude, you've got fangs too." Peyton added and Sarah slapped him across the face, "Ow! Sar-Bear!?"

I shivered and ran my tongue along the inside of my mouth. Sure enough, my canines were dagger sharp. I clamped my mouth shut and hung my head, looking away from my friends. This wasn't happy reunion I had imagined. This wasn't what I wanted. Najarin had said side effects like increased strength and speed. He'd never mentioned the fact that I could turn into a freakshow.

"KAZ!" The cry made me jump a foot in the air. H'earring came flying out of nowhere and slammed into me, wrapping his little arms around my chest as far as they would go. My happiness erupted back into being like someone lighting a match in the darkness of the night.

I hugged him tightly and spun on the spot, laughing and shouting. And then we were all jumping up and down and screaming and yelling and I was sure that all of Perim could hear us and I didn't care.

I was human.

"Come on, let's go to Garv's right now and—!" My stomach protesting loudly cut me off. H'earring sniggered at me and I blushed, "Scratch that, let's eat."

I held H'earring's hand as we walked down the two flights of stairs into the dining room again. He grinned at me. I smiled back. I owed him most of all; he'd taken care of me, looked after me, fed me, given me someplace to live, and betrayed his whole tribe in order to help me.

Out of all of us, he'd sacrificed the most.

* * *

Food had never tasted so good.

I hadn't eaten a decent meal in almost a month and a half.

Now I was stuffing my face.

I didn't care what I grabbed as long as it was edible.

Even Peyton stopped eating before I did. After I'd licked off the sugar from my last sweet roll and sat back with a contented sigh, I felt bloated but happy. I rested my hands on my stomach, still smiling, and looked around at my friends.

Sarah was downing the last of her drink and beside her Tom was busy trying to fold the napkin into origami shapes. Peyton was picking at some crumbs on his plate, clearly trying to be the last one to put food in his mouth, and H'earring looked ready for a nap except for the smear of chocolate across the side of his face. I chuckled and tilted my head back, closing my eyes as I did so.

This was going to be one of the happiest moments of my life.

The best moment of my entire existence would come when I got home.

"We should probably head off to Garv's now." Oddly enough, it was Sarah who said it, not Tom as I expected. I looked around at her, "Creature's come to Najarin for help all the time and if one of the OverWorlders finds you here, they wouldn't hesitate to…you know. And beside, you want to get that armor off and go home, don't you?"

"You can bet your life on it!" I said, pushing myself to my feet, "Let's go, H'earring! You guys port to Garv's and H'earring and I'll meet up with you there—."

"No." Tom leapt to his feet and stood in my way, "We're coming with you every step of the way." I opened my mouth to argue but he interrupted me, "We're not leaving you alone, Kaz. Not until I know for sure that you're back at home, in your own room, in your own world, right where you belong!"

I stared at him blankly for a while and then said, "It's gonna be a long trip."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Tom answered with a smile. He held out his hand and I clasped it in my own.

"Road trip! Road trip!" Peyton cried, jumping up from his seat and throwing his hands in the air, "Road trip! Road trip!" He paused, "I'm driving!"

"Oh no you're not!" H'earring shouted in return, standing up on his chair and pointing a claw at Peyton, "I wouldn't trust you behind the wheel of a rock!"

"Duuuuudddeeee…" Peyton whined and Sarah laughed.

I laughed.

We all laughed.

And it felt good.

Right.

Almost normal.

* * *

_Why does every chapter end with some angsty little sentence fragment?_

_Ah, well. I believe this chapter has been the best of the past, like, three. Aheh…_

_Yeah! Kaz is finally human again! Whoo-hoo! (hugs Kaz) Yea, for Kazzey! _

_Now the remaining question is…can Garv remove that armor and send Kaz home or he doomed to be stuck in Perim for good? _


	25. After the Storm: Discovered

_I couldn't remember where Garv lived and I can't get online right now to look so I'm just making it up as I go along. Tough Snickerdoodles if it's wrong.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Seven: Discovered

* * *

**

"_**If you wish to be brothers, drop your weapons." –Pope Jhon Paul II

* * *

**_

Atrum packed us a bunch of food for the journey. I was starting to feel like this was some sort of cliché RPG video game. Except that the main character was formally insane and had emotional issues and there was no world to save.

I did not see Najarin at all.

H'earring climbed into the front seat and smacked the reigns, setting off the cyborg-horse-thing that was pulling the carriage, while the rest of us settled into the back. As we pulled away from Lake Ken-i-po and into the gloom of the surrounding wood, I looked back up at the towering structure that the OverWorld Muge called home.

"What's wrong, Kaz?" Sarah asked as the drooping tree branches obscured Najarin;s castle.

"I never said thanks to him." I answered truthfully.

"I think he knows." Sarah responded, putting an arm around my shoulders. I smiled and leaned against her, putting my head on her shoulder, "You should do something with your hair, it's getting really long."

"The only thing I know how to do with it is to spike it." I said, feeling the tip of my fangs with my tongue again.

"Here," Sarah pushed me off of her and made me put my back to her, "Let me do something with it." I felt her tug at my hair and I titled my head back so she wouldn't pull so hard, "Kaz, stop moving around."

"You're pulling my hair. It hurts."

"You're such a whiner."

"You're a meanie-head."

"I feel so insulted."

"Will you two stop it?" Tom said from behind us, "I'm trying to figure out how to fix this Pyro Blaster."

"Lemme see." I started to turn around but Sarah grabbed one of the spikes protruding from my shoulder guard and stopped me, "Saaaaarrrraaaahhhhhh!" I complained, feeling a twang of pain as she pulled on it, "That huuuuuurrrrttttt!"

"I'm not finished with your hair."

"What're you even doing?"

"Braiding it."

"Wha—hey! Just put it in a ponytail!"

"It'll be easier to manage this way, trust me. "

I didn't say anything. I wasn't one to stereotype but Sarah was a girl and girls generally knew more about hair than boys did.

But that didn't stop me from sulking when she pulled on my hair. I heard lots of grumbling and complaining from behind me and then Peyton said something under his breath and Tom snapped at him playfully. I smiled.

"Done!" I felt one final tug and then Sarah patted my back, "Tell me what you think."

"Like I can see it." I muttered but put a hand behind my back and felt the twist of the braid. My hair wasn't quite long enough for the braid to be very long so there was only a short series of twists that dangled a little past the base of my neck.

"Sssssssliiiiiiick, Kazzudie!" Peyton said and I looked around to see him giving me thumbs up. Tom was sitting beside him, a Pyro Blaster held between his knees as he tugged at the barrel with a frustrated expression.

"Tom, that's not how you get a Pyro Blaster apart." I reached out and took it from him, twisting the pieces apart without hardly looking at it, cleaned it in almost a minute, and put it back together again, "Here, now it should work."

I handed it back to Tom and he hoisted it up to aim it out the back of the wagon. A burst of flames shot out in a spherical fireball, erupting against a tree and sending it up in a glow of red, orange, and yellow.

"Why don't you just let all of Perim know where we are!?" H'earring shouted irritably from the front of the carriage, "Stop playing around with that Pyro Blaster, it's for emergencies _only_!"

"Sorry!" Tom called back. But he was grinning; I knew he liked using Battlegear outside of Drome Battles when he could.

"Thanks for the hairdo, Sarah." I smiled over my shoulder at her and she shrugged and muttered a "you're welcome." I sat cross-legged on the wagon's wooden floor and started picking at the armor wrapped around my legs, wincing as I pried my fingers into the cracks and tugged at them. I was bored. And I wanted to get this armor off.

I stopped what I was doing.

"Whhhooaaaa, Kaz, your face is rrreeeeeeeeeddddd!" Tom laughed, pointing at me as I felt my face heat up, "What's up with that?"

"I just…realized something…" I murmured, embarrassed to be voicing it.

"What?" Ever-inquisitive-Peyton.

"When I get this armor off…I'm not…all I'll have on is…my boxers…" I felt like someone could roast a turkey on my face, it was so red.

"Hhoooooooo!" Peyton started making obnoxious little noises and gesturing at me.

"Shut up, Peyton!"

"I didn't think you wore boxers, Kaz."

"Sarah!"

"Sure he does! They're pink and say I Heart Ponies right across his a—!"

"Tom!"

"Ooooohhhhooooohhhoooooo!"

"PEYTON!!"

* * *

I was glad when we reached the Location that Garv called home. I'd been anxious that whole trip through the OverWorld, fearful that some vengeful Creature would appear and slaughter us all. It made me stomach hurt and I didn't eat a lot during the trip, for which Sarah scolded me for. She and H'earring switched places every so often and when H'earring sat back with me we would talk about the mysteries of Perim and the way things had been.

Those days seemed centuries ago, now.

Tom was oddly quiet, usually sitting at the back of the wagon with the Pyro Blaster in his lap, watching the landscape roll by as we went along. I didn't know what was going through his head but I figured he was thinking hard about something. Tom was a—how do I say this?—gun-ho sort of guy; he often dived head first into something without thinking about it, which wasn't always a bad thing. So to see him sitting there silently made me wonder if something had happened that he was trying to get his head around.

Maybe it had something to do with me.

Peyton was another story.

He was all over the place. He couldn't sit still in the wagon for very long. I didn't know if he was just being himself or if it was because he was worried about something.

So when we got to Garv's, it was a relief to all of us to get out of the wagon and into the fresh air.

The relief didn't last long, though, because I had barely taken a step away from the wagon when a blinding bolt of pain lanced through me and sent me screaming to the ground. I writhed in the dirt, clawing at myself, feeling the electricity tearing at me, screaming in agony.

Then it was over and I was gasping on my stomach on in the dirt. A bead of sweat trickled down the side of my face.

"Kaz!? Kaz, what happened!? Are you okay!?" Tom hooked his hands under my arms and hauled me to my feet.

"C-C-Chaor!" I gasped, my head spinning. I was so scared, I was close to feinting, "He knows! He knows we're gone! He's after me! He's after me! I don't want to go back there! I don't want to—AAAAHHHHHHGGGGGG!" Another flash of punishing electricity sent me to my knees.

Chaor had found out we left! Chaor was going to come after me! He was going to catch me and punish me! And then he'd capture my friends and they'd end up like me too! And then he'd kill H'earring just to teach me a lesson! And it would all be over! It would be the end of my existence!

The pain stopped and I jumped unsteadily to my feet, teetering slightly. The panic must have been clear on my face because Peyton grabbed my arm, effectively stopping me from running off in a frenzy,

"Kaz, calm down, Chaor's not going to find you!"

"You don't get it!" I cried, breathing too quickly, "He'll tear up the whole UnderWorld trying to find me! And when he doesn't, he'll rip apart the OverWorld! He doesn't care! All he wants to do is puni—!" I collapsed against Peyton, screeching as another wave of voltage shocked my system.

"He's not going to get you, Kaz!" Tom shouted as the torture ceased once again, "We're going to get you out of here and by the time he realizes you're not in the UnderWorld, you'll be at home! I swear it, Kaz! I promise you!"

Tom didn't make promises lightly.

And he was my best friend.

Tears of pain had blurred my vision but I could see just clearly enough to see that Tom was in front of me, looking panicked and worried and angry all at the same time. I stared at him, breathing heavily.

My friends.

My loyal friends.

They'd gone through Hell to get me out of it.

I nodded and pushed myself up right again, leaning against Peyton for support. I was not shocked again. Apparently Chaor didn't find it fun unless he could see me squirming.

We ducked out of the sunlight and down into Garv's underground home.

"Garv? You here, dude?" Peyton called. Shadows danced across the stone walls from the flickering torches and candles that lit the room. It was a mess; books and papers were stacked everywhere in teetering piles, plants hung from the ceiling in huge clumps, and there were about fifty mortars and pestles scattered around the room. Compared to Garv, Najarin's book-crowded castle looked like the home of a neat freak.

I eased myself onto a stool, feeling suddenly drained. H'earring thumped down to the floor beside me and held out a loaf of bread. I took it from him without a word and ate it slowly, letting it rebuild my energy. When I heard movement in the room beyond, I looked around.

A door opened.

I screamed and tried to run.

An UnderWorlder stood framed in the doorway, staring at me with a hard, blank expression.

I stumbled backwards, falling off the stool and kicking it away with a cry of terror. The UnderWorlder stepped forward and I turned to run. Tom grabbed my shoulders and stopped me, gritting his teeth as he tried to force me to stay in one place,

"Kaz! Cut it out, what's _wrong_ with you!?"

"The UnderWorlders!" I gasped in fear, looking pointedly over my shoulder at the Creature who had stopped moving and was watching us now, "They're here! They got Garv! He's dead! He's gone! They're gonna take me away, Tom! Don't let them take me! Run! Get out! Get away if you can!"

"Uhhh, Kaz," I looked around at Sarah with wide eyes, holding just as tightly to Tom's arms as he was holding my shoulders, "That's Hifdan. He's an OverWorlder."

I had a stupid moment.

I stared at her like I'd never seen her before in my life. Then I stared at Hifdan. He stared right back with a blank expression. His similarity to an UnderWorlder was eerie and it sent chills down my spine.

"Um, Kaz, can you…let go of me now? You're hurting me." I tore my gaze away from Hifdan and looked around at Tom. He was wincing and I released his arms. He pushed his sleeves up and looked at his arms. There were deep red marks where my fingers had dug into his skin. I could tell they were going to bruise.

"What is all the commotion going on out there?" Garv side-stepped Hifdan and saw the lot of us standing there. If he was surprised to see us, he didn't show it. He looked over us once and then turned to Hifdan.

"Give this to Maxxor. Tell him to let it dissolve in Gespedan's water before giving it to him." I flinched away from the words. Gespedan was in that predicament because of me. But at least he wasn't dead.

Hifdan took the leather bag and tucked into a secure place among the folds of his clothing. Then he headed for the exit. As he brushed past me, he knelt down and whispered into my ear with a voice that was low and rumbling like distant thunder,

"I know who you are."

I tensed, heart thudding and looked around at him. His eyes met mine and I swallowed thickly. If he told Maxxor about me, I'd be doomed. Come to think of it, how much did Maxoor know? Gespedan had gotten away but not before he'd gotten a good look at my face. If he'd described me to Maxxor, the OverWorld ruler would surely remember me and no doubt hate me for siding so fiercely with his enemies. I shuddered at the thought.

"Hifdan, you should leave." Garv said coolly and Hifdan straightened up. He cast one final glance at me and then vanished into the outside. Garv turned his attention to us, "So…you are Ghost."

I squirmed at the name as though he'd struck me with a physical blow.

"Don't call him that!" Sarah snapped, clenching her fists at her sides, "His name is Kaz! He's our friend! Chaor forced him to…he's not Ghost!"

"Please Garv," I said softly and the OverWorld Caretaker glanced at me, "I…I know I've done some bad things and I regret that I didn't do more to stop it but…I don't belong in this world. And neither does this armor." I put a hand over the UnderWorld crest on my chest plate, "This shouldn't exist; it defies the laws of nature. So please…help me get rid of it."

Garv looked me up and down. I scowled; I was getting sick and tired of Creatures scrutinizing me like something at an art museum but Garv was (probably) going to help me. I didn't move as he swept his gaze over me. No one said anything.

"I can remove the armor," Garv said slowly, leaning on his staff. I grinned, "But it will probably leave you severely weakened. It was designed not only to cause instant regeneration but also to enhance your disciplines. When it is taken away, the sudden loss of these…improvements may cause your body to go into shock or possibly a coma. You understand this?"

I looked around at my friends. Peyton gave me the thumbs up; good old Peyton, he'd have high spirits no matter the situation. Sarah smiled at me; she'd be at my side too, through thick and thin. H'earring grinned at me; he'd be next to me, even after all the crap I'd put him through. And Tom? He grinned at me and held out a fist. I tapped it with my own. Tom was my best friend in this world and my own. I knew where he would stand.

"Okay Garv, whenever you're ready."

* * *

_There you go, another chapter. _

_Did you think that Kaz was going to get the IRA off in this chapter? X3 Aw, come on, like it would be that easy. _

_Oh, and let's not forget that Chaor now knows that Kaz has escaped the UnderWorld and now—possibly—the OverWorlders know too. _

_What's going to happen…?_

_Please review!_

_Thanks!_


	26. After the Storm: Stripping

_Just a warning, we're going to be changing view points again at some point. In fact, this is almost an interlude chapter save for the portion at the beginning.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Eight: Stripping

* * *

**

"_**Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society." –Mark Twain

* * *

**_

Garv wanted to wait but we all argued against him until he agreed to do it _now_.

The OverWorld Caretaker handed me a goblet of steaming, orange liquid and told me to drink it. I looked at it skeptically but did as I was told. It smelled like pumpkin pie and tasted like cough medicine. I made a disgusted face and H'earring laughed at me.

Then we had to wait.

Garv said that the drink was like a sedative; it would numb me and probably make me drowsy. I didn't mind. The less pain I went through, the better. I spent the time waiting for the stuff to kick in hanging out with my friends. We commandeered a small room off the main hall in which was a bunch of wooden furniture.

"So Kaz, what's the first thing you're going to do when you get back home?" Sarah asked, setting her chin in her hands and propping her elbows on her knees.

"Tell my parents that I love them." I answered honestly, "And then…I'm going to eat an entire Double Supreme, Stuffed Crust Pizza all by myself."

Peyton whooped and clapped his hands together enthusiastically and the others laughed. I joined in.

"Kazzer, I _cannot _see you eating a pizza that big all alone!" Peyton chuckled breathlessly, wiping a few tears from his eyes, "Maybe a half of a pizza…!"

"I could so eat a whole pizza!" I argued back and Sarah rolled her eyes.

"Okay, so what about school?" Tom tilted his head to the side with a grin.

"Uuhhhh…" I honestly hadn't been thinking about school at all. I'd been more concerned with getting home. But I had been gone for almost eight or nine months now and had no doubt missed a ton of homework, "I think that's one obstacle I'll worry about when I get there."

"Well, it's almost October now, you've got a lot of catching up to do." Tom said, raising an eyebrow.

I yawned in response, feeling heavy and tired. Perhaps the sedative was finally kicking in. I rubbed my eyes and felt the armor scrape against my skin. Soon it would be gone. Soon I would be myself again.

I leaned back against the chair I was sitting in and yawned again.

"Sleepy, sleepy…!" Peyton teased and I scowled at him, "Dude, think about it! Next time you wake up you'll be—."

"In your boxers." Sarah said. My face flushed again.

"You had to bring that up…" I muttered sleepily, slumping in my seat, "You guys port out for now…let your real world selves know…everything's…okay…"

I slid out of the chair and thumped against the floor, closing my eyes, falling into a dark sleep.

-After the Storm-

Tom watched Kaz sink to the floor, falling into the drug induced sleep. He hated how his best friend only looked peaceful because of the sedative. It wasn't fair. He gladly would have taken Kaz's place, had he had the chance to, and he still would. Kaz had never done anything to hurt anyone, he trusted Chaor and the rest of the UnderWorlders—even spied for them—and they had turned around and betrayed him, thrusting him into their world without a thought for how he felt.

Kaz had been forced to do things that went completely against his nature.

And it had caused him to break.

Tom had never hated anyone in his life as much as he hated Chaor and his tribe.

But Kaz…

He'd never realized how much he cared about his friend until he'd disappeared.

"Is he sleeping?" H'earring asked unnecessarily, raising one ear up as if to check whether Kaz was still breathing or not.

"Looks like it." Sarah responded, kneeling down beside the sleeping red head.

"Let's draw on his face." Peyton sniggered, hoisting Kaz into a sitting position and ruffled the boy's straggly bangs.

"Peyton…" Sarah sighed, shaking her head but wearing a friendly smile, "Be nice to the guy, he's been through a lot."

"Fun sucker." Peyton muttered jokingly.

"H'earring, can you go get Garv?" Tom crouched down beside his companions, "Tell him Kaz is asleep."

"Sure thing!" H'earring jumped off his seat and, one ear still slightly raised as though fearing Kaz might cease breathing, raced out of the room to send the message onto the OverWorld Caretaker.

Tom waited until the door was shut again before he reached down and hugged his sleeping best friend. Then he sat back and looked around to find Sarah and Peyton staring at him in wonder. His cheeks turned pink and he turned his gaze to the floor.

"He's like a brother to me." He said huskily, "I'd love to trade places with him right now, I'd do anything to make it so that none of this would ever have happened. But I can't…all I can do is stand by and watch him deal with this and I hate myself for it. I feel useless. Weak. Pathetic."

"You're helping him." Sarah said, putting a hand on his shoulder, "We all are."

"Dude, if you weren't here Kazzer would probably be better off in a strait jacket right now." Peyton pointed out, "You're his best friend. Sure, he's gonna be a little sore for a while but he'll get over it and he'll need your help to do it."

Tom looked like he was going to say something in return but the door opened again and Garv stepped into the room followed by H'earring. He cast a glance at the sleeping Kaz, stepped across the room in a few, large strides, and scooped him up in his wide arms. Then he left the room, taking Kaz with him. The four companions looked after him.

"H'earring," Tom said suddenly, "We're going to port out of here to let our real world selves know what's going on. Then we're coming right back. Okay?"

"You should let yourselves sleep." Said the little Creature, stifling a yawn, "You've been running around Perim since…I don't even know. _I'm_ going to sleep until Garv gets done with Kaz."

"H'earring's right, Tom." Sarah got to her feet and the other two followed her example, "Even our Chaotic selves need rest. We'll spend the night at home and then port back here tomorrow to check on Kaz."

"Alright…" Tom grumbled but pulled out his Code Scanner anyway.

"H'earring, man, tell Kaz what we're up to, my bro'." Peyton said, holding his own Code Scanner in hand.

"You know what," Sarah knelt back down to H'earring's eye level, "I would never normally do this—maybe I'm just exhausted—but I think you deserve this. You're a sweet Creature." And she kissed him on the top of the head.

H'earring looked like he was going to swoon on his feet. He grinned stupidly and wiggled his fingers as the three of them ported out in a flash of blue-white and a sound like the bending of reality.

* * *

Tom was sitting on his bed, staring at his World History homework. He'd read the same line in his text book almost fifteen times had not retained a single bit of it. His mind was elsewhere, wondering where his Chaotic self was and what it was up to. He was worried about Kaz.

So when his Code Scanner beeped pleasantly at him from his desk across the room, Tom erupted from the top of his bed and flew across the room. He slammed into the chair in front of his desk, coughed, and snatched the Scanner from the desktop. He hit the button on the top so hard that he jammed his finger.

He stood there for a while in silence, letting his Code sink in, siphoning through days worth of memories.

Then he sank to the floor with a relieved sigh, feeling as though a heavy weight had lifted off his shoulders. They had made it safely through the OverWorld and Kaz was in Garv's care. The next time he ported back, Kaz would be all set and ready to come home again. Tom could almost see the happy reunion in his mind's eye…

Kaz running up to his parents and throwing his arms around them…

Tears and laughter…

The words "I love you" being repeated over and over again…

Everyone together again…

Everything the way it should be…

* * *

I was floating around in a field of giant sunflowers.

It was beautiful.

And I knew it was all in my head.

But it was wonderful.

I felt like I was more free than I had been in a long time.

I was lost in a completely unrealistic world.

But I didn't care.

I didn't care about anything.

I just was.

Floating.

Dreaming.

Hmmmm…flowers…

That drug had totally messed with my head.

Not that I knew that.

All I knew was the giant sunflowers, the purple sky, the white grass, and the giant red butterflies fluttering around.

And I enjoyed the peace while it lasted.

* * *

_Okay, this crappin' chapter was supposed to be longer but it ended up not being that way because if I had tried to make it that way it would have been filler. Like the end. The end was so filler._

_I keep promising better chapters, but they're not getting better. Suckish._

_You people want Nice To Be Loved, don't you? That's what you people want! You want NTBL! Hmph. Fine. _

_Okay, sorry, I'm just pouting and being crabby._

_I'll try to work on NTBL soon. Sorry._

_Thank you for all the lovely reviews! I really get excited when I get one! I love reading them! Please keep reviewing! Thanks guys!_


	27. After the Storm: Interlude, Peyton

_If anything sounds kind of vague or weirdly written it's 'cause I'm watching XXXHolic while I'm doing this.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Nine: Interlude – Peyton

* * *

**

"_**A good friend is a connection to life—a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world." –Lois Wyse

* * *

**_

Didn't I always say "expect the unexpected?"

Yeah, I'm sure I did.

And I sure didn't expect what happened to Kaz.

Not in a million years could I have expected that.

But then…

Expect the unexpected, right?

Porting back to the OverWorld to check on Kaz was like riding a rollar coaster for the first time. I was scared for him even though Garv had promised that Kaz'd be alright, I was happy that he'd be back to normal, excited to be able to see him going home, but anxious about what the end result would be.

No parent hates their child.

Well, that's what I was taught and I think it's true.

But I still worried about Kazzer; he was a delicate guy.

Hm, guess that kinda came out a little wrong.

What I meant was that he gets hurt easily. Probably more than usual because of what he's been through.

I haven't said to anyone but I hate Chaor. And I don't hate anyone. But that guy stepped over a line and I hate him for it.

Right.

Back to Kaz at Garv's.

Dude.

It was early morning when we left Chaotic and arrived in Perim. Tom looked like he would rather still be asleep in bed but Sarah was wide awake. As for me, I was half way. To anxious about Kaz to want to sleep but not quite all the way awake.

Garv was waiting in the main room, smoking a long ivory pipe. The room smelled like heavy spice and apples.

"Ah, H'earring said you would come back." Garv murmured, setting the pipe aside and standing up.

"So where's H'earring?" Sarah asked, brushing her hair out her face.

"Sleeping; he kept vigil at your friend's side all night since the armor was removed." Garv answered, standing up and leaning against the stool he'd been sitting on.

"What did you do with the armor?" I asked hesitantly. I knew Kaz hated the armor and we all realized it was something too dangerous to exist in Perim. To exist anywhere.

"Destroyed it." Gar answered in a heavy voice, "It should never have been created in the first place. What Ulmar and Chaor have done crosses all lines set by the natural balance of Perim. Come, I will take you to Kaz." He beckoned us to follow him and we did so, "We have rules in Perim. Since you humans started showing up, there was a silent agreement among the tribes that you humans were not to be deeply involved in our affairs. We could interact with you, help you if you helped us in return, but we were not to cause you permanent harm." Garv stopped outside a wooden door with his hand resting on the knob, "Chaor has broken that agreement and so has shattered the balance of power among the tribes. He took too big of a step in his struggle for ruling power."

"Whatever happens to Chaor because he broke the rules isn't our problem." Tom said in a low voice, "We're here because our friend was hurt. We're here because of Kaz."

"I know that." Garv opened the door, "You need to be quiet. He's sleeping."

I peered over Tom's shoulder as we walked into the dimly lit room. Candles were lit on a stand across the room from a wide bed. And there was the man himself—sleeping of course—with a thick red blanket pulled up to his chin like he was tucked in for a good nights rest on Christmas Eve.

We stepped closer to the bed and looked down at him. Kazzer sure looked peaceful. I tried to think about what it had been like before he'd been kidnapped and messed around with and found that…I couldn't.

I remembered that it used to be fun.

I remembered that it used to be happy.

I remembered that it used to be just us, together, in our world.

In our happy, carefree world.

I felt stupid.

How could we have been so blinded by Chaotic—by our silly little game—to not realize how dangerous Perim could be!?

_Whoa!_ I suddenly become conscious of what I was thinking, _Getting a little to far into the dark side, aren't we? Let's not go there!_

"There are after effects." I jumped. I hadn't known that Garv had followed us into the room. He move past Sarah and around the side of the bed. Reaching out a hand, he carefully pulled the covers back so as not to disturb Kaz.

Sarah gasped and I felt my jaw drop. Tom shouted a swear word I'd never heard him use before.

I couldn't believe it.

But, yet, I could.

All those horrible things that had happened to Kaz.

Now there would be no way for him to forget them.

Not now.

Not ever.

I felt a lump in my throat and wished it would go away.

I couldn't cry.

The world didn't work like that.

Peyton's never cried.

So I sat there in silence with my friends, waiting for Kaz to wake up.

Waiting.

I hated waiting.

* * *

_Short, I know, and I'm sorry but I have a hard time writing Peyton. I almost changed the Interlude to someone else but I really, really wanted to write Peyton. Kaz may be my favorite but Peyton, well, he's special. I see him as the sort of chain that holds the group together. If you've read Nice To Be Loved, you'll know what I mean. _

_Well, next chapter of the Files…Kaz'll be in his boxers again! Mwahahahahahaha!_


	28. After the Storm: Addicted to Sleeping

_Sorry this took so long to update, I got really caught up in Nice To Be Loved. It's going amazingly well and I really like it. Too bad we're close to the end. At least I'll still have The Files to work on!

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Ten: Addicted to Sleeping

* * *

**

"_**Your regrets aren't what you did, but what you didn't do." –Cameron Diaz

* * *

**_

It was warm and wonderful and I smiled to myself, even though my eyes were closed. Still lying on my back, I took a deep a deep breath and let it out slowly. Wherever I was, the room smelled like earth and wood and candle smoke.

I opened my eyes.

A low stone ceiling criss-crossed with wooden beams and strung with dried out plants. I looked around. Stone walls with small stands set with candles that flickered in the gloom. I was alone in the room but I could hear voices beyond the wooden door on the wall to my left. I tried to sit up but my body felt as though it was weighted down with iron tons. I gasped closed my eyes to try and stop my head from spinning. Garv had been right, the removal of the armor had left me exhausted. I wished I could see myself, my skin, my body, the way I was supposed to be. Myself.

I opened my eyes again and stared at the ceiling, thinking. How long had I been asleep? How long had it been since the armor had come off? Was Chaor still looking for me?

That's what I was scared of the most. Chaor looking for me. I was even more terrified that he would find me.

I heard movement and turned my head slowly too see the door inching open as though whoever was doing it was worried about waking me up. I felt exhausted with just the effort of turning my head. My body was worn out with the absence of the IRA.

Tom poked his head into the room and looked at me. I guess the candlelight must have been reflecting in my eyes because this ridiculously gigantic smile stretched across his face and he slammed the door open the rest of the way and bounced into the room. He shouted happily and jumped on the bed. He grabbed me into a hug that scooped up the blankets along with me.

"Kaz! You're awake! Hahahahaaaaaa!" Tom howled with laughter and I guess Peyton and Sarah must have heard him because they came running in, laughing and shouting too. I was smothered in hugs but didn't have the energy to return them myself.

But I laughed.

Oh, did I laugh.

And at some point while I was laughing, I fell asleep again and dreamed of happy times I can't quite remember.

* * *

When I woke up again, I was in same bed staring at the same ceiling. But I wasn't alone. I heard someone shifting around beside me and turned my head with a soft groan.

It was Garv.

"Hello there, Kaz." The OverWorlder smiled but I didn't return the gesture. H'earring was the only Creature I would ever trust again. And Garv was an OverWorlder. Which brought up another point.

"Garv…don't you…hate me?" Even talking was laborious. I felt like someone was sitting on my chest whenever I tried to speak.

"And why should I hate you?" The Caretaker was grinding up a powder with a mortar and pestle.

"Because I…killed those Over…Worlders and…I hurt…Gespedan…"

"You did not do those things of your own volition." Garv answered, tipping the powder into the steaming bowl of soup on the bedside stand in front of him, "I do not blame you for what is Chaor's fault. Here, can you sit up?"

"I…" I pushed down on the bed with my arms, trying to prop myself up. My head spun and gave up, panting as though I'd been running around a football field. Garv put his hand behind my back and slowly eased me into a sitting position. I felt dazed and tired but forced myself to keep my eyes open.

"I think you are still too weak for your body to respond to you yet." Garv murmured, "Would it insult your pride if I were to feed you?"

I couldn't help but chuckle at the statement and I guess Garv took that as a no because he leaned forward and held out a spoonful of orange-colored liquid. I opened my mouth and he tipped it in. It tasted like dry lettuce and eggs and I made a face as I swallowed it. Garv laughed at me,

"I know, I know. It tastes terrible but it will help you recover faster. Think of it as medicine, if the more traditional kind." He held out another spoonful and I accepted it, "Creatures usually eat the leaves of the plant I ground up raw in order to enhance their power and strength. Unfortunately, the side effects of the raw plant slow one's wits and kills the brain for a moment of time. I think…in your world they would call it a…drug?"

I choked on a mouthful of soup, managed to swallow, and stared at Garv in shock,

"You mean you're…drugging me!?" I wheezed.

"No, no," Garv shook his head and held out another spoonful. I looked at it warily, "Kaz, I said the raw plant would cause those effects. Ground into powder and dissolved in a hot liquid, all the remains is the power enhancing product. And even that it muted somewhat by the powder dissolving." He looked at me hard, square in the eye, "I need you to trust me, Kazdan, I am trying to help you."

" I know you're…trying to help me." I said slowly and took another bit of soup. After swallowing it, I continued, "But I…you have to…understand that…I…have a…hard time trusting…anyone…anymore…"

"I understand that, Kaz." Garv replied softly in a sad tone of voice as he continued to feed me more soup, "I understand you all too well."

We didn't speak at all for the remainder of the time he was there. After the soup was finished, Garv helped me to lay back down on the bed. Soon after that, I fell asleep again.

* * *

Sleeping was the best way for me to recover.

I think Garv explained this to Tom, Sarah, and Peyton because I didn't see them often but when I did, they said they stopped by every single day. H'earring was the same way. Most of the time, Garv had to throw him out of the room to get him to leave me alone.

I don't know how long I was out of commission but according to my friends, I was prone to sleeping for at least three days straight. Peyton told me to try and go for a record of a week. I told him to shove it. I desperately wanted to get up and move. I hated being confined to the bed, unable to see anything except the stupid ceiling unless someone helped me sit up. I already knew how many beams ran across the ceiling, how many swirls were in the wood, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. It was boring.

The only eventful thing I could remember happening during that time of confinement was the third time I woke up. Tom and the others were there and they were acting wary around me. I didn't like it. When I confronted them about it, they stopped talking and glanced at one another.

"What?" I'd asked, frowning at them. I was propped against the headboard of the bed on some pillows, while they all sat on the opposite end of the bed. Tom shifted his weight nervously and looked away from me.

"Have you—." Sarah began.

"Sarah!" Tom hissed.

"Tom!" She spat back at him. Peyton watched them, chewing on the inside of his lip.

"Guys!" I said loudly and they all looked around at me, "What's your…problem?"

"Your scars." Sarah said quickly and Tom scowled at her but didn't interrupt her again.

"Scars?" I asked curiously, "What…scars?"

"These ones." Sarah crawled across the bed, pulled back the covers, and opened the front of the light blue tunic I was wearing. I forced myself to look down and could only stare. Underneath Sarah's fingertips was a long jagged scar tracing from my collar bone, down my sternum, and stopping just below my ribcage. Below that was a twisted mess of raw lines and rippled skin and I could see the edge of a thin scar coiling around my left side. It matched up with the one that wound all the way around my lower left arm. If I had cared to look at the spot just below my left shoulder, there would probably have been a small scar there, too. And more scars on my back. And some on my legs. And one on the left side of my head.

They marked all the places I'd been killed.

I closed my eyes, trying to swallow past the lump that had suddenly swelled in my throat. It wasn't that the scars upset me, I was just kind of scared of them. They would be constant reminders of what I had done and of what had happened to me. Permanent brands on my skin that could tell the whole world my story.

"What're you going to tell your parents?" Tom asked and I opened my eyes again to look at him. He looked upset. He would.

"I'm not…going to tell them anything." I responded, "I'm not going…to tell anyone. What could I tell them…anyway? That I was…kidnapped by the UnderWorlders? No one would believe me, Tom! They'd…call me crazy! They'd really lock…me up this time! And that would be it! No more…Kazdan Kalinkas!" I leaned back against the pillow breathlessly, feeling dizzy because of my little rant. When none of them said anything, I managed to squeeze out a few more words, "My parents…they'd…"

"If that next word is "hate", Kaz, I'm going to punch you myself!" Peyton snapped and I forced myself to look at him, "No parent hates their kid! I've said that before and I'll say it again! Don't ever say that! EVER!" I stared at him, shocked, "It's not right! Never right! Never! Never…never…"

"Peyton, it's okay. Come on, let's go find H'earring; I'll bet he wants to see Kaz is awake." Sarah said kindly, putting a hand on Peyton's arm. It seemed Peyton didn't trust himself to speak because he only nodded, stood, and followed Sarah out of the room. I leaned back again against the pillows, closing my eyes. A spot on my right temple had started throbbing and I was suddenly anticipating a headache.

"Hey…Kaz?" It was Tom. I'd forgotten he was still in the room with me.

"Mm?" I didn't have the energy to do much else. I felt ready to sleep again but I kept myself awake to listen to him. He was my best friend, after all.

"I'm sorry we didn't come for you sooner."

"Not…your fault. Chaor…"

"How much longer do you think you'll stuck here like this?"

"Dunno…"

"H'earring said Garv was giving you medicine. Does it help?"

"Don't…take it anymore."

"Why not!?"

"I don't…wanna rely on…drugs…I'll get better on…my own…" I was crashing; slowly, maybe, but I was falling asleep all the same.

"What're you going to—."

I didn't hear the rest of his sentence, I was already asleep.

* * *

_Like I said, I'm sorry this took so long to update but I really got into NTBL. I don't know if anyone's watching _Legends of Chaos_ but I've been posting Chaotic drabbles there; it's a collection of pure insanity. Feel free to check it out. They're fun._

_Well, not much going on in this chapter. Just Kaz trying to recover from the IRA being removed and sleeping. A lot. Lots of sleeping. Typical teenaged boy. (gigglesnort) Stereotyped. Ah, well what can you do._

_So, the big secret is finally out. The reason Kaz will never be able to forget his past is because of those scars. Pleasant, huh? I bet the picture on dA, "Pieces of a Past Life" might make a little bit more sense now, huh? But you have to look at it really close… X3_


	29. After the Storm: My Kind of Regret

_Sorry about the slowness of the last chapter. I hope this chapter turns out to be a little better. Considering what happens in it, I think this chapter will make up for the last one. :)

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Eleven: My Kind of Regret

* * *

**

"_**You know I could never let anything happen to either of you. I couldn't imagine my life without you." –Danny from Danny Phantom

* * *

**_

After a while, sleeping got boring.

I made valiant efforts to try and get out of bed but the most I seemed to be able to do was push myself into a sitting position before I got tired out again. H'earring seemed to thing it was funny, watching me struggle to rehabilitate my worn out body.

It had been a week since my scars had been revealed to me. For three days, none of my friends had shown up. I had freaked out, at first, but it tired me out to rant and shout at the top of my voice. I slept the second day and on the third day I slept for half the day. When I woke up again, I forced myself to sit up, waited for my energy to come back, and then slid out of the bed. I leaned against the bedside stand for a moment or two and then pushed myself off and tried to stand. But my legs wouldn't support me and I collapsed to the floor.

I stayed that way for a while until Garv came in and helped me back into bed. I didn't have the energy to do it myself. I fell asleep after that and stayed asleep until the next afternoon when I awoke to Peyton sitting at the foot of my bed, eating handfuls of nuts.

"Hey Peyton," I smiled at him and he gave me a thumbs up, "Where's Tom and Sarah?"

"People in the Port Court have started askin' questions." Peyton answered, "Want some nuts?" He held out a hand and I shook my head, "Your loss." He popped a few in his mouth and kept talking, "They've been wanting to know where you were and where we've been going. All we could say was that you were grounded and your parents had taken your Scanner away. We didn't know what else to say."

"Thanks for…not telling them the truth."

"Dude, we know you don't want anyone else to know." Peyton rubbed a hand through his hair.

"What about…your cover story?" I asked.

Peyton shrugged, "The best we could come up with is that we were…" He glanced at me and then started fingering through the bowl of nuts, "That we were looking for Ghost so we could scan him."

"Ghost?" My chest tightened, "What…do you mean you…wanted to scan him?"

"Oh, we didn't tell you? I swear we did…" Peyton scooped in another mouthful of nuts, "Well, every player in Chaotic thinks you're a Creature. So do a lot of the other tribes' Creatures. There's a been quite a few players trying to find you and scan you, dude."

I shook my head, smiling. For some reason, the idea of people trying to scan me amused me. Peyton grinned and started siphoning through his bowl again,

"We decided to port here one at a time so people wouldn't get suspicious, ya' know? Sarah's in a Drome match and Tom's watching her. Everyone else thinks I'm out on a Scan Quest." Peyton paused, "Sure you don't want any?"

"Yes, Peyton."

"For sure? They're really good."

"Peyton…"

"Alright, just makin' sure."

The door creaked and I looked around at it. Garv was standing there. Peyton stopped munching on his snack long enough to register to the OverWorld Caretaker was there before going back to crunching away.

"What do you want?" I hadn't meant to sound so hostile but it was hard for me to trust Creatures anymore. To trust anyone besides my closest friends.

"Just checking on you." Garv answered.

"I don't like it." I muttered. Peyton snorted, "What?"

"You're not afraid to speak your mind!" He answered.

"I wonder why that is?" My voice was sarcastic which only made Peyton laugh, "It's not…funny!"

"Dude, it's always funny when you speak your mind!" Peyton said, "You only do it when you're mad! And I know because you get this funny look on your face!" I scowled at him and he laughed even harder, "Yeah! Ahahahaha! That one!"

Garv rolled his eyes at us and stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Peyton kept laughing.

"Stop laughing at me!"

"But Kazzer, you're so hilarious!"

"I'm glad I can amuse you…"

"Sarcasm only makes it worse!"

"Peyton!" I sighed. There was no point in arguing with him, it would only waste precious energy, "So what're you going to scan?"

"Huh?" Peyton stopped with a handful of nuts halfway to his mouth.

"Well, you…said you were going on a…Scan Quest so you have to…come back with a scan, don't you?" My breath was coming up short again. It looked like I was going to have to sleep soon.

"Scan Quests can fail, my bro'!" Peyton commented, "Especially with Perim all topsie-turvy like it is…"

"Wh-wha-wha—." My words got cut off by a huge yawn. Peyton slid off the bed and set the bowl on the bedside stand. Then he pulled out his Code Scanner, "Peyton…what's…what's happening in Perim?"

"Sorry, dude, I, uh, I gotta port!"

"Peyton!"

But he'd already left.

"S-s-stupid!" I shouted, grabbing the bowl off the stand and hurling it across the room. It smashed into the opposite wall and clattered to the floor, rolling along its edge until it came to a stop underneath the bed.

I had suddenly felt extremely light headed. That had taken more energy than it should have. My arms felt like rubber. I tilted my head back against the headboard and closed my eyes. I fell asleep like that and didn't wake up for two days.

* * *

I heard someone talking and managed to force my eyes open. It took me a further amount of effort to sit up and find out who it was that was talking.

H'earring froze when he saw me struggle upright, staring at me like he wasn't expecting me to be awake. We stared at each other for a while and then H'earring smiled. I smiled back.

"I'm…" H'earring swallowed like he didn't want to tell me something, "I'm going to go do something."

"What?" I was still a little hazy from two days of sleep.

"I kept waiting for you to wake because…well, I guess I was kind of hoping you would convince me not to do it." He started tugging at his ears, "But while I was waiting for you to wake up, I realized that no matter what you said I would have done it anyway."

"What're you planning, H'earring?"

"I'm going to get your Code Scanner back, Kaz. I'm going to the UnderWorld."

"NO!" I actually jumped across the bed and tried to grab him but he leapt out of my reach and headed for the door.

"I've made up my mind, Kaz! I'm going to help!"

"H'earring, don't!" I cried, crawling across the bed and falling to the floor with a heavy thud, "You've help enough! This is…suicide! Don't! H'earring, please!" My voice cracked, my eyes burned. He was going to throw his life away trying to do something for me and I couldn't let him do that!

H'earring skipped out of my way and ran out the door. I forced myself to my feet and ran out after him. My legs tripped over themselves and I bounced off the walls a couple of times before hitting the floor. H'earring was at the end of the hall. I hauled myself up but my legs didn't want to work and so I half dragged, half stumbled my way after him.

I was shaking, my vision was blurring at the edges, and I was starting to feel sick but I kept running. I couldn't let H'earring go back to the UnderWorld. He'd be killed on sight! I ran around another corner and my body finally quit on me. I slammed to the floor and couldn't get up again.

"H'earing!" I shouted and he paused, looking back over his shoulder at me, "H'earring, please! Don't! You'll be…you'll be killed!" My face felt hot and I would have cried but I was to exhausted. I could barely breath, "H'earring…please…don't do this…I…"

"I have to get your Code Scanner back, Kaz. If I do, maybe we can find a way to get you home."

"No…" I blinked a couple of times, trying to see, but everything was fading out and I could feel unconsciousness pulling at me, "H'earring, I…don't want to…" I couldn't even twitch my fingers to try and reach out for him. I couldn't see anymore either,

"H'earring….be…carefull…"

* * *

"H'EARRING!"

I shot upright, got hit with a dizzy spell, and fell backwards onto the soft pillows. I threw an arm across my eyes, groaning. My chest hurt, my right elbow was sore, and I felt as though someone had dropped fifty pounds of bricks on my legs. But I was alive, at least. That little adventure hadn't killed me.

My chest tightened and a whimper escaped me.

_H'earring…_

He could be killed.

If I didn't go stop him, he would be.

I sat up and found it was easier than it had been. I glanced around the room. Good, no one there. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and carefully slid off onto the floor, keeping one hand on the bedside stand in case I fell. My legs were a little wobbly and hurt to stand on them but at least I was upright. I took a couple of steps towards the door and stopped, not because of the throbbing pain resulting from me walking but because I was only wearing a pair of light pants. I couldn't traverse Perim like this.

But where could I get more clothes? I looked around. Maybe the draws across the room there…

I made my way towards them, knelt down, and pulled open one of the drawers. Score! Shirts and pants, made of heavier stuff than I was wearing. I pulled them on; a pair of cerulean blue pants held up with a black drawstring and a long sleeved dark blue top with the OverWorld crest stitched in light blue on the left shoulder. To hide the jagged scar the wound around my neck, I pulled out what was probably supposed to be an ocean-blue sash and wrapped it around my neck. Now I was ready to go. Well, except for shoes but I could worry about that later.

I walked over to the door and was about to grab the handle when it opened right in front of me. Garv stood there with a sly smile on his face,

"Going somewhere?"

I scowled at him, "No, I just wanted to know why all the clothes you own that fit me are blue."

"Because they were made for the OverWorld Battalion trainees who are just about your size when they enter training."

"They look new." I observed, plucking at the end of the shirt. My legs were shaking but I ignored them. I could and _would_ stand on my own.

"Maxxor gave them to me when I had Hifdan let him know you were here."

"You WHAT!?" I clenched my fists, I had suddenly forgotten that my legs were supposed to be hurting, "Are you crazy!? No, wait, a better question! Do you want me dead!? No! Don't answer that! Of course you do! You always have!" I stumbled backwards, feeling hurt. I realized that however much I denied it, I had been trusting Garv, "You're just like the rest of them! You want me dead! All that stuff you said was lies! All of it!" Garv stepped forward and I tripped backwards against the bed, tumbling to the floor in a heap, "Get away from me! I trusted you! I can't believe it but I _trusted_ you!"

"Kaz—."

"You led me on! You're just like Chaor! You want to hurt me! You want me broken! You want to use me like he did!" I pressed my back against the bed, cringing away from him as he drew closer, "Stay away from me!" He kept coming. I closed me eyes and saw Chaor in my mind's eye, stalking towards me, glowing with rage and power, "No! Stay away from me! I HATE ALL OF YOU!"

I felt a hand on my shoulder and screamed in fear and hatred.

"Kaz!"

My eyes flew open and I saw Tom's worried expression, "Are you okay, buddy?"

Garv stood behind him, looking upset. I tore my gaze away from him and glared at the floor.

"Garv's a liar, Tom." I managed to squeeze the words past the lump in my throat, "He told Maxxor where I am. The OverWorlders are going to kill me. They'll—."

"I know, Kaz." I stared at Tom, "I was just talking to Maxxor. The OverWorlders won't bother you, he promises that much. What happened was Chaor's fault and besides, Maxxor's got…bigger problems to worry about."

"But the UnderWorlders…" I began and was suddenly hit with a realization, "H'earring! Tom, H'earring ran off into the UnderWorld! We gotta save him!" I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, "Tom, please, we have to save H'earring! Chaor'll kill him! Chaor'll kill him! I can't…I c-can't…I…I…" My shoulders were shaking but I couldn't cry. I clenched my fingers into Tom's shoulders and he winced. I let him go and slumped against the bed, feeling empty, "What kind of…loser am I?"

"Loser? Kaz, you're not a—."

"Sure I am." I tried to take a deep breath but my lungs wouldn't expand enough, "I mean look…at me. The one Creature…in Perim that I trusted the most and…he turns around and…betrays me like it's nothing."

"Kaz, you knew Chaor cared more about power then friends! You knew that! It's not your fault! It just isn't!"

"What about…now then, huh?" I looked up at him and he could only look back with a distraught expression. He knew what I was talking about, "Because of how much I let…Chaor control me I won't ever…trust anyone ever…again. And you…know it."

Tom backhanded me before the sentence had barely left my mouth, knocking my head to the side. I turned to glare at him and he returned my glare with one of his own. The one he usually only used on people like Klay who really got on his nerves.

"Stop it, Kaz! You're not supposed to be like this!" This time, it was him grabbing my shoulders and shaking me, "Remember what I said!? You can always trust us because we're your best friends and we'll do whatever we can to help you! And H'earring too! It's just that things are too dangerous for players right now!" His expression softened a little bit and he looked down at the floor, "To be honest with you, I kind of feel like the loser. I wish I could have gotten you out of there sooner, saved you from all that crap, gotten you out of there before The…The Virus." He ran a hand over his face like he was just as tired and lost as I was, "I want my best friend back, Kaz…I want him back real bad…"

"Tom…" My voice was a whisper, I wanted to sleep. I wanted to fall asleep and wake up and find out this whole stupid thing had been nothing but a nightmare. I wanted to sleep forever and forget that anything had happened. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. That would be giving up, "I'm still your best friend…"

"Kaz, I'm sorry I—."

"I know."

"And I—."

"I know."

"But I—."

"I know."

"Dude."

I smiled, "I know."

Tom smiled, chuckled, and then burst out laughing. I laughed too. And even over the laughter I heard Garv say,

"Broken hearts are an easy mend, for they can be made whole again. It's the broken souls that are hard to fix, for pieces get lost amidst life's thorny trail."

"Garv!" I said, sobering and getting shakily to my feet, "That last part didn't rhyme!" Tom stood up beside me and I put a hand on his shoulder to steady myself and clear my head, "Now, what's the plan?"

"Plan?" Garv and Tom said at the same time.

"Well, yeah, we gotta rescue H'earring from the UnderWorlders and—."

"You're in no shape to go anywhere." Garv said firmly, walking up to me and pressing me backwards until I was lying back on the bed, "And Perim is far too dangerous for you even if you were recovered. You are staying here."

"But—!"

"Why're you worrying, Kaz?" Tom sat down at the end of the bed, "H'earring's a spy. He knows what he's doing." He smiled at me, "You're such a pessimist."

"Tch, who didn't believe Chaotic was real?" I snapped back, "And I can worry about H'earring! He's my friend too, you know! I…I owe him…a lot…"

"I know." Tom said cheekily, "But we knew you were still alive when we came for you."

"Your point, oh Great One?"

"You're a pessimist."

"You're jerk. I'm going to sleep. Leave me alone." I slid underneath the blankets and pulled the over my head, "Go pull weeds with Garv or something. I'll wake up in a couple of hours."

"Translation," I heard Tom say as he slid off the bed, "He'll wake up in two weeks." He and Garv chuckled and I heard the door shut. When I was sure they were gone, I sat up and pulled the sash off from around my neck and tossed it to the end of the bed. I sat there for a while, staring at it, my mind blank.

"Pessimist, huh?" I muttered and then I frowned, "Hmph, not my fault, huh? Okay." I ducked back underneath the blankets and closed my eyes, "Fine. None of its my fault. It's _his_." I clenched my fingers on the covers, "I'll get you back Chaor, I swear it. I swear it…I swear it on…on something…dra…ma…tic…"

I fell asleep and dreamed of overpowering Chaor and banishing him and Ulmar and everyone who had been cruel to me to live on the moon. Dreams are weird things.  
But I woke up a lot, worrying about H'earring.

Worrying if he'd be alright.

Worrying if he'd be caught.

Worrying too much.

In the end, I decided that I didn't want to sleep, fearing the nightmares that would come get me if I did.

Tom didn't want me to blame myself.

But I could still feel regret for not being able to stop everything that was happening.

* * *

_Wow._

_Um._

_Yeah._

_I must have listened to _Adagio for Strings by Samuel Barber_ at least fifty times while I was writing that last scene there. Darn it all. I've been listening to classical music all day, though, and my Written Rhetoric teacher played this one for us and I went "I MUST HAVE IT! IT IS SO SAD AND BEAUTIFUL!"_

_So I got it from her._

_Yeah…._

_There._

_What now?_

_Tell me what you think, hm? You think I'm going to kill H'earring? Do you think Kaz will ever be able to trust anyone besides his friends ever again? _

_Feel free to leave a comment on your thoughts, I'd love to hear them! _


	30. After the Storm: Beside the Lake

_Came back to it, just like I said I would. Now, let's see if we can't get Kazzer out of the OverWorld and back home where he belongs…

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Twelve: Beside the Lake

* * *

**

"_**You can bury a lot of troubles by digging in the dirt." –Anonymous

* * *

**_

I refused to stay in bed after the whole incident with H'earring. Garv allowed me to get out of bed and move about on my own but he made sure to keep a close eye on me. In fact, when he was too busy with his work, he went as far as to send a little bird-thingy to watch me. I don't really know what it was—Creature or Battle Gear, I wasn't sure—but it was about the size of a coffee mug, bright yellow and blue, and made these obnoxious squeaking noises whenever I got out of its sight.

I called it Mich.

No particular reason.

It just seemed like something I should call Mich.

Especially because of it's color scene.

Garv didn't let me go anywhere near his work stuff, he kept me far away from those rooms, but he did let me go outside. As long as he or Mich was there. Being outside was good, I decided. Garv let me help out in his garden, at least, and when I wasn't doing that I would be swimming in the lake or exploring the surrounding wood. Mich never let me stray too far into the forest, though.

I was still weak and got tired easily but I was absolutely determined to not let it get to me. Most of the time, I knew when to quit but there were the odd moments or so when I would suddenly wake up in my bed without any idea how I'd gotten there only to find that I had collapsed doing something and Garv had had to drag me away to put me in bed.

Tom and the others showed up occasionally. They couldn't visit me as often as they—and, let's face it, myself—would have liked but they always hung around as long as they could. The only things they would not tell me were H'earring's fate and what was going on in Perim. It couldn't have been _too_ catastrophic, I reasoned, because then I surely would have heard about it. But whatever it was, my friends avoided talking about it like it was a disease or something. It got on my nerves that no one was telling me what was happening, like I was stupid or would have a complete mental breakdown if they did.

I wasn't _delicate_, I wasn't going to go completely _emo_ if they told me something terrible. _Hell_, I reasoned, _If I'm not emo already then some bad news sure isn't going to make me!_

Stabbing myself in the side of the head didn't count.

* * *

It wasn't a particularly _bad_ day but it wasn't exactly a _good_ day either. Actually, I found myself hard pressed to find anything that defined a "good day" anymore.

In any case, I was digging up plants in Garv's garden and getting myself utterly covered in dirt. They were these really deep bulbs that grew, like, three feet under ground or something like that and, as childish as it may sound, I liked getting filthy.

For once, I wasn't getting covered in sweat or blood or tears but dirt. Plain old, regular, uninteresting dirt.

Mich had situated itself on the rim of the basket I was attempting to fill up with the bulbs and was staring at me with its silver eyes.

"Hey Mich!' I looked over my shoulder at it and it cocked its head, dropping one ear in curiosity, "Catch!" And I threw a handful of dirt in its face. Mich squeaked at me as it fluttered up, dodging the missile, and I laughed at it, turning back to my digging.

"Well, nice to see you're in a good mood today!" Said a voice and I jumped up, swayed on my feet a bit, and ran to the speaker.

"Saraaaahhhhhhh!" I flung my arms out, "Wanna hug!?"

"Uuuhhhh…" Sarah looked me up and down with an expression of distaste, "No thanks, Kaz." I grinned, "Why _are_ you covered in dirt anyway?"

"Digging for plants." I pointed to partially filled basket, "But I think I could use a break. Can you run inside and get me some clean clothes so I don't track dirt all over the place? They should be sitting on the bed in the room I'm using." I refused to call it _my_ room. _My_ room was back on Earth, at home, safe, warm, waiting for me.

"Sure, whatever." Sarah turned away and headed for Garv's home. I waited until she had gone inside and then pulled my shirt over my head, dropping it beside the basket. As I headed towards the edge of the lake, I pulled my hair from the tuft at the back of my neck and snapped the band at Mich. It squealed at me and snapped at my ear. I brushed my hand at it and stepped into the water.

"Oh _geez_ this is cold!" Kneeling down in the waist deep water, I splashed it up over my face, trying to get most of the dirt off. Mich squeaked at me and I looked around, glaring at it, "Shut up and mind your own business." The stupid bird thing clicked its beak, one ear tilted down, "I told you to shut up."

I stood up and splashed a handful of water at it and then waded in deeper. My pants clung to my legs but there was no way I was taking them off. Taking a deep breath, I sank below the surface of the crystal clear water. Silence fell, with only the sound of my own movement in the water. The problem with silence was that there was nothing to distract me and my mind often wanted to dig into the dark and bloody and not-so-distant past. I pushed off the bottom of the lake and breached the surface, shaking my head back and forth and sending water droplets everywhere.

"Hey Water Boy," Sarah called from the shoreline, "I got your clothes."

"Uh, thanks." I waded towards her, dripping wet but clean of the mud and dirt. I took the folded bundle from her and set it somewhere it wouldn't get wet or dirty. As I began wringing out my pants, I noticed Sarah staring at me.

"What?"

She looked away quickly, "Nothing."

"Not nothing." I said in response, sitting down in the grass just off the edge of the lake, "What's wrong with you guys? You all look at me like I'm gonna fall apart, you won't tell me what's going on in Perim, and no one's told me anything about what happened to H'earring." I frowned at the ground and tugged absently at the grass, "What's going on out there that's so terrible that you can't tell me?"

"It's nothing."

"Bull crap!" I snapped angrily, "If I wasn't so weak because of that stupid armor, I'd be out there finding H'earring right now!"

"Kaz, we're not telling you because we don't know!" Sarah responded sharply, "All we know is that the UnderWorld is in chaos and no one has any idea what's going on! The Codemaster's sent out a general warning to stay out of UnderWorld territory! Whatever's going on, it's way bigger than we thought! So stop yelling at us! We're just as clueless as you!"

"I'm sorry." I said quickly, pulling up a handful of grass and letting it fall from my fingers, "I just…there's so many things that I'm worrying about. You guys, H'earring, home…and what Chaor's doing."

"Do you think he's looking for you?"

"I don't know. Probably. I hope not. Maybe that's why the UnderWorld's so messed up right now; he's probably tearing it apart, looking for me. And when he finds out I'm not there, he'll tear up every other spot in Perim until he finds me."

"What do you want to do?"

"Go home."

"I mean right now."

"Right now…" I unconsciously rubbed a hand up and down the scar on my chest, the one Chaor had given me when he'd chucked the sword through my sternum, "Right now I just wanna hang out and act like I'm not stuck in the OverWorld and all of Perim isn't looking for me and I don't have an annoying bird-thing following me around twenty-four-seven."

"Okay then." Sarah got to her feet and dusted herself off, "Come on, let's go do something."

"Like what, there's nothing to do here. Why do you think I spend all day sleeping or pulling plants out of the ground?"

Sarah laughed at that but grabbed my arm and hauled me to my feet, "Let's ask Garv if he knows how to make a love potion."

"A…a what!?" I sputtered, suddenly aware of how close she was.

"I was kidding! Come _on_, Kaz, you are not going to mope around all day!"

"But Sarah—!"

"Don't you "but Sarah" me!"

"Squeeennn!"

"SHUT UP, MICH!"

* * *

I woke up in my bed.

I must have fallen asleep when Garv was pointing out what a bunch of different plants did. Not that I'd remembered any of them. I yawned and rolled over onto my side, facing the door, but I didn't get up. I was still in a half-sleep daze.

_What do I do when I get home? They'll probably think I was kidnapped. Which isn't that far from the truth, come to think of it. _

I raised a hand to the side of my neck and felt the scar of where Varris had cut my throat. That seemed ages ago now.

_But what about the scars? How will explain those? Torture? That might work. Heh, I can see it now; Mom would go into hysterics and Dad would get so angry he'd go all quiet like he does when he's royally pissed off. _

I was beginning to wonder what I had liked about Perim in the first place. It had seemed so wonderful and mysterious and like it was the best thing in the world. Now it just seemed dark and dangerous and out for blood. I would probably never come back to this place.

No.

I definitely wouldn't come back here.

I sat up, pushing the blanket aside, and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. A dizzy spell smacked me in face and I fell to the floor. I wasn't as recovered as I'd led myself to believe.

Well that just plain sucked.

I wanted to get out, I wanted to go home. I was tired of being stuck in Perim, helpless to do anything, having to rely on other people to do everything for me. It infuriated me. But at the same time I was glad I'd had someone willing to save my life. And just one person, four people.

Four awesome people.

Tom.

Sarah.

Peyton.

H'earring.

I grabbed a handful of the blanket hanging down beside me and hauled myself up to my feet, shaking off the dizziness that had sent me down to the floor. Standing upright didn't last very long, however, because Peyton exploded through my door and shouted at the top of his voice,

"KAZ! YOU GOTTA RUN! NOW!"

* * *

_Ach, I know it was short for a comeback chapter but that's because there's awesomeness in the next one. _

_I swear it._

_Well, terrifying awesomeness._

_Uuuuhhhhhmmmm…_

_Yeah._


	31. After the Storm: Revenge is Everything

_Here comes the trauma. Well, more of it anyway.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Thirteen: Revenge is Everything

* * *

**

"_**How else does one powerful being dominate another?...An insatiable hunger for battle! For power! The will to mercilessly crush any enemy! To tear them apart! To hack them to pieces! A ravenous bloodlust! The will to rip off the skin! To gouge flesh! To crush bone and mangle sinew! Somewhere carved deep into your primordial unconscious…you have to want to kill!!!" –ikasoruK ogihcI from Tite Kubo's Bleach

* * *

**_

"What? I have to what?" I stood upright again, having stumbled backwards to fall across the bed in surprise.

"Run!" Peyton shouted, "Somewhere! Anywhere!"

"Why!?"

"Come on!" Peyton grabbed my arm and started dragging me out the door. I stumbled after him and he began explaining things in a very quick and panicked voice, "MajorT just called me on my Scanner! He got a call from another player who'd been in Kiru City! That player had a message from Maxxor!" He paused at corner, unsure of where to go.

"Left!" I said, pulling my arm out of his grip, "There's nothing but storage back there!"

"Okay!" Peyton took off running and I followed, "Anyway, Maxxor wanted Tom to know that Frafdo's coming after you! I was in the area so Tom sent me!"

"F-Frafdo!? He's coming after me!? Why!?"

"I dunno! But you gotta hide!" There was the sounds of commotions from the front of Garv's house and we both stopped, looking over our shoulders. Peyton swore, something I'd never heard him do.

"Port out." I whispered and he stared at me like I'd told him to push someone off a cliff.

"No way!" He hissed back, scowling, "I'm not leaving you here alone!"

"Don't be stupid!" I replied, "Go get Tom and Sarah! Maybe they can help! I can hide myself just fine Get out! Go!"

Peyton paused for a brief moment, saw the logic, and ported out to get a hold of Tom and Sarah and stay out of harms way. I turned and bolted down the hallway. I was panting for breath before I reached the first corner. I tore past it and dodged into the first door on my left.

"Crap…" I breathed. It was nothing but a room stacked with scrolls and old tomes. I backed out and jumped as I heard Frafdo's screeching cry echo down the hall. That sounded way too close for comfort. I took off running again, flying randomly through doors and taking turns without knowing where I was going. Garv's storage capacity was amazingly huge.

I turned a corner into a hallway full of boxes all stacked on top of one another. This looked like a good place to hide. And I was running out of options. My energy was going way too fast; sweat had already soaked the front of my shirt and my limbs ached and throbbed.

Another screech from Frafdo—_much_ closer than before—raised the hair on the back of my neck and I ducked into an alcove between the wall and a towering stack of wooden boxes that reeked of earthen plants. I sank down as low as I could, curling into a tight ball, and breathed through my nose, trying not to make too much noise. My heart was pounding so loudly in my ears that I couldn't hear anything else.

_Don't come this way, don't come this way, don't come this way._ I prayed, tense against the stone and wood around me, _Please, don't come this way! I can't fight! Not like this!_

I heard doors slamming and shouted voices.

Too close.

Shouts of anger and surprise.

A moment of silence.

Running footsteps.

More slamming doors.

I heard sharp talons racking across the stone floor and then Frafdo snarled, "Where are you, human scum!? Why don't you come out and fight!? Fight me like you fought and killed my comrades!"

I suppressed a shudder, praying that he would not search this hallway.

My prayers went unanswered.

I heard Frafdo moving down the hall slowly. Every so often, there'd be the sound of a swift motion followed by a pause before he started walking again. He was checking around each pile of boxes.

I was dead meat.

Frafdo would find me and it would all be over.

My mind was screaming at me to move but I couldn't. Where would I go? He'd kill me before I'd gone two steps.

"Found you!" A plasma arrow was suddenly crackling inches from my face. I pressed my back against the boxes behind me, eyes wide, my heart pounding wildly in my chest. Frafdo waved the plasma arrow back and forth, sneering, "Coward! Hiding back here! Hifdan told Maxxor that Ghost was staying with Garv! When I heard that I just _had_ to hunt you down and show you what honor is!"

"I didn't kill them because I wanted to!" I shouted, desperately trying to think of a way out of this situation, "Chaor made me!"

"Sure he did!" Frafdo snapped. Then he paused and lowered his bow slightly, looking at me closely, "You…I know you…" I simply swallowed thickly and stared back, wondering when I was going to die, "You! You were one of the humans that convinced Maxxor and I to infiltrate Prince Mudeenu's stronghold! The one who was hit with the Flash Kick! I remember you!" His eyes narrowed and he brought up his bow again, drawing the string tight so that I could feel the heat of the plasma arrow aimed at me once again, "You bring dishonor upon your race…! You killed my comrades and for that I destroy you!"

"FRAFDO STOP!" Screamed a voice and the OverWorlder jerked slightly in surprise. He loosed his arrow at the same time and it flashed towards me. I screamed. It grazed my cheek, raising a stinging burn and smashed into the box behind me. The resulting (if rather small) explosion sent me tumbling into Frafdo. We both crashed to the floor in a heap. Frafdo screamed at me and I jumped up, running down the hall in a complete panic. Another plasma arrow whizzed by me I dug my feet into the ground, spinning around to face the oncoming Creature. Apparently he hadn't really been expecting that because he froze for a second.

A second was all I needed.

I jumped across the space between us and tackled the OverWorlder, knocking the bow from his hands. Then I grabbed the front of his tunic and one of his arms and made to throw him to the floor.

Except that I had forgotten something.

I wasn't wearing the IRA anymore.

Without that, I only had normal human strength, not to mention I was severely weakened because of the removal of the armor.

Frafdo realized this a split second after I did. He smacked my hands away, grabbed the front of my shirt, and hoisted me into the air. My feet left the ground. I kicked him in the chest and he laughed at me. Then he swung me to the side and let go, sending me crashing head first into a pile of boxes.

The world spun and little lights exploded into my eyes.

But I could hear people shouting.

"Frafdo, stop it! What're you doing!?"

"You! You were with Maxxor as well! You are this treacherous scumbag's companion!"

"Frafdo, be reasonable—."

"Reasonable! Grav, you traitor! You house a murderer! Traitor!"

"No! Stop! Leave him alone!"

My vision settled just in time for me to see Frafdo pointing another plasma arrow at me. This time at my heart.

"Frafdo!" Tom shouted and I could see Sarah, Peyton, and Garv around him, "Stop this!" He made to move forward but Frafdo let out a screech that made us all wince.

"Anyone takes another step and I'll kill him right now!" He turned to me, "As I am a Creature of _honor_ I will let you say your final words. What say you, human filth!?"

"Go ahead and shoot me then." I muttered, my voice unbelievably steady despite the racket my heart was making.

"What!?" Well, he obviously hadn't been expecting that.

"Kaz, what're you saying!?" Sarah cried. I ignored her.

"Yeah, sure go on and shoot my heart out." I continued. I could feel the splintered wood of the broken boxes digging into my bare arms and there was a piece digging into a particularly painful spot on my back, "But you'd be just as bad as any _real _murderer."

"I'd be doing Perim a favor!" Frafdo countered hotly, still keeping his weapon aimed at my heart.

"You just keep telling yourself that." I said, "Because what I did was not my fault. No, shut up and listen!" For he'd been about to interrupt with some justification or another, "If I _really_ was a murderer; if I had _really_ been working for Chaor; what was the ash-blasted sense in coming to the OverWorld!? I'm being hunted because I was working for Chaor! Why would come here!?"

"Maybe you're just thick." Frafdo hissed, his bow still taunt.

"Maybe you are!" I snapped back, "Fine! Go ahead and shoot me! End my life! Avenge your comrades! But I never…meant…anyone…to…get…hurt!" I slammed a fist down on the crates around me to emphasize each word.

"Says the UnderWorlder's Assassin!" Frafdo countered.

"I NEVER WANTED TO BE AN ASSASSIN!" I screamed. My chest was on fire and my eyes were burning and my arms were shaking and I couldn't feel my legs but curse it all if I wasn't going to give _somebody_ a piece of my mind!

Frafdo was staring at me curiously, as though he could tell whether what I was saying was the truth or not. I glared back at him. After a moment or two, he released the tension of the bow and drew it back. The plasma arrow remained but the string was no longer taunt, no longer a threat.

"Where did you get the scar on your arm?" Frafdo asked. Behind him, I saw Tom inch forward and I shook my head slightly. Tom stopped moving but his eyes were bright and watching Frafdo.

"Your friend Gespaden gave it to me." I answer him, "I was supposed to kill him. I didn't want to. I told him to run. He didn't and attacked me instead. I didn't mean to hurt him." I closed my eyes, exhausted, "I didn't…mean to hurt anybody. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He still could have been pointing that plasma arrow at me.

He still could be aiming for my heart.

He could still kill me.

But I was too weak to stop him.

"You are not a liar, are you?" Frafdo asked me.

"Stupid question." I muttered wearily, "Why would I lie about…this of all things? Don't you think I'm trying to save my skin?"

"Frafdo, let him go." Garv said soothingly, "If Najarin trusted him so can you."

"Najarin?" Frafdo's voice was full of shock and I would have loved to see his face but my eyelids were so heavy, "Najarin helped him?"

"Yeah, he did." That was Peyton talking now, "Saved his humanity so just back off!"

"That's enough." Garv interjected, "There's been enough fighting. Frafdo, put away your bow." There was clatter and then the click of talons as Frafdo moved away from me, "Kaz, can you walk?"

"Yeah, sure, no problem." But I didn't move.

"Where'd you get this need to protect your pride." Tom muttered. I heard movement and then someone hauled me up and dragged my arm over their shoulder, looping his other arm across my back to try and hold me up.

I chuckled weakly, "I probably picked it up from you."

"Shut up or I'll drop you."

"Suuurrreeeee…" I slurred out.

"Geez, you'd think he was drunk." Sarah said and Peyton laughed.

"Give him to me," I heard Garv say, "I'll take care of him."

"I'm not a friggen' object." I said sleeply. The ground vanished from under my feet but I felt the weight of Garv's arms supporting me. Movement, walking, doors opening and closing. The softness of the bed. It felt so nice after having all those pieces of wood poking into me.

"Hey Kaz," That voice…, "I found out how to get you home."

_Home…_

My tired body wouldn't say the word but it was the last thing I remember thinking before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

_Yes! We had action! We had trauma! We had fighting (sort of)! _

_Now the question remains…who was that at the end?_

_Guess, guess! Oh PLLLEEEEAAASSSEEEE guess! I'm so happy to be working in this again! I missed this! Yay! The Files are back! The Files are BACK! I'm so excited! (runs around in excited circles) _

_I hope you are all prepared for the epicness that is…the rest of this fan fiction. XD_


	32. After the Storm: Through the Window

_Ha! Left you with a cliffie, didn't I? One person guessed who it was at the end of the last chapter! Cookies for you! _

_Now…onto the next chapter!

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Fourteen: Through the Window

* * *

**

"_**It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." –Woody Allen

* * *

**_

Someone was making a racket somewhere.

I rolled over onto my side, pulling the blanket over my head and willing the noise to stop. When it didn't, I rolled onto my back with a huff and glared at the ceiling. Didn't people appreciate that a psychologically traumatized teenager was trying to get a decent amount of sleep?

"What the heck…" I grumbled, sitting up and clambering out of bed. After pulling on some fresh clothes, I pushed the door open and headed down the hall. I listened, following the obnoxious, sleep-interrupting noise to a large back room where the door was slightly ajar. I slipped in without a sound.

Garv, Najarin, Tom, Sarah, and Peyton were all standing around what looked like a bookcase made out of metal. There was a hammering and fizzing noise coming from the spot where Garv, Tom, and Peyton were kneeling and blue light sparked too brightly to look at directly. Sarah was on the floor in front of large pieces of parchment that were spread across the cement rather haphazardly and Najarin was crouched almost behind the metal bookcase; I couldn't see what he was doing. The sparks stopped flying and Garv, Tom, and Peyton moved away from the shelves.

"Hey guys." I said and all of them jumped, spinning around to look at me.

"Geez Kaz!" Tom shouted, "Could you give us a little warning next time!? Sheesh, you're like a shadow!"

I didn't know whether I wanted to take that as a compliment or not.

"What's with the metal bookcase?" I asked, walking carefully around the piles of paper. I glanced at them as I passed. They were schematics, it looked like, detailed drawings of…, "Hold on a second…" I stared at the parchment, looked back at the 'bookcase', glanced at the drawing again and said, "It's like the inside of a Code Scanner."

"It's how we're getting you home!" Came an excited voice and then H'earring stuck his head out from behind the device.

My eyes widened. Of course! It had been H'earring I'd heard last night!

"H'earring!" I cried and ran forward, pulling him into a hug, "My gosh, you're alright! You're safe! You're _alive_! I'm so glad to see you alive!"

"Ow! Kaz—ow!" H'earring pushed at me and I released him. There were a few scrapes and bruises on him and there was a new hole through his left ear but he was _alive_. And that's what really counted.

"H'earring, why don't you take Kaz and get him something to eat." Garv suggested, "You can explain everything to him. And when he comes back, perhaps he would like to help us?"

"You bet I would!" My fingertips itched. I'd built something like this for my science fair project (that seemed like it was in someone else's lifetime now) and I couldn't wait to do it again. If there was one thing I loved more than Chaotic, it was science.

Well, _had_ loved more than Chaotic.

I followed H'earring out of the room and into Garv's excuse for a kitchen. The place was a neat-freak's nightmare; plants and cutlery and bowls all over the place. You were lucky to find an empty bit of counter space. H'earring pushed a bunch of things into the sink and started looking around for something to eat.

"So come on," I said, practically punting Mich out of a seat. It squealed at me and flew up to nestle on top of a cupboard, "Tell me what happened to you and what's going on in that room?"

"I went into the UnderWorld."

"_Details_ H'earring." I muttered, putting my chin in one hand and playing with a knobby fruit with the other.

"It's in an uproar down there. I'm not exactly sure what happened but I think it has something to do with your disappearance." H'earring explained, his back to me as he went about his work, "So it wasn't _too_ difficult sneaking in because whatever was going on had everyone distracted."

"Where'd you go?"

"The palace; I figured your Code Scanner had to be somewhere Chaor could keep a close eye on it." He turned around and dropped a plate in front of me. There was some sort of salad thing on it; I didn't ask what, "And I was right. He had it locked underneath the palace in the vaults."

"Where the schematics in there too?" I asked between bites, "What are the for anyway?"

H'earring sniggered, "Noooo, they weren't in the vaults. They were in Ulmar's lab!" He laughed at the look on my face, "That stupid Creature had no idea what was going on! While he was distracted elsewhere, I snuck into his lab to destroy whatever it was he'd used to make the Instant Regeneration Armor." I stared at him but he only grinned mischievously, "I struck Mugic, Kaz! I broke into the safe where he keeps his plans and burned the ones detailing how to make the Armor. Then I destroyed the equipment used to make it. Without the plans, Ulmar can never make another and The Destiny Claw and The Ripper are useless without the IRA!"

"Excellent!" I held out my hand and H'earring slapped his own in it briefly, "Where those plans for…whatever it is they're building in that room—where they in the safe too?"

"Mm-hm." H'earring nodded, "I stole them and brought them back here." His gleeful expression fell, "I think I know most of what was going on in the UnderWorld, Kaz."

"What, tell me."

"Kaz, I think Chaor was trying to break out of Perim and into your world." I gave an involuntary shudder. My dream…so like my dream…

"Why…do you think that?" I asked, hesitant, not sure if I wanted to know.

"Because there was a Code Scanner in the safe with the plans, dismantled, there were pieces of it everywhere. I think what happened was that Ulmar had intended the machine he built—which I also destroyed, by the way—I think he meant for it to create a path from Perim into Earth. But it backfired somehow." H'earring scraped a claw across the counter top, not looking at me, "I guess they accidently pulled someone or something from Earth instead. Either way, it looked as though Ulmar had abandoned the project and started working on the IRA."

"But when he saw the opportunity it presented with me in the armor…" I trailed off, understanding. Ulmar had used that mockery of a Code Scanner to create a wormhole generator, pinpoint my location, and pull my Earth-self through to Perim. I could only guess that my Chaotic-self had either vanished or merged with my Earth-self after that.

"I guess dreams really do come true." I scowled. So physical travel between Earth and Perim was possible. And I hadn't been the one to discover how it worked. For some reason, it infuriated me. And made me insanely jealous. That discovery was supposed to have been mine.

"I'm finished eating." I said, standing up, "Let's go back and help, huh?" H'earring jumped up eagerly and as we walked back towards the room I couldn't help but notice the spring in my step and the bubbly feeling in my chest.

_I was going home!_

* * *

We created an involuntary system for working on the Generator (we really couldn't think of anything else to call it). Tom, Peyton, and Sarah ported in together at infrequent intervals so that people in the Port Court wouldn't get suspicious; their cover story, if anyone asked, was that they had started looking for Ghost again who had supposedly shown up in the OverWorld. Not quite the truth, but not quite a lie either.

I had become something of the director for the project. I'd never actually seen the inside of a Code Scanner and I was absolutely delighted to find out that my science fair project had been _extremely_ close to the real thing with just a few minor flaws. Because I understood the mechanics and science behind its workings better than the others, I kept a tight hold on the plans and directed the group in the instructions. When I got to worn out, I took a short nap in the corner while the other kept working. My sleep was a clash of nightmares of murders and dreams of going home and I always woke up feeling dissatisfied and restless.

I wanted to be home so badly.

A week went by and we were only halfway finished. Frafdo's attack had made me extremely wary. I felt that Perim thought I had overstayed my welcome. Whenever Garv had visitors, all activity around the Generator ceased and I hid myself as best I could. As these interruptions were few and far between, our work was rarely interrupted.

But I was eager to get home and to me it felt as though the work wasn't going fast enough. I wore myself out trying hard to finish it, forcing myself to keep going even when I knew I should stop. I was berated by my friends and by Garv and Najarin but I was absolutely determined to finish it and go home and never come back.

"Kaz," Someone touched my shoulder and I jerked upright, looking around wildly. It was Peyton, "Dude, you're falling asleep on the job again."

"Huh?" So I had. I been slowly drifting off, slumped over a pile of wires and circuitry.

"Maybe you should go take a nap." Peyton suggested but I shrugged him off.

"I'm not tired, I can keep working." I insisted, grabbing a handful of wires.

"Kaz," Najarin this time, "Go get some rest before you make a mistake."

I glared at him, my pride stinging, but stood and stomped over to a corner. Once there, I sat down with my back in between the two walls and glared as everyone else kept on working.

At some point, I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" H'earring was shouting, "Come _on_, Lazy Bones, wake up!"

'Mm—huh—what!?" I flew to my feet and H'earring tumbled off my lap where he'd been perched, shaking me, "Oh, sorry H'earring." I helped him back to his feet, "What's up?"

"We finished it!" Tom shouted, plowing into me. The next thing I knew, I was in the middle of a huge group hug that consisted of Sarah, Peyton, Tom, and H'earring who was dangling off my legs.

"It's done!? Completely!? All of it!?" I gasped, extracting myself from my friends and running up to the machine. I ran my hands over the steel and wires, tracing them, thinking in my head their purpose, and finally turned back to my friends, grinning. When I spoke, my words came out breathlessly, "I can go home…!"

"There's still one more thing." Garv held out his hand. My Code Scanner rested on it. I knew it was mine. I'd know my Code Scanner from anyone else's. I reached out and picked it up; it felt foreign to me, somehow. There was time when I was happy to have it. Now I could only think about how it had ruined my life.

"Put it in the cradle." Najarin pointed to a thing not unlike the dock in the Dromes that was hooked around to the massive wall of machinery.

"Hold on a second," Sarah interjected, stopping me as I approached the cradle, "Didn't you say that even though this thing was designed to break into our world, it backfired and only pulled things _from_ Earth?"

I grinned at that, "I fixed the calculations that Ulmar messed up on. His problem is that if something doesn't work the first time, he gives up on it. I'd already figured out most of formulas for the wormholes and stuff, I just added on to what the little creep had already done."

"So we're absolutely sure this thing will send you home?" Tom asked, "To our home town, I mean. Couldn't it spit you out anywhere?"

"The Scanner will act as the anchor." Garv explained, "Kaz will have to take it with him as he goes through the wormhole it generates."

"That's the tricky part…" I sighed, "But I'll manage." I placed my Code Scanner in the cradle and took a couple of steps back.

"Ready?" Najarin asked, hand hovering over the switch to activate the whole thing.

"Yeah—no, wait." I turned back to my friends, knelt down, and pulled H'earring into a hug, "I'll miss you. Promise you won't go back to the UnderWorld."

"Not a chance." The little Creature laughed, "Garv's already said I could stay here with him."

"Take care of yourself." I muttered. My chest hurt. I wasn't ever coming back to Perim. I wouldn't ever see him again. I blinked rapidly, fighting back the tears. I was not going to cry.

"See you guys around." I said, holding out my hand to Peyton. He passed it up and hauled me into a giant, back-cracking hug that lifted me off the floor a little bit. Then he slapped my shoulder, grinning.

"You'll do good, Kazzudie!" He said.

I turned to Sarah and held out my hand. She rolled her eyes and gave me a hug. When she backed up she said, "Don't do anything else stupid, alright. I'm tired of having to save the day." She kissed my cheek and I felt my face burn.

"Uh, y-yeah. Sure." I looked away quickly and met Tom's gaze, "See you on the other side."

"I'll be waiting for you." He answered, crossing his arms.

I turned back to the machine and said to Najarin, "Make sure you destroy this thing when you're done."

"You needn't worry about that." Najarin responded and flipped the switch. The air in front of the Generator warped like a spiraling heat wave and pulled into a vortex that glowed brilliant gold. I sucked in a breath and said over the roar,

"Bye guys!"

Then I took off at a run, my bare feet churning into the cement floor. Some part of me realized that I was still in the blue pants and tunic of the OverWorld. It was too late to do something about it now.

It was weird.

At the moment, everything seemed to go to fast but now, looking back, it feels like everything happened in slow motion.

I could hear myself breathing harshly and my heart thudding loudly and my feet hitting the floor.

All I could see was that wormhole in front of me, my way home.

I saw my hand reach out for my Code Scanner as I ran by the cradle, felt my fingers curl around its familiar shape, felt a slight second of resistance and then it was free and in my hand.

I fell into the wormhole.

Everything became distorted after that.

There was no sense of direction; no up, no down, no left, no right, no nothing. I wasn't sure if I was spinning or if I was stable or if I was even moving at all.

All I could see was gold and white and red.

And then, just for a second, I saw stars. Not stars like when you hit your head really hard but stars like those in the sky. Only these stars were huge and very close and glowed eerie colors: crimsons and emerald greens and cerulean blues against a vast expanse of dark violet. It was just for a second but I think what I saw in that second was the multi-verse; the idea of multiple worlds all next to one another, all floating in a limbo that connected them all. Even if that's not what it was, I won't forget that sight. It was breath-taking.

Which was good, really, because as soon as I came out of the wormhole, I hit the ground so hard that it knocked the rest of wind out of me. I skidded across what could only be pavement on my stomach, my face against the hard surface, flipped head over heels a couple of times, and ended up in snow.

My head was spinning, my chest was on fire with pain, there was gravel stuck in the cuts on my face and other exposed bits of skin, and I'd bit the inside of my lip at some point and now there was blood leaking out the side of my mouth. I lay in the snow, trying to get my breath back, feeling heavy and light-headed. But I could still feel my Code Scanner in my hand.

A door slammed, I heard footsteps, and then someone was shouting for an ambulance. Hands rolled me gently onto my back and I groaned, looking up at an overcast, gray sky. A girl's face came into view,

"Are you alright!? What _happened_ to you!?"

"Car…" I managed to squeeze out, the pain making it hard to get a proper breath it, "What…street?"

"What street is this? Is that what you want to know?"

I made a noise of consent, closing my eyes. My head was throbbing.

"No, don't close your eyes! I'm a med student! You need to keep your eyes open!" She sounded slightly panicked, "This is Billiard Road! Tell me your name! What's your name?"

I smiled a little. Billiard Road was two blocks down from my house.

I was _home_.

"I need you to tell me your name!"

I was finally _home_…

"What's your name!?"

Sirens blared in the distance.

"What! Is! Your! Name!?"

"It's Kaz…"

_I'm home…_

* * *

_Friggen' awesome long chapter. _

_KAZ IS HOME! KAZ IS HOME! KAZZER IS HOOOOOMMMMMEEEEE!!!!!! I'm so happy! I finally got him home! Yyyyaaaaaayyyyyy! (hugs Kaz) This is so AWESOME! (hugs everybody)_

_But wait! There's more! Order now and get the rest of this book and the next one FREE! That's right! This amazing deal can be yours today if you leave a review! Just one review and you can get the rest of this book and the third and final book of the series for absolutely FREE!_

_How do you like them Snickerdoodles?_


	33. After the Storm: Interlude, Nathaniel

_For some reason, my mind wanted to type this all in present tense when it's supposed to be in past tense. So if there's any weird tense changing, please let me know. I don't always catch those things and it can really throw off the rhythm of the writing. Thank you.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter 15: Interlude – Nathaniel

* * *

**

"_**No one was hurt. We're all together and okay. We lost a few of our nice things, but things don't matter much really. It's hard to believe how often we forget that." – Calvin's Mom from Bill Matterson's Calvin and Hobbes

* * *

**_

Work was difficult.

Seeing the pictures of my son around my desk made my heart ache but I couldn't bear to put them away.

They were all I had left of him.

I was preparing for a board meeting when it happened.

The phone rang.

I pressed the button for speaker phone as I pulled on my suit jacket.

"Mr. Kalinkas?"

"Yes, what is it Malory?"

"You've got a call on line one. It's from the local hospital and they say it's urgent."

I froze momentarily, one hand reaching for my briefcase, and then swiveled around to pick up the receiver.

_Please let everyone be okay. Please it's not my wife. Please…_

"This is Nathaniel Kalinkas. How can I help you?"

"Mr. Kalinkas, this the Brian-Foy Hospital. We…" There was a pause on the other end, an intake of breath, "We found your son."

I dropped the receiver and ran out the door, only stopping briefly to grab my keys out of the pocket of my overcoat. As I tore past my secretary, I shouted, "Cancel my meeting, Malory! Cancel everything! I'm going to the hospital!"

For some reason, the elevator seemed to take to long so I ran full tilt down the stairs, across the lobby, and into the parking lot. I slid a little on the snow in front of my car as I fought to get the keys inside. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I grabbed my cellphone and speed-dialed for home.

"Nathaniel!?" Marietta sounded breathless, "I was just about to call you! I got a call from the hospital—they found him, Nate! They found him!"

"I'm on my way over there right now!" I said, tapping my fingers impatiently on the steering wheel as I pulled to a stop at a red light, "I'll meet you there."

"Nate, I'm going to pick up Tom from the high school."

"Wha—Mari! He's in school—!"

"He's Kaz's best friend!" She said, her voice quivering, "He deserves to know!"

"Alright, honey, alright." I pressed too quickly on the accelerator and the car jack-rabbited forward, "I'll meet you and Tom at the hospital. With the way traffic is, you'll probably beat me there."

"Okay, be careful."

"I will."

I hung up and spun the wheel with both hands, swerving onto the on-ramp for the highway. I was going a little over eighty but I did't care. I had the right to.

Kaz was alive.

And he was home.

I pressed harder on the gas pedal.

* * *

I squealed the car into a spot in the hospital parking lot and jumped out, running across the lot as fast as I could, slipping and sliding all the way. I burst through the front doors and slammed into the front desk.

"Kazdan Kalinkas! Where is he!?" My voice was louder than I intended.

"Nate!" I whirled around and saw Marietta standing with Tom at her side and doctor beside them both of them.

"Mari!" I left the bewildered nurse behind the desk and leapt to my wife's side, clutching her hand. I looked around at the doctor, "Kaz! They said Kaz was here! Where—!?"

"Mr. Kalinkas, please," The doctor said in a soothing voice, "Calm yourself. Your son is in an isolated ward and he's fine. I have police officers standing by to keep out any nosey members of the press who happen to catch wind of his reappearance."

"Are we allowed to see him?" Tom asked, his voice strained with worry. I glanced at him; he looked worn out but his eyes were bright.

"Of course, please follow me."

I followed in a daze. My mind was a blur of worry and questions. Where had he been? Is he okay? Who took him? What does "fine" mean? Was it kidnapping? What if he's seriously hurt? Why did it take so long for him to come back? Will he still be my son?

"I'm going to ask you to be quiet." The doctor was speaking in a low voice and I realized that we had stopped walking and were standing outside a door, "He's weak and his body needs rest. We've given him a low dose of a sleeping drug that helps him stay asleep. But it's light enough that loud noises can still wake him up."

Tom, Mari, and I all nodded and the doctor pushed the door open.

My heart jumped up into my throat.

There lay my son, looking older than I remembered him. There were a few light scrapes on his face, his glasses were missing, and his hair had gotten long. A heavy blanket was pulled up to his chin but I could see the IV tube trailing underneath it.

"Kaz…" Tom's voice cracked, "Uh…excuse me…" He turned and dodged out the door, closing it behind him. Even through that, I could hear him crying in the hall.

"There's…something you should see." We both glanced at the doctor. Marietta had tears shimmering in her eyes. The doctor walked over to the bed and gently, carefully pulled back the blanket. Then he unbuttoned the front of Kaz's hospital gown. My wife and I moved closer.

Mari suddenly gave a distressed cry and buried her face in my shoulder, tears streaming down her face. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, unable to look away. A jagged scar was traced around Kaz's neck, another punctured under his left shoulder, and a horridly long one right down the middle of his chest. I could see more of them on his stomach and one on his arm.

"That's enough." I said, my hoarse voice no more than a whisper. The doctor nodded once and redid the buttons and pulled the covers back up. I blinked. I could still see those scars.

"Your wife may…want to step out in the hall." The doctor said quietly and I ushered Mari out the door. Tom was sitting against the wall, staring at the opposite one, eyes wide and rimmed in red. The police officers glanced in curiously and I glared at them as I shut the door. Then I turned to face the doctor again.

"How…" I swallowed, trying to speak clearly, "How bad is he?"

"Not as bad as he looks, surprisingly." The doctor responded, "Wherever he was, he's been working out and his body is perfectly healthy except for the fact that he seems to be extremely weakened."

"Weakened as in how?"

"Well, it's almost like his muscles don't have enough energy for them to respond to the signals the brain is sending them. For the moment, I can only say we're going to put him on a special diet. I don't know about medication yet."

"What about those…scars?"

"That's the funny thing." The doctor glanced at Kaz sleeping in the bed and then looked back at me, "At first glance, they seem superficial but they go much deeper. We found scaring on the bones of his left arm, his neck, and even on his sternum and spine."

I stared at him, "What's that mean?"

"Normally you'd only finding scaring like that…from fatal wounds." He glanced from Kaz to me again, "Like the one on his neck, it indicates that whatever cut him—presumably a knife—it indicates that, well, that it slit his throat."

"What!?" I said it louder than I meant to and the doctor made hushing movements at me, "Sorry."

"Look, I'm no forensic squad," The doctor muttered, "But with wounds like that kid got, he should be—."

"I don't care." I said, cutting him off before he can say the word, "He's home." I looked at Kaz, at my son, sleeping in the bed, peaceful, "He's home and that's all that matters to me right now."

* * *

_Oh my gosh, we're almost to the end of "After the Storm." _

_Almost. But not quite._

_Yay for Kazzey getting home! Yay for his parents being happy! Yay for…for..for cookies and justice!_

_Don't question it._


	34. After the Storm: A Rainbow Made Of Tears

_I know, giant quote at the beginning. I just liked the whole thing and didn't want to cut any of it out. So meh, if you don't like it. XP

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Sixteen:A Rainbow Made Through Tears

* * *

**

"_**It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were and sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much **_**bad**_** happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines, it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that **_**meant**_** something, even if you were too small to understand why……Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turnin' back only they didn't. They kept goin'. Because they were holdin' onto something. There's some **_**good**_** in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for!" –Samwise from Peter Jackson's LOTR: The Two Towers

* * *

**_

I panicked, at first, because I didn't know where I was. I heard the heart monitor beeping, felt the IV in my hand, smelled the stark smell of bleach and medicine and the first thing my mind went to was that none of that had ever happened and I was trapped once again in the UnderWorld.

Except that when I opened my eyes, everything was white instead of the dark browns and blacks I'd expected.

Then I remembered: I'd gone through the wormhole. I was back home. I sighed a happy sigh of relief.

Someone shifted to my left and I whipped my head around. My vision went weird for a moment as a wave of dizziness hit me. When it settled again, I saw a strawberry-blonde haired nurse was staring at me with wide, worried blue eyes. I stared back at her curiously.

She smiled suddenly and straightened, "Hello Kaz. I'm Abby and I've been assigned to take care of you."

"Where…" The word got stuck in my throat and I had to swallow a few times before I could speak again, "Where are my parents?"

"Oh, they were here this morning but they won't be back until tonight. Did you need something?" I shook my head, smiling. My parents knew I was alive and that was enough, "Are you well enough to sit up?"

"I dunno." I pushed down with my hands, braced myself, and sat up. For a while at least. I fell backwards almost immediately, head spinning, "Guess not."

Abby giggled and helped me up, propping me against the headboard with a pillow at my back. Part of me loathed the help but I pushed it aside. Right now, I could use all the help I could get.

"So…what's going to happen?" I asked as the nurse went about fussing with my blankets, "When do I get out of here?"

"I don't actually know that." Abby answered, "I know that Dr. Mitchell wants to run a few tests to make sure there's no damage anywhere. You're also quite weak, so you have to recover enough for that." She straightened up suddenly, "Would you like something to eat?"

"Uh," I wondered if I could stomach food and then decided that it was a good idea to at least try and eat something, "Sure thing."

"I'll be right back, then!" She said cheerfully and left the room. As she passed through the door, I caught sight of a couple of police officers staring at me curiously before it closed. I scowled. What were police officers doing guarding my hospital room?

I glanced around the room. A small window on the wall opposite the door with a comfy looking chair in front of it let me see that it was bright and sunny out. I could see tall buildings around outside, some smeared with snow. I wondered what month it was. There were a couple of chairs pushed up against the wall opposite the end of the bed and the door, of course. On the bedside stand was a small plastic vase of flowers of some kind and two cards. I slowly reached over and picked them up.

_Get Well Soon_ was inscribed in shiny gold-colored lettering of the first one and when I opened it up I found it was from Tom and his parents. _Welcome home_ was scribbled on the bottom inside in Tom's handwriting and there was a sloppy smiley face next to it. I grinned. That was Tom, alright.

The second one was from my parents.

I held it to my chest for some reason. I had missed them terribly. I wanted them beside me. I wanted to see them. I wanted to hear their voices. I wanted to tell that I loved them.

Before I knew it, tears were blurring my vision and dripping down my face. My head spun. I focused on the feeling of the thick paper under my fingers and took a deep breath. Everything settled back into the way it was. I rubbed the tears from my face and as I let my arm drop back down, I noticed the light scar circling the middle of my lower left arm.

_That's where Gespaden liberated me of my arm. _I thought sarcastically and was struck by a sudden fear, _My scars…_

How much had they seen?

How much had they figured out?

My right hand automatically flew up to my chest and I started running the side of my thumb up and down the scar on my sternum.

All those scars…

All those memories…

All those horrible things I had done…

Hot anger and despair made my vision swim but I didn't care. I grabbed a hold of those feelings and burned them into my brain. They were accompanied by a sick desire for revenge. All that trust, all that loyalty, all the friendship was dashed away by the hatred and fear and sorrow the UnderWorlders had caused me.

I hoped they would get their just deserts.

"Kaz, are you alright?" I blinked and the red haze melted from my sight. I looked around and saw Abby staring at me worridly.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Why?"

"You just…looked…" She trailed off, "Never mind, I probably imagined it. Here have something to eat." She propped a tray up on a little table over my lap, moving the cards back to the bedside stand as she did so.

"Ugh," I said, wrinkling my nose, "Hospital food." Plastic wrapped sandwiches. What idiot had come up with that? But I was hungry. So I ate it.

"I talked to Dr. Mitchell about your release," Abby said, arranging the flowers in the vase though they'd looked fine to me, "He told me that in addition to what I've already let you know about it, he's also not allowed to let you leave until the police get a report from you."

I swallowed a mouthful of milk the wrong way and ended up in a coughing fit that made me dizzy. It took me a full five minutes to recover.

"P-police report!?" I wheezed when I managed to find my breath again, "What for!?"

"Well, you _were_ missing for almost a year…" She said this in an almost sympathetic tone and cast a wary glance at me.

I tore my gaze away and looked down at my half eaten food, "I'm…not hungry anymore. Thanks for your trouble."

Abby didn't answer, just gathered up the tray and left. I glared at the policemen as they peered at me again. When I was sure that Abby wasn't going to come back anytime soon, I slid down so that I was lying on my side with the pillow in its proper place.

I lay there, with my back to the door, tense. I couldn't sleep like this. My mind and body wouldn't let me anymore. I rolled over so that I was facing the door and lay there staring at the wall. Involuntarily, I ran my tongue across my sharpened canines. Surely they weren't _that_ noticeable. They felt like it to me. But no one else had said anything. Well, actually, Peyton had said something about my eyes…but I hadn't seen those at all yet. I was kind of scared to.

"What am I?" I whispered. Of course, no one answered. I closed my eyes, feeling empty and alone, "I wanna go home…"

* * *

I was woken up by the sound of the door opening. I cracked my eyes open, still lying perfectly still, and looked to see who was coming into the room.

I immediately discarded the ruse that I was sleeping and flew upright,

"MOM! DAD!"

The stared at me in surprise, as though they weren't expecting to see me awake, and I leapt up, trying to run to them. All I accomplished was getting tangled in the sheets and blankets and falling with a crash to the floor.

"Kazdan!" They were at my side in an instant.

And they found me laughing.

I laughed and clutched at them, tears running down my face. I was so happy all I could do was laugh. I buried my face in my mother's lap and then threw myself into my father's arms, laughing and crying at the same time. It took me a while to settle down.

"Kaz, we were so worried about you! We looked everywhere for you!" My dad said, one hand tightly on my shoulder as though I would disappear if he didn't have it there.

"I know you did!" I said in reply, "I know! I know!"

"You're hair's so long…" Mom muttered and I looked around at her in wonder, "Well it is!" She ran her fingers through it and I smiled.

"Alright, that's enough. Let's get you back into bed." My dad helped me to my feet and I let them help me back into bed. I didn't want to push them away.

"Kaz…where were you?" My mom asked.

"Mari!" Dad hissed.

I bit my lip and looked at the blankets that now covered my legs. And the scars. I couldn't tell them. They'd call me crazy. They'd lock me away. And it'd be just like what I'd escaped from. I couldn't tell them.

"Kaz, you alright son?" I glanced up at my father and nodded slowly, not trusting myself to speak, "Did you…want to talk about anything?"

My mind became a battlefield.

What could I say?

How's the weather?

What's up?

What could I talk about?

An idea came to me and I looked at both of them,

"What am I gonna do about school?"

* * *

_Well, he's got a point. He was gone for almost a year. What the heck is going to happen with his school life? _

_Oh gosh, this chapter is dumb. (face palm) It's filler. So, yes, Kaz is home but…he finds something to be…unsettling. Apparently, all is not as he left it. Or maybe it is and he's the one who did not return the way he left?_


	35. After the Storm: Two's Annoying

_I know the last chapter was filler. And the rest of "After the Storm" will feel like that because…well, for a good reason. You'll see.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Seventeen: Two's Annoying, Three's A Crowd

* * *

**

"_**Very funny. A rock in the road. Kids in this country need something better to do with their time." –The Chauffer from Fullmetal Alchemist: The Conquer of Shambala

* * *

**_

"Let us worry about school." My parents had said. And they'd left it at that. They told me how much they'd missed me, how hard they had looked for me, and how happy they were that I was home.

All I could do was agree with them.

At some point during our slightly one-sided conversation, I yawned loudly and rubbed my eyes, feeling tired and heavy.

"Maybe we should leave you alone so you can get some sleep." Dad said.

"No, I'm not tired." That was a lie. I was tired. But I didn't want them to leave. I didn't want to be alone in the hospital. Not yet. I wasn't ready. I was scared; there was part of me that still believed that, somehow, Chaor might find a way to get at me.

"Don't over work yourself." Mom ordered, "The doctor says you need your rest and you can't fool your own mother." She pressed my shoulders until I was lying down on the bed, staring up at them, "We'll come see you tomorrow, hon, promise." She brushed my bangs away from my face and kissed my forehead.

Any other place, any other time, I would have thrown a fit about her treating me like that. But at that moment, a warm feeling spread in my stomach and made me smile.

"It's good to be home." I blurted out. Mom smiled back at me and whispered good night.

"You're stronger than I ever gave you credit for." Dad muttered, "Must be your great-grandfather's blood."

"Luck o' the Irish." I replied and Dad laughed, ruffling my hair.

"You sleep good now, Kaz." He said, "We'll see you tomorrow. And don't give the doctor's any trouble, okay?"

"Alright." He didn't say anything about giving the cops trouble, "G'night."

"Sweet dreams, Kaz."

Then the lights went out and the door closed and I was alone in the room. I lay on my back, my head turned so that it faced towards the window. Yellow light in fractured beams cast tiny slits across the floor and walls through the blinds covering the window. The normalcy of it was stark and odd. All these familiar things that now seemed so…strange.

I wanted to get out of this hospital and be in my own bedroom in my hometown. I wanted to go to school and pretend none of this had ever happened. A hard thing to do, maybe, but I was going to try all the same.

I would never port to Chaotic again.

I would never, ever go to Perim again.

I was _done_ as a Chaotic player.

KidChaor was dead.

The finalization of it in my mind felt good, like I'd finally accomplished something. I'd find something else to occupy my time.

I wondered, in the brief moments before sleep took over, how many _Road Rager_ games had come out while I'd been gone.

* * *

The next day was hectic, annoying, and tiring, to say the least.

I woke up and lay staring at the ceiling with my mind completely blank, halfway out of sleep mode but not quite awake. Abby solved that by bustling in with a tray of lovely hospital breakfast and humming something that sounded like "It's A Small World After All." I tried to ignore her while she went about opening the blinds and checking the chart at the foot of my bed but the tune was stuck hauntingly at the back of my head the rest of the day.

Then I met Dr. Mitchell. He was a tallish guy with almost no hair and gray eyes but he was friendly enough towards me, if wary.

"Hello, Kaz, I'm Dr. Herbert Mitchell." He warmly, smiling down at me.

"Hi." I said flatly, looking back up at him from where I was sitting propped against the headboard.

"Before I hand you over to the cops, we're going to do a couple of tests."

"Like what?"

"Oh, just some x-rays and scans and some blood samples to make sure there's nothing wrong."

"I'm fine." The mention of blood samples made me sick to my stomach. I was remembering the result of my last encounter with a needle.

"You might think that but we don't know that for sure. It's standard procedure, there's nothing to be worried about."

"I don't want to."

The smile dropped a little bit, "Kaz, we're not going to hurt you." Abby walked in, pushing a wheel chair in front of her, "Now, please get in the chair."

"Make me."

The smile dropped a bit more, "Don't be stubborn, son, we're just going to make sure you're healthy."

"I thought you told my dad I was."

"Kazdan, you are being unreasonable." The smile was gone completely. Now he was all doctor and not even trying to be friendly, "This is not only for your safety but also for the safety of those around you. Do you understand?"

I understood but that didn't mean I wanted to cooperate. What if they found traces of the Virus? How could I explain that away? And how much had they figured out about my scars? I was in a hospital gown so _someone_ had taken the liberty of getting rid of the OverWorld garments I'd been wearing. Not that I cared.

"Do not make me use force. I'd rather not resort to it." I glared at him. I didn't take idly to threats anymore but to cause a scene was the last thing I wanted. So I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and was promptly hit with a dizzy spell. When the world settled back into place, I was being wheeled down a hallway, passing doors every so often. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Abby pushing the chair with Dr. Mitchell walking behind her. The two police officers from outside my door were walking on either side of me and they kept shooting me glances out of the corners of their eyes. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable with their stares, and watched the tile pass underneath the wheelchair. It was cold out here, out of the room. Goosebumps erupted across my bare arms and I shivered.

"Abby, hold on a moment." Dr. Mitchell said and vanished through a door. When he came back, he was holding a blanket, which he draped over my shoulders. I took it gratefully and wrapped it around me, still shivering slightly. Why was it so dang cold!?

"Thanks." I muttered.

"You're welcome and I'm sorry about before." Dr. Mitchell said as we kept moving, "You see, you're something of a celebrity; a fourteen year old boy who vanished off the face of the earth and returns almost a year later from God knows where dressed in some exotic clothing." He glanced at me, smiling a little, "I don't really care for the Boys in Blue being so nosey about what's going on in here, I feel it toes the line of patience privacy. No offence, boys." He added, nodding at the two officers.

"None taken." One of them muttered. The other said nothing.

"So if I was a little stingy with you earlier, please forgive me."

"Mmm," I said, distracted, "No offence, but I don't really like them either."

Dr. Mitchell laughed and one of the policemen chuckled. His partner shot him a dark look and he shut his mouth.

After that there was no more idle chit-chat. I was pushed around all morning until lunch time. The x-rays hadn't been so bad, though I didn't quite know what they were looking for and none of the doctor's would tell me. I wasn't familiar with the scanning technology in a hospital but the made me lie down on a bed thing and pretty much stuck me in a tube. Surprisingly, I was still okay with that, nervous and wary but okay.

It was the needle that scared the daylights out of me.

I was nodding off from the hectic activity that had already transpired when I felt the cool swab of anesthetic on my left arm. My eyes flew open and I yanked my arm away, staring with wide eyes at the surprised nurse who was leaning over my hospital bed. I held my arm to my chest, fingers of my right hand curled tightly around my left arm, shaking slightly. I must have looked a little comical, lying, slightly propped up, in my bed like that with a terrified look on my face. The nurse must have figured he'd startled me because he smiled and reached out to take my arm again.

As he leaned forward, I saw the needle glinting in his hand.

"Don't touch me!" I shouted, leaning away and falling off the other side of the bed. The impact stung and I landed awkwardly on my right arm but I was on my feet in a second. Or I would have been if my feet hadn't gotten tangled up and I'd crashed to the floor again.

"Kaz, it's alright, it's just a small poke. You'll barely notice." Said the nurse, setting the needle on the bedside stand and walking around to help me to my feet. I shuffled away from him, pressing back against the wall. My mind was telling me that this was just like before; just like what Ulmar did; and that the results would be the same, "Come on now, there's nothing to be scared of, it's just a needle."

"My last encounter with a needle didn't go so well." I muttered darkly.

The nurse paused and then bent down and hauled me upright with surprising strength before helping me back over to my bed. I sullenly crossed my arms over my chest, refusing to cooperate.

The nurse scowled, though I wasn't sure it was directed at me, "I bet they're all laughing at me back in the break room. Giving the new guy a tough time, as usual."

"You're new?"

"End of my first month." He replied, turning slightly red, "And some of the other nurses like to…pick on me and make me do difficult things just to get a laugh."

"I hate people like that." I said.

"Mm." Came the acknowledgement from the nurse. After a few moments of silence, I stuck my arm out, looking the other direction.

"Just…tell them you had a great time or something." I could feel him staring at me, "Well, you gonna do it or what?"

I flinched as I felt the needle pinch into my skin. Why was I cooperating? Why was I being so nice? Because I knew what it was like to be picked on and made to do the hard things no one else dared do? That might have been part of the reason.

But I was pretty sure that the other part was because I was tired of fighting.

* * *

I'd fallen asleep with my back to the door.

I still don't know if that's what triggered the nightmare or not.

I think I'd rather not know.

I was in school, sitting at a desk in my old History classroom, my classmates were sitting around me all holding daggers in their hands. I was holding one too and I was in my hospital gown. Chaor was at the front of the classroom on a throne.

"Kill yourselves." He said and the kids around me all raised the knives to their necks and slit their throats. The blood pooled to the floor, swelling up around my ankles. I sat staring at the knife in my hands.

"Kill yourself." Chaor ordered and suddenly he was right beside me, looking down at me, "I said to kill yourself. And then wake up."

I just stared at him.

"Wake up." He said and grabbed my shoulder, "Wake up!"

"No! Don't touch me!" I screamed and grabbed his arm in one hand. I pulled him closer and punched him in the face. He stumbled backwards and suddenly a bunch of little Ulmar's jumped up from the blood and grabbed my arms pinning them back. I shouted and struggled but somehow they were stronger.

That was all I could remember.

After that was the darkness of sleep.

* * *

I woke up terrified.

First of all because of the nightmare.

Secondly because the two police officers who usually guarded the door were on either side of the bed and another man in a suit was beside one of them.

And thirdly because my wrists were strapped down to the bed with thick Velcro straps.

"Wha—what's going on!?" I pulled at the restraints, panicking, "What're you going to do to me!? What do you want!?"

"Easy, kid, we're not going to do anything to you." One of the officers said, "It's just a misunderstanding."

"M-m-misunderstanding!?" I gasped. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears. It was like the UnderWorld all over again. This hospital…I had to get out of here before I went crazy.

The other policeman sniggered, "I'm sorry, it's kind of amusing, really." He glanced at the man in the blue-gray suit, "It's just that you were sleeping when the inspector arrived so he tried to wake you up. I guess you were having a nightmare or something because as soon as he touched your shoulder you shouted "don't touch me" and punched him in the face." He put a hand over his mouth, stifling his laughter, "After that we couldn't get you to stop flailing around so we had to pin you down and the doc came in and stuck you with a sedative. But you were still struggling for a while so they strapped your arms down."

I stared at him, my heart still thudding. That nightmare had triggered my spasms of terror and I'd…I'd…

I looked around at the inspector, the man in the suit, "I'm…sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you…uh…sir."

"That's quite alright." He said, "Greg, unstrap the boy, will you?"

I sighed in relief and rubbed my wrists where the Velcro had chaffed me a bit. Then I moved upright so that I was propped against the back of the bed and looked at the inspector,

"You're here to get a report from me, aren't you?"

"Mm, yes." Said the inspector, "My name's Jeremy Ticker, you can call me Jeremy. Do you need anything before we start?"

"Um, how exactly…is this going to work?" I asked, glancing from one officer to the next and then back at Jeremy.

"Well, Greg there's got a recording device," He pointed to the officer with blonde hair who'd unstrapped me, "And Rick is our psychologist, he'll be taking notes."

I glanced at Rick who half-smiled at me, "I don't like psycho-analysts." Rick laughed.

"Alright, that's enough boys." Inspector Jeremy leaned forward, elbows on his knees, completely serious, "Greg, start the recorder." Greg hit a button. I looked back at the inspector, "Your name?"

"Kazdan Matthew Kalinkas."

"Age?"

"Fifteen."

"What's today's date?"

"I…" I stopped and bit my lip, "I don't know…"

Inspector Jeremy must have seen my distress because he said in a comforting voice, "It's December twentieth." Then his police voice came back, "What was the date you disappeared on."

I thought back and finally said, "Uh, February…10th. I think."

The inspector nodded, "Can you tell us what happened that day?"

"Well I…" The words got stuck. I couldn't remember what had happened to my real world self, I could only recall the capture of my Chaotic self. I swallowed and finally said, "I was…walking to my friend Tom's house—."

"Thomas Majors?"

"Uh, yeah. I was walking to his house and then something hit me in the back of the head." I raised a hand and ran it through my too-long hair, "When I woke up it was dark and I couldn't move."

"And?" Inspector Jeremy prompted me to continue but I had no clue what to say. The truth would get me shut in an insane asylum.

"I don't know." I looked away, staring at the blankets.

"Kazdan, I need you to tell me what happened to you."

"I don't know, I don't remember." I clenched my fists on the top of the blankets, shutting myself up tight. I wasn't going to tell them anything.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rick lean forward and whisper something to the inspector. I _hated _ psycho-analysts.

"Kazdan." I didn't move when Jeremy said my name, "Kazdan, look at me." I still didn't move, "Now, Kazdan." I turned my eyes up to him, looking between the strands of my red hair, "I need you to tell me the truth."

"I don't remember."

"Kazdan—!"

"I said I don't know!" I snapped, "Leave me alone! I don't want to talk about it!" I slid down and pulled the sheets over my head.

There was some silence and then bodies shifting and footsteps. The door opened but didn't close and I could hear the officers talking with the inspector.

"He's lying." I heard Rick hiss, "He's lying when he says he doesn't remember what happened to him. But he's being very closed off about it. It might take some work to get it out of him."

"I don't want to hurt him." Inspector Jeremy murmured, "Wherever he's been for the past year, it looks like it's worn him down. I mean, have you ever seen a teenager with a look like _that_ on his face?"

"Did you see his _eyes_?" Greg whispered, an odd edge to his voice, "They're _weird_! Slitted…like an animal's—."

"Gregory!" I heard the inspector snap, "We're not here to gawk at him. We're here to find out where he was and what we can do to help him!"

"Inspector…" Rick muttered, "The door's still open, sir."

There was a quick curse word and the door shut and I could no longer hear them. I pushed the covers back and lay staring at the ceiling.

How long was I going to be trapped in here?

How long would it be before they would let me get back to a normal life?

I wanted to be in my own house.

I wanted to be in my own bedroom.

I wanted to go back to school (as odd as that sounds).

I wanted to forget everything that had happened to me.

But that was asking too much.

I rolled onto my side and started running my thumb up and down the scar on my chest.

It had become a habit.

And I would never be able to forget how it go there.

* * *

_Yeah, like Kaz was going to cooperate with the police. You didn't think he would, did you? He doesn't know what he's going to do. Poor Kazzer, he just wants to go home…_

_I don't particularly like the beginning of this chapter but I do like the end. Remember Kaz's nightmare and his reaction to it. It might play a part later…_

_Whoops, semi-spoilers. X3_


	36. After the Storm: All I Want For Xmas

_Nice To Be Loved: 32 Chapters, 77 Reviews_

_The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas: 34 Chapters, 42 Reviews_

_Legends of Chaos: 19 Chapters, 10 Reviews_

_Weird that The Files has (and will have) more chapters than NTBL but NTBL is kicking it's butt in the reviews department. X3 Win.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Eighteen: All I Want For Christmas

* * *

**

"_**Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music." –Tom Sims

* * *

**_

I could see the snow covered hospital parking lot from my window.

I had been almost four days since the police had tried to get a report out of me and while Rick tried to work on me every so often, I kept my mouth shut firmly. Except when I let loose the sarcasm and anger at his attention. It was unwanted.

I wasn't going to tell them anything.

I leaned my head against the cold glass of the window, looking down at the snow. I wished I could be outside. I wanted to be outside. I wanted to get _out_. I'd walked around on my own a bit but Abby was always there to drag me back to my room before I could get far. It was irritating.

My parents had come to see me every day and, on occasion, so had Tom and his parents. It was nice to have some friendly faces around but they didn't stop the nightmares. I slept about three hours every night, if that. My past in Perim was catching up to me, however much I'd tried to run from it.

One afternoon, I'd managed to haul myself out of the bed and walked to the chair by the window. I was a little worn out because of the drugs that were still in my system but I had wanted to look outside at the snow. The only problem was that I'd forgotten to bring a blanket along and the chill from the cold glass was making me shiver.

The door opened with a bang and I looked around to see a Christmas tree walk in. It jingled with multi-colored balls and strings of unlit lights.

"Where am I supposed to put this?" Asked the Christmas tree in the voice of Tom's father.

"Uuhhh…how about the corner over there." Mrs. Majors pushed past the tree and pointed to the spot across from.

"Merry Christmas Eve!" Tom shouted, exploding through the door behind his parents. He paused when he saw the empty bed, "Kaz? Where's he gone?"

"H-h-hey." My voice shook as I shivered. Tom jumped around and saw me sitting by the window.

"Holy crap, Kaz, your lips are blue!" My best friend leapt to my side as I stood up shakily. He grabbed me under the arms and practically threw me back into bed. I pulled the blankets up to my chin and willed myself to warm up. It had been stupid to move around when I was bogged down by the drugs meant to keep me calm. Like I was going to freak out anymore. It had been a one time thing. Stupid drugs. Stupid hospital.

Stupid everything.

"Kaz, get that silly pout off your face." Mrs. Majors nudged my shoulder, "This is Christmas Eve, you should be smiling and having fun!"

"Yes, being stuck in the hospital for Christmas is _so_ much fun." I said sarcastically but I smiled anyway.

"Ha! Got it!" Mr. Majors appeared from behind the Christmas tree as its lights flickered to life. He pushed a lock of black hair from his face as he stood up and stepped back to survey his work.

"Where are my mom and dad?" I asked, looking around at Tom who was bouncing up and down in the chair next to my bed like a little kid.

"They're coming in a few minutes." Tom replied, grinning, "With a surpriiiisseeee!"

"Speaking of…" Tom's mom glanced at Mr. Majors who nodded and they hurried out of the room.

"Where are they going?" Tom shrugged at my question. Then he stood up and walked to the door. He stuck his head out in the hall, looked left and right, and then backed into the room again, closing the door behind him.

"I told Peyton and Sarah you made it home okay." He said, taking his seat again, "They say hi."

"Heh, I get home and all they can say is hi?" I laughed a little bit, "What about H'earring? Is he okay?"

"I ported to Garv's yesterday day during school—I hope you're happy about that." Tom said, giving me a look that made me chuckle, "He's doing okay, he's been helping Garv out. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was an OverWorlder." We both laughed.

"Tell him I said hello." I twisted the blanket around my fingers, "What about the rest of Perim?"

Tom shook his head, "I don't know. It's a complete mess."

"Is it Chaor? Is he destroying everything? Is he still looking for me?" I couldn't keep the panic from tracing my voice.

"That's the weird thing," Tom replied, "No one's seen head or tail of Chaor for almost a week. Ever since you escaped the UnderWorld, he's been looking for but a few days ago, Sarah gave me a call. She told me she'd been talking to an UnderWorlder friend of hers who told her that Chaor disappeared."

"Disappeared?" I repeated, "How could a Creature like _him_ just disappear off the face of Perim?"

"I don't know." Tom lowered his voice, "But as soon as Chaor vanished, Lord Van Bloot started showing up. He's been seen all over Perim. Nobody knows what he's up to but a lot of people think he's making sure Chaor isn't going to show up again."

"All over?"

"Well, mainly around the OverWorld but yeah."

"What if…he's looking for me too?"

Tom stared at me, "You're just being paranoid. Van Bloot doesn't even know that _you_ were Ghost. Hardly anyone knows. Just the me, Sarah, and Peyton."

"And H'earring." I added.

"And Chaor and Takinom and…Agitos…" Tom frowned, "And Garv and Najarin and Maxxor and Hifdan and…also Gespaden…" He laughed weakly , "Alright so quite a few people know but what I'm trying to say is that—."

The door opened again, stopping Tom from finishing his sentence, and the next thing I knew I was being smothered in hugs. I heard Tom laughing at me and recognized the voice of my mother screaming Merry Christmas in my ear but it wasn't until I gasped for air that they all backed up and I could see them.

There was mom alright, and my dad, and…

"H-Husky!" I cried and threw myself into the arms of my favorite cousin, "I don't believe it!"

Husky was two years older than me and from my dad's side of the family which meant he was a full blooded Irish. Tom said we looked alike but I didn't see the resemblance. Husky was taller and lankier than me and while our hair was (usually) the same length, his was such a deep red it was almost brown and his eyes were hazel.

"Kaz! I'd heard you'd gone and vanished, boy-o!" Husky looped an arm around my neck and rubbed his fist into the top of my head. I struggled, shouting playfully at him, and he released me, "'Tis a right miracle you came back! I was all 'in set to come over 'ere and search you out, see!" He flicked the silver ring in his right ear with a grin, "Knew you wouldn't stay missin' for long. No cousin o' mine's a pansy enough to hide in the shadows!"

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Husky always knew how to make me laugh.

Well, except for that time during my fifth birthday when he'd put the frog down the back of my shirt.

But that was different.

Suddenly, it didn't feel like I was in the hospital anymore.

"We brought presents!" Mr. and Mrs. Majors had come back with arms full of packages, "Happy Christmas Eve, Kaz!"

Husky plopped onto the foot of the bed as my parents helped the Majors set the presents under the tree. Tom remained in his chair beside me, shaking his head and smiling.

"That's a shocker of a scar there, Kaz-o." Husky said, pointing at my neck.

"You think that one looks bad…" I muttered but didn't elaborate. Husky looked at me expectantly but when I didn't say anything, he reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a slightly bent clover. He reached past me and stuck it in the vase of flowers. It had four leaves.

"May the sun always shine on your window pane." He said serenely, laying his hand on my head and mussing up my hair affectionately, "May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you. May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you."

"Thanks, Husk." I said in a strained voice, "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Kaz." He paused and then said, "Now hold on just one bloomin' second. This is Christmas Eve, isn't it?" I nodded, "Then you're supposed to be happy! Buck up!" He tapped the side of my face with his fist and I grabbed his wrist in my hands, yanking it down and to the side so that his arms were crossed awkwardly across his chest.

Everyone stopped for a second to stare at me.

I released Husky, a lump swelling in my throat.

I'd reacted like I'd been trained to.

And I was suddenly terrified of myself.

"The things you pick up from the local bullies…" Tom said uncomfortably, trying to break the silence.

Husky chuckled and the ice cracked.

The adults went back to fussing over the presents but Husky's smile dropped as soon as their backs were turned,

"Seriously, where have you been? I only heard you'd vanished a couple of months ago and it took all my beggin' just to get my parents to let me come over here to see you." He eyed me carefully, "And you don't pick up quick moves like that from no local bullies, boy-o."

"It doesn't matter where I was." I said in a low voice, "I don't want to think about it. I don't want to remember it. What happened is over. I'm just glad to be home." I smiled at him, "Alright, Husky?"

"Alright, alright, sorry." Husky apologized, "You're right, this is Christmas Eve. We're not supposed to think about darkness and that stuff right now." He stood up on the bed and raised his arms over his head, his fingertips almost touching the ceiling, "WE WISH YOU A MERRY BLOODY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY DANDY NEW YEAR!"

"Harold-Lee Thineus Mc'Dembers you get down off the hospital bed this _instant_ young man!" My mom screeched and Husky was off the bed faster than Xearv on a good day. He scuffed his boot on the floor with a sheepish grin. Tom hid a laugh behind his hand.

I didn't.

I let everyone know I thought it was funny.

"I didn't know your full name was Harold-Lee…" Tom sniggered and Husky shot him a glare.

"It was his mom's idea, believe it or not." I said and Husky directed his glare at me, "What? It's not like it's a giant secret or anything."

"Well it _was_." My cousin muttered, crossing his arms like he was angry at me. But I could see him grinning.

"Are you guys staying here all night?" I asked, changing the topic. The Christmas tree was wonderful and sent a happy bubble of nostalgia through me.

"We talked to the doctors and it took some convincing," My dad said with a smile that made me wonder what sort of convincing had been done, "But they eventually agreed to let us all stay here with you as long as we keep it _quiet_." He looked pointedly at Husky who smirked and turned away.

"This is going to be the best Christmas _ever_!" Tom promised, leaning forward in his seat, "Because it's Christmas, your birthday, and a semi-Welcome Home Party all at the same time!"

I didn't say anything.

I just sat there soaking it all in.

_This_ was what I had wanted. My family and friends. Next to me.

In my own world.

I lost track of the time.

We joked and laughed and acted as through we weren't in a hospital and I hadn't been missing for almost a year.

And I loved every second of it.

I'm pretty sure that I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

_This was longer but the scene that happened after this just took a lot away from this chapter so I moved it to the beginning of the next chapter. _

_Well, I hope you enjoyed Kaz's little family/friend reunion. I know I liked writing. Husky's something of a cameo right now, he'll have to go back to Ireland soon. And, yes, it is my fangirl—I mean—it is _my_ personal opinion that Kaz's father's side is originally from Ireland. Speaking of which, what Husky says to him after he gives Kaz the clover is an Irish Blessing. Look for Husky in the future. Maybe not in The Files but in something I will post soon after…_


	37. After the Storm: Living With It

_Congratulations. You just made it to the last chapter of Book Two. Be prepared…for…something…_

_Bleg. I can't be dramatic right now. It's too late at night. Sorry.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Two: After the Storm**

**Chapter Nineteen: Living With It

* * *

**

"_**You took my teacher and now I let you take my friend. What the hell do you want from me? Don't you think I wanted to use my powers to win this tournament and go home? I just…didn't know how to find it. Now I have to live that." – Yusuke Urameshi from Yu Yu Hakusho

* * *

**_

Noises and movement from out in the hallway woke me up.

I heard people talking, rather loudly, to one another, and what sounded like clicking noises and I could see lights blinking through the crack between the floor and door. What was going on out there?

I looked around the room.

Everyone else was asleep. Tom had drifted off in the chair beside my bed, Husky was actually _on_ my bed, sleeping down at the other end, my parents were huddled together on another chair and Tom's parents were the same in yet another chair.

I slowly eased out from under the blankets, shivering as my bare feet touched the cold tile floor, and walked quietly up to the door. I put my ear against, held my breath, and listened. The voices were muffled and I couldn't make out what they were saying. But I was pretty sure I heard my name.

Curiosity; the one thing I had never been able to squash even in the UnderWorld; overcame me and I gently turned the door handle. As slowly as possible, I pushed the door open and peered through a crack.

_Crap! It's the media!_

I stepped back and tried to shut the door without anyone noticing. I breathed a sigh of relief when the door clicked shut and I stepped away without any disturbances. When I turned around, Tom was sitting backwards in the chair, watching me.

"What?" I said in a low voice.

"It's the press and stuff, isn't it?" He asked quietly.

"I don't care if it is." I stepped past him and climbed back onto the bed, "It's freaking Christmas and I'm not going to worry about them."

Tom chuckled, sitting the right way again, "I think you'd bite their heads off if they tried to interview you, anyway." He shot me a sly glance, "Is it true you punched the police inspector in the face?"

My face burned, "I didn't do it on purpose. I was…he startled me." I muttered, "I was asleep and he…grabbed my shoulder and I just sort of…reacted."

Tom let out a loud burst of laughter and then slapped his hand over his mouth.

"What's so funny?" Husky said sleepily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"Kaz fell out of bed." Tom said, still trying to keep the laughter from his voice.

"I did not!" I shouted indignantly.

"Happy Christmas Morning!" The noise had woken the adults too. Everyone was getting up and stretching and wishing one another Merry Christmas. I just sat on top of the bed sheets, wishing all of this was taking place at a house and not in the hospital. And wishing I was wearing a pear of jeans and a sweater instead of the thin pants and shirt I had gotten from the hospital.

"Kaz has a grumpy face!" Mr. Majors said jokingly, "Get that look off your face, this is Christmas and you're home!"

"Yeah…" I said, grinning, "Home. Merry Christmas!"

"Open mine first!" Husky practically threw a package into my arms, "Go on, then, open it up! Open it!"

I grabbed the wrapping paper and tore it back and I felt like a little kid.

For some reason, it was fun.

Maybe because I was with Tom, his parents, my mom and dad, and Husky.

Maybe it was because I was finally home.

But I think maybe it was because I was doing something so simple and so ordinary. I wasn't hiding in the bushes, waiting for my next victim. I wasn't waiting for my next mission in a dark basement room.

I was opening a Christmas present.

And the fact that it was so natural and so plain and so common was what made me happy.

* * *

The nurses shooed everyone out of the room at around noon. I scowled at Abby as she physically pushed Husky out of the room but her back was to me and she didn't notice.

Why the heck couldn't I hang out with my family all Christmas Day?

_At least they left the tree up._ I thought, pushing the wrapping paper piled in front of me to the floor, _And let me keep my presents. _

A new vest from my cousin as the other one he'd given me had vanished when I did and two new Road Rager games from mine and Tom's parents. Tom had given me…a scarf. I'd looked at him and he'd shrugged, drawing one finger quickly across his throat.

I'd understood what he meant. The scarf could hide the scar left on my neck from Varris slitting my throat.

I currently had the black and white striped garment wrapped around my neck and was sitting moodily on the hospital bed, wishing I had a PlayStation 2 that I could play my Road Rager games on.

How annoying. Stuck in the hospital on Christmas. How stupid.

The door opened and I turned my glare on Doctor Mitchell as he entered the room, "Merry Christmas Kaz!" He froze when he saw my glare, "Aw now what's that for?"

"I'm stuck in the hospital, in this stupid room, during Christmas." I spat back, "What do you _think_ this look is for?"

The doctor frowned for a moment and then shook his head, "Kaz, I'm sorry you're so miserable, especially on Christmas, but you are not yet recovered enough to leave."

"Says who?" I growled.

"Unfortunately, it's not just myself." Dr. Mitchell shut the door as he moved further into the room, his clipboard tucked under his arm, "The police inspector doesn't want you to leave yet either." I bristled at that but the doctor didn't notice; he was too busy comparing notes from the chart at the end of the bed to the notes on his clipboard, "He wants to keep you here until you give him a full report. I argued that it was unreasonable. In the end, even if you haven't given him what he wants then you'll be let out two days before New Years."

"Why?" My voice was strained, my fists clenched, "I've already told him I don't remember. Why is he hounding me!?"

"He wants to catch the people who did this," Dr. Mitchell said with a serious expression as he headed back out the door, "Because he doesn't want it to happen to anyone else." He shut the door.

"Doesn't want it to happen to anyone else!?" I hissed, "Bull! He's just angry because I haven't told him what he wants to hear! It's not _fair_!" I grabbed the blankets and tore them off the bed and hurled them to the floor with a shout, "You can't keep me here!" I closed my eyes and put my face in my hands, "It's just like before…just like in the UnderWorld…I'm trapped…just like before…"

The room suddenly felt bigger and colder and I felt very alone despite it being Christmas and that I had just had one of the best days of my life.

I pressed my back against the headboard of the hospital bed, drew my knees up to my chin, and buried my face in my arms.

Was there any way for me ever get away from all of this?

When had I ever thought there was such a thing as freedom?

And then…

Why had Chaor _done_ that to me?

I had _trusted_ him! I had spied for him, told him secrets from the other tribes, helped him raid Kiru City, and even though there were times we didn't agree on things…I had considered him a friend.

And then he had betrayed my trust and left me broken.

I found it hard to believe that I would ever have faith in anyone ever again.

What I couldn't piece together was _why_ Chaor had done it in the first place?

I couldn't deny that he was a mighty ruler and had the duty to protect his tribe but he never would have gone as far as he did. He never would have hurt me. He never would have done what he did. Even if he was desperate for a weapon that could help him defeat his enemies, he never would hurt his loyal subordinates as much as he hurt me.

And he had never been so manipulative.

Maybe something had happened to make him that way. Or maybe I was just thinking too much about it. Maybe I just wanted an excuse to justify what had happened to me without pinning it on my favorite tribe.

Formally favorite tribe.

I looked up and glared at the opposite wall.

I was no longer an UnderWorlder.

I was never going back to Perim.

I was never going back to Chaotic.

I was never playing Chaotic ever again.

The anger and the hatred and the pain shriveled up in my stomach and left me feeling sick and empty. I lay down on the bed and tucked my hands behind my head. My fingers got tangled in my too long hair. All these things were building up inside me and I couldn't sort them out. I needed to get out of the hospital. I needed to be someplace familiar, like my room.

I needed to go home.

_The Inspector wants a story, does he…?_ I thought, _Fine…he'll get a story. And all the gory details to go along with it._

* * *

I had to wait until two days after Christmas to be able to tell Inspector Jeremy about "what had happened to me."

I didn't mind.

I spent the two days having mild amounts of fun with Husky who didn't have anywhere else to go at the moment. He'd be leaving before the New Year, though. Hopefully, I could get out of the hospital before then.

"So, Kaz, are you ready to cooperate with us?" The inspector had this look on his face like he'd finally beat me. So, he thought he'd won, did he?

"Yeah…sure…" I pushed my hair from my face and looked at Greg. The man flicked his gaze away from me. He was scared of me for some reason. I thought that would cheer me up. Instead it made me feel like I'd swallowed a rock.

"Alright then, just start from where we've been leaving off." The Inspector sat back and crossed his arms, looking smug. I was _really_ starting to hate this guy and his two sidekicks.

"It was dark." I muttered, closing my eyes and fishing for the story I'd fabricated, "I couldn't see and I couldn't move." I took a deep, dramatic breath, "Then I heard…voices."

"What kind of voices?"

"Guys." I said, keeping my eyes closed, trying to breath evenly, "I called for help. They hit me. I screamed. They hit me some more. I just kept shouting because I didn't know where I was and one of them stuck something hot into my gut." I traced a hand over my stomach, over the horrid burn scar Chaor had given me that first day in the IRA, "I think it was a stick that was on fire. I dunno. It hurt…a lot. I…fainted."

I paused for dramatic effect, letting it sink in. Then I said slowly,

"It kind of all…blurs together after that. I could never see anything. They always kept me blindfolded. I don't know what they wanted. Probably just some…sick fun or something." The rock in my stomach got bigger with apprehension. I could see Chaor leering at me from the dark corners of my mind and I opened my eyes. The sudden white of the hospital sheets seemed wrong.

"Where did all those other scars come from? What did they do to you?" Surprisingly, it was Rick who was asking.

"I had to fight them." I answered softly.

"Blindfolded!?" Greg blurted out.

"Yeah…blindfolded…" My voice dropped lower only this time it wasn't on purpose, "I don't know if it was just them or if there were other people they had kidnapped that I was fighting but…I had to…fight…and…kill…"

"My gosh…!" Inspector Jeremy gasped.

I sat staring at my hands. It had been truth. I had told them a shred of truth. An ice needle sat quivering in my heart.

I had killed that soldier.

I had killed Varris.

I had killed so many innocent Creatures.

I was covered in their blood.

The rock in my stomach suddenly exploded and I hurled my breakfast directly into Rick's psycho-analyst lap.

* * *

Dr. Mitchell had a field day with ripping on the inspector and his two men. Then again, Inspector Jeremy wasn't backing down without getting his two cents in either. The shouting match was quite a sight to behold.

I was ignoring it, shivering out in the hall in a wheelchair with my arms wrapped around my chest and my gaze set steadfastly out the window across the hall from me.

This feeling was never going to let me go.

I had _killed_.

Nothing was going to change that; not reversing the Virus, not removing the IRA, not coming home, not seeing my family, nothing.

I wondered if things would have been different if I had fought back harder.

But I couldn't dwell on what if's.

The fact was that I _had_ done all those things.

Now I had to learn to live with what I had done.

And for some reason, right at that second, while I was sitting alone in that hospital hallway listening to the two adults shouting at one another…

…at that moment it seemed liked living with what I had done was harder than actually doing it.

* * *

**Here Ends Book Two of The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**


	38. Shadow Boy: This Time Will Be Better

_Kaz's story is coming to a close. He's finally home but the challenges he faces now may seem far more difficult than those he's faced before. Because now, he has to pretend all of it ever happened…_

_Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present to you, the final book in this trilogy…

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter One: This Time Will Be Better

* * *

**

"_**He's finally made it; he's back in his own bed tonight. His family and friends don't know where he's been. They're thinkin' his mind isn't right…"

* * *

**_

"I like cars." I said, more to myself than to anyone but I think my mom heard me up in the front because she giggled a little bit.

I was finally out of the hospital. Two days before New Year's Eve and I was sitting in the backseat of my Dad's car on my way home. Abby had given me a big hug and wished me luck as I'd left the hospital. It felt good to be wearing jeans and tennis shoes and a long sleeved shirt. And the scarf Tom had given me. I hadn't let it out of my sight.

"I like the highway." I muttered, leaning my forehead against the window and staring out at the scenery flashing by, "I love all of this." I drank it all in.

This was my world, this was where I belonged.

Everything was so…surreal and yet so familiar and wonderful. I wondered if this is what it felt like to people who'd almost died and had made it back alive. Being absent from your home for almost a year makes you appreciate things you'd hardly blink an eye at before.

The snow, for one thing. I couldn't help but stare at it and watch as the sunlight reflected off its surface in diamond-like sparkles. Or the way the trees looked against the clear, winter-blue sky; so sharp and crisp, like the hard pen lines of a drawing. Or…how my dad was constantly looking at me with the review mirror. I pretended not to notice. How could I blame him? Maybe he was worried I was just going to go "poof" and vanish again.

There was a tiny part of me that was terrified of _not_ focusing on the world around me. Almost as if I didn't, then it would dissolve away around me and I'd find that it had been nothing but a dream and I was still in the UnderWorld. The idea sent pangs of terror lancing through my chest and I glared fiercely out the window at the white line on the side of the highway.

The terror faded. I sat back against the seat with a heavy sigh and curled my fingers around the seatbelt drawn across my chest. Mom turned around and looked back at me. I forced a smile and she turned away. The smile dropped. I let my gaze wander out the window again. We were pulling onto the off ramp and dropping speed as we neared the stop sign.

Almost…almost home…

Straight, and then past two streets, right, straight, past that old Victorian style house, another right, and we were on the street were our house was. I pressed my face against the glass, trying to see the house.

"Kaz, you're smudging my windows." Dad said but there was a smile in his voice. We turned, pulled into the driveway. The car was barely stopped before I exploded out the back and was racing around to the front door. I grabbed the handle and found it locked. Impatient, I ran back down the steps and hopped in place, waiting for my parents to walk from the driveway to the door. Mom laughed at me. Dad put the key in the lock and turned it. Then he nudged the door open.

I blew past him and erupted into the living room of our house. I kicked off my tennis shoes and jumped onto the couch. I rolled off and put my face in the floor. Then I leapt up and ran through the kitchen, touching every cabinet door before barreling up the stairs like a mad man. Then I turned around and ran all the way back down, letting my fingertips trace the banister. Then I was back up on the landing again.

I spun down the hall and opened the door to my parents' bedroom, throwing myself onto their bed and smiling to myself. Then I shot up and ran down the hall to my bathroom; I stuck my head in the room and looked back and forth, grinning. Then I withdrew and spun to face the door opposite me.

My room.

I nearly kicked the door down. I ran into the room, screeched to a halt, turned on my heel, and ran from the room again, slamming the door behind me.

My joy had turned to fear.

_He_ was in there. _He_ was watching.

I had completely forgotten about what sort of décor was hanging in my room.

The posters had scared me senseless for a moment. I eased the door open and peered into the room again. It was still there, hanging innocently on the wall. A shiver ran down my spine, making me suddenly aware of the scar that had etched itself on my chest and through my back.

I couldn't go in there. Not alone. Not like this.

I closed the door, feeling constricted, like my insides were all tangled up. _Coward_, the closed door seemed to mock me, _Coward, you can't ever come back here. Coward, you can't let it go. Coward because you want to be this way_.

"I'm not a coward!" I hissed and opened the door again. I stalked across the room and stopped at the wall opposite the door. I reached up, grabbed the edge of a poster, and tore it down off the wall, throwing it aside so that it drifted to the floor.

But there were _more of them_.

I felt their accusing eyes on me.

I wheeled around and started knocking down action figures and ripping posters off walls. The only thing that remained untouched was the H'earring plushie sitting on top of my desk.

"Kaz!" I faced the door and saw my mom standing there with a shocked expression, "What are you _doing_!?"

"I…" I straightened up and looked around at the mess I'd caused and realized what it must have looked like. It probably looked like I had gone crazy and just started tearing things off the walls, "I just…I couldn't…the things that I…" I started playing with the ends of my scarf, "It was them…they…with Chaotic…" I didn't know what to say. There was no way for me to explain this sort of behavior away.

Maybe it was better if I didn't. Maybe it would be better to let people think what they wanted to think.

"Oh Kaz…" The next thing I knew, I was in my mother's arms and she was hugging me and she was crying. I couldn't figure out why she was crying. I was home, shouldn't she be happy? I heard her talking as she stroked my shortened hair that had been cut at the hospital but still hung out of its usual spikes,

"Why did it have to be you?" She pulled me closer and all I could do was hang there stupidly, trying to figure out why she was crying, "You never hurt anyone and now it's like you've got all this anger bottled up inside you! You're different and I don't like it but I'm so happy you're home that I'm wondering if it's terrible that I feel this way! Why did it have to be you!? Why you!?"

"I…asked that a lot too…" My voice sounded scratchy, even to myself, and I cleared my throat, "I kept wondering what I'd done…to deserve what he'd done to me. I asked myself…what I had done to…betray his trust the way he…betrayed mine."

I wasn't sure if she heard me or not. I'm still not sure if she heard me. Sometimes I hope she did. Most of the time, I hope she didn't.

* * *

I pushed everything I'd torn down into a corner of my room and pretended it wasn't there.

Then I went downstairs and pretended to have a normal dinner as though nothing had ever happened. It was harder than I thought it would be because I kept muttering about how awesome the food was and in the end I ate way too much. But I didn't care. It was my mom's home cooking. It was like the best food in the world to me right then.

After that, I had to go to bed because apparently I was going to go back to school soon. I argued back that I had gotten enough sleep in the hospital and school wasn't until after New Years but my parents were being very…parent-ish and wouldn't take any back talk.

So I trudged up stairs, changed into my pajamas (changing clothes suddenly seemed like a wonderful thing), and crawled under the covers of the bottom bunk of my bed. For a while, I just sat staring into the darkness of my room, the light from the street lamps outside a glowing orange-yellow that I could barley see as my room didn't face the street.

Eventually, my eyes grew heavy and I let sleep take over…

* * *

I didn't stay asleep long.

A nightmare grabbed me and pulled me into madness.

The Coliseum of the UnderWorld loomed up around me, the Creatures filling its stand all chanting and shouting. Their voices blended together into a wordless roar that buzzed in my ears.

I stood off to the side, against one wall of the Coliseum, once again in the IRA. Across the arena floor from me was Varris. His skin was cracked and burnt and pieces of it flaked off, his third eyes was a bulge of oozing pus and dead skin, and the smell coming off him was of rank, dead, rotting meat.

"You didn't do it well enough the first time." I heard Chaor's voice but I didn't see him, "Kill him again."

"I won't." I said and suddenly I was in the throne room, on my knees before the UnderWorld Ruler.

"Then you will kill him." He pointed over my shoulder and I looked around to see Gespaden standing there.

"I won't!" I cried and scene changed again. And again. And again. Every time I refused to kill one of my victims, the scene would change. I went through every Creature I had ever killed and then it started all over again.

The fear and the agony and the hatred and suffering swelled up inside me and I woke up, covered in sweat, crying. Tears streaked down my face in the darkness, my chest ached, my limbs shook.

I slid out of bed and stumbled towards the door, a blanket wrapped around my shoulders. I found my way out into the hall and down the stairs into the living room. The rest of the house was quiet. A car drove past in the night and the sound of its engine quickly faded away. I sat down on the couch, quested around a bit, and finally found the remote. I turned the television on and sat back, my knees drawn up to my chest.

I stared at the screen without really seeing what was playing. The sick, empty feeling that had been possessing me trickled away as I focused on the colors and the light coming from the TV.

Somewhere between the end of some random sitcom and a prepaid commercial, I zoned out completely and lost track of whatever was going on.

But I didn't fall asleep.

* * *

"Kazdan!" Strong hands grabbed my shoulders and I screamed, throwing my weight back and pulling myself from their grip. But in my haste to get away, I'd forgotten where I was and went tumbling over the back of the couch to slam into the floor on the other side. My eyes focused on the ceiling and I blinked several times. I hadn't been asleep, just zoned out enough not to pay attention to anything.

"Kaz, are you alright!?" My dad reached down his hand and I grabbed it, using it help me up.

"Uh…yeah…just…what happened?"

"You were just sitting there on the couch with this vacant look on your face," My dad explained, "So I asked you what was wrong but you didn't respond. I got worried and, well…" He gestured as though summarizing what had just happened.

"Oh." Was all I could say. I ran a hand through my hair, "I'm…gonna go get changed. Where's mom?"

"She went to the store." He glanced at me as I headed towards the stairs, "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'll be fine." I said and I went up to the second floor, rubbing my thumb up and down the center of my chest as I went. I could feel the scar underneath the fabric of my pajamas.

What a load of crap.

I pushed my door open and then shut it behind me. Looking around my room, gave me a rush of mixed feelings; warmth for returning home, relief for escaping for good, sorrow for all the time I had missed, and nostalgia for all the happiness that had happened here before.

Things would be a lot different now.

I quickly changed clothes and wound the scarf around my neck before leaving the room. I bounded down the stairs and into the kitchen, drawn by the smell of cooking food. Dad was mixing something around on the stove and I peered around his arm curiously.

"It's an omelet." He said, noticing me, "Did you want one?"

"Yeah, sure." I moved back and sat down at the table. Dad gave me a strange look, "What?"

"You never liked omelets…" He pointed out in a low voice. I looked away from him, speaking instead to the table.

"I kinda learned to not be so picky about what I'm eating. I never knew when I was going to get to eat again."

"Sorry." He said quickly and went back to his work. The silence in the room thickened the air but I didn't move, just sat staring at the tabletop blankly. What could I say? What was I supposed to say in this sort of situation?

"You looking forward to school?" My dad asked.

"Uh, yeah. Um, what's exactly…going on with that? I am going to be held back a year?"

"No, no, no." Dad chuckled, his back to me as he turned his omelet over, "You're still a Sophomore but you will have a lot of work to catch up on; you'll probably have to stay after school."

"That's okay. How'd you get that to work out, anyway?"

Dad actually gave a full blown laugh this time, "Your mother's a lawyer for a reason, Kaz. And she's an even nastier alpha female."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. My mom was a lot of fun but when it came to getting what she wanted she was one of the best no-nonsense lawyers in town. Of course, being a small town that it was, there weren't many people who needed a lawyer. But we got along okay.

Dad set a steaming plate down in front of me and I inhaled deeply with a smile, "Mmmmm, smells good!" I stuck my fork in and started eating. It was like one of H'earring's pathetic excuses for breakfast only five times better. I had to be honest with myself, H'earring was no cook.

"Good enough?" Dad asked me, sitting across the table from me and digging into his own omelet.

"The best." I answered past a mouthful.

More silence, but at least this one was filled with clinking forks and we were mostly focused on our food.

"Kaz, I wanted to ask you something and I hope you won't get angry about it."

"Hm?" I don't think what my dad had said completely registered at the time, I was too focused on the food in front of me.

"Why did you tear down all your Chaotic things?"

I nearly dropped my fork but managed to hang onto it. Mom might not expect me to answer but my dad certainly would.

I searched for a legitimate response that followed along with the story I'd fabricated but I got nothing so I just said, "I don't wanna talk about it." And stood up and walked out of the room.

* * *

I was sitting in my room, on my laptop, making some changes to some things online, when I heard the car pull in the driveway. I stepped out of the room and started down the stairs when I heard my parents talking in low voices. A shiver of guilt ran through me that it was wrong to eavesdrop but I shook it off and slipped down the stairs as quietly as possible. They were in the kitchen. I pressed my back against the wall and listened.

"—wasn't asleep but he wasn't exactly awake." I heard my dad say. I figured he was talking about how he'd found me this morning.

"I didn't even notice he was sitting there. I didn't even notice that the television was on." My mom answered, "What's so wrong with him spending the night on the couch, Nathan?"

"Mari, he wasn't even _sleeping_. He was sitting there staring at the television screen and when I tried to wake him up he screamed and tried to get away."

"Nathan, can you really blame him? He went through a rough time, it'll take a while for him to adjust again."

"Then why did he shove all his Chaotic merchandise into a corner?" There was a hot fear in my dad's voice. I couldn't tell if he was angry, or sad, or scared, "He's always been so careful with all of it and I thought for sure it was what would make him the happiest when he got home. Now he's torn it all down and is acting like he's scared of it."

"Do you think…something's wrong?"

"I don't know, Mari. I'm just worried about him."

My stomach twisted itself into knots and I moved silently back up the stairs. I shouldn't have listened.

But then again, there were a lot of things I shouldn't have done.

But it was too late to take them back now.

I shut the door to my room and fell onto my bed with a sigh. My limbs felt heavy but I wasn't tired. I stared across the room at the window that was closed against winter's chill. In two days it would be a new year.

A new time.

A time where I could start over.

If only the past would leave me alone,

I rolled onto my stomach and put my pillow on top of my head, wondering if there was ever going to be a time when people would forget about how I had disappeared.

* * *

_Song: "This Time Will Be Better" by Andy Lange_

_My gosh, this chapter went from happy to depressing in a heartbeat. Well, that seems to be the theme of The Files. All the same…_

_I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of SoB. Whoa…hm…I guess I shouldn't…abbreviate that…_

_Ahem. Let's try this again._

_I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of the third and final book in The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas. This one, while it may not be _quite_ as action packed as the first two, will certainly shed some light on what's bee going this whole time. This is gonna be crazy. _

_Also keep an eye out for _Chaotic Overdrive_. If it's not posted today then it will certainly be posted tomorrow! _

_As always, thanks for reading and for waiting for this update! And for all your wonderful reviews! Hoo-rah!_


	39. Shadow of a Boy: Here I Am

_Things are moving along nicely. Veerrryyyyy nicely. Things seem to be going a bit too smoothly for Kazzer. Is he gonna hit a pothole in this wonderful road he's on?

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter Two: Here I Am

* * *

**

"_**It's a new world, it's a new start. It's alive with the beating of a young heart. It's a new day in a new land and it's waiting for me. Here I am."

* * *

**_

I didn't sleep.

At all.

Not that night and not the night after that.

I couldn't.

All I saw was nightmares and if I fell asleep then they'd attack me and I'd wake up screaming.

I was pretty sure that my parents noticed the dark circles appearing under my eyes and that I no longer spent the night in my room. But if they did, they didn't say anything.

I was grateful for that.

It was hard enough to adjust without them breathing down my neck. I was afraid to leave the house, afraid to go anywhere outside this box of comfort. But when Tom showed up at my door, asking me to hang out, my mom practically threw me out into the snow.

"It's _freezing_ out here!" I complained loudly, hunching my shoulders and pulling my hood low over my head. I tucked my nose underneath my scarf and shoved my hands deep into my pockets.

"It's December—almost January." Tom replied flatly, "What'd you expect?"

"This isn't the way to your house." I said as we walked around the block, "We're headed into town. Where're we going?"

"To get something hot to drink."

"There's hot chocolate at home."

"Your parents are home too." He shot me a glance out of the corner of his eye, "I needed to update you on…you know."

"Like I care anymore." I growled, "I'm _never_ going back."

"What an about face…" Tom muttered, "I remember a time when Chaotic was like your _life_! I almost thought you couldn't live without it."

"That was before what _he_ did." I snarled, kicking snow around into the street, "I don't care about that place anymore. I hate it. I hate everything to do with it." I paused, "I hid all my Chaotic stuff in my closet."

"You—wait, what?" Tom stopped to stare at me and I looked at him, "Even your cards and Code Scanner?" I nodded slowly, "What about your online account?"

"You haven't been online recently, have you?" I asked and then turned and started walking again.

"What's that supposed to mean? Kaz, what did you do? Did you delete your account?" He jogged to catch up and was soon in step beside me again.

"The site doesn't allow you to do that." I responded flatly. And then, with a sly smile, I added, "But you can make changes."

"What. Did. You. Do?"

"Oh hey, a coffee shop." I completely ignored my friend, "Wanna grab something?"

"Kaz…" Tom muttered darkly but I ignored him again and pushed my way into the café that sat between the suburbs where Tom and I lived and the actual town itself. The bell on the door clanged but it went unnoticed to most of people inside.

"Isn't it New Years?" Tom muttered, more to himself than to me, "Shouldn't this place be closed?"

"They always stay open 'till eleven." I responded, sitting down in a corner booth by the window. Tom sat down across from me. We weren't the only teenagers there but we certainly were the quietest. Nothing unusual there; this had always been a local hang out for jocks and preps.

"Take your hood off, you look like you're gonna rob the place." Tom said.

I didn't have my hair spiked or my glasses on. Maybe no one would recognize me. I pushed my hood back and shed my winter coat just as the waiter walked up. He looked bored and like he'd rather be somewhere else.

"What can I get you?"

"Two hot chocolates." Tom said as I stared out the window. When he was sure the waiter was out of range, he leaned his elbows on the table and said in a low voice, "I think the CodeMasters know what happened to you." I rounded on him and I must have looked angry because he threw his hands up in a defensive posture, "Don't give _me_ that look! I didn't tell them!"

I glared at him for a while. The only noise between us was the hooting and laughter of the group of jocks on the opposite side of the room trying to impress their cheerleader girlfriends. Finally, I sat back against the seat and looked at him blankly. He waited, as though expecting me to erupt on him but all I asked was,

"How do you think they found out?"

"Because CodeMaster Amzen gave me a call the other day. Said he wanted to talk to me in his Drome. So I headed over there. Only—." He stopped when the waiter came to drop our drinks off. I kept my gaze down. As soon as the waiter was gone, Tom picked up again, "Only when I got there, all the CodeMasters were there."

"You're kidding." I couldn't help myself. The CodeMasters were never seen in more than pairs, and even that was rare.

"I'm not. You know how they always come out of the floor?" Tom made a rising gesture with his hand, "Well I went down there with them and there was a table and they sat me down and we…talked."

"About me?"

"About the UnderWorld." Tom said. He took a drink and licked his lips, "I think they figured out that Sarah, Peyton, and I knew who Ghost was and wanted to know if we'd gotten a Scan. I said I didn't know what they were talking about. CodeMaster Hotekk got angry at me and probably would have started yelling but CodeMaster Crellen stepped in."

"The smart one…" I muttered under my breath, taking a drink of hot chocolate. It scalded my tongue but I hardly noticed.

"He…told me to hand over my Scanner." I looked hard at him over the rim of my mug, "What could I do!? Say no!? They woulda thrown me out of Chaotic!" I didn't say anything, "I thought he was just going through my Scans but when he gave me back my Scanner he said…he said…"

"What?"

"He said "Tell KidChaor we wish to speak to him when he returns to Chaotic" and then they punted me back into the Drome…" Tom looked down into his mug, looking upset, "Kaz, I think they saw that video I took of you."

"Video? What video?" I didn't remember a video being taken. Had I been asleep?

"That…that time we ported in and you…and Chaor showed up and…when you got…" Tom seemed at a loss for words. He wouldn't look me in the eye.

I didn't know what to say. If the CodeMasters knew…well what did it matter? I wasn't ever going back to Chaotic anyway so why should I care?

But I did care.

I didn't _want_ them to know. I didn't want anybody to know.

Worst still they had seen Chaor attacking me and what the Instant Regeneration Armor had done.

They would know I was Ghost.

Now even more so after…

"Tom," My voice was hoarse and I cleared my throat, taking a swig of the hot drink in front of me, "Tom, I changed my screen name."

"You can do that?" He asked, obviously not registering what I 'd just said.

"Yeah, players hack it all the time. The CodeMasters don't really care, they just block servers and Scanners." My thumb automatically went to my chest and I started rubbing it nervously from my collar bone to my stomach.

"So what does you changing your screen name have to do with the CodeMasters possibly knowing about you?" Tom lifted his cup to get a drink.

"Because I changed my screen name to Ghost."

Tom inhaled at the same moment he took a drink and ended up in a coughing fit. He slammed his mug down on the tabletop and started thumping himself in the chest. I reached out a hand to help him but he waved me off, eyes watering as he got himself under control and was able to breath properly again.

"Are completely _insane_!?" He wheezed, still trying to get his breath back.

"Up until a couple of weeks ago, yes." I said matter-of-factly, "But you didn't expect me to leave my screen name what it was, did you? Not after all that…that…" I wanted to curse, I really did, but I restrained myself and spat out, "Filthy coward!" Then I crossed my arms and sank low in the seat.

"Kaz…" I glanced at Tom but he had his face in his hands, "I just…I wanna help but I don't know what to do…" He dug his fingers into his hair, "This is all so messed up and wrong and confusing. It's not right and it's not fair. It should have been me!"

"What are talking about?"

"You're the dorky sidekick," Tom was flustered and upset, hardly thinking about what he was saying, "You're not supposed to get into trouble and get hurt, I am! I'm the best friend…I…I…" He swallowed, his face turning red, "I'm the idiot with an ego…you weren't supposed to…"

I laughed at him, "You've been watching too many cartoons!" I drank the last of my hot chocolate, "Forget about the CodeMasters, they're a bunch of dudes in suits anyway! Come on, let's go to my house."

"Happy New Year's Eve!" Tom said, handing the waiter a couple of bills and taking the recite from him. As we stepped back out into the cold he said, "You are so dang lucky I had money on me."

"That's me, Lucky Kaz." I said sarcastically as we headed back to my house, "Luck 'o the Irish, don't you know?"

* * *

"SURPRISE!" I nearly had a heart attack when I opened the front door of the house. I did backpedal and throw my arm out in a move meant to block an oncoming attack.

But there was no attack.

It was just my parents and Tom's parents laughing at the stupid look on my face.

"What?" Was all I could say and that made them laugh even more. Even Tom was laughing at me. I put two-and-two together fairly quickly and spun around to face him, "You knew about this! That's why you dragged me out of the house! You knew all about this!"

Tom couldn't stop laughing. He was doubled up on our front steps, arms around his middle, laughing so hard his face was turning red. I felt my ears burn. Everything he'd said in that café had probably been a lie to keep me busy.

That stung a little.

I had been telling him the truth when I'd said I'd changed my screen name.

"The Kaz is back!" I grunted as someone slammed into me and gave me a crushing hug, dragging me through the door. There was only one person who ever called me "The Kaz."

"M-Mike!?" I pushed his arms off me and stepped backwards a little.

"Kaz!" He shouted. Mike was a year behind me in school but he was the sort of charismatic person that everyone knew and everyone liked. Well, most people liked. I'd made friends with him the year before I'd gone to high school and had taught him how to play Chaotic. We weren't that close but we were on friendly terms.

"I just got back from Christmas Vacation a couple of days ago!" He said excitedly, "And I heard you'd come home! Where've you been!?" And he gave me another hug. This time, as he moved back, he whispered, "I've been to Chaotic and you're right—it's totally _awesome_!"

He grinned at me as though expecting some form of acknowledgment. I just stared at him. What was I supposed to say? Sorry I wasn't there to see your first Drome Match, I was too busy killing innocent Creatures in Perim? My stomach turned over and I swallowed.

"Uh…yeah…" I muttered, feeling stupid. I slowly took my coat off and dropped in on the floor beside the door, "What is this?"

"Your Welcome Home party!" Said another voice I recognized, "Plus a New Years party!"

"Husky!" I cried, "I thought you were going home!"

"Tricked you, boy-o!" Husky gave me giant hug and I hugged him back, smiling, "Been planning this for a loooonnnggg time!"

I looked around at them.

My friends.

My family.

My home.

"Are you just going to stand there with that stupid look on your face all day or are we going to party?" Tom asked with a grin.

* * *

There was still almost three hours to go until midnight.

Tom, Mike, Husky, and I had spent most of that time playing _Road Rager_ games and laughing at one another. Husky had tried to get us to play and Irish drinking game—without using real alcohol, obviously—but when he'd mentioned it I'd bolted from the room and hid in the bathroom. Tom had spent a whole fifteen minutes banging on the door and trying to get me to come out. Husky was a little quieter after that.

But at around 9:20 or so, Mike brought up a topic that nearly scared me to death.

"So Kaz," He said, dealing out a handful of UNO cards. The four of us were sitting on the floor of our living room while the adults chatted away in the kitchen, "I got my Transport Code a while back and the first thing I did after I won my first Drome Match was look for you!"

"That's…nice…" I said slowly, glancing at Tom. Tom lifted one shoulder and dropped it in a half shrug.

"I mean, I didn't know you'd gone missing from here then. I thought you were home sick from school or something!" He laughed like it was stupid idea, "Skip you, Husky!"

"A pox on your cards…!" My cousin muttered in a joking manner, sulking backwards, "Your move, Majors."

Tom dropped a green three onto the pile in the center and looked at me. I glanced down at my cards. Seeing no threes, I picked a card up and set it on the pile, "Draw two, Mikey."

"Awwww!" The younger boy reached out and swiped two cards from the top of the deck. Then he kept talking, "But then I heard this story about this UnderWorlder that was totally taking out a bunch of other Creatures!" I visibly winced, "And I wanted to Scan it!"

"Good for you." I said a little too quickly, "Bet you couldn't find it, huh?"

"I found it!" Mike said and I looked around at him wildly. He didn't seem to notice, too busy watching as Husky drew a card from the deck and passed his turn on to Tom. Tom drew a card as well and gestured for me to take my turn. I didn't move.

"You found…Ghost?" The name burned the back of my throat, "That's crazy, you're lying!" I turned to Tom, "He's lying, right?"

"Am not!" Mike snapped, "I saw him in a wagon going through the OverWorld!"

My heart clenched and I _swear_ it stopped beating. He'd _seen_ me! He'd seen me when I'd been infected with the Virus. My hands started shaking.

"Kaz-boy? You okay?" Husky asked. I couldn't say anything. I kept my mouth shut tight, afraid that if I opened it I'd either be sick or say something stupid.

"So I tried to follow the wagon!" Mike kept talking. I looked at Tom. He was pale and looked just as scared as I felt, "And managed to get close enough to _scan_ him!" He set his cards face down on the floor, dug into his pocket, and pulled out his golden-brown Mipedian Scanner. As he began flipping through his scans, I slowly set my own cards down and inched backwards, feeling sick. I didn't want to see this. I didn't want to—, "Here he is!"

He turned the Scanner's screen to face us.

I wanted to look away but I couldn't.

I stared.

That…couldn't…have been me…

Not that…_thing_.

"Mike, put that—." Tom began but I cut him off, throwing my hand out in front of him.

"Mike, I'll trade you anything you want for that Scan!"

"KAZ!" Tom practically screamed. I shot a glare at him and then looked back at Mike. He appeared startled.

"I know it's Ultra, Ultra Rare but I'll give you anything, _anything_! Any of my cards you want! Any of them! I don't care! I just need that Scan!"

"What are you three nutsos goin' on about…?" Husky murmured, looking from one of us to the other with a confused expression. He huffed, blowing some hair from his face, "By geez, weren't we playing cards?"

No one answered him.

"I dunno Kaz…" Mike drew his Scanner away from me, looking wary, "It took me a long time to find this guy and I haven't shown him to anybody."

_Good._ I thought but out loud I said, "Mike, you can have _anything_, I promise!"

"Even that Scan of Prince Mudeenu?"

"If that's what you want!"

"Kaz, what're you—!?"

"Quiet, Tom!" I snapped and stared hard at my younger friend, "Mike, I'll trade you any card in my Chaotic collection for that Scan. _Anything_! You can even have C-Chaor, if you want." The name stuttered on my tongue, "I don't care. I just want that Scan of Ghost."

"You'd trade Chaor for this guy!?" Mike's eyes got so big I could see three different shades of brown in them. He looked down at his Scanner and then back at me, "Why do you want him so bad?"

"Nostalgia." I said without thinking and when Mike raised an eyebrow at me I quickly added, "I really, really like UnderWorlders."

It was such a lame thing to say.

And it was also a lie.

"Then why do you want to trade Chaor for it?" Mike asked. I could see Husky out of the corner of my eye, humming to himself and peeking at Mike's hand of cards.

"Just…cause." I managed to say, "Look, do you want to trade or not?"

"Sure, yeah." Mike said, "I'll take that Prince Mudeenu scan you have but…do you have a scan of Tianne?"

"Tianne?" I repeated, sitting back on the carpet, "The Mipedian Muge? Didn't he disappear in the desert or something?"

"Yeah." Tom said quietly, "He did."

"Do have him?" Mike asked.

"No…" I muttered.

"I do." Tom said, "Mike, I'll give you the Tianne scan and Kaz'll give you his Prince Mudeenu scan for the Ghost scan. How's that sound?"

"Sounds good to me!" Mike said with a grin.

"Hold on, let me get my Scanner." I stood up and headed for the stairs. Tom followed me.

"Hey! Hey, why's everyone walking away from the game?" Husky called and I heard Mike laughing at him, "Oh shut it you!"

I climbed the stairs and walked into my room, pretending that my best friend wasn't following me. He whistled when he saw the inside of my room,

"Geez, you really did tear down all your Chaotic stuff."

"I wonder why that is…" I muttered sarcastically, heading for the folding door beside my desk and pulling it open. I removed the blanket that was covering my pile of Chaotic stuff and dug around a little bit, trying not to look directly at anything.

"Got it." I held up my Scanner, "Let's go."

"Kaz wait." Tom grabbed my shoulder and I looked around at him, "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean…that's _you_."

"Better I have it than he does." I responded, "I don't want anyone using it…me…him…_whatever_ in the Dromes. They could see my memories and…I don't want that." I headed out of the room, "How come you didn't notice him following the wagon?"

"It must have been when we were all asleep." Tom said, "And what were you doing so close to the back of the wagon? You were supposed to stay in the front where no one could see you."

"I wanted to watch the scenery."

"You could watch the scenery from the front of the wagon!"

"It's not the same." I responded, "Besides, I—GUYS!"

"So much for UNO…" Tom said under his breath.

The cards were scattered all over the floor; there was no way to tell the deck from our hands from the discard pile. Husky and Mike were wrestling around on the floor but they froze when they saw us. It looked as though Husky had been trying to get Mike's Scanner from him.

"Pick on someone your own age, Harold-Lee!" Tom said with a joking smile and Husky scowled at the use of his full name. But he backed off of Mike and started sweeping the UNO cards into a haphazard pile.

"Okay, let's do this." I sat down on the floor in front of Mike and Tom sat down next to me, his Code Scanner in his hand. The transaction was quick. I stared at the Creature version of myself on the screen for a second or two and then shut the device down and set it on the coffee table.

"Cake!" My mom shouted and we cleared out, wrestling with one another to get into the kitchen first.

* * *

_Song: "Here I Am" performed by Bryan Adams_

_Well, would you look at that. Looks like Kaz is going to have it good after all. He's back home, he's celebrating New Years, he has a friend besides Tom, and he stopped anyone from ever seeing him as Ghost. Heck, life's almost gone back to normal._

_Oops. I probably just jinxed him. _

_Anyway, I've got a question for you guys. Was Tom telling Kaz a story to keep him busy or was what he saying the truth? _

_I WANT YOUR ANSWERS! There will be a test! Okay, no, not really, but I would like to see your opinions on the matter. _

_Thanks for reading! _


	40. Shadow of a Boy: This is For Real

_Don't expect too much action. Not yet. But very, very soon. Please be patient. Kaz has been emotionally traumatized. He's still adjusting to life back home…

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter Three: This is For Real

* * *

**

"_**I had some nightmares clawing at my skin and bones. I nearly did explode. You smoked out the demons, gave me back my feelings, now I'm good to go."

* * *

**_

"For Pete's Sake, Kaz, it's not like you're going to prison!"

"Might as well be."

"I thought you were looking _forward_ to going back to school…!"

"That was then. This is now. Now I wanna go back home."

"And what, sit in your room and sulk all day about how your life is ruined?"

I glared at Tom, clutching the straps of my backpack tightly in my fingers. It was the New Year and that meant Christmas vacation was over and I had to go back to school with everyone else.

And I was honestly scared.

All I could think about was all those people in there who knew I'd been missing and would hound me and hound me until they dragged it out of me where I'd been.

But that wasn't the only thing that was bothering me…

"Hey Tom?"

"Hm?"

"When we were in that café…and you told me the CodeMasters knew about me. Were you telling the truth?" He didn't say anything and I stepped in front of him, "Answer me Tom! Were you telling me the truth or were you just making up some story to keep me there!?"

Tom looked at the sidewalk, frowning, "I was telling the truth. And I'm sorry if you thought it was a lie—."

"It wouldn't have bothered me if it was a lie." I said, taking off again. Tom stuck his hands in his pockets as he walked beside me, "What bothers me is that video you told me about. Why did you take it in the first place?"

"I was in shock. I wasn't thinking." He muttered, "I'm sorry. I didn't even realize what was happening and I'm sorry I let the CodeMasters see it and I—."

"I know." I said with a half-smile as we turned the corner onto the street that held out school. The smile dropped, though, as we approached the row of yellow buses. I was getting that same feeling I had had before I'd gone on a mission for Chaor; that cold fire that slid under my skin, making me move quieter, making me notice things I normally wouldn't have. I was wary and tense and I suddenly didn't want to be here.

Especially when I saw a couple of guys with video cameras and microphones hanging around by the front door. I balked and ducked behind a school bus.

"Kaz, what in the world are you doing?" Tom asked exasperatedly.

"There's a bunch of the press guys by the front door." I hissed, my backpack digging into my spine as I leaned against the back of the bus, "I can't go in there. I just can't."

"Uh, hello. Back door." Tom jerked a thumb over his shoulder, "Come on, we'll take the door that opens into the Junior hallway. No one will suspect a thing."

I swallowed, nodded, and followed him out from behind the bus. I'd spiked my hair and was wearing a pair of glasses that was nothing but pink glass. But they hid my eyes and that's what mattered; the slitted pupils that looked so animalistic to me.

We managed to sneak by the other students; everyone else was too busy talking with their friends about their wonderful Christmas Breaks; and made it to the side door. I let out a sigh of relief and relaxed, reaching for the push-bar.

"You're one smart kid, Kazdan Kalinkas." I spun around. A woman was standing in the snow behind us with a camera dangling around her neck and her hands in her pockets but I could see the wire poking out of the top of her coat; a recording device.

"Go away." Tom spat.

"And the loyal friend." She inclined her head towards Tom who scowled at her. I kept my face blank, watching her.

"What do you want?"

"What do any of the members if the press want?" She pulled a hand out and wrapped her fingers around her camera.

"Don't even try it." I growled, "I'm not some attention starved singer whose life revolves around the paparazzi. I'm just a fifteen year old kid trying to go to school like a normal teenager. So leave me alone."

"Not even one little photo?" She cooed, making a pout face at me. She was mocking me. I bristled and clenched my fists but said nothing, "Just one…little…picture…" She raised the camera and I turned my back to her, kicking the door open and walking inside. Tom followed me and I heard the door slam shut.

"Kaz—." He began.

"Don't, Tom." I didn't want to talk about it. I simply stalked down the hallway, fuming, and it wasn't until I reached my old locker that I realized people were staring at me. The back of my neck prickled as I fiddled with the combination, trying to remember what it was.

My fingers remembered it for me and I pulled the metal door open. I slammed it shut again almost immediately. Tom stared at me. I swallowed and opened the locker again, staring at the floor between my tennis shoes. I'd forgotten about the Chaotic stuff in my locker but I couldn't do anything about it in front of all these people.

So I just stuffed my bag inside, pulled out my binder, and shut the locker door without a word. I felt everyone watching me as I walked away down the hall. I was in a slightly daze; still kind of angry but mostly thinking how surreal this all felt. I'd been gone since last February and now I was back in January of the New Year. People had to be curious.

I knew that.

And I tried not to care.

I walked into the classroom, avoiding eye contact, and sat by a window, staring at my desktop.

They were still watching me.

I wished they would stop.

Someone walked up to my desk and stood over me. I pretended not to notice. But that got kind of difficult when they sat backwards in the chair in front of me and put their elbows on my desk.

"Hey there Kaz."

I groaned on the inside and resisted the urge to knock the person off my desk. Andrea. And if things were still the same as they were when I'd been captured, then she was still the biggest gossip hound in the entire school.

I bit back the "go away" that was almost out of my mouth and muttered a flat, "Hi."

"We've all been worried about you." She said a little too sweetly.

"I'll bet you have." I said before I could stop myself. I kept staring at my desk, aware of her watching, aware of everyone in the classroom watching me.

"No, really, we have." She leaned forward some and I pulled back, "And we're so glad you're back. It just wasn't the same without you."

"Why? No one to make fun of?"

The threw her off for a split second. But when she came back around, her voice was a little icy, "Share some stories with us, Kaz. What happened to you? We were so worried. Come on, ease some of our suffering."

That hit a nerve.

I couldn't say why. Maybe it was all the nervousness that had been building up inside of me, or maybe it was the fact that the CodeMasters knew my secret, or maybe it was just because I wasn't sure I was ready for this yet.

Which ever it was, I got angry.

"_Your_ suffering?" I hissed, looking up to glare daggers at her, "My gosh are you _that_ insensitive? You can't even _begin_ to imagine the hell I went through and there's no _way_ I'm going to tell the likes of you!" She stared at me in shock. A year ago, I never would have talked to her like that, "You're all the same; leeches looking for leverage." And I turned to look out the window.

I think I shocked Andrea so much she was speechless because she stalked away without saying anything back to me. And even though I could feel everyone else looking at me, I smiled to myself, hiding it in my hand.

That would teach them to leave me alone.

* * *

"Leaving alone" was not the correct term for what happened that day.

People were either staring at me, pestering me, or avoiding me.

I don't know which bothered me more.

And I spent so much energy keeping myself in check; trying not to lash out, trying not to hurt anyone, trying to act like I didn't care; that I wore myself ragged. I hadn't been sleeping for a while and my first day of school was killing me.

I tried to hide in the back corner of the cafeteria during lunch and take a nap while Tom kept watch but my eyes wouldn't stay closed. I eventually gave up and sat there with my head in my arms, staring at my untouched food without really seeing it.

I wanted to go home.

And the end of the day couldn't come fast enough.

I dragged myself through the rest of my classes, barely paying attention and fidgety. By the time I got back to my locker at the end of the day, I had enough homework to keep me busy for three weeks and it was all supposed to be due before Spring Break. I was supposed to stay after school for help with it but I didn't feel up to it. So I followed Tom out the side door again and stumbled through the snow to the sidewalk.

A camera flashed out of the corner of my eye. I spun around and snatched it out of the reporter's hand, dashing it against the pavement so that it shattered. The man stared at me as I turned away and kept walking down the sidewalk, swaying on my feet with weariness. When we were a block away, Tom said in a low voice,

"Did you really have to smash his camera?"

"I don't care anymore, Tom." I answered, taking off my glasses and rubbing my hand over my eyes, "I just don't care. I'm too tired to care and it makes me angry to think about it and getting angry just wears me out…"

"I…don't think I get it."

"They all wanna know where I was, Tom. I don't think the police really believe the story I told them; they just let me out because of Dr. Mitchell. But I can't tell them, you know that."

"Yeah, I know."

"But it's so _hard_ to hide it all the time. Its so hard to try and be myself again." My shoulders sagged, my backpack suddenly felt fifty times heavier, and I dragged my feet across the ground, "It's hard to pretend nothing happened."

"It's hard for me too." Tom said softly and I looked around at him, "It's hard in Chaotic, it's hard at school, it's hard at home, it's hard everywhere. I don't know how you're managing."

"I'm not." I admitted, "I haven't been sleeping. At all."

Tom didn't know what to say to that. We walked the rest of the way in silence and only said our good-byes as we parted in front of my house. I walked inside, dropped my bag on the floor beside the door and hauled myself up to my room. Once there, I dropped onto my bed with an exhausted sigh and closed my eyes.

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

I opened my eyes again and stared at the wall. There was no way that's what I thought it was…

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

But it was, it had to be. I rolled off my bunk bed and walked over to my closet. Yep, it was louder. I pulled the door open and knelt down, rifling through the things at the bottom.

I pulled out my Code Scanner.

It was flashing and blinking persistently.

A message? From who? But there was no screen name. The screen was simply lit up with a faint blue light and it was beeping. I went back to my bed and lay down on my side, the device in my hands.

Should I press the button?

What could it hurt?

I couldn't port unless I hit the button myself and activated the transport code. So there.

I brushed my thumb over the button at the bottom.

The Code Scanner stopped blinking and the screen dimmed. Nothing happened. I dropped it to the floor and rolled onto my stomach, putting my pillow on top of my head.

Stupid Scanner.

Stupid school.

I closed my eyes to see if I could fall asleep.

-Shadow of a Boy-

CodeMasters are CodeMasters for a reason.

Not only are they the best players in Chaotic but they also control it, enforcing its rules and keeping an eye on everyone who enters it and Perim.

So I should have seen what was coming.

One second I'd been in my room, the next I was standing in an empty Battle Drome.

Shock, then fear, then pain, then rage.

"No!" I screamed, my voice bouncing off the walls, "No, you—!" I called the CodeMasters a name I'd rather not repeat, "You can't _do_ this to people!" I still had my Scanner in my hand. I turned to race out of the Drome but a black hole opened up underneath me and I fell through it into a shadowed room. There was nothing but a single chair sitting under a beam of light. I hit the button on my Scanner but nothing happened.

"KidChaor, please sit down." I glanced up and saw the CodeMasters, sitting around a table. The empty chair nearest to me was at the end of the table opposite CodeMaster Crellan.

"No." I spat, furious, "You can't do this to me. It's illegal, or something. Let me go home."

"You're still at home, Kiddo." Said CodeMaster Oron, "Just take a seat so we can talk."

"I don't want to talk to _you_." I snapped, crossing my arms, "I didn't want to come back here, I didn't want anything to do with this place anymore. I'm trying to go back to having a normal life and you dragging me here isn't helping!"

"Would an apology help in any way at all?" CodeMaster Amzen asked calmly.

"A-an apology!?" I sputtered, "Are you _insane_!?"

"It's our fault that Chaor captured you, KidChaor." Said CodeMaster Crellan. I bristled.

"I don't _care_ who's fault it was! And that's not my screen name anymore!" I was shouting now, angry beyond reason, "I don't give a _crap_ about who's fault it was! I never wanted to come back here! I never want anything to do with Chaotic or Perim ever again!"

"Would you consider staying for the company of your friends?" CodeMaster Amzen again.

"What do you want?" I hissed, "Why do you want me to come back so badly?"

"Perhaps it will help to heal old scars?" My inside went cold at CodeMaster Imthor's words.

"Piss. Off." I didn't care about respect. I didn't care if they banned me from Chaotic. I just didn't care anymore, "And stay out of my life."

"As you wish." CodeMaster Crellan said softly, "But if you change your mind," He rose from his seat in one single, fluid motion, "Just know that we will cancel all obligations you have to the Dromes."

"C-Crellan!" CodeMaster Hotekk stuttered. CodeMaster Crellan held up his hand to silence him.

"In other words, if you choose to remain in Chaotic you will not have to participate in the Drome Battles. You will be exempt from them."

How had he known?

How had he known that was what I was fearing the most?

Stepping into a fight—even if it wasn't a real one—and sinking back into that twisted half of myself that I _knew_ was still lurking inside of me. The side of me that was still Ghost.

"I'll think about it." I muttered but I didn't mean it. I had already made my decision. I was leaving and never coming back. I would go home and trash my Scanner so I could never use it again.

"Then you are free to go, Ghost." I twitched as he called me by my screen name. White light split a circle around my feet and lifted me back into the Drome. I spun on my heel and marched straight out into the bright sunlight of Chaotic. I felt other players' eyes on me as I ran towards the towering structure of the Port Court. I could almost hear them whispering,

"_Isn't that KidChaor?"_

"_Didn't he disappear?"_

"_When'd he come back?"_

"_You look like a monster."_

I tripped over my own feet and stumbled into the Port Court. It was buzzing with conversation and laughter. It seemed too happy. I walked quickly towards the Transport Center.

"Kaz!?" I froze and looked around. Sarah walked away from a group of other girls, heading towards me, "What're you doing here? Tom said you..." She shook her head, "Come on, sit with us."

And before I could protest, she'd grabbed my arm and dragged me to a familiar table. Peyton was already there and so was Tom. They both looked up at Sarah's approach. Peyton actually dropped his handful of fries and Tom's mouth fell open. I sank uneasily into a seat between him and Peyton, wary but no longer angry.

"Good to see you, dude!" Peyton clapped me on the shoulder and the force jerked me forward, "I was scared you weren't ever coming back!"

"You're going to stay, right?" Tom asked.

I looked at him, and then at Sarah, and then at Peyton.

A warmth built up inside my chest and I smiled, more to myself than to any of them. Then I raised a hand and hailed a robot,

"One Perim Pizza…fully loaded."

* * *

_Song: "This Is For Real" by Motion City Soundtrack_

_Something of a happy ending right there. A rare occasion for The Files. _

_Now the only remaining question is whether or not he'll ever port out to Perim. Opinions on the matter? Anyone? _

_Everything seems to be going so perfectly for Kaz. I could just end the story right here and have a blissfully happy ending._

_But that just wouldn't do…_

_There's a darker secret hiding beneath the lies and deceit that ruined Kaz's life…_

…_but you'll have to wait to find out what it is._


	41. Shadow of a Boy: Cure for Common Code

_I've begun to notice that in show, Kaz has this very bad habit of running off and doing his own thing; which leaves Sarah, Peyton, and Tom hanging out by themselves. No wonder Kaz gets himself into so much trouble…

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter Four: Cure For the Common Code

* * *

**

"_**I'm losing my identity, one hundred percent of me."

* * *

**_

I still wasn't sleeping like I should have been.

Hanging out with my friends helped but it didn't help enough. I could get a couple of hours of blissful sleep until the nightmares started haunting me. At that point I'd go downstairs, turn on the TV, mute it, and sit there on the couch until morning in a daze.

School didn't make it any better. The press that had been hanging around before had gotten into trouble—whether it was with the principal, the mayor, or both I'm not sure. Either way, they were gone. But my nosy fellow classmates were not. When Tom was around, they left me well enough alone but if they caught me by myself they'd stare and some of them would even question me. I ignored them as best I could.

Still, even through all that, I was happier than I thought I had ever been in my entire life. I was home and there was nothing else I wanted more in the world than to stay there forever.

Except maybe…revenge.

I hadn't told anyone. It hung like a dark cloud in the back of my mind. Revenge against Chaor and the other UnderWorlders that had ruined my life, to be able to watch them suffer as I had suffered, to make them understand the agony I had been through. The grudge in my heart was a burning hot spot of anger.

But I tried forgot about, pushed it aside, and went on with my life.

* * *

"Kaz!" I looked over my shoulder just in time to see Mike throw his arms around me in a huge hug, "Wow! I didn't know you'd come back to Chaotic! When'd you do that!?"

"Mmpph, Mike!" I pushed him off of me, straightening my glasses.

"Friend of yours?" Sarah asked with a half smile.

"Yeah, uh, this is Mike." I said and Mike waved enthusiastically, "Mike this is Sarah and Peyton. And you already know Tom."

"Oooohhhhh, you're friends with _the_ PeytonicMaster!?" Mike was acting like he'd just met a famous move star or something, "That's so _cool_!" Peyton grinned and I rolled my eyes, "Oh, oh, Kaz, I have a favor to ask you!"

"Yeah, what?"

"Will you have a Drome match against me?"

Everything seemed to freeze for a split second. I stared at the milkshake in my hands but I could feel everyone else's eyes on me. I licked my lips and said,

"No."

"Aaaaawwwww, why not?" Mike was actually whining.

"I don't…play in the Drome anymore, Mike. Don't ask me why!" Mike shut his mouth quickly, "I just don't. Sorry."

Mike looked deflated. He turned and walked away, dragging his feet as he went. Sarah, Peyton, and Tom watched him go. I drained the last of my milkshake.

"You're still not sleeping at all, are you?" Sarah asked me in a low voice.

"A little bit. Mom's taking me to see the doctor tomorrow so I'm just going to stay in Chaotic all day." I responded.

"How will that help?" Tom asked.

"It will help me on the inside." I said jokingly and we all laughed.

"Well, well, well, look who's back in town…!" There was only one person that sneering voice could belong to. We all looked around at Klay, Krystella at his side as per usual. He was standing there with that snooty look he got on his face whenever he was acting superior. Which was usually all the time.

"Grounded for a year with no Chaotic, that must've been hard for you." Krystella laughed, "But you know, I heard you'd gone missing in the real world…"

Alarm bells went off in my head. Who had told them? I looked around at my friends but they all looked just as shocked as I felt.

"Wondering who spilled the beans?" Klay grinned, "It was your scrawny friend over there." He indicated Mike who was across the Port Court, talking with another player, "It just took a bit of conversation starter. He's got a bit of a mouth on him."

"Go away." Tom snapped.

"Or what?" Klay smirked and I glared at him, "Oooohhh, that's a scary look. I don't think I've ever seen _that_ one before."

"Really? I would have thought you're mother would have given it to you plenty of times." I said before I could stop myself. Everyone gasped and Klay's face turned pink with rage.

"You better watch that disgusting mouth of yours, Kalinkas…!" He growled, fists clenched.

"That's what your mom said about your face." I retorted flatly.

"Kaz!" Tom whispered sharply but I ignored him. Klay was trembling in anger, holding back his urge to punch my lights out.

"Don't…say," His voice quavered as he ground out the words, "Another…word!"

"Why? You gonna hit me?" I kept egging him on. Why was I doing this? Why was I poking at him?

"I might." Klay answered back hotly.

"Do you hit your mom, too?"

He was on me in a second.

Klay grabbed the front of my skirt, getting a handful of my scarf along with it, and yanked me out of my seat, pulling me towards him with a snarl, "Insult my family one more time, Kalinkas, I bloody _dare_ you!"

I could feel the eyes of pretty much everyone in the Port Court watching us, anticipating a fight. I was scared of that but I couldn't stop the next words from coming out of my mouth, "You must have been conceived at home 'cause that's where eighty percent of all accidents happen."

Klay's eyes blazed with fury and he raised a fist to punch me. I grabbed the hand that was holding me, twisted it, and threw him to the ground. He shouted in surprise as he slammed into the tile floor. But he only stayed down for a second before leaping up again and lunging at me.

"Klay! Stop it, you idiot!" Krystella shouted but she was almost drowned out by the cries of the on-looking players. They were cheering and shouting and egging us on.

I sidestepped Klay's punch and stuck my foot out, hoping to trip him. He jumped it and leapt at me again, hitting me in the face and sending me stumbling backwards. It hadn't been a very hard punch, not compared to what I'd been hit with, but it was hard enough to knock my glasses off and make my cheek sting. Cold fire was burning in my stomach and everything was suddenly sharper.

I dodged Klay's follow-up swing and grabbed the arm he'd just thrown in my direction. Klay's eyes widened and he tried to pull away but I tightened my grip. The on-lookers cheered loudly. I yanked Klay forward, bringing up my leg at the same time and ramming my knee into his gut. He choked and went limp, falling sideways to the floor and curling into a ball, groaning. I stood over him, the cold fire gone only to be replaced with hot anger. That had felt good. I gritted my teeth and glared down at him, daring him to get back up.

Klay rolled into a sitting position, one hand on his midriff, breathing unevenly. He turned a glare up at me and I met it with my own. His own slowly melted away into a looked of wonder and confusion. The red film on my brain made it difficult to process exactly what had brought on that reaction but when it did I panicked and clamped my mouth and turned my gaze away. Klay gave a shaky smirk of triumph.

It was too late.

He'd seen my eyes and the unnatural sharpness of my canines.

Krystella helped him to his feet and helped him limp away, glaring at me all the while. I knelt down and retrieved my glasses. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have let my temper take control of me.

"Kaz! That was amazing!" Someone clapped me on the back and I looked around. It was another player. Others were giving their consent, cheering and joking, "You showed that scamming Klayotic who's boss! Man, I would've _loved_ to be the one to do that!"

"Yeah, that was sweet!"

"Dude, you rock!"

"Where'd you learn to do stuff like that!?"

"Klay had it coming!"

I couldn't believe my ears. They must have been blind or stupid. Maybe both. Apparently they didn't know me like I thought they did. Maybe that was a good thing. I glanced around at Tom, Sarah, and Peyton as the crowd dispersed, still talking animatedly about the fight.

Sarah looked…disappointed. Guilt settled on my shoulders. She shook her head at me as though saying, "I can't believe you, Kaz. I thought you were better than that." Then she turned and walked away.

Peyton was just staring at me with this blank look on his face. I swallowed and shrugged apologetically. His brow furrowed as though he was trying to figure something out. Then he sat down at the table and didn't look at me again. My stomach flip-flopped.

I turned to Tom, opening my mouth to apologize, but his expression stopped me cold. He was distraught—or something very close to it—and angry.

"Why'd you do that, Kaz?" He asked.

"I…I dunno…" I muttered, "I didn't mean to. I didn't…I…" But there was no excuse. Because a part of me _had_ wanted to do it. I felt cold and sick, "I never should have come back here!"

I ran past him for the Transport Center.

"Kaz! Kaz, no, wait!"

I ignored him, pulled out my Scanner, and ported home.

I never should have stayed.

I should have gone home that first day.

It was stupid to think that by hanging out in Chaotic; that acting like nothing had happened; could erase what I had done. Nothing could change the past.

Tom was still calling my name when I ported out.

* * *

I was sitting on my top bunk with my face in my hands, my back against the wall with my knees drawn up to my chest. Down on the floor, my Code Scanner was lying where I'd dropped it next to my scarf and glasses. I'd gotten my Code back ten minutes ago and as soon it had processed, I'd dropped my Scanner and dashed up to the top bunk.

I needed to think.

I'd deliberately pushed Klay's buttons to make him angry at me. Not to necessarily get into a fight; _he'd_ started that; but to simply vent. I'd been restless and uneasy ever since I'd come home but I'd pushed those feelings to the back of my mind when I'd started lingering with my friends in Chaotic.

Now that had been dashed away from me.

I'd gotten into a fight with Klay and had beat him down. Not terribly but I'd hurt him. And there was a part of me that had liked it and that terrified me. It made me feel cold on the inside, it made me feel sick, and it made me hate Chaor even more.

"Kaz?" I looked up sharply and saw my dad lingering in the doorway to my room. He seemed confused when he found me sitting up on my top bunk. I usually didn't go up there, rather using it for "storage." He walked a little ways into the room, "Supper's almost ready."

"I'm not hungry." I answered in a low voice, running my hand through my hair. Strands of it fell out of the spiked style and into my face.

My dad walked farther into my room, shut the door, and moved slowly up to my bunk. He climbed halfway up the ladder and then leaned forward so his arms were resting over the edge, "What's wrong?"

"Everything." I muttered, not looking at him.

"The world's just going to pieces?"

"Yeah."

My dad hauled himself the rest of the way up the ladder and sat down on the edge of the bed, "Did you want to talk about it?"

"I dunno…it's hard." I crossed my arms over my knees and put my face in them, "I wish I could change the past."

My dad didn't say anything for a little bit. Then he reached out and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards him. I resisted, slightly, but eventually gave in and scooted over to his side,

"There's not a thing in the world that I could say to make you feel better right now." My dad said, "I can't relate to what happened to you—no one can. All I can offer is my comfort as a father." He hugged me.

All that cold sickness seeped out of me and was replaced with that same warm feeling I had around my friends. That feeling that _someone cared_. At some point, I realized that this was helping me, was healing me, was making it easier to live with happened.

I couldn't stay away from what was making me feel better.

"You feeling better?" My dad jostled my shoulder and I looked up at him.

"Eh…yeah," I said with a half-smile, "Can I go home with Tom tomorrow?"

"Mmmmmm," Dad tapped a finger to his chin thoughtfully, "I'd say yes but you'd better ask your mother."

"Alright." He stepped down the ladder and I followed him, "Hey Dad," He paused, reaching for the door handle, "I won't disappear again, I promise."

My dad looked a little startled but then he smiled and opened my door, "I know."

For some reason, I felt like I was lying.

* * *

_Song: Cure For the Common Code from Chaotic (which they have now played twice, congratulations; but the second time doesn't count 'cause that episode was BS, 'scuse my language) _

_Stupid short chapter. Well, shorter than I wanted it to be. But hey, something interesting happened. Kaz did something stupid! Ha, ha. Though he kinda does stupid things all the time so I don't know how much a stretch this was…_

_All the same! Just so you know, I do believe that under any other circumstances Klay could totally beat Kaz in a fist fight. But considering the training Kaz went through in the UW, it just makes sense that he'd beat Klay. And I have nothing against Klay. He's a good character._

_There are too many people in this show with the letter "K" at the beginning of their names…_


	42. Shadow of a Boy: The Ghost of You

_Wow, two chapters in one day. Would you look at that. You can go ahead and thank my procrastination and inability to work in a 3D space.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter Five: The Ghost of You

* * *

**

"_**And all the things you never ever told me. And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me. … And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me. For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me."

* * *

**_

Weeks passed by in blurs of pleasantness and torture. I was happy away from everyone but my friends and family but was still wary of what had happened in Chaotic. But at least I was beginning to sleep more. The nightmares were faded and broken and I was able to actually stay in my room the whole night. Granted, I would wake up every so often, freaked out by whatever nightmare had just attacked me, but I would still go back to sleep eventually.

And then there was Klay.

No one saw him for almost six days straight after I'd beaten him in the fight. Not that anyone cared. His only friend was Krystella. If you could call her his friend; they were more like partners in crime. He'd probably scam Krystella if she had something he wanted. The point is, Klay didn't come back to Chaotic for a while and when he did, I was pretty sure he was watching me.

I didn't voice this concern to any of my friends, they would have just called me paranoid. But I could always feel _someone's_ eyes on me and I was fairly certain they were Klay's. At first, I was extremely careful with my actions but as the weeks went by, I loosened up, forgot about him, and relaxed.

But I still refused to port to Perim.

Tom and the others did and I'd ask them for news on what was going on. Most of it wasn't good. The UnderWorld was a war zone and players porting there were in danger of being Coded. From what people understood, Lord Van Bloot had led a full fledged attack against UnderWorld City and with Chaor missing, the UnderWorlders were barely holding on. The other tribes were taking no part in the conflict and H'earring was staying far away from the turmoil, for which I was glad.

On the other hand, I could tell that Tom was beginning to get irritated at me for making him play messenger boy. And sure enough, about a week after Klay's return, when I asked him what was going on in Perim, he stood up, grabbed my arm, and dragged me out of the Pourt Court and under the shade of a nearby grove of trees.

"You've _got_ to stop this!" He said in a low voice.

"Stop what? Asking for news? What's so wrong with that?"

"You're being a coward!"

"No, I'm being sane!"

"Look, if you'd just port to Perim—just to see H'earring at Garv's place—then maybe you'll feel better. And you can get your own news!"

"No." I said flatly, "I'm never going back to Perim."

"Kaz!" Tom said exasperatedly, "You're being ridiculous! If you avoid the UnderWorld I'm sure that—!"

"There are still Creatures who know I was Ghost!" I hissed back at him, "Even in the OverWorld! Look what happened with Frafdo! What if it happens again? And what if you guys get targeted for being my friends? I couldn't…handle that."

"Hey, hey," Tom patted my shoulder, "We're nothing but a bunch of Code, remember? And that Generator thing that pulled stuff from Earth has been destroyed, so there's no need to worry."

"It's Ghost, too." I murmured softly.

"What?"

"It's Ghost." I repeated, "Look what happened with Klay. I did that for no reason and…" I hesitated, "Tom, a part of me actually _wanted_ to fight him." I wasn't looking at him, rather at the grass between my shoes, "I could have _really _hurt him. And I don't want to go back to Perim because I'm scared that that Ghost side of me will wake up even more."

"You sound like you have split personalities." Tom muttered.

"I do not!" I snapped at him and he raised his hands defensively.

"Look, fine, if you don't want to go back to Perim I'm not going to make you." He turned to go, "But I think you're being stupid." And he left.

I stood there under the trees, wondering if I should be angry or not. Maybe he was right, maybe I was being stupid about the whole thing but I just couldn't bring myself to go to Perim. Maybe someday. Maybe never. I sighed and walked back into the Port Court, my hands in my pockets.

Maybe I was being a coward.

* * *

It was a normal day in Chaotic; the four of us sat at our usual table, talking and occasionally watching whatever matches happened to be displayed on the screens. It was a good, calm time and I was relaxed and smiling and laughing along with everyone else.

Until an uninvited guest waltzed up to our spot.

"KidChaor," I flinched and looked around. It was Klay, "Have a Drome match against me."

"Okay, first of all," I glowered at him, holding up a hand and ticking things off on my fingers, "My screen name's changed so get with the program. Second of all, I thought you would have had the sense to stay away from me after what I did to you last time. And third of all," I leaned forward and looked him right in the eye, "I. Don't. Play. In. The. Dromes." I sat back.

Klay looked at me with a sneer on his face and said in a cold voice, "How about I tell the whole Port Court about you being Ghost?"

Our table was in an uproar in seconds. Tom and Peyton were both on their feet and ready to haul Klay off to some Code-forsaken part of Chaotic to beat the crap out of him.

"Open your mouth again and you're Danian-meat!" Sarah said hotly, leaning over the table.

"You have no proof!" My words stopped the other three. I kept my eyes on Klay, "No one would believe you."

"They'd believe this." Klay held up his Code Scanner, his sneer growing, and I heard my voice coming from it,

"_There are still Creatures who know I was Ghost!"_

Klay stopped the recording and stowed his Scanner away, a dark grin playing across his features, "I've got _more_ than enough evidence to prove to everyone who you really are, _Ghost_." He chuckled darkly, "So it's either a match or," He patted his pocket, "Your secret's out."

"Blackmail." Tom growled but sat back down with Peyton, defeated.

"Why do you want to battle Kaz so badly?" Sarah asked, anger making her clench her fists on the table top, "Wouldn't you rather use that blackmail to get some scans from him?"

"I'd heard that the CodeMasters had made it so you didn't _have_ to be in any Drome matches." Klay answered, "And I would have just left you alone if you hadn't picked that fight with me."

"_You_ picked that fight!" I snapped, "_You_ threw the first punch!"

Klay waved his hand through the air dismissively, "Either way, Kaz, you humiliated me. I wasn't going to stand for that. I just had to wait for the right moment for revenge. And that moment came when you didn't think to check around that little tree grove when MajorTom decided to have a little chat!"

"Eavesdropping scum!" Sarah hissed.

"Eavesdropping scum with a plan." I muttered under my breath and then louder said, "Fine. One match. Three-on-three. But afterwards, if you don't get rid of that recording…I'll make sure you _never_ come back to Chaotic _ever_ again." It was a dark threat, even for me, and Klay paled at the look on my face but nodded anyway.

I waved a hand at my friends, telling them not to worry, and followed him out of the Port Court. I heard people whispering to one another, felt their stares, knew they were wondering where I was going with Klayborne. Eventually, they'd put it together and everyone would be watching the match.

Stepping into the Drome made me remember why I didn't want to be in here in the first place. But there wasn't much of a choice. That pissed me off. I'd escaped the UnderWorld so _I_ could make my own choices and now that freedom had been taken away from me once again.

I glared daggers at Klay from across the Drome as I set my Scanner in the stand. He smirked at me and I switched my gaze to my display. Even after almost a year of not playing, I still knew what to do. My fingers flicked over the holographic display, siphoning through Mugic, Battle Gear, Creatures, and Locations.

"Players, lock your decks." Said the DromeMaster. I hesitated and then pressed the button. Klay's field of play was revealed.

"What's wrong, Ghost?" Klay sneered, "Afraid to have an UnderWorlder versus UnderWorlder match? Come on, let's play with fire!"

"I don't use them anymore." I felt a tightening in my chest, anger and hate making my limbs tingle with adrenaline, "And that wasn't part of the deal. So either you make do or you shut up and leave me along."

Klay's sneer dropped a bit but he said nothing.

"Because Klayotic is the challanger, Ghost shall be the attacking player. Spin your Location Randomizer."

I flicked the roulette, watched it spin, and couldn't help but let the sadistic grin twist itself onto my face when it stopped rotating.

"The first Location is…" The DromeMaster inserted the necessary dramatic pause, "UnderWorld City. Ghost, choose the attacking and defending Creatures."

"Zhade attacks…" I cast a glance over Klay's Creatures, "Zhade attacks Pyrithion." I put a hand over the Mipedian's picture, watched the display fade away, felt the transforming Code change me into the lizard-like Stalker.

"Let's get Chaotic!" Hissed the UnderWorlder across from me.

The next thing I knew, I was standing on a very dark and very familiar street. The first thing I did was panic before I reminded myself this was a Drome battle and there was no one else here except me and Klay. That gave me confidence.

Using Zhade's nimble agility, I leapt up the side of a building and crouched on a roof top, listening. Screw Invisibility; I could win this without it. I automatically settled into the calm, cold, hunting state of mind that I'd grown so used to during the year I'd spent in this stupid city. I crept over the rooftops, as silent as the calm before the storm, watching the wide streets and constricted alleyways for movement.

Ah, there he was. Right in the middle of the road just off the market street, looking all over the place for me.

Zhade's tongue flicked out, tasting the air, and I couldn't stop myself from getting nervous. I didn't want to be here, fighting like this, it brought back too many memories.

"What's wrong, Ghost?" Pyrithion 's voice echoed down the empty street, "Forget how to play?"

I suppressed a growl; he wanted a battle, I'd give him a battle.

I slunk out onto an arch that hung over the street, keeping an eye on Klay. He was slithering down the street like he owned the place. I crouched low and waited patiently. He moved right under me.

I waited a split second longer then dropped down on top of him. He never had a chance to react. I grabbed his head and twisted it.

The resulting crack was lost in the sound of exploding Code.

We were back in the Drome. Klay was staring at me with something like shock on his face, one hand rubbing the side of his neck. I swallowed and breathed deeply, trying to calm my suddenly erratic heartbeat. I'd done what I'd been trained to do; strike with a killing blow. And I _knew_ I was going to do it. That's why I had stayed away from the Dromes.

"Y-your attack, Klay." I murmured, my palms tingling where my fingers had dug into them when I'd clenched my fists.

"Right…" He sounded wary of me now, almost scared, "Galmedar attacks Zhade!"

* * *

Coded.

After that first bout, I'd fought against myself more than Klay and lost Zhade. I'd gotten it together again to give a good fight against Lord Van Bloot with Xaerv but lost it in the end. I pulled up short at the last second, stopping myself from initiating that killing blow. It cost me the fight but not my sanity.

"This is stupid," Klay grumbled as his Van Bloot guise disappeared, "I was hoping for a good revenge match against you and all you're doing is pushing daisies! Fight back!"

"Shut up!" I snarled and Klay froze momentarily, "_You_ forced me into this! I didn't want to come in here for a reason so you'll get what's given!"

Klay sneered at me, pushing a stray lock of hair back into place, "But just remember what happens if you lose, Ghost…"

My eyes narrowed but I didn't respond, just raised a hand to the display, "H'earring attacks Galmedar."

He was the only UnderWorlder I'd use. It was completely out of nostalgia and friendship and something like guilt but it was still a stupid idea. H'earring didn't stand a chance against Galmedar and I knew it. But my conscious wouldn't let it go.

The Forest of Life seemed a lot bigger when I was H'earring's size. I wondered briefly if H'earring's tribal alliance had changed. Would his card be blue now?

This thought was blasted out of my mind with the fireball that slammed into my back and sent me tumbling head over heels into a tree. Dazed and aching, it took some time for my senses to come back around. When they did, I saw Galmedar looming over me.

"Pick on something your own size!" I snapped in H'earring's high voice, "Ash Torrent!"

Galmedar stumbled backwards, coughing and waving his hands through the air. I took off, running on H'earring's stubby little legs into the safety of the underbrush. I peered out from between the leaves. Galmedar had regained control of himself and was looking around for me.

This was stupid. Maybe I could hold out against Galmedar but there was no way I was going to beat Lord Van Bloot with H'earring. But I couldn't afford to lose this match. So I'd give it everything I had.

"Ember Swarm!" The bullets of fire slammed into Klay's Creature and he snarled angrily.

"Now I know where you are! Torrent of Flames!" I raced away from the burning wood, trying to find some cover. I heard Galmedar stomping around behind me and scrambled up a tree. H'earring was not built for climbing. But I managed to make it up the tree and perch in its branches and shielding foliage. Galmedar stomped into view, looking this way and that for me. I sat there and watched him.

"I'll burn this whole forest down to find you, Ghost." He said, "I don't care what it takes!"

I inched out over the branch until I was directly above him. He was still looking left and right, standing in the same spot. Idiot. I eased myself into a crouched position and raised H'earring's ears slightly. Sounds became magnified. I could hear Galmedar's heart beating from this distance. I jumped.

Galmedar sidestepped, reached out a hand, and grabbed one of H'earring's ears as I shot towards the ground. I shouted in pain, dangling in the air, kicking against his grip.

"Did you think I'd fall for that again?" Galmedar sneered, raising a hand up. A Pyro Blaster materialized there and it was aimed at me. Point blank range. There was no way I'd survive. I kicked and struggled even more.

"Let go of me, you call this a fair fight!?"

"Fair fight!" Galmedar laughed and dashed me against the trunk of a tree. I lay there, stunned, head spinning, "There was no fair fight! This is revenge!" He aimed the Pyro Blaster at me again, "And I win." He pulled the trigger. I screamed.

I was still screaming when we ended up in the Drome. But now it was out of rage. I wanted to charge at Klay, knock him down, beat him to a pulp. But instead and I hurled curses at him and yanked my Scanner from the stand. Klay grinned and held up his own Scanner. He hit the play button.

I hung my head, dragging myself from the Drome and back towards the Port Court. People were whispering and staring and pointing and gasping.

My secret was out.

I was done for.

I sank into my seat beside my friends, put my face in my arms, and didn't say anything to anyone. No one said anything to me.

I wanted to cry.

Just when I'd thought I'd found something good, just when I'd thought it was going to be forgotten…

I was ruined.

My shoulders shook but I bit back the tears. I would not cry. I would not be weak. I would not care. I would ignore them. I would go on with my life.

I raised my head and looked around at my friends. They all wore similarly worried expressions. I forced a smile. Peyton grinned.

"It's no big deal," I murmured, "They would have found out sooner or later."

"You gonna be okay?" Tom asked.

"Yeah." I replied, tapping my fingers on the table top, "But I need some time to think." I stood up again and headed for the Transport Center. Several people backed out of my way, looking wary. I ignored them. Klay's stupid recording couldn't prove anything. Everyone thought Ghost was a Creature. The only thing that made them suspicious was the fact that I had vanished for a year and during that time period, Ghost had shown up and when I'd come back, Ghost had disappeared. And maybe the fight with Klay. And my new screen name. And if they talked to the right Creatures in Perim…

I swallowed and ported home.

Life was going to be hell for a while.

* * *

_Song: "The Ghost of You" by My Chemical Romance_

_Please don't give me any grief about Klay's Creatures. I don't know what cards he has so I just had to make something up. I didn't have the resources to look up anything. So I made do. _

_So…are people going to believe Klay's recording or are they just going to blow it off? Everyone knows he's a scammer so…any opinions?_

_And what about Kaz? What's he going to do about it? Is he going to do anything? Will he ever come back to Chaotic again or is he really staying away this time? And even if he does go back to Chaotic, will he ever go back to Perim? Would it help like Tom thinks it will?_

_And will I ever stop asking questions at the ends of my chapters? The answer to that is probably no. _


	43. Shadow of a Boy: Who I Am

_I went outside in my T-shirt today! Whoooooo! The snow is melting! Spring is coming! YAY! It's getting WARM OUT!

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter Six: Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

* * *

**

"_**I'm sorry for the person I became, I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again. 'Cause who I am hates who I've been."

* * *

**_

It was the day after I'd lost to Klay in that stupid Drome match. Saturday, the day everyone's supposed to love. Winter's chill still clung to the beginning of February and seemed to be determined to stay there all through March. I was starting to _really_ hate the cold. Spending a year in a mostly warm climate made me linger close to the heaters and wear jackets over my sweaters, even indoors.

That Saturday morning was no different. My parents were still asleep so I slid silently down the stairs, dressed in jeans, a long sleeved sweater, a jacket, and my scarf, and crept into the kitchen for some breakfast. I glanced around the empty room. It seemed cold and lonely. Disregarding the sensation as a half-sleeping sort of thing, I pulled the toaster from its corner and went about making my toast.

"Nooooopyyyiiinnn aveel treeeeennn…" I half-sang under my breath, tugging a paper plate out of the pantry and setting it on the kitchen counter, "Aveel luss briiiimmmyaaaaaaa ot is ahta frimyin, mahaaaaan ahata terrim brimyyyyaaaaaa, nadi whool nis thooooooonick." I pulled a clean knife from the drawer and spun it in my fingers before setting it down too, "Friya nacteeeeeeee atrissssssss quinin illum ahta brimya nis aveeeeellllll tyeeeelllllliiiisssssss. Nadi ahta terrim nacteeeeee atriss erifya ahta drooooossssss fooooooonn tah aveeel hessyeeeeee." The tune was slow and I dragged myself over to the fridge, reaching in to grab the butter and spinning around to kick the door shut with the heel of my foot. I froze.

My mom was standing at the doorway to the kitchen with a strange expression on her face. I swallowed and eased the tub of butter onto the counter. Then I let my hands drop to my sides.

"What were you singing?" She asked me and I licked my lips, feeling a tremor run through me.

"Nothing." I muttered, turning my back to her to get out the bread, "Just a…it was nothing." It had been the UnderWorld victory song and the fact that the words had come so easily to me was terrifying to me.

"It was not nothing." I heard her move into the kitchen, "I saw what you did with that knife. What's wrong, Kaz?"

"Nothing's wrong." I said in a strained voice, making a big show out of putting the bread into the toaster and pushing the knobs down to toast it. I felt her hand on my shoulder and tensed.

"Kaz, you can talk to me if you need to…" She said softly. I swallowed thickly. I couldn't tell her anything, "Kaz?"

"Mom, I…" What could I say? Why did it always feel like I was at a loss for words? I turned around to face her and looked her in the eye. She didn't flinch, "Mom, it _hurts_. I don't _want_ to talk about it. I did…things, terrible things." That familiar pain was tying my stomach in knots and I nervously ran my thumb up and down my chest, "I saw terrible things. I…I'm not Kaz anymore. Not like I used to be. I just…I'm not even sure _what_ I am." I was looking at the floor now.

"Kaz, look at me." I refused to, "Kaz, look at me. Kazdan." Her voice was stern, commanding. I glanced up, "I'll tell you what you are; you're Kazdan Matthew Kalinkas and you're our son. Nothing in the _universe_ can change that!" She pulled me into a hug, "If you don't want to talk, that's fine. Whatever helps." She stepped back, smiling at me.

I couldn't help it, I smiled back. Then I jumped and spun around, smacking my hand on the hot metal of the toaster as my finished breakfast shot out the top.

* * *

The problem with Saturdays was that I was restless.

Yes, I had plenty of homework to do but it could only keep me busy for a while. Then I'd get all twitchy and lose focus. But it wasn't anything completely new. No matter what day of the week or where I was, I was restless.

I had to keep myself distracted.

Movies did it for a while. One movie kept me busy but halfway through a second one and I'd start fidgeting. Video games worked for a longer amount of time. I could lose myself in the fake worlds of racing cars, classic heroes, and movie games. But then something would trigger a memory or a reflex or a feeling and suddenly the game ceased to be a distraction.

But the biggest problem was that I couldn't say anything.

There was no one I could tell, no on to vent to, not in the way I wanted at least. Sure, Tom and the others were there for me but there were things I couldn't tell them. Things like how Ghost had been a voice in my head, the agony of the Virus, how easy it was to look at a person and know _exactly_ how to kill them, and all those feelings I'd kept bottled up inside.

I was thinking about all this while I was sitting on my lower bunk in my bedroom. Some homework was spread across the bed in front of me, my Code Scanner sitting on the floor nearby where I could reach it quickly if I ported back, and I was rhythmically tapping my on my leg, staring at the closed door between the posts of my bunk bed. Even this wouldn't keep me busy for very long.

What could I do?

I couldn't _tell_ anyone. I'd be labeled crazy and locked up faster than you could blink.

I flicked my gaze away from the door and surveyed the room for something to do. Chair, backpack, television, game system, door, desk, bookshelf, pile of clothes—. I looked back at my desk, getting an idea. I slid off my bed, walked across the room, and crouched down in front of the desk. I pulled open several drawers and started rifling through them.

If I couldn't physically tell anyone…

…then I'd find another way to get the words out.

When I found what I was looking for, I grabbed my pen and climbed up to my top bunk. I settled into the corner where the two sides of the bed met the two walls with a large, leather bound notebook on my lap. A Celtic design was embossed on the front. I'd gotten it from Husky four years ago but had buried it in my desk and forgotten about it.

I unwound the thin strip of leather cord that had been wrapped around the silver button holding it shut and flipped it open. Then I scribbled on the inside cover,

_Kazdan "Kaz" Matthew Kalinkas_

And then, after a brief pause, I scrawled above my name, _The Chronicles of_ then I scribbled that out furiously, paused again, and wrote, _The Files of_. With a deciding nod, I leaned back and propped the notebook on my legs.

My pen hovered over the first, blank page. I wasn't worried about doing it…I just didn't know how to start. I forced myself to think back to that first day, to remember how it had happened. Then I knelt over the notebook and started writing,

_A roar of anger echoed down the hallway from the direction of the throne room, accompanied by the unmistakable sound of a Torrent of Flames attack ricocheting off the walls…_

* * *

I don't know what in the world possessed me to go back to Chaotic the _day after _my secret had been let out and I didn't know what to except. I think there was some part of my wild imagination that was thinking that as soon as my Code formed, I'd be met with a swarm of players all armed with torches and pitchforks.

Obviously, that's not what happened but the reality wasn't much better.

There were a couple people who turned their noses up at me and scoffed and sneered when they thought I wasn't looking. That was the group of players—very low in the minority—who thought I'd teamed up with Klay to pull a stunt and grab some attention. Those were the players who didn't know me.

Another group, far larger in number, was in the neutral zone. They weren't sure whether they believed what had happened or not. Not that I blamed them. The only real "evidence" was that recording of Klay's.

Then there were the last two groups. Both of them believed I was Ghost. I wasn't sure if it was because of the recording or my screen name, or if they'd talked to some Creatures or a combination of all three. Either way, they were convinced that I was once the Creature called Ghost. But the difference between them was that while one group of players was halfway between "respectful-distance-keeping-I-won't-space-invade" and "holy-cow-you're-Ghost-you-have-to-tell-me-all-about-it" the other group was terrified of me. There seemed to be an equal number of these of players everywhere I went.

It was getting frustrating. Why was it such a big deal to everyone? So I was freaking Ghost, that was in the past! I wasn't Ghost anymore! He was dead. Gone. So why did it matter so much to them?

When I asked Sarah she just shrugged and said, "Because we never knew Creatures could die? I dunno, Kaz. Maybe it's because of that. Or maybe it's because they know what you can do. And what you did."

That answer hadn't made me feel any better.

And I was starting to get angry. At first, I'd been able to ignore them all but that had only lasted for about ten minutes. After that, my temper started rising. So I was a freak, so I was genetically mutated, so I had been Chaor's blood-covered pawn, so _what_!? I wanted them to stop staring and whispering and leave me alone. I was trying to forget it all. Why couldn't they get that?

"Eeeeaaassssy, Kaz." Peyton patted me on the back as I hunched my shoulders against the whispers of some other players walking past, "Down boy, down."

"You're so hilarious." I muttered darkly, scowling at the table top between my tightly clenched fists.

"Maybe you should just port home." Sarah offered but I shook my head,

"No way. I'm not running away from them, they're just stupid." I felt eyes on me and glared over my shoulder. A couple of younger players squealed and fled the Port Court. I faced my friends again, "Besides, I like hanging out with you guys. It's those morons back there," I jerked my thumb in the direction the players had run off, "That manage to piss me off."

"What about Perim?" Tom asked nonchalantly. A cold finger of dread dragged itself down my spine and I turned my gaze on him. He raised one shoulder and then dropped it, chewing on the end of the straw that was poking out of his milkshake.

"I'm not going back to Perim." I said.

"Oh come on Kaz," Tom slammed his nearly empty cup down on the table top. Peyton and Sarah glanced at one another but did nothing. Tom kept talking, his eyes on me, "Look, we'll just port to Kiru City and you can help out Bodal in the Arsenal with me. No harm done. I've already talked to Maxxor and you're pretty much under his protection; he won't let anything happen to you." When I still said nothing, he sighed and leaned back in his chair, "Just…give it a shot, Kaz. Please?"

"Stop giving me puppy eyes." I grumbled, "You look so pathetic." He stuck out his lower lip and made a huge pout face, "Stuff it, you. Fine, alright, as long as you freaking shut up about it already."

"Victory!" Tom cried, making a "v" out of his fingers and jabbing them in the air.

"And your victory means you can buy the tickets for the movie tomorrow." I responded, "Also the popcorn. And the candy. Oh, and the sodas."

Tom scowled at me, "You are a cruel, cold-hearted piece of work."

I laughed, "I know."

* * *

_Song: "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K_

_Again, my language. I made it up. Do not steal it or you'll regret it. Anyway, for anyone who cares, this is the whole song (yes, I did make it up):

* * *

_

"_Upon my return, I'll set fire to the ice, watch the world burn, and cry in victory. _

_Rain can never put out the fire burning in my soul. And the earth can never stop the spread of power that I hold._

_Upon my return, I'll take what I want, grab stars in my hands, and cry in victory._

_Drink deeply your spirits, my comrades-in-arms, for tomorrow we go to war again."

* * *

_

_Or at least, that's a very literal translation. Some of the words have double meanings but this is pretty close to what it says. Let me tell you, making up a language is _not_ easy. _

_Meh, that's all I got. Next chapter…KAZ GOES TO PERIM! Or does he…?_


	44. Shadow of a Boy: Epiphany

_Perim time! W00t!

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter Seven: Epiphany

* * *

**

"_**Did you ever walk up to the edge of a cliff, stare into the abyss as your mind wonders if you should take on more step further into that night. Well your mind says you won't but your heart says you might."

* * *

**_

I still thought it was a bad idea.

Every part of my being was rebelling at the idea of going back to Perim. But maybe Tom was right, maybe this was just what I needed. Not only could I get away from those idiots in the Port Court but maybe this would stitch up some old wounds that hadn't quite healed right.

So I stepped up beside Tom in the Transport Center, held up my Code Scanner, and for the first time since I'd got back home, I ported to the one place that I was honestly most terrified to go.

Kiru City was pleasantly warm and my winter attire made it feel stuffy. I shed my jacket and tied it around my waist. Tom gestured for me to follow and we both headed down the street. I was aware of someone following us and glanced to my right. Hifdan darted into the shadows. I made a noise at the back of my throat, almost a growl, but Tom didn't hear. We stopped outside the Arsenal doors and he raised, knocking on the doors,

"Bodal! Bodal, hey, open up! It's me, Tom!"

There was silence for a while and then the door opened and there stood the most boring, most annoying Creature in all of Perim wearing that stupid superior look of his. I lingered back behind Tom, wary. I didn't know if Bodal knew who I was or not.

"Hi Bodal!" Tom waved with a fake grin plastered on his face, "I came to help out, just like I said I would! And I brought some help to!" He pointed to me.

Bodal swept his gaze over me, that arrogant expression never vanishing, and muttered, "Hmph, the mongrel."

My insides went cold and at the same time my blood boiled.

Mongrel.

So not only did he know I was Ghost but he also knew that there was still some of that stupid Virus in my system.

Mongrel.

I didn't know whether to be angry or upset. He knew. How many other Creatures knew. How many of them knew what I was, who I was, what I could do, and what I had done.

Mongrel.

I took a step back, "Maybe I should just port back. This was a bad ide—."

"No!" Tom snarled, grabbing my arm. He was livid with rage as he rounded on Bodal, dragging me forward along with him, "Apologize!"

Bodal blinked, "Excuse me?"

"Apologize to Kaz!" Tom spat, "You've got no right to call him that!"

"Er…Tom, it's…okay…" I muttered, even though it wasn't. I was actually pretty offended.

"Not it's not!" And Tom obviously shared my point of view. He dragged me into the Arsenal, making Bodal back up hastily, and the doors slammed shut, "Apologize!"

"Alright, alright," Bodal huffed in that obnoxious nasal voice of his that made me want to punch him, "I'm sorry."

Tom snorted like he didn't believe it but let go of me and straightened up, "So what do you need help with today?"

"Those parts for the Pyro Blasters _finally_ came in," Bodal led us around some shelves stacked neatly with organized Battle Gear, "I need you to sort out all pieces-parts in accordance to what type they are." He pointed to stack of about fifteen giant metal crates, "There they are. I'll come back later to see how you're doing." And he strutted off.

I frowned after him, "He seems to think that this'll keep us busy for a while."

"It won't?" Tom reached up and hauled the top crate off the nearest stack, setting it on the floor, "Trust me, most Creatures aren't big on organization. These pieces will probably just be tossed in here randomly." He pried the box open and sighed, "Oh, the joys of Perim." I knew the only reason he did this was for the scans but, really, this was too tedious, even for me.

I rolled my eyes and glanced around. The shelf closest to us held rows of Pyro Blasters. I looked from the Battle Gear, to the parts that Tom was setting out, and then back to the Battle Gear,

"Hey Tom, are those parts going to be replacing the ones in those Pyro Blasters on the shelves?"

"Hm? Yeah, why?"

"I think I just found a way to make this easier."

* * *

It got hot very quickly inside the Arsenal. I'd unwound my scarf and stripped off my sweater, leaving them in a pile with my jacket on the floor nearby. All I was wearing now was a tank top. Even Tom had removed his top and was sitting in only his jeans and tennis shoes.

I'd showed him how to take apart, clean, and repair a Pyro Blaster and now we were taking them apart, replacing the old parts with new ones, and setting them back in their places on the shelves. Bodal might pitch a fit at first but at least this was less chaotic than having piles of the different pieces sitting around everywhere. No pun intended.

At some point during this, I dozed off, draped over the Pyro Blaster in my lap. Only to be awaken by Bodal's screeching,

"What are you _doing_!?"

"Fixing your Pyro Blasters."

I sat up, yawning, and rubbed my eyes. There was a sore spot on my stomach where the handle of the Battle Gear had dug into my midsection and I rubbed a hand over it. Then I was suddenly aware of Bodal's eyes on me. I looked around at him.

"Sleeping on the job, half-blood?"

I glared at him and, not breaking eye contact, finished putting the Pyro Blaster together and set it back on the shelf. Then I scrunched my nose up at him and huffed, turning away to get more parts.

"I told you not to call him that!" Tom snarled.

"Drop it, Tom." I replied, "I thought Creatures had more sense of personal space than _humans_ but obviously I was _wrong_. Apparently they're all just rumor spreading gossip hounds just…like…us." I flicked my gaze over my shoulder, grinning to myself. Bodal looked flustered and embarrassed, "I guess I shouldn't expect anything less. I mean, come on, look at the way the UnderWorlders treated me. I suppose," I sighed dramatically, "That I've just come to associate all Creatures as cruel, thoughtless, brutal, savage, heartless, wastefull, selfish—."

"That's enough of that!" Bodal snapped, "Go take breaks, both of you!" He stomped off, looking like a mix between angry and upset. I chuckled to myself.

"Why'd you egg him on like that?" Tom asked as we both stood up and stretched.

"Because he deserved it." I answered, arching my back so it gave a satisfying pop, "Ahhhhh, let's go get some fresh air." Tom eyes my tank top pointedly and I shrugged, "If they don't know, they can be curious."

"I think you're being a bit too relaxed." He said as we slipped out the front door and hurried into the shadows of the side alley off the main street, "Usually you'd be pitching a fit about your scars showing."

"You can hardly see them." I argued, standing in the shade and leaning against the cool brick, "Besides, it's not like there's anyone back here any—."

"Kaz." A deep voice said.

I cursed loudly and skidded back into a corner, my arms flying up in a defensive posture. Maxxor stood before us. I hadn't even heard him come up. I stared at him warily. Would he be just like Chaor? Would he want to use me as a weapon to? Were all of them…just the same?

"I didn't mean to startle you." The OverWorlder said in a low voice.

"Like hell you didn't!" I snapped, taking a deep breath to calm myself down, "What do you want?"

"To talk." That was all honesty in his voice and in his eyes. My mind was screaming at me not to be an idiot, not to trust him, I'd only get hurt again, but I didn't know what else to do. I glanced at Tom; he was looking at me with an almost pleading expression on his face. He trusted Maxxor. I figured it would be okay to trust him too. Well, maybe not trust. But at least hear what he had to say.

"Alright, so talk." I muttered and for some reason, it sounded breathless, almost as through I'd been running for a mile or so.

"Do you know what's going on in the UnderWorld right now?"

"More or less," I said with a half-hearted shrug, "Chaos and confusion, Lord Van Bloot's on a rampage, and Chaor's missing."

"That about sums it up." Maxxor nodded.

"So what?" I grumbled, "I'm not a part of that anymore. I. Don't. Care."

"Will you come back to Perim tomorrow?"

Okay, that was an out of the blue question. I looked hard at him, trying to figure out what he was up to. He just stood there and looked at me with an open expression of honesty. Tom was glancing between us with a worried look on his face.

"Yeah, maybe." I responded slowly, "Dunno though. Why?"

"There's something I wanted to show you. If you are willing."

"Sure. I guess so. Can Tom come too?"

"No." Maxxor responded and Tom turned a disappointed look at him, "This is for your eyes only. After I show you, you can decide whether you'd like to share it or not."

My eye narrowed, "Maybe I won't come at all then. I don't trust you. I don't trust any Creatures anymore."

Maxxor sighed, "I swear on my life, Kaz, that no harm will come to you."

"Funny, I distinctly remember you once saying that the good of your tribe came above everything else." I sneered, tense, ready to port if I had to, "And wouldn't capturing me make something good for your tribe."

I thought I'd made him angry. I thought maybe I'd pushed some buttons. Instead, Maxxor just looked…sad. Almost as though he was blaming himself for what had happened. That really threw me off. Why was he sad? That didn't make any sense.

"If you don't want to come, I won't force you." He said in a low voice, "But if you do, I will wait for you here at dusk." Then he turned and vanished into the shadows again. I looked after him, then glanced at Tom. Tom shrugged, looking a little lost.

"Let's go back inside." I said, "I'm porting home."

"But we're not finished yet!" Tom argued, following me back into the Arsenal.

"I don't care." I pulled my sweater on, then my scarf, and held my Scanner in my hands, "I don't want to be here anymore."

Before he could argue, I'd ported out.

* * *

I argued with myself all that night.

My curiosity never died, not even with common sense telling me that it was a stupid idea. What was it that Maxxor wanted to show me that Tom couldn't see? Tom had said that I was under Maxxor's protection and the OverWorlder had sworn on his life that he wouldn't hurt me.

And why had he looked so upset?

I rolled onto my side, tangled in my bed sheets, mind whirling with thoughts. It was late. I couldn't sleep.

Why was Maxxor so upset about my lack of trust? I just couldn't figure it out. And what was it that he wanted to show me?

I fell into a dreamless sleep only to wake up early and continue the argument.

To go or not to go.

Distracted, I met Tom outside the movie theater with my hands in my pockets, fingering my Code Scanner.

"Kaz?" Tom waved a ticket in my face, "Uh, hello? Earth to Kaz." I blinked and took it from him slowly, "Wow, what's eating you?"

"Mmmm…" I said as I stood beside him in line for popcorn, "I don't know whether I should go see Maxxor or not." I ran my finger along the edge of the screen, my Scanner still in my pocket.

"Do you want my completely unbiased opinion?" Tom asked.

"You can give those?"

"Oh ha, ha." Tom scowled at me playful, "I'd say go for it. And _not_ just because I trust Maxxor." He added when I opened my mouth to argue against him, "It's because if you don't start trusting _someone_ you're going to be a hermit for the rest of your life!"

"I trust you guys."

"I mean, _besides_ us!" Tom said exasperatedly, his voice getting louder, "Of course we're your friends, Kaz, but _seriously_…" He trailed off, looking at me desperately, "Just go see Maxxor. And if things get a little hairy you can just port right out." He turned his back on me to order our treats.

I thumbed the button on the top of my Scanner while it was still in my pocket.

Tom was right. I was being withdrawn, maybe even cowardly. And I could get out fast if I needed to. I wasn't going to hesitate anymore, not like before.

I pressed the button down and smiled to myself, hoping I hadn't made a mistake.

* * *

_Song: "Epiphany" by Trans-Siberian Orchestra_

_This should be fun. I wonder what Maxxor wants to show Kaz so badly. (gasp) Maybe Maxxor's a bad guy too!? _

_Then again…_


	45. Shadow of a Boy: Monster

_There's going to be a huge shock in this one. Trust me. You won't see it coming.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter Eight: Monster

* * *

**

"_**I feel it deep within. It's just beneath the skin … I hate what I've become. The nightmare's just begun … My secret side I keep hid under lock and key; I keep it caged but I can't control it … There's no escape for me. It wants my soul, it wants my heart … I must confess that I feel like a monster."

* * *

**_

"What did you want to show me?" I asked, following Maxxor up some stairs. I'd met him in the alley and if he'd been surprised to see me, he didn't show it. We'd gone through a back door of his palace and I was currently following him to one of the upper levels.

"Something some of my scouts found a few months ago." The OverWorlder answered, "I've been keeping him up here because it's better that no one knows where he is. Surprisingly, he's been pretty quiet. I don't think he wants anyone to know where he is either. His pride has been…hurt a lot."

"Who?"

"Kaz, I want you to understand something." Maxxor stopped at the top of some stairs and looked back down at me, "When Garv told me you were staying with him, my first desire was to seek revenge on you for what you had done." I hung my head, "But I realized that it would be foolish to do so. What happened was not your fault and so I had no right to punish you. So understand that when I show you this, it is not to hurt you. It is to make you see what truly happened."

I wanted to ask what he meant. I wanted to ask why he was being so cryptic. But I couldn't. I simply followed him quietly down the hall to a wooden door at the end. Maxxor pushed it open and light spilled out, "He's here." Then he put a hand on my shoulder and pushed me forward, "Go on. I swear you won't get hurt."

I stepped into the room and froze.

Sitting on a bench across the room was the one Creature in Perim I had _never_ wanted to see again.

"Chaor…" His name came out in a strained whisper. He stared at me with empty blue eyes. I started shaking. He stood up, "No! Stay away from me!" I tried to back out of the room but bumped into Maxxor who was blocking the door, "Let me out! What the hell is wrong with you!? Let me out! Let me out!"

"Kaz! Let me explain something!" Maxxor shouted, grabbing my arms to stop me from flailing around.

"No! No, you're with him! You're with him!" I shouted, struggling even more, "Let go of me! I said, let _go_!" I tore myself away and stumbled forward, leaning against the wall, panting, fear and anger pumping through me like molten fire. Chaor had stopped walking and was simply standing there, watching.

"You're a _liar_!" I spat at him, my voice quivering, "A stinking _liar_! Both of you are!" Chaor simply kept looking at me, "I _hate you_! I hate you for what you did to me!" I pushed off the wall, grabbed a clay vase off the table next to me and hurled it at the UnderWorlder, "I lost a year of my life because of _you_!" The vase smashed into his chest and he flinched a little but said nothing. My anger grew, "And I can't ever get it back because of _you_!" I threw another clay vase at him and it too smashed to pieces against his chest.

He still did nothing. Hot tears streaked down my face and my reaching hands found a wooden stool. I picked it up and flung it at him, screaming, "My parents are scared of me because of _you_! Everyone at school is scared of me because of _you_!" I kept throwing things at him but he did not react. The tears were making it hard to see clearly. I ran out of things to throw at him, "You ruined my life! And I…I…" I collapsed to my knees, my fists clenched, crying, "I _trusted_ you! I trusted you and you…and you…you…" I couldn't finish. I curled up on the floor, sobbing, "I trusted you! I trusted you!"

"I'm sorry." Chaor said and I looked up at him, staring, "I'm sorry."

The words didn't fit. They couldn't click in my brain.

"Liar…" I hissed through clenched teeth, "You're a liar! You were always a liar!" I grabbed my Code Scanner from my pocket, "I never should have come back to Perim! I never should have come back here!"

"Kaz, wait!" Maxxor grabbed my wrist and pulled my Scanner away from me. I screamed in fury and launched myself at him, reaching for it. He held it out of my reach.

"Give it back to me! Give it back!" I cried, slamming my fists into his chest, "Give it back! All of it! Everything you took from me…give it all back…"

Then I was on the floor again, crying, and I couldn't stop.

Why was I crying so much? Why did it hurt so much? Why couldn't I stop it from hurting?

"I didn't do it." Chaor said and I looked over my shoulder at him, furiously trying to brush the angry tears away, "It wasn't me, Kaz."

"Sure it wasn't!" I snarled, "I just imagined the whole thing!"

"It wasn't me. It was another Creature."

"What, did another Creature learn how to shape shift!?" I screamed, leaping to my feet, "You're lying! Everything you ever said to me, every second I was trusting you, it was all a frigging _LIE_! I can't ever trust you or anyone else ever again because of what you did to me!" I glared daggers at him, "I hope you're happy Chaor, you stupid coward! You used a kid to do your dirty work! You _sicken_ me! You're nothing but a monster!" Chaor looked on impassively, "And now because of you…I'm one too!"

I snatched up a chair and smashed it against the wall, "Because of you! All because of you!" I hurled the chair at him and he knocked it aside with a sweep of his massive hand, "Get mad at me! I hate you! Get mad at me!"

"Why?" He growled, "So you can feel better about how _stupid_ you're acting!"

"I'm not stupid!" I screeched, "You are! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I _hate you_!" I rounded on Maxxor, "Why'd you bring me here!? Let me go home! Let me go home!"

"We need to talk about what happened, Kaz." The OverWorld said.

"I don't want to talk about it! Least of with you two!" I tried to get my Code Scanner again but Maxxor simply held it out of my reach I again. I screamed in frustration.

All the feelings I'd been keeping locked up inside were suddenly being let out. And Chaor had been the trigger. All of the hatred, all of the anger, all of the suffering, all of the torment and pain, all of them were being freed right then. And even if I didn't know it at the time, I think the two Creatures did. I couldn't control myself. Everything that I had been hiding from my friends was let loose in a wild storm.

"I almost lost everything because of _you_!" I was randomly throwing things around the room again. Maxxor had closed the door and was guarding it, still holding my Scanner, "Cherri is dead because of _you_! All those innocent Creatures are dead because of _you_! Everything that happened is all! YOUR! _FAULT_!"

"Kaz—." Chaor tried to say something.

"_SHUT UP_!" I shouted, hurling myself at him, "Just shut up!" I beat him with my fists and he grabbed my arms, stopping me. I screamed and tried to pull away from him but he just gripped me tighter.

"Let me talk to you!"

"NO! LET ME GO!" Panic set in. My head spun and my insides went cold, "DON'T USE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! LEAVE ME ALONE! LET ME GO! Please…!" All the energy suddenly drained out of me and I hung limply in his grip, "Pleeeaaassee…let me go…don't make me do those horrible things anymore…please…please…"

The last thing I remembered seeing before I fainted was the desperate expression on Chaor's face.

He looked just as lost as me.

* * *

"—did you expect him to do, Maxxor!? Did you expect him to listen to me!? To you after he'd seen me!?"

"I thought he would have been smart enough to at least hear us out. Tom said he would listen."

"Does Tom know about me?"

"No."

The voices continued as I opened my eyes, focusing on the flat, stone ceiling. I sat up on the small bed I had been lying on and rubbed a hand through my spiked hair, looking around. I was shaking, I felt like all my insides were missing, and my skin felt cold and clammy. My mind dragged sluggishly, wondering where I was and what had happened. I could remember a blur of panic and fear and hate and hurt but I just couldn't seem to focus on exactly what had caused it.

The door to the small room opened. Maxxor stood framed in the doorway and just behind him I could see…

I shouted wordlessly and backed against the wall that the bed was against. It came rushing back; Maxxor showing me the room, Chaor, my breakdown, the anger, the betrayal, and then how I had fainted in Chaor's grasp.

"You…!" I growled, fear pushed aside by hate and anger, "Both of you…! Tch, I should have guessed all Creatures were the same; nothing but power-hungry thrill seekers who only care about themselves and don't give a crap who they hurt!"

"Kaz," Maxxor said sharply and I snapped my mouth shut, "We are not here to _hurt you_." I shook my head slowly, disbelieving, "You need to listen to us! What happened to you…Chaor is not to blame for it! Please…" He was begging. The ruler of the entire OverWorld was begging to me. And just because he wanted me to listen to him, "Please Kaz, listen to us."

I looked from him, to Chaor who was still standing in the hall, and then back at Maxxor. Then I eased back against the wall, still tense but no longer poised to bolt.

"Fine," I muttered, "Amuse me." My tone was sarcastic and degrading and both of them knew that while I would listen to them, I wasn't necessarily going to believe them.

Chaor followed Maxxor through the door and shut it behind him. I clenched my fists over the bed sheet underneath me as they both took seats opposite me. Maxxor looked at Chaor,

"Did you want to start?"

Chaor switched his gaze to the floor. It was odd, seeing him so…deflated. He was supposed to be arrogant, confident, brimming with power, and all that stuff. But now he just seemed small and lost and powerless. I was beginning to think that something really _had_ happened and maybe it really was in my best interest to listen.

"Lord Van Bloot had been pushing against my boundaries again." The UnderWorlder murmured, not looking at me, "I thought I could simply threaten him out of it like I usually did. So I headed for Gothos Tower, thinking nothing of it." He laughed suddenly and it was empty and filled with anger and…disappointment, "I should have known better! That filthy COWARD!" Sparks shot out from Chaor's clenched fists and I flinched backwards. Maxxor reached out a hand but Chaor brushed him away, glaring at the floor, "He _poisoned _me! As soon as I set foot in his rotten place…it was all a trap!" Now there were flames liking the corners of his mouth, his eyes were glowing an intense neon blue, and his tail was smashing against the floor. I flattened myself against the wall, shivering, my mind telling me that those flames were aimed at me.

"Chaor!" Maxxor grabbed the UnderWorlder's upper arm, "Calm down!"

"Calm down!?" Chaor growled, "Calm down!? That coward made a fool out of me! Me! And I…I…" All that rage drained out of him suddenly and he put his gargoyle face in his great hands, "I made a terrible mistake…"

Maxxor waited to see if Chaor was going to say anything else. When he didn't, the OverWorlder turned to look at me. I was still shaking against the wall, the blanket half pulled up over me as though I could use it for protection. Maxxor looked upset. He stood and went to the door. He opened it, stuck his head out, and called down the hall in the original language of Perim.

I didn't know what to think.

No way this was a ruse. Chaor couldn't act, not to save his life. He was genuinely upset about whatever Lord Van Bloot had done. But poision? What did Van Bloot poisoning Chaor have to do with what had happened to me.

Maxxor pulled back into the room with a tray of steaming clay cups. He held one out to Chaor who shook his head, his face still buried in his hands. Maxxor turned to me. I took one tentatively and wrapped my hands around the warm earthenware cup. The liquid inside was a burnt brown sort of color and smelled like tea. I took a wary sip and found that it tasted rather good; like cinnamon and chocolate with a hint of nutmeg. It filled up the empty space inside of me and stopped my shivering. I relaxed a little, the cup held close to my chest, and looked back at Maxxor. Chaor still hadn't moved.

"We're not sure exactly what sort of…of poison Lord Van Bloot used." Maxxor continued when it became obvious that Chaor wasn't going to say anything, "But it did _something_. Almost like brainwashing. Chaor fell completely under Lord Van Bloot's control."

I stared at him. A lie. It had to be. It was all so convenient; an unknown poison, brainwashing. It was like a bad cop movie. No way it was real. My forehead scrunched and I shook my head, glasses sliding down my nose. I reached up with a trembling hand and pushed them back up,

"You're lying." My voice shook, "Y-you're lying! It was him! The whole thing was _his_ idea! He started it! Don't tell me that it was Lord Van Bloot! Don't tell me that it was some…some s-stupid p-p-poison! You're LYING!" I hurled the cup at Chaor and it shattered against his shoulder, "You monster! You're nothing but a power-hungry monster!"

"Kaz, calm down!" Maxxor half stood but I screamed at him and he froze.

How could I believe them? After everything, they really wanted me to believe that it wasn't Chaor? How could I!? For a months I'd suffered under his thumb! How could I just take them at their word!?

"Lies…!" I whimpered, standing up shakily on the bed. The timbers creaked under my weight, "I've heard nothing but lies ever since I ported here! You've hurt me for months! Why should I listen to anything you say! I'm a monster because of you! A monster! A MONSTER!" My voice cracked.

"Stop it!" Strong hands grabbed my upper arms, pinning my limbs to my sides, and forced me down to my knees on the bed, "Stop it, Kaz, just stop it! Just shut up and listen to us! I don't _care_ if you don't believe me! I don't care at all! But if you don't listen I'll—!"

I screamed. Very loudly. It felt like I was ripping my own vocal cords apart. I writhed in Chaor's grasp, screaming.

"Chaor, let him go!" Maxxor shouted.

I was released and fell forward onto the bed, hunched over, my arms wrapped around my head. I was shaking horribly, flashbacks of the past year blazing through my mind. Cold sweat and tears mingled on my face. It hurt. I had spent the better part after my escape trying to _forget_ what I had done and what had been done to me.

Varris…dead because of me.

Cherri…dead because of me.

All those innocent Creatures….dead because of me.

H'earring no longer able to go home…because of me.

"Kaz," Maxxor's hand descended on my back and I froze, "What happened to you was…very wrong. There are unspoken rules in Perim about how…how we are to treat you humans and what Lord Van Bloot did was—."

"It was Chaor." My voice was hoarse, "Don't tell me it was Van Bloot. I was there! Chaor did this to me!" I took a deep, shuddering breath and straightened up, getting control of myself, "You can't _prove_ it to me. You can't prove that it was Van Bloot. So just give me back my Scanner. Let me _go_!"

"We can prove it." Chaor growled and I switched my gaze to him, "Another human was taken before you. But that…that armor didn't fuse to him right. Ulmar abandoned him and improved the armor. That was when you stepped in."

"Lying…" I snarled under my breath, "No one's vanished! You're lying! I haven't heard anything!"

"Maybe that was because your disappearance became more interesting!" Maxxor interjected, "He was kidnapped only days before you were."

"So he's been gone longer!" I snapped, "So shouldn't someone be looking for him too!"

"How long were people looking for you in your world, Kaz?"

Maxxor's question threw me. Tom had said that the police had quit looking for me after only six months. If this other player really had vanished, then they would have given up on him a long time ago.

"Who…who was it?" I murmured, wavering in a neutral zone of belief and disbelief.

"I didn't know him." Chaor answered, "I only saw him once when I was in Gothos Tower and that was by accident. He was taller than you, not an UnderWorld player, dark hair and a small beard on his chin." The former UnderWorld ruler gestured helplessly, "I didn't know who he was. But I heard him call for help…"

"That still doesn't…prove anything…" I said softly, "You could just be making that up."

"I am not lying!" Chaor snarled but Maxxor held up a hand, cutting him off.

"I talked with some of my spies." The OverWorlder said, "And one them reported that a human who stopped by Runic Grove almost daily had ceased to do so. The spy knew him only by what you call a screen name."

"And…?" I encouraged him.

"The human…was called Hot Shot."

* * *

_Song: "Monster" by Skillet_

_Do you think I made Kaz overreact too much? Gotta admit, he might be going out on a bit of a limb there but, hey, can you blame the guy?_

_Then there's Chaor and Maxxor's story about Lord Van Bloot. Also Hot Shot (see "Fire Fighters). Lies or the truth? Come on, people, let's hear it. Was all of it a lie? Was it all the truth? Was only some of it the truth? And what about Hot Shot? Are they telling the truth about that? And if they are, then why didn't anyone bring it up before?_

_Questions, questions, so many questions…_


	46. Shadow of a Boy: Believe

_Truth and lies…for Kaz, they all seemed to be blending together.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter Nine: Believe

* * *

**

"_**I hear your hopes. I feel your dreams. And in the dark I hear your screams. Don't turn away, just take my hand, and when you make your final stand I'll be right there, I'll never leave. And all I ask of you…believe."

* * *

**_

"Hot Shot…" I murmured, "Hot Shot…" That name was so familiar, "Hot…Hot Shot! I battled him once! He _hates_ UnderWorlders but only uses Creatures with fire attacks! You're telling me that Lord Van Bloot pulled him into Perim too!?"

"I don't know if he was flesh and blood." Chaor said in a low growl, "But I know I saw him. And I know Lord Van Bloot has him." He turned his neon blue eyes on me and I inched backwards, "Kaz, this was my fault and I…I am apologizing for my mistake." It sounded like it was hurting him to say that, "Even I abide by Perim's rules concerning humans."

"In his eagerness for power, Lord Van Bloot has not only crossed the line, he has destroyed it and endangered all of Perim! We could have a full blown war on our hands!" Maxxor said hotly.

"What…?" The words didn't quite stick. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it was Lord Van Bloot and not Chaor. I couldn't believe that it wasn't Chaor, not after all this time, but by the way the two of them were acting, I could hardly deny it completely.

A thought struck me suddenly, "How did Chaor get away from Lord Van Bloot's control? And why did he come to you?"

"When you escaped with H'earring and your friends," Chaor answered before Maxxor could, "Lord Van Bloot was furious. You were his best and most lethal weapon and you had slipped right between his fingers." Chaor laughed again and this time it was mocking, like he was laughing at Van Bloot, "In his haste to get you back, he forgot to keep administering the mind controlling poison to me. I broke free of his control and escaped the UnderWorld. I came to Maxxor because I didn't know where else to go."

"Where did the poison come from?"

"Skithia made it. I think." Chaor growled low in his throat and it was a noise like distant thunder, "She was probably testing it out on Van Bloot's soldiers for a long time before she thought it was ready to use on me."

I still didn't know whether I believed him or not. If this "poison" was real, then why hadn't Van Bloo just used it on me? Was it because he'd wanted to prove something? Or maybe it had been too strong for a human. Maybe it would have killed me. But what about Hot Shot? After the IRA hadn't worked the first time, wouldn't it have been easier to just destroy him? Had they tested the poison on him?

I just couldn't wrap my head around it all. I could barely call them liars anymore but I couldn't completely trust them yet either.

But there was one way to be certain…

"Let me go back to Chaotic." I said in a strained voice, "I'll ask around the Port Court. Hot Shot's a fairly well known player. If he's been missing as long as you say he has…then some will know." I looked up at Maxxor, "If you want me to trust you, then you have to trust me."

Maxxor turned to Chaor but Chaor was glaring at the floor as though his fierce gaze alone could set it aflame. Maxxor looked back at me and nodded once. He reached into a fold in his tunic and held out my Scanner. I snatched it from him, clutching it tightly in my hands.

"I still don't believe you," I muttered, "Not completely. It…hurt too much for me to just…let it go."

Without waiting for an answer, I ported out.

* * *

"Gizmo! Hey, hey Gizmo!" I jogged across the Port Court, catching up with the thin, geeky boy in a baggy gray sweater and faded jeans. He paused and looked over his shoulder. When he saw who it was, he paled but didn't move.

"Wh-wha-wh-what do you want, G-G-Ghost?" He was stuttering. No big surprise. He always did that when he was scared. Gizmo was one of those odd Chaotic players who kept statistics of pretty much everyone else who played. How he managed, I don't know, but he did it.

"Hot Shot," I said in a low voice, "When was the last time you saw Hot Shot?"

"H-H-Hot Shot?" Gizmo wrung his hands nervously, "Eh, uh, in a Drome Match almost…uh…" He paused, on finger to his forehead as he thought, "Sometime last year, I think, yeah. Why?"

"No reason." I answered and took off again. I needed someone else. Gizmo was good for statistics but that didn't mean anything. If Hot Shot hadn't played since last year, it could simply mean he'd been giving up his matches. I needed to talk to one of his friends.

_Oh that's going to be fun._ I though sarcastically as I wandered through the Port Court, looking this way and that. Hot Shot was a prep. Preps did not associate with nerds like me.

I walked up slowly to a group of four teens, all of them at least two or three years older than me. Two of them I knew were friends with Hot Shot.

"What do _you_ want, _Ghost_?" Spat one of the girls.

I swallowed, "When's the last time you saw Hot Shot?"

"Why?" Asked one of the boys airily.

"Because I heard he disappeared a couple of days before I did." All of them looked at me sharply but I didn't move, "So is it true?"

Then they glanced at one another. Finally, the first girl said, "Yeah, it's true. I'm Tonya—screen name FrostNova. Hot Shot…Hot Shot is…was my boyfriend. It's been a little over a year since he disappeared." She no longer looked as though she was trying to be superior to me, "When you came back, I thought…" Then she trailed off, shaking her head, tears in her eyes.

The other girl glared at me, "Piss off you little twerp! Can't you see this is upsetting her!?"

"I'll…find him, okay." I said under my breath, not sure if anyone actually heard me. Then I turned, and headed for the Transport Center. What Chaor and Maxxor had told me was true, then. And the reason that no one had noticed Hot Shot was gone was because his girlfriend had kept it to herself that he'd gone missing from Earth, just like Tom and my friends had kept it a secret from everyone else that I was missing. People stayed away from Chaotic for long periods of time every so often; whether from choice or because they were grounded or something happened to their Scanners.

I pulled my own Code Scanner from my pocket and saw myself reflected on the blank screen just before I hit the button to port back home.

* * *

Luckily for me, the movie had just ended so no one pitched a fit at me when my Code Scanner went off in my pocket. Though several people gasped and asked if I was alright when my legs collapsed underneath me and I fell to the floor, half draped over the back of a theatre chair.

"I…I'm okay…" I breathed, "My legs just…fell asleep." Whether they bought it, Tom shooed them away and helped me back up.

"Take it easy, okay Kaz." He helped me out of the theatre and I sat down heavily on one of the squishy arm chairs in the lobby, "Stay there, I'll be right back." And he left.

I shuddered, my stomach feeling empty despite all the popcorn I'd just eaten. All those memories had just come flooding into me; the anger, the terror, the pain, the sorrow, the disbelief, and the revelation; and it was a little too much for me to take in all at once. I felt sick.

"Here." Tom handed me a bar of chocolate and a cup of soda. I took them, nibbled on the chocolate, took a drink of the soda, and sighed. Tom sat down next to me, looking worried, "You alright? What happened?"

"My code, I…" I took another bite of the candy, "I just couldn't handle it all."

"All what?"

I told him everything that had happened, leaving out some of the major details of my breakdown. Tom's eyes got huge and he sat back, stunned. I finished off the chocolate and took a long drink of the soda. It was gray and gloomy looking outside but there was no snow. At least not yet.

"So do you believe them?"

"Huh?" I looked back at Tom.

"Do you believe what Maxxor and Chaor told you?"

"Yeah, I think I do." I answered, looking down at the drink in my hands, "I just…don't know what to do about it."

"Lord Van Bloot did this, right?"

"Yeah, apparently. Maxxor said he sort of…brainwashed Chaor."

"And Chaor escaped when you did?"

I nodded.

"What a mess." Tom rubbed a hand through his black hair, "So what're you going to do?"

I frowned, thinking. Then I took a drink and said, "I'll keep going back to Chaotic. And to Perim. But I'm staying away from the UnderWorld and Kiru City."

"Alright." Tom grinned, "Come on, let's get going. Unless you _wanted_ to see another movie…ssssaaaaaayyyyy _New Moon_?"

"Heck no." I said, standing up and tossing the empty cup in the garbage, "Let's get out of here. I still have a ton of homework to do."

* * *

Once at home, I tore some paper from another notebook and wrote down everything that had happened that day. Then I placed it carefully in the pages of my leather bound notebook where I was writing the events of what had happened to me.

Other papers were sticking out between the pages as well. Notes on things I remembered, a page I'd (guiltily) copied from my mother's diary, a paper with my dad's account of the day I got back on it, and even some sketches of things like the IRA, the Destiny Claw, and the Ripper. There were also some print offs of emails Peyton and Sarah had sent to me per my request, telling of their accounts on certain things.

Tom had yet to do some. I'd asked him to, just to fill in some blank spots, but he was wary and uneasy about it. I'd told him it would help but he hadn't said anything. Hopefully, he'd write something. Even if it was just a little bit.

"Kaz! Dinner!" I dropped the leather book on my top bunk, climbed down the ladder, and headed for the stairs.

I'd be okay.

Just stay away from the UnderWorld, away from Lord Van Bloot and his insanity, as well as Kiru City and I'd be okay.

Everything was going to be alright.

* * *

It was two days later and, while I had explained things to Sarah and Peyton, I still hadn't ported to Perim again. My run in with Chaor had still shaken me, even if he hadn't meant me any harm.

So I sat in the Port Court with Sarah, watching Peyton struggling through a rather difficult Drome match. Tom had gone to Perim to help out Bodal in the Arsenal some more. I didn't mind. I was content to sit there and stuff my face with pizza and watch the Drome battle.

That's when Tom ported back, glanced around the Port Court, saw us, and strolled over. He flopped into a chair next to me, stole the last piece of pizza, and turned his gaze up at the screen, eating the food slowly. When he'd finished, he licked his fingers and muttered,

"Maxxor told me that Chaor wanted to see you."

I scowled, "Well I don't want to see him."

"What do you want me to do?" I asked hotly, "Forgive him?"

"Yeah, something like that!"

"I can't do that."

"Why not!?"

"It's too complicated!" I snapped, clenching my fists on the table top, "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me!" Tom was angry now.

"Shove off." I grumbled and walked away. I could feel Tom's angry glare follow me out of the Port Court. I marched into the dusky sunlight and ducked under the cover of a ring trees. I sat down on the grass and leaned back against the trunk with a sigh. Footsteps sounded behind me,

"I told you to leave me alone."

"Oh? And when did you say that?"

"Sarah?" She sat down on the grass beside me, "What're you doing out here?"

"Let's talk."

"Since when did you ever wanna talk to me?"

"Since we became friends." She said seriously. I looked her in the eye and she met my gaze unblinkingly. I looked away at the grass between my sneakers.

"I always figured you only put up with me because I was friends with Tom."

"I'd slap you if I didn't feel so sorry for you right now." Sarah said and I gave a snort of laughter, "Seriously though, what's wrong? You usually don't storm out of the Port Court unless you've got a grudge match or something."

"Chaor wants to talk to me but I don't want to talk to him."

"Why not?"

I sighed and took my glasses off, folding them up and hanging them off the front of my shirt, "Because I'm confused…" I rubbed hand down my face, "I know it was really Lord Van Bloot's fault that everything happened but I've had all this anger and hatred aimed at Chaor holed up inside me all this time. It's hard to let it go…but at the same time I know I should forgive him. But I can't. I'm just…so confused."

Sarah put her hand gently on my shoulder, "Maybe talking to him will help clear up some of that confusion."

"I dunno…" I muttered, "Last time I saw him I went ballistic. I don't know if I can take seeing him again; even if it isn't his fault." I slowly put my glasses back on, "I wish I was as strong as you are."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sarah said in a scolding tone that made me look around at her.

"I…just don't think I—."

"Kaz, I don't care what people tell you or how you feel about yourself. " She grabbed both of my shoulders and had this intense look on her face, almost like what I had said had hurt her somehow, "If you can go through all that…that _crap_ you went through and come back and still be yourself then I'd say you're strong!"

"But I'm not myself." I said before I could stop the words. Me and my big mouth.

"Yes you are!" She shook me a little, "You're still Kaz! Sure, you might be a little moodier and a little faster and a little stronger and maybe even a little weirder than before but even a year stuck in that hell hole didn't ruin who _you_ are!" I half-smiled at her and stood up. She followed suit.

"Okay, I'll go talk to Chaor." I said, pulling out my Code Scanner, "Thanks Sarah, I really needed a pep talk right now."

"Of course you did." She smiled at me, "Wait, Kaz, before you go…"

"Hm?" I half-turned and the next thing I knew she was hugging me. I stood there, to startled to move as she held me tight.

"Try not to disappear anymore, okay." She said, stepping away.

"Uh…yeah, sure." I knew my face was red and I quickly turned my back to her, "See you in a bit."

If she said anything in response, I didn't hear it. I was already halfway back to the transport center.

* * *

_Song: "Believe" by Trans-Siberian Orchestra_

_So many things happening so fast. Lord Van Bloot instigated the whole thing that got Kaz into this horrible mess, Chaor's SORRY, and Hot Shot's been missing for longer than Kaz has and is either dead or locked up tight in Gothos Tower. And now Chaor wants to see Kaz._

_What the heck is going on? _


	47. Shadow of a Boy: Another Way You Can Die

_Well, well, well. Look what finally came back. After, what, four months of not posting? Sheesh, it felt like a year. I dunno whether I should apologize or not. Gah, Chaotic needs to come back. I have nothing to watch anymore. You know that "hiatus" means it's dead and it's never going to come back through…_

_Okay, okay, enough of that. Anyway, thank you guys for (sort of) being patient. I realize that you're probably all sick of the Hanna is Not a Boy's Name fan art I've been dumping onto dA. Anyway, back to the story of Kaz and his horrible life…

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter Ten: Another Way You Can Die

* * *

**

"_**I see a figure in my rifle sight who does not know that he's there and as I hesitate to take his life the ground explodes, my blood it flows, my heart is racing, time's escaping, as I feel it slowly scraping by."

* * *

**_

I had lied.

I did not go back to Kiru City, I did not go to Maxxor's palace, and I did not go back to see Chaor.

I was too scared of him, too scared of what he represented.

Instead, I ported to the OverWorld, to Garv's home, and sat down by the lake. I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs, staring out across the blue waters.

"Kaz?"

I glanced around and there stood H'earring, holding a basket full of dug up plants. I smiled at him. He dropped the basket and ran to my side, flopping down beside me.

"Hey, H'earring."

"Kaz! I thought you weren't ever coming back!"

"I wasn't going to but I…changed my mind." I ran my fingers through my hair, flaking out the stuff holding it in its spiked style so that it started hanging in my face, "What have you heard about the UnderWorld?"

"Nothing much. I really haven't left Garv's since you did." H'earring picked up a handful of dirt and let it fall through his fingers, "All I know is that Lord Van Bloot is…starting to gain a foothold in the UnderWorld."

"I saw Chaor."

"You did!" H'earring cried, "Where was he! How was he! What happened to him! Why did he leave the UnderWorld! What—!"

"H'earring!" I said, "Geez, give me a second and I'll…I'll explain everything." And I did. I told him everything I had learned at Maxxor's. Afterwards, H'earring was silent. We both were.

Then, "Do you trust him?"

"No." I answered immediately. I felt his accusing eyes on me. H'earring may not have liked working for Chaor, may have betrayed him to save me, but he was still an UnderWorlder at heart. I clawed the last of my hair down and took off my glasses, "Why do all of you guys want me to trust him so much? How can I? After everything that happened?"

"But it wasn't—!"

"For _erifz_ sake, H'earring, I _know_ it wasn't Chaor! But for almost a year I thought it _was_ and even if I believed him, how could I _trust_ him!" In my frustration, I picked up a rock and hurled it out into the lake. It splashed loudly into the water, "I can't just…just _forget_ that I thought it was Chaor! It hurt! It still hurts! All of you want me to go back to normal but I can't! I just CAN'T!"

"Alright, alright, you don't have to yell" H'earring muttered, tugging at the ends of his ears, "You're so whiny, Kaz."

"Psh, I have every right to be." I scowled at him but it was a playful one and I was soon smiling instead, "So I have to know, is Garv paying you in Dractly scales to pull out those plants?" H'earring looked like he was going to answer but then his large ears pricked up and he looked around, frowning, "What?"

"I thought I heard…" H'earring blinked a couple of times and raised one ear, trying to magnify the sounds around him.

I tensed, fingers clenching on the dirt and grass beneath me. I fought to relax but I couldn't. A cold fire spread from my stomach to my limbs, the same cold fire I got before I was sent out on a mission.

"H'earring….?" I whispered, my eyes scanning the tree-line for any sign of movement.

"Shhhhhh." The little Creature shushed me, still trying to listen.

"H'earring, I—." Something exploded out of the trees to the right, a dark shadow against the sun, and shot out over our heads. Fire rained down and I shouted in terror, throwing my arms up to protect myself. I heard H'earring cry out and I looked around for him but all I could see was flickering flames and dancing lights. Something hit me hard in the back and I flipped head over heels across the ground, skidding across it and landing hard on my side. The world kept spinning, tilting, I couldn't focus.

Then I heard wingbeats and a putrid stink of death, decay, rot, sweat, and old blood washed over me. My stomach churned and I gagged, pressing my hands against the ground to get up. I stood slowly, warily, eyes glaring at the Creature standing before me.

"Lord Van Bloot." A shiver of fear ran through my voice.

And he must have heard it because he broke into a grin and flexed his wings, saying in a rather unfriendly voice, "I finally found you, Ghost. You're quite hard to track down but I finally found you."

"You…" I growled, fists quivering at my sides, "You did this to me. It was all you…!" The Underworlder seemed to swell with pride, as though I'd flattered him, "You ruined my life!" I roared and charged at him, leaping for him, hands outstretched, rage and fear and hate boiling inside of me.

Van Bloot simply snatched me out the air, one bony hand closing around my neck and squeezing. I struggled, kicking and scratching but he refused to let go.

"You're more trouble than you're worth, human." The Underworlder spat, sneering at my predicament, "But at the same time, you're very, very useful." He chuckled darkly and shifted, his wings ruffling and sending that horrible stink over me again.

"Th-the plans were all destroyed." I managed to choke out past his grip on my throat, "All of them! Y-y-you can't build another Wormhole G-Generator and you can't make anym-more of the IRA…! Just let me go!"

"Insolent brat!" Van Bloot squeezed his hand tighter around my neck, his nails digging in and drawing a strangled cry from me, "You might have destroyed the plans, the Generator, and the armor but it's only a matter of time before I make another one! Chaor may have run like a coward but the UnderWorld is under _my_ control now! Ulmar will make more for me! And then I will have all of Perim!"

"You'll never have it!" Screeched a voice and a fireball smacked Lord Van Bloot in the side, making him stumble. But he didn't release his grip on me.

"H-H'earring!" I gasped, "Get out of here!"

"No!" The little Creature snapped, more flames flickering to life in his hands, "Let him go, Van Bloot!"

Lord Van Bloot snorted, raised his free hand, and shot H'earring with a lance of electricity. H'earring was jerked off his feet and tossed through the air to slam into the ground. He did not get up.

"H'earring!" I shouted. He still did not move, "H'earring! _H'earring_!"

Lord Van Bloot laughed horribly, "Serves the little traitor right!"

"You…you…" My heart thudded wildly in my chest, my vision swam with red and tears, my skin was on fire, prickling with hate, "You bastard!"

"Don't talk down to me!" Van Bloot snarled and slammed me to the ground. I tasted blood in my mouth, my head spinning. Then the ground vanished and I felt the UnderWorlder's arm wrapped tightly around my middle, hoisting me into the air. The horrible stench stung my nose again as Lord Van Bloot unfurled his wings, beat them a couple of times, and took off. I saw the ground soaring away from me, saw the fire spreading through the trees, saw the front door opening and Garv running out, saw the lake, sparkling and innocent…

Cold dread and fear gripped me and I felt like ice blocks were sitting in my lungs.

I'd been captured again.

* * *

_Song: Another Way You Can Die by Trans-Siberian Orchestra_

_Short chapter, I know, but, hey, it came back so you can't complain too much. Considering that there's only one chapter left of "What Fools These Mortals Be" and for the life of me I can't write it at all. (facepalm)_

_Way to go Kaz. Way to be the damsel in distress and get yourself kidnapped AGAIN. Geez, you need not stop running off on your own. You really think the guy would have learned his lesson after, I dunno, the first FIFTY TIMES HE GOT INTO TROUBLE._

_Anyway, another chapter coming along sometime or another. Whenever. _


	48. Shadow of a Boy: Interlude, Tom

_Well, hhhheeeeeyyyyyy, look at this! Tommy gets three interludes! Well bully for him.

* * *

_

**The Files of Kazdan Kalinkas**

**Book Three: Shadow of a Boy**

**Chapter 11: Interlude – Tom

* * *

**

"_**My mind is a gun that I use to get courage, asking everyone if it's dumb that I do it. Don't know what to say when they see right through it … Jumpin' through the hoops of an endless circus, I gave myself a world that I don't know what to do with."

* * *

**_

"He's been gone a long time…" I muttered, resting my head in my hand as I absently watched the Drome match playing out on a screen overhead.

"And you're worrying too much, bro." Peyton said in reply, "Kazzer can take care of himself. He'll be back in any minute all huffy and whatever because Chaor's gotten his feathers ruffled."

The words were barely out of his mouth when Mike came tearing across the Port Court. There were smears of soot across his face and staining his clothes and he had the distinct smell of a fire lingering about him. He slammed into our table, rocking it, and sending Sarah's milkshake flying.

"Tom! You have to get to the OverWorld! Now!" His voice came out in a gasp, his eyes wild.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down," I put my hands up defensively, "What's wrong, Mike?"

"Garv's place…" The younger boy gasped, "It's in flames…!" He sagged against the table, "Garv sent me to get you. Said it was important. Said it was about Ghost." He dropped into a chair and put his head on the table, panting.

I didn't even look at Sarah or Peyton. I was already dashing across the Port Court for the Transport Center, my Code Scanner in my hand. As soon as my foot hit the circle, I pressed the button on my Scanner. One second I was in the comfortably cool interior of the Port Court…

…and the next I was choking on a lungful of smoke and ash. My eyes watered and stung and I stumbled backwards into Peyton who'd ported in just behind me. At first I could see nothing but the black, acrid smoke boiling around us but then it cleared and I saw flames. Not large flames but hot, burning ones that ate the grass around the clear, sparkling lake. Ash billowed into the air with smoke.

"Garv!" I shouted, staggering forward, "Garv! H'earring! Kaz!"

"Tom?" Called a high voice.

"H'earring!" I ran ahead, hit something, and fell over. H'earring squealed with pain from underneath me and I rolled off of him, "H'earring where's Ka—are you alright!"

The Creature's skin was blackened in several places and there was blood leaking out of the corner of his mouth, "I'm fine!" He coughed, "Go find Garv! Hurry!"

"Peyton, take care of H'earring! I'm going to find Garv!" And I took off running again. I heard Sarah running after me but I didn't look back. Hopefully, Ka was safe in Kiru City or, if he had been here at Garv's, then he was safe.

"Thomas!"

"Garv!" I slid to halt and doubled over, clutching a stich in my side, "Garv, where's Kaz! Where is he! What happened here!"

"Wait." Garv thrust his staff out before him and the end of it glowed. Knowing what was coming. Sarah and I both covered our heads. Gallons of lake water rained down upon us, soaking into our clothes and drenching us. When it finally stopped, I pushed my bangs from my face and rounded on Garv again.

"Where! Is! Kaz!" I shouted again.

"It was Lord Van Bloot." The OverWorlder ground the name out between his teeth, "He had tracked Kazdan here and attacked. Then he took your friend and left but not before setting fire to everything within his reach."

"Van Bloot has Kaz!" The world titled under my feet. It was happening all over again, "We have to save him! We can't let this happen to him again! We have to get to Gothos Tower! We have to go now!" I whipped my Scanner out of my pocket again but Sarah grabbed my hand, stopping me, "Sarah!"

"You can't go charging into Gothos Tower! Not by yourself!" She argued with me, "We nee help! We'll get Kaz back, alright, but we _need help_!"

I stared hard at her and then nodded,

"Come on, we're going to Kiru City."

* * *

_Song: "Rockets" by Andy Lange_

_Remember the Blight Fight episode or whatever it was called? Yeah, me neither. XD_

_Hey guys, check it out! Two chapters! Yyyyeeeaaaa! And now my "Fools" readers on dA are going to be like, "What the heck are you doing! You have you freaking chapter left! Come back!"_

_Ooooohhhhhh, the trauma._


End file.
